This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Baby bro called today. I'm very positive his gf nagged him until he calls. She is so family-oriented. My siblings in the mainland has lately not been calling home during the holidays. So, for him to call on Sunday and not Turkey day...
I told him that I really need to figure out where I'm going next year. It's already November and the free ticket is one of those that are hard to find availability. So, I don't know if I should visit sis in Colorado - in which both of my sisters now have full house with their grown kids moving back home with their kids. Or do I visit him again next year. He hesitated. Then said that nephew in Colorado will be graduating from high school next year. Aha! I got my answer. Bro wants me to visit sis next year. Understandable. I will miss his gf's teenage kids! His gf sent me some photos lastnight with their photos. I felt a twinge when I saw the kids. I do miss them.
Tonight I will email sis and see if I can visit her next year, when is her grandson's graduation and if she has room for me to crash in their place for 2 weeks. (Her daugher, with hubby and her kids, his kids all moved in with her.) If she has no space, then maybe baby sis will have room for me. Baby sis and I do not have anything in common. Well, we both do love shopping! =)
Our washing machine is down. Went to Home Depot and they're all sold out. Went to Kmart and the washers are small. I looked inside. Sis would have to do about 2-3 washings a day for when dad's caregivers come and spongebath him. I asked the lady about a washer for someone who is bedridden with lots of wet beddings, waterproof pads, etc.. She stopped and said, "I remember a customer asking those exact specs for a washer. Was that you?" I said, "Yes, last year. The washer didn't last long." She said, "Wait, you said waterproof pad. Does that get very heavy when wet?" I said, "Yep, very heavy." She then said that we need a washer for bulky loads/beddings. She then pointed to those exact words on the washer. Ohhhhhh. Well, we learn something new. Unfortunately, their washers are just too small inside. So, we went back to Home Depot and placed a special order for the washer. This time, I want to try a washer that does not have that thing sticking up in the middle of the washer, twisting/turning. Maybe our washer will last longer.
However, the Kmart lady gave some great tips on how to still buy a sensor washer in an outdoor setting. (Although HD said that they don't recommend that we buy a sensor washer for outdoors.) We still ordered it. I will do what the Kmart lady recommended: Unplug the washer after every use, and cover the washer when not in use. I have 2 washer covers that I bought and haven't used yet. The sign was $800-some on sale for $600some. When they did the special order, it went down to $400-some. Yes!! Because... our fridge will be breaking down soon. It's been making funny noises lately. Too much power fluctuations and power outages.
The guy made fun of my words to him. I drew a physical map and asked him if it was understandable. He said that he's understandable, but he doesn't know if the map is understandable. I didn't get it. But my family did. They were a bit pissed off that the man made fun of me. I didn't get it. Brother said that I said it wrong. That I should have said to see if the map is Legible Not Understandable. But I don't think of Legible as pertaining to maps. Legible is if my writing is legible. Or if the words are too tiny and illegible. I wanted to know if he looks at the map, if he Understands it - the landmarks. So, everyone thought I should have said Legible. But I still think it should be "understandable." Maybe the more accurate word would be "Recognizable"?
Is there no way you could improvise a shelter for the washer Book? What about a small metal or vinyl garden shed?
I really dislike that people are doing those word games with you, and laughing.
Stand by your words, by what you say. Let them figure it out. How frustrating is that!! Then, you are going way out of your way to explain and ask brother.
Allow others to take at least 50% of the responsibility for communicating properly, Imop.
How are you doing now? I can hardly wait to see how this works out and what washer you can recommend once you decide. We think it might be a good idea for us.
Are you in their territory now? Maybe they moved into the attic while you were away, and are disturbing the dog.??
I ran outside when they went on our roof, used the hose as it ran away, so they avoid our area. Every once in awhile they travel through here.
Fool!!!!! I just can't believe it.. Of course, it's not HIS problem, it's mine. As I'm typing this, my headache came on. Time to stop talking about this...
Then, if anything happens, I would choose the person who would be second P.O.A. (at that time), when or if you are no longer able to make your own decisions.
Why? Well let me give you two scenarios - both true
Older woman married to husband with separate bank accounts he fell hit his head on the hearth and now has brain damage. His money is frozen she cannot touch it and she lives in absolute poverty while in the bank there is over a quarter of a million pounds, The courts now handle his financial affairs and every penny has to be accounted for. She cannot afford to heat her house AND eat. She is tied to the downstairs because she cannot afford a stair lift. She has no hot water and cannot afford to get the boiler fixed. She has no central heating because even though the house is in both names, because he doesn't live there the courts don't deem it to be a necessity.
Example 2 young man engaged and saving hard to buy a flat. Had a POA - his fiancee - eventually they had enough money and bought their first flat. He had made a will. one weekend while out cycling with his fiancee he fell off his bike under a truck and was put straight into hospital with severe brain damage and unlikely to live. he lived for 18 months but she was able to continue living in the flat, the mortgage was paid and when he dies the execution of the will was simple because he had made advanced arrangements - he was 22 when he died.
How many of us are that well prepared?
Every car that I had, I insisted in putting fave sis' name on it. I've done the same with all of my savings accounts. My 2 separate checking accounts are under my name only. I told sis that if I die, I want her to get the money - not have it divided among our 6 siblings. But, in reality, my car loan and my credit card balance due - is way over what I have in savings. So, in the end, she won't have any money if I die. But I didn't tell her that.
I have reached the stage where when in doubt, I cannot ask my bosses advice because of their reactions to my questions with: "How long have you been working here and you still don't know the answer?" (Yet when it's the reverse, I cannot say it back to them - but answer them,again and again.) I was telling SIL today about my day at work. She said that what they're doing is harassment. I said that they're not harassing me. She very firmly said it's harassment. And if what had happened in front of my client, that client could have gone to Dept of Labor and make a formal complaint on how I'm being treated. OMG! SIL doesn't know about the part where I work past my 8 hours a day, and not be paid overtime because they don't pay overtime. It's my fault that I work up to 630p-7p daily - since I know that they don't pay OT.
So, I came home and discussed it with oldest sis. About my fears of asking questions, how they react to my inquiry, gave some work examples that happened. Sis told me that it's 'verbal harassment.' Really, harassment????
Are they trying to get you to quit because then they won't have to pay you unemployment ? If so, quitting would be the worst thing you could do. Maybe you need to make an appointment to talk to someone at the Department of Labor. Maybe you need to visit an employment lawyer, just to get her business card. Make sure you leave it out on your desk.
Maybe it's time for dad to be cared for by someone else, Book.