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reverse, I am so sorry for you. Take care
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Reversroles, I too, am sorry to hear you've lost your Mom. You bet, you need to hold your head up high knowing you did your very best taking care of her all of these years! Caregiving is by far, the hardest job any of us will ever do, so now you deserve to begin doing everything that makes you happy, and start in on doing things that you have been putting off! I know that you are grieving your loss, but in time you will begin to remember the Mom you had before the Dementia started, and those will be the happier times! It takes a while, but you will get there! I still miss my Mom and Dad after losing them 12 years ago, but life is what you make it, and you know that she would want you to go on to have an unbelievable and happy life! So sorry for your loss! Love, Stacey B
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I was with my Mom when she passed and what she went through was horrible.

Reverse, Thanks for sharing the picture of your Mom with us! Looks like she is having a fun time.
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Those of you with migraines there was a segment on NBC News tonight about why they seem to occur more often and more severely as we get older. Thank goodness I do not get headaches, just ordinary headaches, often.

Research is being done and if I got the jist of it they happen because of rapid and extreme fluctuations is hormones and is treatable! But treatment is some trial and error to find the right medications.
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Glad, most of my life, I used to 'tough it out' with my migraines. I would still take Tylenol or Excedrin for the headaches knowing that it did nothing to the pain. But psychologically, it fooled me into thinking that at least I was taking something for the pain. Only recently, I learned that those who suffer migraines have a higher possibility of getting dementia.... because the headaches constricts the blood vessels in the brain, and hence less oxygen flowing through the brain. If I had known that at least 20 years ago, that by taking EFFECTIVE painkillers for my headaches would give me a better chance of postponing dementia, I would have gone to the doctor and force myself to take those Rx pills. Ahem.... That last comment is a lie from me - because last year, the neurologist prescribed for me a headache prevention pill that I Must Take Every Day - and I turned it down.....
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I'm practicing on using Firefox because in April, Chrome will no longer support Windows Vista - which is my laptop. I won't tell you how many times this computer froze as I typed this in Firefox. It's like going back in time when I used to do the dial-up internet! I guess I will end up using the iPad for online reading. That's such a smaller screen than my laptop.
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Book, go back to the neurologist, get a new prescription and take it! If it doesn't work, try another.
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Book, I'm not sure what your internet problems with it could be caused from. I love Firefox, it never freezes on me.
And try the prescription!!! Can you even imagine how much better life could be without those headaches?
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For those with migraines I feel your pain. I have had them to over 30 years, Many meds, Beta blockers for 30 years. Finally they have reduced in frequency. Diet help (no fatty foods, healthy eating helps). Imetrex seems to help. Take one when I feel it coming on. Early on they were horrible, lost days, sickness, vision and hearing issues and misery. Talk to your doctor, get on a healthy eating plan and find what triggers bring them on. I feel your pain. If you have never had them you can never understand someone who has them.
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Glad, thanks for the info on migraines and yes there are many different prescriptions out there what works for one may not work for another. Each person needs to find the prescription that works for them. It took several years and many different meds before I found one that helps to prevent the migraines. It does not eliminate them but it has cut the frequency down and made life more livable.

Book, I have Windows Vista as well. I am going to use Firefox for awhile and see if I run into any problems. I will let you know. My computer use to freeze up anytime I installed IE9 so I uninstalled it and went back to IE8 and never had the computer freeze up again. For some reason Windows Vista and IE9 are not a good match.
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It most likely is the old laptop. I can no longer record anything in the cd drive. I keep stalling on buying a new computer. I think. Night you all. 1:12 am.
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Book I agree go back to the neurologist. Ordinary pain meds may ease the pain but they do nothing to help the constricted blood vessels which is what is causing the pain.
Can't help you with the computer I am afraid. I know very little and just keep pressing keys till i get something to happen.
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Yeah, in desperation, that 'Escape' button on the top left gets pressed a lot to no avail.

I gave in to my cravings and bought dried mangos, which to me tastes so much better than the fresh fruit. It's mango season and our trees are producing. I'm allergic (but not so bad yet) to the blossoms. I opened the package last night and it was delicious going down. I went to bed lastnight with no headache. I kept waking up during the night because of the pounding headache, stuffy and squishy nose.... Well... There goes that mango. I will give it to sis. So disappointed. I sure miss eating mango! And shrimp (the most).

You know, there must be an update recently. This iPad keeps changing what I'm typing- in the middle of my typing- and automatically types at least 2 words while I'm still Spelling A word. That one word I'm still spelling- is Entered by iPad as 2! It's irritating because I have to stop and backspace. I forgot the shortcut to undo it. Oh, yeah, maybe it's slightly shaking the iPad. Let me test it out..

Shaking works but it took out this line and a few words from the last paragraph. Nah, backspace is better, more accurate erasure than the shaking iPad syndrome.
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How am I today? I have just done 3 days, starting at 6 a.m. finishing at 12.30 p.m. I work in a resthome with 60 residents, ranging from independant, semindependant to requiring full care, (dressing, toileting). When I get home, I switch off from work and concentrate on other things, the newspaper, a crossword, coffee and lunch. I do my best to keep on top of my sleep, and don't get too tired in my work. Hence, now is down time for me. To all those caregivers who have written in, look after yourself becuase no one else will. Arlene Hutcheon
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Thanks, Arlene. My favorite down time is reading books, with the TV on as background noise. Sometimes I forget to Not laugh when reading my book in public. But that's the best part of stress relieving - to laugh from a good book.
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I got a new Kindle Paperwhite ebook reader. It's mainly for reading ebooks and not websurfing like the other kindles or iPad. I downloaded all my books into it (took a while.) And started setting up Collections - Fantasy, Romance, Para Romance, Mystery, Self Help, etc... I'm so used to deleting books out of my devices which does Not delete it from your cloud - only the device.

I deleted several books from the Paperwhite ereader so that i can make more room in the collections. Plus any of my favorite books or memorable books, I want to keep in the Collections. I usually Delete 'so-so' or "Ugh!" ebooks from the device only. I kind of got suspicious after deleting 6 books when it hit me that every time I was deleting the book, the question would ask me if I'm sure I want to delete the book. I suddenly recalled that all my other devices would ask me if I want to delete it out of the Device. Oh-oh.... I immediately went on my laptop, logged into my account, went to manage my devices, to my ebooks. I typed in the author's name and all the books I deleted from the Paperwhite - are gone!!! I went to check if I can re-download it but - all previous purchases of these books are gone AND the books are no longer free. Oh, my gosh.. does this mean I cannot delete the books from the kindle paperwhite???? If I delete it, it will delete all my book in the cloud!!! I found one book that is free. I downloaded it and will be experimenting on the paperwhite if it's possible to delete the books from the device only - not from the cloud....
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It is soooo weird! I just downloaded the free ebook, transferred it into my Collection READING NOW. Then I went back to Collection, pressed down on the book's title, the window pops up - and I No Longer See 'Delete Book'.. It now has "Remove from Device." I hit Remove Device - and it automatically deleted it -no question like "Are you sure you want to delete from device?" I then went to my cloud and the book is still there. I re-downloaded the book back into the Paperwhite without any problem...I guess Amazon was updating their devices and I happened to delete those books while there was a glitch.
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Today is my first day alone in my house in 38 years. I cant believe Mom is gone. After over 8 grueling years of 24/7 caregiving, even with some help, my brain feels like it stopped. I was always on overload thinking of what she needed next, taking care of her, thinking of to do next, doing pills, meals ordering supplies, thinking of the next day and what she needs on and on and on. All of a sudden NOTHING!
whoa
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Well, today hasn't been a good day. I have been on the verge of tears today and am very frustrated. Mom is in skilled nursing and I was just told we have no discharge date. When does someone get moved from skilled nursing to memory care? She has just in the last five days begun to say nonsensical things, and of course I go there with her in the moment. She has become incontinent to a high degree. I had blood work done yesterday and a urine sample taken. This is such a roller coaster!
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Reversesroles, I'm late to offer my condolences. I am truly sorry for your loss. It hurts really bad and it sounds like the reality is hitting you now. It's a weird place to be in, like someone slammed on the brakes and a crash. Traumatic, then utter silence.Your endorphins were rushing around all over the place and now they have nowhere to go and no purpose. Your emotions feel whacked out now too, I'm sure. Just know that you're sane. It is shocking going through the death of a parent. I've been there once with my dad with brain cancer.

You were a great daughter. I know the words sound hollow. I've read your posts and you did a fantastic job! I mean them.

It's going to be weird for quite awhile. I found it helpful to just talk to my dad, folding sheets, which he always helped me with. I still do 5 years later. I broke down in tears in a Target due to a song they played that reminded me of him before his funeral. I was a sniveling sad person for almost a year. And I still get emotional at times. Mostly it's good now. I can think of him and talk about him and be grateful for what and amazing father he was in my life.

Eight years is a loooong time. I'm on year six with my mom, though she's in AL now. I can't imagine life without all the to do's. It would be very weird.

((Hugs))
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It hasn't been a good week, let alone a good day. I find the convalescent home depressing: at the hospital Mom had a private room with a huge picture window and a gorgeous view. Here it is dark, tiny, barely room to move around, with thick curtains everywhere, she has a male roommate, and there were flu quarantines when we arrived and they are going to be in place fr at least another week. the staff are nice to mom but treat me like garbage. It doesn't help that one of the main nurses reminds me strongly of someone I used to work with, who took great pleasure in yelling at me. (At my last two jobs I was deliberately isolated from the rest of my coworkers, and the "flu precautions" e.g. if I want to eat meal with mom we are segregated in her room are bringing back painful memories)

I fell on Teusday night in the metro station, running for a bus that only comes every 25 minutes. Both my knees are now a gorgeous shade of Tulip Red with a dash of Aubergine. (I was on my way to my cake decorating group meeting.) Somehow I managed not to tear my pants, but I lost a shoe and broke my grandmother's Kiss Me Cuz I'm Irish mug (approx 40 years old) as well as cookies I made for a friend. I did make the bus but was ridiculed by the station supervisor for being heavily out of breath, and had to stand for about 15 minutes before there was a seat. (In Feb I fell twice on icy streets and broke my ice creepers)

I had a hearing test today and had the same diagnosis as 6 years ago: Mechanically there is nothing wrong with my hearing. But the problems I (still) have understanding what I hear, especially in noisy settings like restaurants, that's a brain issue. Oh but if I desire to fork over a bunch of dough I can "go private" and have some fancy testing done. I would liek to try that free whole-head X-ray thing I see advertised on American TV next time I go Vermonting.

I also went back to the hospital to inquire why Mom was sent somewhere with flu quarantines in effect. The hospital was unaware of any quarantine (two floors with two different quarantines in effect) and refuse to consider a transfer, saying they are no longer responsible. I got a name of someone to talk to at the home, but Mom is pressuring me not to file a complaint.

Oh and when it rains I get depressed. Yesterday it poured, today there were two showers. I was too depressed to go to the convalescent home. But Mom wants me to go tomorrow and bring her stuff and help shampoo.
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Also I'm being harassed for writing a (truthful) one-star review of a company on Yelp, the issues brought up were resolved but I am getting numerous requests to alter my review and add stars. Now I have a registered letter requesting that I delete my review entirely. (Note to self: At the post office, current bank statement isn't a proof of address. a hospital card for a defunct hospital, is valid.) The Yelp Community Manager is supportive.
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I just joined the site. I feel better already because I am not alone dealing with a difficult mother who is very independant and stubborn. I love her but she abused me my entire life and it is getting worse. My brothers are 15+ yrs older than me but I've always been the caretaker, they just buy food. She is bipolar also and I dealt w that because they wouldn't now she is craving their attention even more and takes it out on me and pushes me away. She even helped a stalker find me, I can't put myself in danger so I left and now she is mad that I left. I can't win. My brothers won't confront her about her health issues like holding her urine and feces at night or even when she is awake, she drive too long and ran into a child, finally stopped driving. She gets mad at me and then my one brother makes it worse and bullies me but doesn't step up to the plate to help her. She gave them power of attorney so doesn't this make them legally obligated to take care of her properly? I'm exhausted and won't put myself in danger any longer.
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Reverseroles ((Hugs)) I'm sorry for your loss, I dread that day. Bless you for taking care of your mom so long. You deserve to do something for yourself :) I have neglected myself caring for everyone else so I know you need to treat yourself to something special. I'm sure your mom would want that too :) God Bless
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Should I feel guilty?

I know the answer to my own question. It just never ends.

Last August, I put my foot down and told my mom I would not be visiting her every other day. She is constantly negative and refuses to make any friends in her AL. I visit Wednesdays and my husband and I take her out to lunch and shopping EVERY Sunday without fail.

I call her everyday and it just is a barrage of complaints.

She refuses to eat dinner there so I stock her up with homemade meal 365 days a year plus a lunch on weekends when she won't leave her room. She thinks she needs homemade coleslaw to keep her 'regular'. I have made that d@mn coleslaw every four days for over five years. Plus I'm running for her cereal, prunes, yogurt, Kleenex, paper towels, wipes, wine, liquid tobacco plastic spoons and forks, citracal, advil, sennekot, soap, hairspray etc. I do all her laundry.

Mom now tells me she is calling one of her caregivers, 'her daughter', because she sees her more than me. She rubs my face in it.

That disturbs me. Am I wrong in feeling upset?
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I have frequent melt-downs. I love my Mom, but sometimes I just want to run away. Mom is 94 and dealing with major mobility issues, anxiety and what seems to be the beginning of heart failure. I was so crazy the other day that I took a half-day for myself and just rode around in my car...got lost... and pulled over to the side of the road and cried my eyes out. I can't stay out too long, my Mom needs lots of help these days. Unfortunately, I was in worse shape, mentally, when I returned home. It's just a vicious cycle. I actually had a complicated dental appointment today. Lasted 2 hours. It was the highlight of my day! God Bless us all
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Momcare123, be strong, for yourself and your Mum. It's ok to cry, it's ok to sit and do nothing, or have '40 winks' as my mother used to say. Thank you for your writing, we caregivers all need encouragement. I get to walk away from the elderly people I work with at the end of a shift, you don't. All the best. Arlene Hutcheon
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Some things in the air.. A lot of our fellow AC caregivers have lost a loved one lately...
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I was thinking the same thing Assandache.. and it makes me sad
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Momcare, disoriented days like that are the worst. Some days go smoothly, and some days are so twisted feeling. I know that getting out riding just seemed without aim. I've done that myself and felt totally lost doing it. All we can hope is that the next days are good ones and we stay grounded.
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