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Book, I hope your bro has not waited too long to get the POA done. I am afraid that the attorney will require that bro go for guardianship due to your dad's level of decline. Hopefully, everything will go well, and the sooner the better.
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If you c an get it done you need all 3 to be joint and several book that way any individual can make a decision independently. If you have joint POA and one of you isn't there then it will make life very very difficult and if one of you should die or become mentally incapacitated then the POA would be void
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Hi, I am a caregiver for my 85 year old mom who has dementia, a 71 year old husband who depends on me for just about everything and a 5 year old granddaughter that I pick up everyday from school and watch for 3 or 4 hours until her parents pick her up. I am exhausted and frustrated. I am not in the best of health myself. I sometimes don't recognize the moody, yelling person that I have become. I am so glad that I found you guys. It helped me so much reading the comments! Thanks
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tdj, welcome to the group! It sounds like you have a full plate. I know what you mean about becoming moody and yelling. There are days that I am so antsy and irritable that it feels terrible. Sometimes a brisk walk helps, but with your schedule, it doesn't sound like you have the luxury. Does hubby catch the brunt of your mood?
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Bro is scared just putting his name as POA. I can just imagine his reaction to having guardianship. Scary to have him become guardianship. This is the brother who tricked me into his bedroom, closed the door and then proceeded to verbally tear me apart- until I caved in and signed my portion of my land to be used as collateral for his loan for an apartment. He was my favorite of all my 7 siblings. After that, I went home, went to my bedroom and cried so hard. Whatever feelings I had for him died that day.

Same brother who kept using my old car that I gave to dad. He invited me to go strolling. Well, we strolled directly to the auto shop. I followed him in. He goes to the cashier. The cashier told bro the cost and bro moved away and looked at me. My brother and his wife makes much more money than me, close to minimum wage. Since the car was still under my name, I paid it.

This is the brother that brags that he was mom's favorite. Yet these past 20 years, he, wife and kids (all live just next door) rarely came to visit or help out. At mom's funeral or rosary, bro laughed aloud saying that HE was supposed to be taking care of the parents.

Can you imagine what happens if he gets guardianship?
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If bro gets guardianship i hope you walk straight out the door Book
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Or move Dad next door to Bro's house... hee hee
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No, Pam. Years ago, bro said that if he takes over, he will move in here to this house. He will rent out his home. And if dad gives him hassle, he will send him to the NH. Well, the NH is out. Because bro told me recently that the new thing with the NH is that they've raised the monthly cost AND they now want their clients to sign over the house/land to NH to help with the cost. Bro wants this land. Sooooo... he might think that oldest sis and I will be patsies and continue 'as is' when he moves in. He also Thinks that as POA, he will still have control of dad's assets when he dies. Don't rejoice yet. Because dad made bro the Executor when dad dies.
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JessieBelle, thank you. Yesterday was a difficult day. I could not seem to get it together. I took care of everyone like I always do but I felt like my head was in a fog. I'm just tired. I do yell a lot, not only at my husband. I am ashamed to say that I yell at my mom too, sometimes. I feel like I am being pulled in so many directions, I don't know where to start. Mom hums all of the time, no tune, just noise...drives me crazy. Well, I'd better get up. I here my mom stirring. Thanks again, JessieBelle.
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tdj, I hate it when my head gets foggy. Someone once told me that drinking water could help with that, so I do. I don't know if it helps of not. I think it is more of a mood thing. I used to live in a fog when I had panic disorder. It went along with the problem.

It sounds like you need a long break. Is your husband okay? Could he take care of himself? Could your child make other accommodations for your granddaughter for a couple of weeks? Could you put your Mom in a care facility for the same amount of time? It would be nice to have a break from all the responsibility.

I remember when I first came to stay with my parents, I was so mad at them and my ex that I had trouble sleeping at night. Now I have trouble sleeping sometimes, but it is much better. That anger can chew us up inside.
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I was at work when it hit me that I'm doing something that I really don't want. POA. I started crying, quietly, as I realized this. I'm going to insist that we get a POA in which we get a 3rd back up. And that it doesn't become VOID if one of us dies. As I was crying, I realized that I'm standing so close to the edge. Just one push, and I will fall. And the thought doesn't even scare me at all....

I was so exhausted today. I kept falling asleep at work. I had to get up and walk up and down 3 flights of stairs trying to pump up my heart and get those blood flowing. I go back in the office, and within an hour, I was falling asleep. I was so exhausted, I walked like a drunk - crooked, weaving... I left early from work, 5:45pm. Came home. I didn't get all pissed off that my nephew's wife parked in MY Parking space. I pulled in slowly, stared at her car as I passed by and parked down the hill. They ALL saw me glaring at her car. She was told to immediately move her car, and SIL took one look at me, and asked for my car key and she will drive it back up the hill. I told her solemnly that I'm just so tired....

That's how I'm doing today....
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Book I hate to be the one telling you this hun but, in all probability,you are severely depressed and it is no wonder you need a proper break - you cannot continue at this pace sweetheart. xxx Something will give and I am rather afraid it might just be you
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Book; you really sound as though you are at the end of your rope. Do I recall that you were seeing a therapist at one point? I think it may be time to pay that person another visit.
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Book, please take the advice given above....very concerned for you.
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Book could you handle taking a week off work and just disappearing for 7 days.
Tell eldest brother dad is his for the duration. Leave instructions but don't make any arrangements. You probably can't stay on island because they will find you but do you know anyone on one of the nearby islands who would be willing to hide you for a week. Take as many books as you can carry,walk,sit in the shade use plenty of sunscreen and bug spray, eat healthy fresh foods (go somewhere with no fast foods) Stay off AC till you return home (if you do) YOU ARE NO GOOD TO ANYONE IN THE STATE YOU ARE IN.
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Book, you are exhausted and need a nice break.
It will refresh you.
I know how hard it is to arrange, but it will be worth it.
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Book if you are so tired you are falling asleep at your desK I am worried about your driving too! Take care of yourself, I am might fond of you and want you around a long time!
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What a terrible day. Someone gave my cell phone number to insurance telemarketers. They have been calling so much I may have to change my number. Then I discovered a fraudulent charge on my credit card statement. I filed a dispute, so it will probably vanish, but there may be some identity theft from when I bought something online stupidly last month.

Then I took my mother to the podiatrist. It's chilly, but she dressed for summer. She wore a coat, but was still freezing in the wind. And she is so slow now. It takes her 5 min to do something that should take 1 min, so the short walks outside took forever. We were going to go out to dinner, but I couldn't see getting her out in the wind two more times.

I don't know how I deal with the slowness. Sometimes she stops and I have to say something to get her to move again. I couldn't get her to get on or off the elevator. I almost left her trying to get her on. I could find the "door open" button until the door had already closed. Fortunately, I found it in time. The slowness and stopping drive me absolutely crazy. If I walk in front, I'll leave her behind, even if I'm walking slowly. If I walk behind, I'll trip on her heels if I'm not careful. And if anyone says "poor mom," I'll swat them.
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Book, we love you and are concerned about you. What would it take for you to be free, be joyous as if you were a child again? (even if your childhood might have been lousy) What would that look like?
Focus on that maybe just before you get up or before you sleep. Ask God to talk to you through your inner voice, your intuition. You perhaps have hung up the phone on your higher spirit. But the line is always there in many forms. Love can never die. But take it all to a counselor and vent, vent, vent. You will find eventually that your wisdom will be talking. You have been through so much! You have the strength somewhere in there. We are rooting for you. Find the ghost that is talking you down, invite it to tea, and have a conversation.
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I am not going to vent anger today. I just had an interesting and I think it was a healing event yesterday. I took my mother to see my father. She never was nice to him, she cheated on him, and he never was there for her or all of us. In between the 1970s and now, Dad and Mom divorced, Dad remarried and had a nice relationship for 40 years, until R died of Alzheimer's. Now Dad is 96, Mom is 94, and Dad has dementia. He is fading away: but he is not in bed. He can walk and do things but he has no will to live.

My mother insisted I take her there. It's about an hour and half from where we live. Even though she dominated the visit, she was able to spark a smile in him and make him feel loved again: something she never ever did when they were married for 30 years.

At first I didn't want to bring Mom into Dad's life because I thought she'd be pushy and ruin what little was left of him. But I knew it was not my place to act on that thought. I am glad I let it go.

Yesterday, the three of us had a taste of forgiveness. And it was good. Felt really good.
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Hubby has two life insurance policies of which I am the beneficiary.

Last Friday we had a prearranged visit from two insurance agents supposedly to discuss our future needs.

What transpired was they attempted to scare us into giving up the death benefit and purchase an annuity( and include my own 401K) "to give us more income" which we can manage without as of now.

Let this be a warning to all Seniors in case they meet this pair who are from a Nationally known major insurance company.

"Proof read, spell checked and paragraphed" Correctness not guaranteed!!!!!!!!
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Something I find questionable is the number of insurance policies that were supposed to be paid for life suddenly need extra money. Someone may have paid $20K or so for them many years ago. They were supposed to be good until death. Then suddenly the insurance company calls 30-40 years later saying that people have to pay premiums or can cash out at the surrender value. That has happened with many people. The companies say it is because interest rates bottomed out. The thing there, though, is many of them had a guaranteed minimum interest rate, so wouldn't the insurance company be required to hold up its end of the contract?
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Jessie...I had this happen with one of Mama's policies...It was a very old insurance company and I knew that the company was bought out a long time ago...got the name of the two companies that bought them out..Now both of them are saying that neither owes the policy, even though it was a paid in full policy all those years ago..
sadly, I am hearing from folks that in these cases, there may be nothing that can be done...Seems like fraud to me...I don't understand how a company can sell a policy...give the owner a PAID IN FULL policy and then say that folks owe additional premium now or else cash out at the surrender amount...usually a much smaller amount.. what a crying shame...the longer I live the more I feel like I'm not sure I want to live much longer...it's been a horrid day....
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Honor in the corporate world does seem like a thing of the past. My whole family had insurance policies that this happened. This was a total of 4 policies for us. It was then that I learned that this was happening to people all over the US.
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When people bought insurance policies a long time ago yes they were guaranteed an interest rate like 4.5 percent but that hRdly guaranteed thst a premium would not be due. If it was a policy based on dividends like everything else dividends have dropped. The guarantee is still intact as a page of the life policy will show you to what age. Dividends change every year. It is not fraud. Unless they pId enough premium to guarantee coverage for lifetime under the guarantee section. No one does that it is too costly nd you would probably make it a Mec. Which is a modified endowment policy then the death proceeds should have been taxable. People who were not present at the time of the sale would not know how it was explained. This is very common. I was in the insurance business a long time ago and you explained both guaranteed and the other column is assumed.
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If you have been on the buying end, you know that promises were made by the insurance seller and in the contract that were broken. When someone buys a policy, they do so in good faith that what they are told will be true. For one side to be able to change the agreement at will leaves everyone vulnerable. It is like a con game -- say what you can to get them to buy the policy, then take it away later.
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These replies bring me some comfort in that this is just another arm of greed from the corporate world and makes it easier for us to decide what to do.
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After what I have seen happen with these type of policies I will be putting any money I have in an interest bearing bank account and just let it sit there...Mama would have done better by doing that all those years ago..with compounding of interest, the same amount the policy was allegedly worth would have been worth three times as much...I did the math...

Also, I still maintain that a contract is a contract..period..When you buy a policy and the policy is paid in full and you havej fulfilled every stinking aspect of your obligation and then the company changes the 'RULES' to their benefit..it is fraud and they have broken the contract. I am not going to let this lie...I have nothing but time now anyway...and whether I get anywhere with it or not, I am going to raise a stink about it...Because it's just flat out wrong....period!
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The biggest problem I see with challenging is that much of what we thought we were buying is because of what the sales person told us. Many sales people are hired off the street pretty much, and receive some training and certification. Their main concern in many instances, I'm sure, is getting you to buy. They are not concerned with what may happen 30 years down the road. The only thing that is concrete is the policy itself. We are not warned that we need to hire a lawyer to review it. :(

Many people will not deal with annuity-style life insurance policies. They only buy term life. From the bit I've seen I can understand why.
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True Jessie. Also, all of the players are usually long gone by the time you even get to a point of discovering a lot of these "issues"....But that is one thing that I want to challenge...not so much because it will help me at this point..because it won't....and there probably isn't anything I can do about it..But maybe, just maybe if I create enough of an inquiry and stay on them about it and refuse to let them sweep it under the rug, it might save someone else from getting sold a basically worthless bill of goods....

I can't stand all the BS that goes on in corporate America...

On a happy note...it is SNOWING SNOWING the prettiest snowfall here...Alabama!!! how neat is that!!!
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