This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Reverse, Thanks for sharing the picture of your Mom with us! Looks like she is having a fun time.
Research is being done and if I got the jist of it they happen because of rapid and extreme fluctuations is hormones and is treatable! But treatment is some trial and error to find the right medications.
And try the prescription!!! Can you even imagine how much better life could be without those headaches?
Book, I have Windows Vista as well. I am going to use Firefox for awhile and see if I run into any problems. I will let you know. My computer use to freeze up anytime I installed IE9 so I uninstalled it and went back to IE8 and never had the computer freeze up again. For some reason Windows Vista and IE9 are not a good match.
Can't help you with the computer I am afraid. I know very little and just keep pressing keys till i get something to happen.
I gave in to my cravings and bought dried mangos, which to me tastes so much better than the fresh fruit. It's mango season and our trees are producing. I'm allergic (but not so bad yet) to the blossoms. I opened the package last night and it was delicious going down. I went to bed lastnight with no headache. I kept waking up during the night because of the pounding headache, stuffy and squishy nose.... Well... There goes that mango. I will give it to sis. So disappointed. I sure miss eating mango! And shrimp (the most).
You know, there must be an update recently. This iPad keeps changing what I'm typing- in the middle of my typing- and automatically types at least 2 words while I'm still Spelling A word. That one word I'm still spelling- is Entered by iPad as 2! It's irritating because I have to stop and backspace. I forgot the shortcut to undo it. Oh, yeah, maybe it's slightly shaking the iPad. Let me test it out..
Shaking works but it took out this line and a few words from the last paragraph. Nah, backspace is better, more accurate erasure than the shaking iPad syndrome.
I deleted several books from the Paperwhite ereader so that i can make more room in the collections. Plus any of my favorite books or memorable books, I want to keep in the Collections. I usually Delete 'so-so' or "Ugh!" ebooks from the device only. I kind of got suspicious after deleting 6 books when it hit me that every time I was deleting the book, the question would ask me if I'm sure I want to delete the book. I suddenly recalled that all my other devices would ask me if I want to delete it out of the Device. Oh-oh.... I immediately went on my laptop, logged into my account, went to manage my devices, to my ebooks. I typed in the author's name and all the books I deleted from the Paperwhite - are gone!!! I went to check if I can re-download it but - all previous purchases of these books are gone AND the books are no longer free. Oh, my gosh.. does this mean I cannot delete the books from the kindle paperwhite???? If I delete it, it will delete all my book in the cloud!!! I found one book that is free. I downloaded it and will be experimenting on the paperwhite if it's possible to delete the books from the device only - not from the cloud....
whoa
You were a great daughter. I know the words sound hollow. I've read your posts and you did a fantastic job! I mean them.
It's going to be weird for quite awhile. I found it helpful to just talk to my dad, folding sheets, which he always helped me with. I still do 5 years later. I broke down in tears in a Target due to a song they played that reminded me of him before his funeral. I was a sniveling sad person for almost a year. And I still get emotional at times. Mostly it's good now. I can think of him and talk about him and be grateful for what and amazing father he was in my life.
Eight years is a loooong time. I'm on year six with my mom, though she's in AL now. I can't imagine life without all the to do's. It would be very weird.
((Hugs))
I fell on Teusday night in the metro station, running for a bus that only comes every 25 minutes. Both my knees are now a gorgeous shade of Tulip Red with a dash of Aubergine. (I was on my way to my cake decorating group meeting.) Somehow I managed not to tear my pants, but I lost a shoe and broke my grandmother's Kiss Me Cuz I'm Irish mug (approx 40 years old) as well as cookies I made for a friend. I did make the bus but was ridiculed by the station supervisor for being heavily out of breath, and had to stand for about 15 minutes before there was a seat. (In Feb I fell twice on icy streets and broke my ice creepers)
I had a hearing test today and had the same diagnosis as 6 years ago: Mechanically there is nothing wrong with my hearing. But the problems I (still) have understanding what I hear, especially in noisy settings like restaurants, that's a brain issue. Oh but if I desire to fork over a bunch of dough I can "go private" and have some fancy testing done. I would liek to try that free whole-head X-ray thing I see advertised on American TV next time I go Vermonting.
I also went back to the hospital to inquire why Mom was sent somewhere with flu quarantines in effect. The hospital was unaware of any quarantine (two floors with two different quarantines in effect) and refuse to consider a transfer, saying they are no longer responsible. I got a name of someone to talk to at the home, but Mom is pressuring me not to file a complaint.
Oh and when it rains I get depressed. Yesterday it poured, today there were two showers. I was too depressed to go to the convalescent home. But Mom wants me to go tomorrow and bring her stuff and help shampoo.
I know the answer to my own question. It just never ends.
Last August, I put my foot down and told my mom I would not be visiting her every other day. She is constantly negative and refuses to make any friends in her AL. I visit Wednesdays and my husband and I take her out to lunch and shopping EVERY Sunday without fail.
I call her everyday and it just is a barrage of complaints.
She refuses to eat dinner there so I stock her up with homemade meal 365 days a year plus a lunch on weekends when she won't leave her room. She thinks she needs homemade coleslaw to keep her 'regular'. I have made that d@mn coleslaw every four days for over five years. Plus I'm running for her cereal, prunes, yogurt, Kleenex, paper towels, wipes, wine, liquid tobacco plastic spoons and forks, citracal, advil, sennekot, soap, hairspray etc. I do all her laundry.
Mom now tells me she is calling one of her caregivers, 'her daughter', because she sees her more than me. She rubs my face in it.
That disturbs me. Am I wrong in feeling upset?