This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Stay safe Pam and all you east coasters!
Going to take dad out with me while I run some errands and for lunch. He was agitated Tuesday but all good when I saw him Wed morning.
Seriously thinking of moving him to new room when addition is done as he usually sits and stares out of window and will not have his view when the fence outside gets installed as well as only a courtyard view. Though I like him across from activity room and it's male director I am thinking the view is more important at this time. Thoughts on this would be great.
She said that the girls are now afraid of him. If he continues, she will put her girls first. And will terminate services with my dad (no more 4 x week sponge bath). She wanted me to talk to dad about it. I said that I can but we have a language barrier. He understands our native language and I don't understand it at all. (He's reverting back to his childhood language.)
She said that she speaks our native language. Can she talk to him about it? I said yes please.
My mind is going crazy. All I know is that I cannot do his whole body wash. I'm already pushing it with the pamper changing and cleaning him in his private areas. I don't know if I'm able to keep back those hidden childhood memories if I have to literally touch his body from head to toe, repeatedly for the soaping, then the rinsing and then the wiping. I know my limits. I cannot. Even now, when his hand goes near my body while I'm changing his pamper, I jump away from him. I have to repeatedly tell him to keep his hand away from me. And that's just from changing the pamper....
Teacher niece and I were talking about it. She's going to put pressure on her father, oldest-bro-of-next-door, that he needs to step up with his father. I'm tired. My mind just keeps going in circles...
You need the help that you have lined up! What if you lose it? You have done a good job establishing and maintaining boundaries, take care of you!
Have you put in a request for someone, or some agency to perform a welfare check soon after the power goes? Then, they could follow up on your progress.?
Sheltering in place sounds like a good idea!
Be safe, keep warm.
Of Course, bro's way of handling the situation? He approached me and TOLD me that I (note "I") need to yell at dad and tell him not to do that again, etc.... HE cannot do it because he doesn't want dad to get used to him (familiarity breeds contempt). Therefore, I ("I") have to be the one to straighten him up.
I told bro straight out that if they terminate services, I AM NOT BATHING HIM. I said it very firmly, several times. You see, our custom, is that the oldest son takes care of the elderly parents. Well, oldest boy and single, childless daughter. There's a war within me. And no matter how much my brain goes in circle, it always lands on the final solution. Like I said, there's a war inside. Brain vs. Conscience/ Obligations/ Duty... And only one solution that I can live with.
I'm sad that I've realized that bro's gf did not get back with me - because she doesn't want to babysit dad while I take my trip.
Thursday night, our road was flooded. I had to drive my car through it. Messed up my brakes. The whole day, Friday, it felt 'wrong'. After work today, I went to the mechanic. I brought the front brake pads ceramic type with me. Even with that, the bill was $578.53. Since I knew that I had to take the car since yesterday, I spent the whole 2 days debating how to pay for it. In the end, {{sniff}} {{sniff}}, I used my credit card that had a $332.00 credit (reward points) which I had planned to use 100% for all the ebooks/books that i can buy at my heart's content. Practicality over-rode my wish. I didn't realize how much I had my heart set on it. So, that $578.53 bill - $332.00 credit = $246.53 balance to pay off slowly. I feel soooo sad that I no longer have that $332.00 Credit for all the books that I want with my heart's desire... Nor will I be going on my free trip...
I'm going to start doing my journals from last year and put it all into one source. Easy to find and access. I will also organize my notes for dad since last year, too. I really need to do that advance directive for myself.
Thank you all for everything. This site takes so much of my time. I really need to cut back from here, from reading.. and start organizing stuff here at home. Stop putting it off. Hmm.. I've also been putting off my funeral arrangements. I will need to prepay that, too. It's not as if I have a husband who will pay for my funeral expenses. So, I need to look into that. (Bro and his wife have theirs paid off.)
Book, I understand you need to get more work done! Check in on your schedule, we will miss you. This is your place for keeping sane. Mine too.
So sorry that you are having to endure your father's decline. Stay safe.
Another reason is also a simple cure-after awhile, and so much chicken noodle soup, I stopped the soup. Then, Garden Artist suggested this simple cure again, and my husband was better the next day.
Keep up the vigilance, don't skip or stop the antibiotics-uh oh, most people do.
A warm shower can loosen the cough.
Just passing on what has worked for us. IMOP.
Ask his doctor? If no improvement over time.
Or, non-stop as in all the time, non-productive cough, straining himself, making him weak, difficulty breathing, cough waking him up?
Babalou, hubby's none stop cough has gone on so long he probably should be evaluated for something like COPD
Veronica has made suggestions, and Stacey also has a good idea.
With taking that much medicine prescribed by the doctor, if there is no improvement, go back, or get a second opinion especially about the interaction between the meds, specifically the heavy cough suppressant, gerd meds, and prednisone. Guessing he had a chest x-ray and does not smoke?
Hoping there is some improvement soon!