This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I walked in, and she greeted me by name. Wow! And I don't recognize her. I told her that after all these years, she can still remember my name. She said that she has a very good memory..'my partner.' You see, when mom was bedridden, and I was part-time, I would stay and watch them sponge bath her. If only one person came, I would help her with mom - by holding mom in place while she washed/sponged/ rinse mom. Anyway, we got to talking while she was mopping the livingroom floor. I asked her what she does when she has car problems. What a coincidence. She has a 2009 Toyota Yaris (mine is a 2009 Toyota Corolla.) She told me that on her last oil change, she was having 'check maintenance' light come on. She googled "2009 toyota yaris maintenance light on" and found an answer. she then google how to do.... on youtube and followed it. Tada! It worked!
She also griped that the mechanics like to raise the repair costs when it's female. Because money is tight, she now educates herself by googling before taking her car in. Then she can question the mechanic when they say this or that. That is what I'm now doing.
1. Clean the throttle body & throttle plate, change spark plugs (is this the same as the coil packs that I just replaced for $700-some?) and remember to disconnect the battery to reset the computer.
2. If above doesn't work, try fuel injector cleaner.
3. Worst case scenario - check the motor mounts. (My last corolla had to have the motor mount replaced. The mechanic showed me the broken part.) I still have my previous car's maintenance record. I will check it out later on to see how expensive that was several years ago. Sigh.... Good thing I didn't quit my job!!!!
Pamz, I am fortunate that I have been given a respite day every week, I honestly don't know how others survive without the ability to get totally away. The problem is that it is on a weekday and generally all my friends are at work, so my time is spent driving to the city and shopping or eating out, both of which I do too much.
I'm going to call for a doctors appt to see about upping mom's mirtazapine today, this crazy behaviour isn't good for mom or me.
I had to look it up BUT she is right..
She doesn't know my birthday.. Lol
I don't take high blood pressure meds either. Once the medical assistants were told to wait until I took some deep relaxation breaths and told them I don't have high blood pressure, my blood pressure is lower. And, the high b/p guidelines have been changed again, meaning (140/90?) is no longer that high. Mine is usually 122/72.
A high B/P requiring medicine is documented over several visits, and not caused by stress, which can be managed without high B/P meds vs. Essential hypertension.
Imop.
This was the time Dad had a stroke, became bedridden and none of my 7 siblings offered to help me take care of TWO Bedridden parents. Quitting my job and relying solely on dad's measly retirement fund is not possible. So, I could not quit my job. I had to ask oldest sis to babysit the parents from Mon-Friday while I'm at work - with pay. At this time, about a few months later, I had my annual check-up. My cholesterol level spiked up high and fast. So doc prescribed my very first cholest. pill -Lipitor at 20mg. I asked him to please start me at the lowest pill possible. Nope. 20mg. I explained how my body reacts to pills. Nope. 20mg.
I honestly tried to take the pill daily. I had terrible headaches Every Single Day with ringing ears. I had to stop the pill.
Then after a few weeks, I went back to it. Again, the same symptoms. But this time I continued to take it. Oh my gosh! I was soooo forgetful. I couldn't remember this or that. Then one day, I was working on a client's itinerary. Very simple. Here to Albuquerque for a meeting. Then to Houston for another meeting. After that, he will take his 2 week vacation to Tri-City, then fly to Japan for the weekend, then back here. I spent the Whole Afternoon Struggling with the numbers...as in flight times. I couldn't understand why I was having a very difficult time with the flight times and the dates. By 5pm, I FINALLY finished his itinerary. It bothered me that it took me 4 hours to do this flight itinerary. I do his trip every year. So, I was confused. I decided NOT to email the itinerary until I come in the next day with a fresh mind. I reviewed his reservations and it looks good. I went home.
The next morning, I came in, pulled up his reservation. OMGoodness!!! I did all his meeting flights and after Houston, I had bypass his 2 weeks home leave and instead flew him straight to Japan for the weekend. The thing is, I REMEMBERED booking his flights to Tri-City. It was from Houston to Atlanta on United. Switch to Delta to Tri-city. Atlanta is the hub to get to Tri-City. I Swear I booked it! But that morning, I had completely NOT booked his trip to Tri. I immediately stopped the pills. I happened to talk to a client that same day about what happened. She told me that she, too, was taking cholesterol pill. What happened to me - happened to her, too. What was worse, she got in the car, and she Could Not Remember How to Drive It! That scared her.
I have spoken to my new medical provider about this. She was so surprised that I was able to notice the effects of the pills like that. She said that I happen to be the low percentage of people in which those drugs affect our mental capacity. She kept scrolling down the list of cholest drugs that would not affect the cognitive but... she couldn't fine one. She was the one who suggested maybe I shouldn't take the pills (especially since she knows that mom had dementia.) I'm not taking the pill. And I still feel bad about that. But I have decided that with mom and mom's mother (grandma) both having had Alzheimer, I do not want to take the chance of encouraging dementia on myself by taking those pills. At least I gave it a try!
I also found a Youtube for my back pain (all day today). It will help re-align my spine. Haven't tried it yet. When I tried to do it, it caused my back neck to start hurting. I cannot do any exercises that require straining my neck muscles. (Sit ups, upper body lift, or sitting on a chair and lifting my legs up, etc...)
After nephew left, teacher niece's boyfriend (who is a commercial truck maintenance man) told me that my nephew can do my whole car's paint job in 2 days. He pointed to one of my nephew's car. He said that my nephew did that in 1 day and he did a very good job on it. I replied that nephew told me that he would do it but he's busy. Niece bf said that he doesn't see why he's busy (nephew has no job.) I said that I know. But he used that excuse because he doesn't want to do it. But he sure had time to do his friend's big car in 2 days (just a few weeks ago.) That my nephew's friends always came first before family.
After I vented all this to sis, I would mutter some POSITIVE, GRATEFUL afterwards. I told sis that I'm trying to stop being a negative person. By trying to be grateful for things, I'm hoping to change my negative personality to positive. Sis kept chuckling because after I vented some negatives, I paused, then slowly said something positive about that person. Just as we were about to hang up, for the first time, I actually thanked her for letting me vent.
FYI, both nephew and niece's bf could NOT believe that they completely changed the coil packs but did NOT change the spark plugs. They both just stood there staring into my engine, repeatedly saying, "I can't believe they did that and they didn't change the spark plugs!" Both of them told me that I need to buy the spark plugs and they will replace it. BF repeated it again. Then nephew said that by not replacing the spark plug, she's going to have more problems -and bring it back to the dealership's shop. They both stood there staring at the engine and shaking their heads. Ahem.... okaaaay so I know nothing about cars. How was I suppose to know that when you change the coil packs that you're suppose to also change the spark plugs.
Yes, financial stress with regards to the car repairs. Today, I picked up the promo 4 for $4 at Wendys. I got a Jr bacon cheeseburger, small fries, 4 pieces of chicken nuggets and Coca Cola. After eating it, within 30 minutes, I had a throbbing fast moving migraine headache. Fortunately, I was alone in my sister's house. I had to lie down with the throbbing headache, eyes covered and just ride with the pain. I think I just laid there for an hour until the pain subsided.
LadeeC, I've noticed since a week or two ago, that after I eat a meal, even if it's a tuna sandwich that I made, I get this terrible pounding headache. I really need to pinpoint what is triggering these headaches. Sis and I would eat at a restaurant, (several times) and I would get these pounding headaches within 20 minutes after leaving. At first, I really thought that these restaurants have started adding MSG. But, when I made that tuna sandwich, and the Wendys meal - there's no way it's the MSG.
I can definitely confirm that I can no longer use any insect killer sprays. I get the pounding headaches immediately. I've had to change the regular toilet cleaner because the smell of it gives me headaches. I've been using the more 'organic' cleaner. So far, this is working for me. The same applies for the shower cleaner. I can no longer use the chemical sprays. I now resort to vinegar/dawn mix in a spray bottle. I spray the walls and floor, then scrub it. I can't stand the smell of vinegar. But atleast it doesn't cause me dizziness like the shower cleaner you buy in stores.
So, my sensitivity is now spreading to food. I need to find or narrow it down. Tuna sandwich, wendy's sandwich - common denominator - mayonaise and bread. At the restaurant that sis and i ate, I tasted cinnamon. My niece-studying-to-be-a-nurse thinks I'm sensitive to cinnamon when I had tingling lips when doing the flush (water, cinnamon stick, apple). So, for that restaurant, it could be the cinnamon in the food, or the mayo in the salad. I just don't know. I now need to re-instate that food journal that I deleted from the Kindle. And start using it again. So time consuming. It's not user friendly.
Healthcare products - I don't use makeup other than lipstick and eye liners. No body lotions - I break out in rashes. I use Ivory soap because it's as natural as possible. I keep the same shampoo/conditioner for over 5 years - because it's not as harsh to my scalp as all other shampoos. I keep the same clothe soap because when i try to use other brands, I break out.
I tell you this much, I'm beginning to get allergic symptoms on my hands when I use the gloves to change dad's pampers. My knuckles are super red and painful when I peel off the gloves. The right knuckles are worse with tiny rashes on it. The left knuckles are just red. Soon, I won't be able to use gloves for dad. I have tried gloves without powder. I don't react as badly as those with powder. It's just harder for me to find gloves without powder - that fits my small hands.