This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
btw - on my profile I also listed cleaning, tutoring, pet care, transportation and errands. This person just did not look very closely at the profile.
Oh well, back to the lying around and eating chocolates it is, then… Hope something with a slightly less stupid employer comes along soon.
Sounds like you're heading to San Antonio, it's going to be beautiful here in SA. If you have time you should visit Gruene In New Braunfels Tx. Lot's of things to do there and free music to listen to. Have a nice time off!!!
Yesterday, I left for lunch around 11:35am. I completely forgot that on the morning radio, they said that we can see the full eclipse at 11:45am. I came out of the office, glanced worriedly at the darkening skies. I was racking my brain trying to remember if the weather person said we were having a storm coming. As I got into the car and was debating where to eat lunch, it was getting darker - as if the clouds would burst open with heavy torrential rain. That's how dark the sky got. I'm scared of driving in the rain. So, I decided to drive fast to the mall before the rain comes. After lunch, as I was leaving the mall, the sky was clear. Where's those dark clouds? The road isn't even wet. Uhmmm.. duh?!?! the Eclipse!!! And I missed it!!!!!
I believe the bank employee realized she can't add a beneficiary on my dad's account without him coming in to make the change and signing it. After this happened, I made sure with my bank accounts that fave niece is my beneficiary. I changed my measly life insurance to include a small percentage to oldest sister. Fave sis still gets the majority because she's my emotional and shopping (her treats) lifeline that keeps me as sane as possible.
Flipped through the channels. Found the Japanese news about the Fukushima power plant's current situation.
I don't know how far away you live from the bank but have you considered asking if a representative from the bank come to you home to get your father's signature considering he is bed ridden. The bank my mother used offered to send someone to her home get her signature when I explained I would have to pay for an ambulance to bring her in to the bank for her to sign papers to add me to her account. I am not sure but I don't think they wanted an ambulance bringing someone in the bank on a stretcher.
I'm so tired of the political news. I actually went and bought a small radio so that if I can't stand anything on the TV, I will do some music channel flipping until I find the oldies (70's and early 80's musics).
I once turned on the bathroom radio (love to have it on when showering) and made the mistake of leaving it on the Coast-to-Coast. Is that the supernatural talk show? UFO's, ghosts, etc?.. I usually shower before bedtime. The current subject was about ghosts, hauntings. That was just too realistic, too close-to-home for me. I quickly changed the channel. I always scare myself when I shower. I hate closing my eyes to wash off the shampoo because I'm afraid of opening it and finding a killer with a knife about to stab me, or a spirit looking at me, etc... {{shiver}} But sometimes, the topic is soooo interesting. One caller was talking about the 'little people', invisible to people but visible to some. Here in the Pacific island, we have that belief too of the 'little people.' Fascinating how there's a connecting belief from this island to that of someone in the US mainland. Unnerving too because that means there must be a grain of truth in these stories....
One book I was thinking of getting rid of is: I'm Still Here by John Zeisel, PHD. The print is soooo light, it's hurting my eyes trying to read it. I opened a middle of the page and read a subtitle/heading: "Don't say 'don't' divert and re-direct instead. It explained why explaining to someone with dementia (reasoning with them) won't work. Instead, they explained the importance of first distracting them and then re-directing them. If you try to re-direct them immediately, it will just irritate them. So, distract and then re-direct so that it's not so noticeable what you're doing.
An example given was a married couple in which the hubby has dementia. It was time for bedtime and he refused. So, the wife went to the bathroom, stripped naked and then came out. That definitely distracted hubby from the TV, and she was able to re-direct his attention to her and then to the bedroom. =)
Thank you all for your unconditional support. Yes, I miss her, yes its hard, yes I was at the end of my rope ready to place her, and yes, I feel a tremendous relief, but now, I hold my head high and proud for what I did. Hang in there my sister caregivers, its all worth it in the end.
So ask the bank if someone could come out or if you know a notary who could witness your father's signature and pick the papers up from the bank that needs signing.
Of course posting anywhere and staying here with us, letting us support you and you sharing what has happened could help you in your grief. There are some threads especially started for when you have a loss and want to remember and post.
"Love notes from caregivers who have lost someone"
Gershun posted another one, I will ask for you. Put the words in the search bar when you are ready.
"Caregivers who love/loved their parents"
Cute pic of your mom with the bunny ears! And polka dots all over!