This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Glad, I don't know. All I know is that when I'm wearing the gloves, my knuckles itch and hurt. When I peel off the gloves, it hurts my knuckles. My knuckles are currently angry red right now (just changed dad's pamper.) And it's very itchy.
Oldest sis flushed the toilet despite my putting the last of the toilet cleaner in it (because Someone Did an Explosion on Number 2 in the bathroom... and it sure wasn't Me - I'm 110% sure.) She flushed it without scrubbing the toilet and under the seat. Yes, it even exploded under the toilet seat. I'm sure if sis was assigned to buy toilet cleaners, she would never do that again (flush without brushing.) Tired...
Had a BBQ today. Immediately after eating, my headache came on with a force. I pigged out. The culprit could be the egg plant in coconut sauce....Later, the laptop is getting blurry.
Spent Thanksgiving morning in ER with dad severely sprained wrist. His birthday is tomorrow as he will be 86.
After weeks of waiting the excavator came over Thursday to demolish the basement on our property next door and do. A lot of dirt work.
Finally received a called from an aunt as my uncle is in hospice and is on his deathbed. Refuses any more dialysis so it's a matter of time. His health has been bad for several years now.
Everyone take care.
I had 2 scrambled eggs (used virgin oil) + 2 plain lightly toasted white bread for breakfast. The usual escalating of headache after I've eaten food. Then after a while, it went back down. Sinus acting up - sensitive face. Woke up with severe upper shoulder pain and neck pain. I did the usual exercises to "unkink" the stiff neck/shoulders. That helped a lot.
As I was preparing to change dad's pamper, I heard this sound. I kept trying to find the noise. I opened the window panes (dad's bed is next to the window), stuck my head to the side - no sound. Closed the window. Again, I keep hearing that noise. So, this time, I opened the door (dad's bed is also located near the livingroom's exit door to the porch), and stepped outside. No sound. I go back in. Again, I keep hearing the noise. This time, I narrowed it to dad. But his mouth is not moving. That's why I didn't think it was from him. I moved closer, still hearing the noise but no mouth movement.
"Dad, do you hear that noise?" I asked him.
He looks at me, and replied, "What noise? I don't hear anything."
As he was talking, I heard the noise again. Unnerving to see his mouth moving and yet hearing that noise coming from SOMEWHERE on him! Ahem...When I panic, I cannot think. My thoughts would be going 200mph in circles in my head. So, I tried to calm myself. And as he kept talking, my eyes landed where the sound seems to be getting Louder from. His upper chest! I've always thought that when people wheeze, it comes from their nose. He's wheezing in his upper chest. I calmly told him that his upper chest is making noise. Would he like to go to the ER? NOPE. (Of course nope. If it's like the last time, he will only go when he can no longer breathe. By that time, his left lung was almost filled with fluid.)
I changed his pamper, raised him up. I don't hear the wheezing. It could be that he needs to be elevated. Which I'm very good at making sure he does this. I have come home after work, and dad is practically lying flat with only his head on the pillow in a very awkward position.
It's now a wait-and-see status. He won't go to the ER until he's in so much pain. I will be texting all sibs of this new symptom - the wheezing.
I've been able to clean the toilet, take the kitchen and the pamper trash bags to the bin. Currently boiling his eggs. Will need to now do the laundry. Once I'm done, I can have some me-time. Hopefully.
Anyway, the nurse listened to dad's chest. He didn't hear anything unusual. Dad's in good health, good oxygen, etc... except his ears need cleaning. I told him that I tried to use a hook to clean his ears but he moved. After that, I'm too scared to use it. He is 24/7 on his back. He doesn't sleep or lie on his sides. So, I will use the ear wax remover drops to soften his ear wax. The nurse will come back tomorrow to flush it out.
She said "I know"..
She'll talk to the stupid dog over and over, always saying the same things, like, "Brody, you're just an old man in the sun, aren't you? You're just an old man in the sun." AGHHHHH
I just want her to go to her room and shut up. Oh, and now she's humming that dadburned tune 'Whatever will be will be', which is quite LITERALLY the only song she ever hums/sings/plays on the piano. The ONLY STINKIN' ONE. It makes me want to throw up. I don't know if I'll ever be able to watch 'The Man Who Knew Too Much' again; or at least I'll have to skip the parts where the mom sings that song. Aiyiyi.
Hi LesaMarie, you have so much patience to bring what little joy for your father - even if it means just staying in the car. I think, he enjoys your company very much, and being part of the every day life - not stuck at home 24/7. You're doing good. {{Hugs}}
Thanks, Glad, Babalou. I'm going to work tomorrow. I used up all my vacation leave. So, I bought the immodium AD. I was suppose to have Saturday off. But, to make up for today's sick off, I will work half day on Saturday. I withdrew $1100 from my emergency fund - this was my 2014 tax refund that I deposited for emergency - and will use it to pay off most of my last car repair bill. Now I don't have any cushions for any future emergencies until my next tax refund.
However, if I ever get over my aversion to alcohol, I will keep your tip in mind. Thanks!
Pamzimmrrt yes You do mix brandy and port half and half. It is best to begin with a small volum and discover what measure works well for You. I try to avoid medication, so this recipe works well for Me.
91-45. 91-47 classic rock. 91-48.soft rock. 91-49 love songs. 91-50 pop hits..... etc........ I had to go to the last channel I stopped taking notes and scrolled up. Found it lastnight. You know, most of the Xmas music have been modernized. Doesn't sound as great as the originals or the oldies of my time. (Some originals were really too slow for my taste and prefer the revised version of the 70's and 80's.)
As my dad travels down the road of senility (not declared having dementia), he's been speaking in our native tongue. Oldest sis may not speak the language, but she does understand it. Dad & I are getting frustrated a lot when he talks to me in our tongue and I just stare at him blankly. When I say, "English", he gives me this blank look. I can see him trying so hard to find the English word but... when I see him getting frustrated because he can't find the words, I say never mind.
This is the 3rd time he has asked me if the music is in our native language. I would think him hearing it and comprehending it - that it's obviously in our native language. There's really no need to keep asking me if it is....
Friday she refused to get her hair washed (we only do it once a week, and it takes less than five minutes) and when I insisted, she got out of the tub and wouldn't even take her bath. After that, she tried to get me fired by tattling on me to her son; of course, he knows her tricks. When that didn't work, she tried to make me quit my job by picking fight after fight after fight.
Monday I convinced her (after she stuck her finger in my face and called me nasty names) to get her hair washed. Yay, mission accomplished!
Yesterday she was trying to get food half an hour after her meal (after both breakfast and lunch) and when I told her she'd already eaten, she told me it was none of my business, to get out of her way, and other choice words.
The next time she tells me I can leave whenever I want to, I'll tell her that I will quit my job as soon as she's in a nursing home. Let's see what new stuff she comes up with today ...