The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Question

The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Follow

Share

This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.

I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.

Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.

26K Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First

769 770 771 772 773

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.

Recent Questions

Related Questions

Start a Discussion

S staceyb Dec 2015 · Answer 1 · 2015-12-23T14:48:24.000-0500

Bookluvr, I know that it must be so frustrating, but I think it is so sweet actually, that your Dad's memories are in his native tongue! It is so interesting what our mind's do under the stress of senility I imagine many people who spoke a different language in their childhood do this. Do you also spend the language? And what is it, if you don't mind my asking? My parents were from Wales, which is a very difficult language to learn, however, my parents only ever spoke English, as the town they grew up in was right on the border of England. Now up in the Welsh valleys, where my Grandparents were from, Abagaveny, they spoke both languages. How confusing to a child to have to learn both, but I guess it comes naturally. My next door neighbors are from Russia, and have 8 children ranging from 2 to 20, speak primarily in Russian, but the kids all speak both, having learned from their older siblings. On day, the Momma was putting fireplace ashes in her garden, up against our neighboring fence, and a hot coal, started the fence on fire, when I saw the flames and smoke out of the corner of my eye, I ran over to her house, and using a sort of sign language, she quickly understood what I was saying and got out the hose. The fire was put out, but not before the fire department came, as I had called them first and had forgotten in the commotion, it was hilarious, but a bit scary at first, no harm done, but they did replace that bit of damaged fence! She is an amazing cook, the poor dear cooks morning til night with that big family, just like my Mom, with only 6 kids, I'm sure glad I stopped at 4!

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 2 · 2015-12-24T05:17:57.000-0500

Once I finish that 3bk set of mystery, I will Not buy any more of her series. I don't like the main character.

I was suppose to work on Saturday morning, but boss said that we will close the office. However, I overheard him tell the wife that he will still come in. Yay! I'm off on Saturday! It's very, very rare for me to get 7 Saturdays off in a row! (I work every other Saturday mornings. Boss closed the office on the Saturdays I'm to work because of the holidays - Thanksgiving and xmas. And I took my last week of vacation - which included the saturday I was suppose to work on 12Dec.) I have never, ever had this happen in the 21 years of working here!!!!

Dad - 2 straight nights in a row - has touched his poop tonight. I guess it's time to change his pamper, shirt, pants, bedding. Not once, did I charge him $20.00 for the week he had diarrhea. He overflowed out of the pampers, and onto his pants. I learned immediately (well, after the Second time it happened) to put the liner under him while fully clothed. Because when I pulled down the pants, the watery poo also got onto the bedding. Disgusting...

Well. xmas is tomorrow. Our next door neighbor 'borrowed' our outdoor front porch wooden broom several weeks ago. I had to go there after work today and ask for it back. .. Oh, was that yours? I was wondering whose broom it was!... Oh, really? You wondered but didn't care to come over and ask us if it's ours???? {eyes rolling}

Sis is soooo weird. She can handle the poopy pamper smell in the pamper trash in the kitchen. She can cook and eat - without it bothering her. But, when I buy a Crazy Bread with lots of butter/garlic, she cannot handle the smell within hours of it being in the trash. Instead of taking the trash out, she covered the trash cans. I can handle the garlic smell while eating. I cannot eat while smelling poop wafting in the air. Yuck! Uhm... by the time I come home from work, it's dark outside. The trash bin is under the mango tree - which the spirits stay. And they make me feel uncomfortable. Most mornings, I'm running late (always, always arrive at work 10-15 minutes past open hours. And I'm the one who opens the office!) so i usually don't have time to take both kitchen and pamper trashbags out to the bin. But sis, who stays home all day, doesn't do pampers, cannot take the trash outs. Deep breathe.... Venting done!!!

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 3 · 2015-12-24T18:26:02.000-0500

Changed dad's pamper, washed leftover dishes in sink, took out 3bags of trash from kitchen to trashbin uphill under mango tree, ate burrito ... fighting throbbing right foerehead pain and nausea. Runny nose on right. Told dad that I'm really feeling bad and will lie down. NO real rest since I'm on sofabed in livingroom with him. I'm warming up the microbead eye mask and took a sinus allergy pill. I can't sweep the outside porch. Someone is already doing outside BBQ and the smell of the smoke is making me feel worse than originally.....grrrrrr!!!! Dad wants this and that....

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 4 · 2015-12-24T21:27:32.000-0500

Migraine. It's been so long since I've had a migraine - that I've forgotten the 'tips' to make a smoother way of handling it. Tired of the nausea. I was going to force it - just to get over it. Older sis called from mainland. She told me emphatically to Not do that. It will only make me more miserable. She said that I need to throw up only when my body is ready to do it. And it'll let me know - for sure. Couldn't sleep because the weight of my head on the pillow, where it was touching the pillow - worsened my headache. I finally decided to sit on the sofa, but even my head touching the sofa made my headache worse. I'm now, reading here, despite the pounding headache, nibbling on crackers while my tummy is doing false signs of upchucking. Reminding self to not force it.... Laptop light, livingroom light is hurting my eyes. I've made the TV xmas song volume as low as I can handle it... If I can just throw up - I would be soooo much better. sigh....

Dad said he poop... no way I can handle his pamper right now. Head pain is so bad, i don't think I bend nor handle the smell... He's saying he pooped a lot...ohhhhh... Maybe I can ask fave niece if she can change his pamper??? As soon as she arrives, i will ask.... bribe if I must. =)

V Veronica91 Dec 2015 · Answer 5 · 2015-12-24T21:37:23.000-0500

Book do you get a warning when you have a migraine coming on? Like flashing lights on one side or numbness if one arm. If you do get something sweet to drink like regular soda or hot tea and take a Tylenol. Lye down with your head slightly elevated. Vomit as soon as you can. Once you have done that your abdomen will start to work again and you will instantly feel better.

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 6 · 2015-12-24T21:39:13.000-0500

With dad, when he poops a lot, I have to change his pamper immediately. Otherwise, when he will sneak a look at me to see if I'm looking at him. When he says my eyes on him, he will act normally with sneaks of looks to me. If I'm preoccupied (or pretending), he will sneak his hand into his pamper. Most times I don't catch him.. until the smell of poop is in the air. I think instead of waiting for niece to come, I will need to do it now. It will be so much worse if I have to change his clothes and the bedding. Who knows, maybe the smell of his poop will be incentive enough to push my tummy to expel whatever contents inside... as long as I'm not in the middle of changing his pamper, that is! Off to change his pamper...

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 7 · 2015-12-24T21:55:37.000-0500

Veronica, I grew up with flashing lights before migraines. Doctors always had this weird look on their faces when I would described the flashing lights that moved like an amoeba. (Well, that's how I described it as a teen. Never thought to say it moved like a snake... I saw in biology class a film of the amoeba - and so i would describe the flashing lights as that.) Doctors told mom that I was a hypochondriac, looking for attention, etc.... In college, the same applied to the college doctor. I saw this ad about going blind. I thought maybe I was going blind so I wrote to that place and described my symptoms and the doctors diagnosis. Oh, my! It was a college for the blind. My letter was referred to the top head who was very pissed off that the doctors treated me like this. So told me that i was not going blind. That I had a migraine headaches and those flashing lights were warnings of the headache coming. She even included newspaper clippings of all the different kinds of headaches.

Now as an adult in my late 40's, I rarely get migraines. And if I do, I don't get the flashing lights. Too bad. Anyway, the thought of changing dad's pamper made my headache drastically decrease. I think, my body is preparing me to handle his poopy smell ... because as everyone who has had headaches know - when you have headaches, your sense of smell increases dramatically... Okay, everything's all set up, the air con is turned off, the room is not so cold - I can now proceed to change his pamper....Unfortunately, the nausea is still here...

V vstefans Dec 2015 · Answer 8 · 2015-12-24T23:34:48.000-0500

Bookluvr, my migraines were misdiagnosed as stress/tension/emotional origin for YEARS. They got worse in my 30s and FINALLY, after having an episode with gastroparesis so bad I threw up dinner from 18 hours prior at the feet of a colleague who was "concerned" because I was dragging and moping around, my doc and I figured it out, got me a test dose of injectable Imitrex (a triptan) soon after it came out, and got my life back. I feel ya!!! I can't believe they blew off CLASSIC migraine complete with aura - I could cut my doc a little slack because I had no aura and they were bilateral and not even throbbing more often than not. For me, the nausea and dysphoria are worse than the pain - I'll refer to them as short trips to hell. And I carry a "pocket pharmacy" at all times to keep them as short as possible.

L LadeeC Dec 2015 · Answer 9 · 2015-12-26T09:46:05.000-0500

How am I doing. I'm not sure. Still trying to wrap my brain and heart around it. She's gone. This dear, sweet lady who's given me so much. I'm gonna miss the hell out of her.

Thank you .. all. For being here, for understanding, for embracing me. I'm not sure how much I'll be back on the forum. There've been so many losses in the last 14 months. I need to process it, and then pick up my life, again.

Many blessings, how ever you count them, to one and all ... and of course, the forum creators and mods. Wishing you the best for the upcoming year.

LadeeC

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 10 · 2015-12-26T10:02:27.000-0500

LadeeC, I have lost sooo many people on this site once their loved ones have passed away. I always dread that a few of my favorites would drop out. Just today, I was thinking of another loving caregiver whom I miss sooooo much. I don't know why I thought of her today so much. I wonder if she's having a difficult time in her new life and my mind picked it up.

LadeeC, you are one of the few who have wiggled her way into my heart. I UNDERSTAND why you will no longer come here. I wish you the Best. I'm so sorry that this past year has been so difficult for you All Around You. One after another. I wish you good health. You have one more major roadblock to overcome. I sooo hope you conquer it. Thank you for being here for me when I needed your wise words. I will always remember you. And I will continue to contribute to your thread of Hello Ease as a tribute to you and all you've helped on this site. Who knows if I will still be here if Dad ever passes away.
{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 11 · 2015-12-26T10:05:17.000-0500

I forgot, my condolences!! I know you loved her so much - I can read it in your words. more {{{{{ HUGS }}}}}

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 12 · 2015-12-26T22:49:18.000-0500

I related my experience with eating out at restaurant yesterday to SIL. I told her how I found bits of prawn shells in my pork chops. I'm allergic to shrimp and the head waitress lectured me several times that when I eat out, that I must let the restaurant know that I'm allergic to shrimp.

So, SIL asked her son - who has worked at 3 different restaurants about this. He very emphatically said that the customers must tell the restaurant when ordering what they're allergic to. This way, the cook will know not to cook their meals with new oil. Nephew was very emphatic that it is not the restaurant's fault if the customer has an allergic reaction if they did not tell them of their allergies. SIL and he got into a heated argument. I stepped in by saying that niece took cooking class for restaurants at the college. And niece said that they're not suppose to re-use the oil. Nephew said that it's suppose to be that way. But in reality, in all the restaurants he worked in - they use the same oil - to keep the cost down.

It's going to be so awkward now -for me to keep volunteering to the waitress of my shrimp allergy. But I guess I will have to - since it's a very common practice for restaurants to use the same oil for all the different dishes....

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 13 · 2015-12-26T22:51:41.000-0500

typo... "This way, the cook will 'know to' cook their meals with new oil."

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 14 · 2015-12-28T05:30:31.000-0500

For all of you in the states, especially in tornado's paths, please be careful. Please be vigilant. Turn on your radios, prepare your shelters, include working flashlights, batteries, food supplies in your basements/storm shelters. Rehearse with your kids and the elderlies. Please be safe. I've never experienced tornadoes but they sure sound very scary.

PS. avoid driving at nights - because you cannot see the tornadoes nor the flash floods that washed away the road/highway.

R Reverseroles Dec 2015 · Answer 15 · 2015-12-28T10:02:41.000-0500

Thanks book, I dont read this too often but again you are always there to help. XO
RR

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 16 · 2015-12-29T05:56:28.000-0500

I left work on time - 5:30pm!!! That is soooo rare. I wanted to go to the grocery store before the New Year's shopping rush, and then after that, the Food stamp rush. I was able to do 3 stores before I headed home around 6:30pm.

I saw oldest sis in the porch. And oldest bro with his grown up son doing something to the sliding door. It seems sis slammed the sliding door, and it automatically locked. All the doors - livingroom, front and back kitchen wooden doors and the kitchen sliding door were all locked. Bro & son were trying to unlock the sliding door. It's a good thing that I have both keys for the livingroom door (protective screen and the wooden door). I recommended to sis that maybe from now on, when she goes out to smoke, to unlock the back kitchen door. Then when she comes back in, to lock the back door again. This way if she gets locked out, she can still enter through the back.

A anonymous281963 Dec 2015 · Answer 17 · 2015-12-30T05:40:12.000-0500

Totally stuck right now. That zone just after Christmas and before New Years! I don't know what day it is, or what time it is, and I just know I'll be writing the wrong date on everything in a day of so.
Started practicing writing 2016, then realized there is an accounting error-and cannot remember how I paid it. Was sure I could remember so didn't write it down, just this once, a few days before christmas. This means I could have been overcharged. Must get some sleep, but this is keeping me awake. It will all work out, it's a small amount...unless they overcharged me......
SO, is it New Years Eve yet, somewhere in the world?
Check in please everybody.
Maybe we could do a countdown on My Favorite Things thread?

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 18 · 2015-12-30T05:55:38.000-0500

Sorry, Send. My dad just touched his poop - from the front end. He then proceeded to wipe his hand on the blanket, wash rag, etc... The smell was so bad, I sneezed hard. He absolutely denies that he touched his poop. It's DIRT. He just smelled his hand. He is disgusted with that stinky smell. I said it's your poop.... No, it's not... I'm procrastinating changing his pamper. It's going to be filthy....stinky.. gross... Man, it stinks!!!! I need to close now. To do his pamper.

I'm going to charge him $20.00 for cleaning up this mess.... (All other labors I do for dad is free of charge. I only charge him when he makes extra messes like this.) Okay, I have to really go now. He just touched the phone. The longer I wait, the more things he will contaminate...

P PhoenixDaughter Dec 2015 · Answer 19 · 2015-12-30T13:12:07.000-0500

book you really have to get your dad a onesie that zips up the back then he can't do that

Anti strip pyjamas and antistrip jumpsuits

Not necessarily a cheap option but far better than what you are doing right now.

V Veronica91 Dec 2015 · Answer 20 · 2015-12-30T13:21:18.000-0500

Jude I hate to imagine what Book's Dad would do to her if she put him in something like that. Those Pacific Islands spirits can do a nasty number on a person and I am sure dad has his favorites.

P PhoenixDaughter Dec 2015 · Answer 21 · 2015-12-30T13:30:30.000-0500

If that isn't possible then why not sew his pants and shirt together then put in a zip up the back

You have to do something if you are going to control infection and book is putting herself at risk by not addressing it and I know that culturally this is hard but I am almost sure that in a hospital setting they would address it....

L ladee1 Dec 2015 · Answer 22 · 2015-12-30T21:25:56.000-0500

Hello everyone, just got home from Galveston.... nine days of glorious silence..... details tomorrow, ..... we missed all the bad weather , it was 80 Christamas Day, then the front came thru and has been cold... so was ready to get home.....

Sorry if I worried anyone, didn't take my computer... so other than emails on my phone.... I didn't even check them very often.... was 'unplugged' for all those days, fantastic....so will catch up tomorrow.... love and hugs ya'll

O Oregongirl Dec 2015 · Answer 23 · 2015-12-30T22:09:24.000-0500

Ladee. I cannot stay anywhere for that long. I love my kids, but they live differntly than I do. I played with my Grand-daughter and took her to the mall. We rode the Escalator, evevators, had pictures taken in that self photo thingees. The Mall had large animals that you could drive all over the inside of the Mall. She is 5, so I rode behind her. She said, Grandma, get on, ride behind me. But little does she know at 5 she drove perfect, missing everyone and surely did not need me. But, 5 days is enough. I went for 7 and I will never do that again. I love my daughter very much and my granddaughter, but have little time for my son in law. I won't go into it, but I failed with my daughter. Her choices have been bad, This guy is the worst. I would give anything to have her call me and say, Mom, I need to come home and bring the baby. He is 46 years old and FINALLY got a license to teach. Good Lord who will hire him at this age? He enjoyed 7 years at home on his stupid computer while my daughter taught school and carried his behind. I realize it is her choice. But, really....He worked as a pizza driver for the first three months of their marriage. Where did I fail this girl? I am sorry, just need to vent. He is in control in the house, and even the finances. How do I tell my daughter that this is not right without sounding like I want to distroy this marriage? He won't let her drive the car when he is in it, because he says he has this thing, he must be driving. CONTROL maybe? When he is off school now, STUDENT (what a joke) teaching, he plays games on his computer the entire time I am there. WOW, I cannot believe MY daughter tolerates this. Any advice? How do I tell her that this is wrong.

G gladimhere Dec 2015 · Answer 24 · 2015-12-30T22:59:20.000-0500

Ladee, I am so happy you are back and ok. We were worried about you! Great you had a nice vacation!

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 25 · 2015-12-31T07:04:32.000-0500

No onsies. It would just irritate dad and make him violent - towards me. I'm the only one to change his pamper. I would be in line for his fist or his kick (to my throat - as he once threatened to do.) I have no desire to be physically hit. It will just trigger my long lost buried deep forgotten childhood memories. Believe it or not, but when he gets very angry with me, my heart pounds, I'm so terrified - all reactions triggered from childhood. It doesn't matter that I tell myself that he cannot hurt me - being bedridden. I Still react as I did in the past. If I had a choice between his scary anger vs the poopy mess - I will choose, very reluctantly, the poopy mess. Right now, he's safe - because as long as I don't remember my childhood, I can handle him. Once I remember, I will hate him with passion, and I will pack up and leave. I have a very strong feeling that I will say - Conscience be Damn!.... No one in my family likes him. They all can't stand him.
~~~~~~~~~~

Veronica, most of the house spirits have accepted me as head of the house. They made this know by making the bedrooms no longer scary for me. I can walk in, with the lights off, and don't feel as if I'm being watched, or Unwanted or as a Trespasser. This all happened when dad had his stroke. When dad told me that the spirits keep standing there looking at him, wanting him to die, I thought it was his senility. I went to oldest sis - because she sees them - and told her what dad said. I asked her if it was true - she said that they are watching and waiting for him to die.

Long ago, I have come to accept that each of us (my parents, my siblings, my nieces/nephews) have a spirit that attaches to us. I'm not sure if this is true with all families of my nationality. I just know that one nephew sees them through mirrors, oldest sis sees them, hears them. Older sis gets visited by family who recently died. Baby sis gets dreams - that comes true or has meanings that she must decipher. I sometimes can sense them. (There is Only One house that I stepped off the sidewalk to their driveway, and I felt something nasty, wicked, awful in that property. I just wanted to turn and run away from there. I have never ever felt that again from any other place. Yet, this house was very well maintained, open to the public, clean but... shudder... the sensation was something evil there.) Fave sis seems to attract the 'playful' ones who likes to move things around. So, I'm sure dad still has one attached to him.

B bookluvr Dec 2015 · Answer 26 · 2015-12-31T07:12:43.000-0500

Ladee, I'm glad that you were able to relax and enjoy yourself. I will try my best not to be a worried mother hen the next time you go on vacation. I was fine - until the weather turned nasty. Then, I couldn't remember when you were suppose to be back or if you got stuck in the flash flood, snow, tornadoes. I tell you, everything that happened in Texas was something that I usually read about Colorado! Gees, I was more worried about you than my brother and his family, who also live in Texas. It made me sad when I realized this the other day.

L ladee1 Dec 2015 · Answer 27 · 2015-12-31T09:01:55.000-0500

That's ok Book, just means you love me... sorry to make you and Glad worry... but I like I said, I just unplugged.... my mind was so calm, my breathing was slow and relaxed..... I am not really an ocean person.... and with the front coming in for days the water was just roaring..... I had to tune it out or get agitated, so I chose to tune it out...
Got to spend time with my granddaughter, she lives in LaPorte only a about 25 miles from where I was.... and her grandfather kept Chica dog for me so I could really relax....my son and I actually got along..... hmmm, must go to the coast more often... tho I was raised only a few miles from there.... Hurricane Rita relocated me to where I live now... do NOT miss the refineries....and the horrible traffic.....
Took forever to get home as we got a late start... got caught in Houston rush hour traffic... a stalled car, and further down the road a bad accident.... the dog needed to pee, I needed a cigarette.(can't smoke in my sons truck).... so was so happy to see my ratty little trailer and now I can't find my phone... ha, so officially I am home....but many hours of relaxing solitude.... much needed....

I am not even going to try and get caught up here... so anyone who wants to fill me in, just send me a message on my wall.... thought about ya'll, and was hoping things were going smooth for the most part for the holidays.....
The greatest thing hit my brain on the way home... I DON'T have to go to work.... yeha..... love hugs, angels and chocolate to all of you.

Y yogagirl Dec 2015 · Answer 28 · 2015-12-31T22:36:53.000-0500

Oregongirl, I understand how you feel, but it might backfire on you if you tell your daughter how you really feel about her husband. She may even tell him that you don't approve of him. If she ever told him she was leaving with the baby, he'd make a big fuss. It could get complicated, those controlling types are unpredictable. You didn't fail her as a mother, none of us get any say in who our kids pick. My son can be a complete idiot sometimes and then comes blubbering to me when it all falls apart. At least your son in law finally got a job. I agree with you about keeping your visits short. Try to enjoy your darling granddaughter and tune out the son in law.

L ladee1 Dec 2015 · Answer 29 · 2015-12-31T23:04:32.000-0500

Oregongirl... I was not with family, that is why I had a great time and was allowed to just set and relax.....I would not spend time with anyone right now if there was a lot of noise.... going thru adjustments with retirement and craving solitude... will have to make sure I am not isolating.... there is a difference..... but just want people to just leave me alone for awhile.
I am sure your daughter knows all about her husband... was married to a man like that and it took therapy for me to leave him because he had emotionally beat me down so bad..... he never laid a hand on me..he was at least smart enough to know that wouldn't work.... I might simply tell my daughter, that my door is always open if she needs me... and leave it at that... she will know what you mean and it won't help her to reinforce what she already knows.... she may be feeling shame that she is in this situation and not sure how to get out... just love her and the kid/kids and let her know you are there for her.
Still feeling relaxed even tho my son had one of his 'episodes' today.... I have worked so hard to detach from the outcome... and stayed very calm with him today..... but left as soon as I could....our kids are our kids.... we don't have to like their life choices, but we can leave them with the dignity to make better choices..... all I can do is love him.... I didn't break him and I can't fix him....hardest lesson of my life. But I had and still have life lessons involved with this situation.. so staying open minded and keeping myself safe..... that's all I can do....
I am not going to say "Happy" new year.... I don't like that phrase and feel it does not apply to most people these days... so will say Better new year, or slower new year, or a more rested new year..... of course we make choices about being happy.... but life is just too large sometimes.... so thinking of you all tonight as we head into a new year...... will be asleep way before midnight.... sending love, angels, hugs and chocolate...

B bookluvr Jan 2016 · Answer 30 · 2016-01-01T05:23:57.000-0500

Oregon, nothing you say will change your daughter's mind. Based on my sister's past relationship, no matter what we all thought of her boyfriend, she still stuck with him - even when he was very controlling, her money is his (but his $ is his), and physically abusive. She stuck by him for years. Even when he accidentally shot her, and her 9month old baby (waiting to drop) got the bullet and saved her life, and he angrily told sis that she had no right to mourn the death of their baby. I mean that's how bad her relationship went down, and she still stuck with him. She only broke up with him - when he dumped her for another woman. And she kept waiting for him to get tired of her (like he did previously) but this time - he Married that woman. That's when sis finally let go (in my opinion.) All our trying to get her to dump him - just made her more determined to keep everything inside - and not tell us what was really going on in her life.

I'm watching the PBS show. I don't know what music it was playing but it was an orchestra and .. I really wish they would put in tiny captions the name of the music and creator. It was beautiful. Even dad praised it when it ended. It was the NY Philharmonic.

The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

26K Comments

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions