This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Same brother who kept using my old car that I gave to dad. He invited me to go strolling. Well, we strolled directly to the auto shop. I followed him in. He goes to the cashier. The cashier told bro the cost and bro moved away and looked at me. My brother and his wife makes much more money than me, close to minimum wage. Since the car was still under my name, I paid it.
This is the brother that brags that he was mom's favorite. Yet these past 20 years, he, wife and kids (all live just next door) rarely came to visit or help out. At mom's funeral or rosary, bro laughed aloud saying that HE was supposed to be taking care of the parents.
Can you imagine what happens if he gets guardianship?
It sounds like you need a long break. Is your husband okay? Could he take care of himself? Could your child make other accommodations for your granddaughter for a couple of weeks? Could you put your Mom in a care facility for the same amount of time? It would be nice to have a break from all the responsibility.
I remember when I first came to stay with my parents, I was so mad at them and my ex that I had trouble sleeping at night. Now I have trouble sleeping sometimes, but it is much better. That anger can chew us up inside.
I was so exhausted today. I kept falling asleep at work. I had to get up and walk up and down 3 flights of stairs trying to pump up my heart and get those blood flowing. I go back in the office, and within an hour, I was falling asleep. I was so exhausted, I walked like a drunk - crooked, weaving... I left early from work, 5:45pm. Came home. I didn't get all pissed off that my nephew's wife parked in MY Parking space. I pulled in slowly, stared at her car as I passed by and parked down the hill. They ALL saw me glaring at her car. She was told to immediately move her car, and SIL took one look at me, and asked for my car key and she will drive it back up the hill. I told her solemnly that I'm just so tired....
That's how I'm doing today....
Tell eldest brother dad is his for the duration. Leave instructions but don't make any arrangements. You probably can't stay on island because they will find you but do you know anyone on one of the nearby islands who would be willing to hide you for a week. Take as many books as you can carry,walk,sit in the shade use plenty of sunscreen and bug spray, eat healthy fresh foods (go somewhere with no fast foods) Stay off AC till you return home (if you do) YOU ARE NO GOOD TO ANYONE IN THE STATE YOU ARE IN.
It will refresh you.
I know how hard it is to arrange, but it will be worth it.
Then I took my mother to the podiatrist. It's chilly, but she dressed for summer. She wore a coat, but was still freezing in the wind. And she is so slow now. It takes her 5 min to do something that should take 1 min, so the short walks outside took forever. We were going to go out to dinner, but I couldn't see getting her out in the wind two more times.
I don't know how I deal with the slowness. Sometimes she stops and I have to say something to get her to move again. I couldn't get her to get on or off the elevator. I almost left her trying to get her on. I could find the "door open" button until the door had already closed. Fortunately, I found it in time. The slowness and stopping drive me absolutely crazy. If I walk in front, I'll leave her behind, even if I'm walking slowly. If I walk behind, I'll trip on her heels if I'm not careful. And if anyone says "poor mom," I'll swat them.
Focus on that maybe just before you get up or before you sleep. Ask God to talk to you through your inner voice, your intuition. You perhaps have hung up the phone on your higher spirit. But the line is always there in many forms. Love can never die. But take it all to a counselor and vent, vent, vent. You will find eventually that your wisdom will be talking. You have been through so much! You have the strength somewhere in there. We are rooting for you. Find the ghost that is talking you down, invite it to tea, and have a conversation.
My mother insisted I take her there. It's about an hour and half from where we live. Even though she dominated the visit, she was able to spark a smile in him and make him feel loved again: something she never ever did when they were married for 30 years.
At first I didn't want to bring Mom into Dad's life because I thought she'd be pushy and ruin what little was left of him. But I knew it was not my place to act on that thought. I am glad I let it go.
Yesterday, the three of us had a taste of forgiveness. And it was good. Felt really good.
Last Friday we had a prearranged visit from two insurance agents supposedly to discuss our future needs.
What transpired was they attempted to scare us into giving up the death benefit and purchase an annuity( and include my own 401K) "to give us more income" which we can manage without as of now.
Let this be a warning to all Seniors in case they meet this pair who are from a Nationally known major insurance company.
"Proof read, spell checked and paragraphed" Correctness not guaranteed!!!!!!!!
sadly, I am hearing from folks that in these cases, there may be nothing that can be done...Seems like fraud to me...I don't understand how a company can sell a policy...give the owner a PAID IN FULL policy and then say that folks owe additional premium now or else cash out at the surrender amount...usually a much smaller amount.. what a crying shame...the longer I live the more I feel like I'm not sure I want to live much longer...it's been a horrid day....
Also, I still maintain that a contract is a contract..period..When you buy a policy and the policy is paid in full and you havej fulfilled every stinking aspect of your obligation and then the company changes the 'RULES' to their benefit..it is fraud and they have broken the contract. I am not going to let this lie...I have nothing but time now anyway...and whether I get anywhere with it or not, I am going to raise a stink about it...Because it's just flat out wrong....period!
Many people will not deal with annuity-style life insurance policies. They only buy term life. From the bit I've seen I can understand why.
I can't stand all the BS that goes on in corporate America...
On a happy note...it is SNOWING SNOWING the prettiest snowfall here...Alabama!!! how neat is that!!!