This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Though mentally it's been the last for about 5 yrs. But not physically..
I better remember to take pictures..lol
Assande, maybe, maybe not. I remember once thinking I'd better take current pics of mom and dad. Mom looked so awful- as if at death's door. I didn't want to have that as a memory of mom, so I deleted and never took another photo. I'd much rather keep the one where she was laughing in the nicer stage of her dementia. As for dad, he took one look of his photo and hated it. It forced him to acknowledge that he is that old. I can tell that it bothered him. I decided to take another photo with his sun glasses, showed it to him, and he felt so much better. He looked so cool with his sun glasses.
Assand, I used to come home to my mom's on weekends and wonder "will she be here next week"? As her health declined I made a point to get family together because "it could be the last" (birthday, Christmas, Easter...).
I've kind of gotten over that now. I know I won't forget, though god knows there are some things I wish I could. The rest of them had better look after their own memories.
XO
RR
Trying to get POA. I finally called dad's clinic and spoke to his doctor's nurse. The doctor will not do anything or give anything to me or the lawyer until he has dad evaluated. His doctor is referring dad to a specialist who will evaluate dad. Then we will wait for the results. I'm NOT after guardianship. I'm so afraid that the specialist will declare dad incompetent - and therefore obtaining the POA will be Void. I Do Not Want Guardianship over dad. SIL said that I should. Hell! I spent half of my life caregiving mom. Now dad is starting his journe. And of course my siblings would want me to have Guardianship. I would be 100% responsible for him. And not them. As it is now, I can walk over to bro and say 'I Quit!' and walk away. Guardianship - I'm stuck - with him and his bills. No Way! Most of my siblings make much much more than me. Most likely double my paycheck. They don't have the money to help out (supplies or help pay for a caregiver so that I and oldest sis can get time off) but they sure do have money to travel! Deep breathe. Release. I don't want to go down that road. I will let the chips fall....
I didn't sleep well. My squishy microbead pillow is no longer soft enough- according to my pounding head. Sinus headache and stiff neck pain kept waking me up. I turn in my sleep and wake up from the neck pain. My whole right side of my face, head and ear. Right ear so itchy deep inside and ringing. I will give my doctor one more chance to help me deal with this. Then it's time to change clinic.
Sleeping also was affected by the back of my head lying on the pillow. So, I tried to sleep sideways - which is bad for my neck. I bought a neck pillow so that I can sleep on my back with most of the pressure was off the head and more on the neck. But that was just as bad. In desperation, I spent so much on 2 different thermal conforming pillows. Didn't work at all - made my neck hurt more. Thermal pillow did not stop the pain behind my head as I slept on my back, either.
I finally bought the microbead pillow so that I can push the stuffing towards or away from my face, or neck. And - it was so soft, that I can finally sleep on my back, and less stress/strain on my neck while sleeping. I noticed in the past few months, that the microbead pillow is no longer soft enough for the head. I cannot sleep on my back now.
I appreciate your feedback with what worked for you. I will do a search and see if I can order it. Most sellers refuse to send internationally. We don't have Bath and Beyond here. We only have Kmart, Ross and Macys. Thanks!
I Think it's my sinus/allergy that is stuffing inside my head so badly, it needs to be released. I'm allergic to Sudafed. I can take a generic but I must use it very sparingly. Once I have a teeny tiny reaction to the pill, the more I use, the more allergic symptoms become, and faster too. Hence, my concentrating on Natural ways of dealing with the sinus/allergy.
I swear, today, my face felt warm in all the areas that was hurting - which was all on the sinus points - eyebrows, between the eyes, the soft area between the bridge of the nose and the tip, my cheek bones. I even had a sinus sensitive point near the ears and where the jaw bones meet. I was doing slight facial circular pressures throughout the day, squishy popping noises everywhere. I made sure to bring my water bottle with water + 2 tablespoons Apple cider vinegar and 1 tbs honey. I was sipping it throughout the day. And I can feel throughout the day, yucky stuff draining from my face, down the throat. While I was working, I was subconsciously doing facial pressure. I was surprised to feel this large "pop" on my cheek bone and Felt something fluid swiftly draining down my throat.
It's the beginning of mango season and we have 2 large trees outside both doors into the house. I'm allergic to mango. This past weekend, I hung my clothes inside the house - instead of outside. I've also been sweeping out the mango leaves that landed inside the porch area. And today, I gave away my coconut candy. I'm allergic to something in it. Like shrimp, I now have to be firm about not eating coconut candy. Finally, on top of the sinus headache, I have a migraine - whole works with sensitivity to light and nausea - all day today. I told myself that if I threw up, that it's time to go home - which is Not a place to recuperate in.
SIL told me that when I get POA, I must be very very careful with dad's money. Each money expense must be only for dad and for good reasons. If I allowed $10.00 for something not for dad's use, I would be penalize by a percentage. Example, if the penalty is 30% - then instead of paying dad the $10.00 - it's $30.00! I told SIL that dad demands he has his own petty cash. I'm at work and have no control of who he gives the money to. She said that I'm still responsible. Oh my gosh.. I'm panicking. I was scared before about getting POA. Now - it's worse.
I really need to stop thinking about this. I was able to lower my head/face pain significantly. As I was typing this, the stress level went up, and so did my pain. SIL said that I'm the logical person - because I'm already handling dad's money. I just need to be more detail-oriented and make sure that every single penny is not misused. Hello?!? I Don't Think I Can Handle Being POA. I need to rethink this. Oh my gosh.. oh my gosh..oh my gosh...need to stop now. I'm crying...
As for being forced to be a guardian, I can't imagine that happening, even someone who volunteers to be guardian has the right to resign. I'm wondering if SIL was confused by the process and felt forced to agree even though she really shouldn't have?
But if it ever reaches the point where someone needs to be appointed guardianship then you could protect yourself by hiring your own lawyer. If no one in the family steps up and he gets an outside guardian would that be such a bad thing??
I have issues with allergies and medicines. When I start to get congested, I add fresh lemon to my drinks along with the honey to make it sweet. It will help break up the mucus. I also eat horseradish which does the same thing but you don't have to eat it if you don't like it. If you put it to your nose and breath it in the smell will help clear your nasal blockage. If you are not familiar with horseradish it can be strong so be careful at first. Once my brother held it right up to his nose and took a big sniff. His nostrils burned so bad his face turned red. This was a fresh batch of ground horseradish not a store bottle so it was extremely strong. I felt bad for him. Anyway, if you are not allergic to lemons try them in your drink and try sniffing some horseradish to clear the sinuses too. Your front sinuses maybe cleared but your back sinuses could be blocked adding to the headaches.
p.s. - do you cover your nose/face with a scarf when you sweep out the mango leaves you are allergic too so you don't breath the dust in?
For example, a POA give a cash allowance to their charge, say $30/mo. It is cash.
If he doesn't need it or doesn't use it, save it and account for that. But once given, there is no way to account for how he uses his cash. If he gives it away, then he doesn't get more for a haircut. (as an example). It is a personal allowance, it is his. You might not have to account for every penny. Check into it online, don't take my word for it. Read the rules concerning POA or any fiduciary responsibilities. When you are feeling better. Please take it easy on yourself.
Because that scenario is just not applicable to you, in your case, to you and your Dad, today, Book. That is not what is happening to you. What happened to Sil is specific to her case, and you don't have all the facts.
YOU SAY YOUR FACE IS SQUISHY
Angioedema, also known as angiooedema, Quincke's edema, and angioneurotic edema, is the rapid swelling (edema) of the dermis, subcutaneous tissue, mucosa and submucosal tissues. It is very similar to urticaria, but urticaria, commonly known as hives, occurs in the upper dermis.
You have MANGO TREES?
Read up on allergies to Mangoes. Face swelling, or angioedema, is only one symptom.
Please find out. Without allergies, you would be so much more comfortable!
I need to make an appointment to be evaluated for my forgetfulness. Lately, I've been doing a lot of searching for things. I can't remember - at all - where I put things. Then I spend 30 minutes looking for it, ending up frustrated and pissed off at myself. I've been misplacing things. I make it a habit of always putting things in their own places. Lately, they're not in their usual places - hence my frantically looking for it. Several times, I would be driving and forget where I was going. I'd be chanting to myself - work, work, work. I've sometimes drove right by the road to the house for lunch. Oldest sis thinks it's funny. I don't.
My mom started showing signs of dementia when she was around age 52. I'm now 50. With my background of spending half of my life helping dad caregiving mom - and the constant stress of dad (hitting me) and mom (violence and then vegetative state for over 10 years) and my job - I cannot rule out early dementia. My mom's mother had Alzheimer. Mom had Alzheimer.
Send, my squishy face is still squishy. But it sure helps a lot to sip throughout the day one bottle of water with 2 TBS ACV and 1 TBS honey. I had to stop taking it today because my lips were beginning to tingle. I think it's the ACV that I'm sensitive to.
Shilo, I knew better to sweep the porch without a scarf. But I didn't think it would be so bad if I just didn't wear one. Lastnight, I saw that the porch was filling up with fallen mango leaves. I dreaded sweeping those again in the weekend. I will try to remember to use a bandana to cover my nose/mouth while sweeping it again.
It's mango season! We have 3 mango trees - all are different kinds of mango. One is a local variety that's small - and very little fruits. It's still a young tree. The one in front of the house/porch is Carabao mango and the one behind the house where the door and kitchen window sink - is Haden Mango. Haden is the sweetest, largest and messiest (dripping down your face kind) of the mangos. Then the Carabao. Soon, strangers will be coming way into our land from the road and surrounding apartments (despite the fences and cement boundary walls between house/apartments) to 'take' the mango without asking. Our trees don't grow much because we cannot 'smoke' it (to rid the insects.) To smoke the trees - would send the smoke to the surrounding apartments. We are very conscientious about people who might have allergies. So we don't smoke the trees like other locals do. It's our custom to put aside mango for all the relatives from both mom and dad's side, aunties, uncles, cousins, etc.. Mom's brother puts aside avocado and papaya for me and dad.
He's singing: cockaracha, cockaracha, sigi magi na pasta. CockA
Kindle keeps changing the words I type! Anyway, he's calling the cockroach to come here so that he can touch it. Now that song is stuck in my head.
Mangoes are probably the sweetest fruit in the world. The fruit is full of juice when it grows up and dons an excellent alluring color. Despite of the fact that mango allergy is quite rare but if you are suffering from it then you should consider yourself very unlucky. The fruit is prohibited for them who have allergy to mango. Mango has some useful nutrients, vitamins, fibers and other essential elements which are inevitable for body growth. It contains Vitamin A, B, C, magnesium, potassium, zinc etc. The peel of mangoes is responsible for the allergy in most occasions. The allergic reaction is not deadly, but the anaphylactic shock may occur in very few cases. This shock is deadly and a patient should come under the superintendence of a doctor as soon as possible if it happens. The patient will have sores on lips and mouth, itching, skin inflammation, delayed contact dermatitis around the mouth, flaky skin as initial symptoms. The Urushiol chemical is responsible for triggering the allergic reaction. The mango allergy is discovered in lips as when you consume it this is the first organ which comes in contact with mango. It contacts with the skin almost immediately. So, wear gloves or thick clothes before peeling a mango. The skin dermatitis, inflammation, hives are some of the most common skin problems as a result of it.
What Causes Mango Allergy Among People?
The mango allergy reaction can start within 10 minutes after ingestion. The reasons behind this allergy are due to a poisonous chemical named urushiol. This chemical is found in the rind of mangoes. So if by any reason, you come in contact with the mango peel then you are going to suffer from this allergy. The chemical is responsible for ivy rash too. So, a person allergic to ivy or oak poison should be allergic to mangoes as well. This chemical is found in larger amount among green mangoes and less in ripe one. The botanical family of mango is similar to some other fruits such as pistachio, cashew etc. The potential allergens in mangoes are found in fruits like pear, apple, carrot, paprika, peanut. Thus due to cross sensitivity issue, one can have similar symptoms either by handling or eating those fruits.
Mango Allergy Symptoms:
These are the general symptoms found usually in a patient who have allergy to mangoes. But you must be sure enough before taking any medicines. In that case, the best way is to visit a doctor and ask for a medical test.
Anaphylaxis (very rare)
Angioedema
Contact Dermatitis
Cough
Erythema
Hives
Itchy and flaky skin
Red skin
Skin inflammation
Swelling around lips and
Urticaria
Wheezing
Mango Allergy Tests:
The treatment for mango allergy should be taken right after detecting it properly. The reaction progressively becomes severe as time goes on. Remember that, this allergy is quite rare and there is a chance that the doctor is unaware about it. So, every possible test should be conducted before declaring it as mango allergy. The prick test, oral food challenge test and blood test are some of the most common tests to detect it. But all the tests should be conducted at lab and a specialist doctor should supervise it cordially. While doing a prick test, the patient is asked to consume a slice of mango and the doctor will check whether there is any symptoms coming out after ingesting it. If the patient is hypersensitive and the condition goes worse, enough arrangement should present there in the lab to take some immediate action.
Treatment – Prevention and Medication:
But prevention is the best option to go with. As mango peel has the chemical which is responsible for mango allergies, thus attentions need to arise while peeling it to get rid of the mango skin rash. To prevent the chemical from coming in contact with hands, you can wear a thick gloves. The gloves do not let the chemical come in contact and helps to prevent mango skin allergy. The fruit itself usually does not contain this chemical, but this is not decisive. Even after using these gloves by yourself or someone who has peeled the mangoes for you, if you are still feeling ill, then there is no alternative to avoid mango containing food from diet forever.
If you have already consumed mango intentionally or unknowingly then medication is the only way to go with. You should have the collection of antihistamine tablets in order to prevent such adverse reaction immediately. Check out this non-drowsy tablet and give it a try with the suggestion of a doctor.
The antihistamine usually starts working within 10 minutes. The cortisone cream will work as well. But it is always suggested to contact allergists before taking any medication. If anaphylaxis occurs, then one dose of epinephrine injection should be enough. But never try to do anything without the suggestion of an allergist.
Mango Allergy
Place a jar for the neighbors to buy the mangos.
This is what stuck to me: "What often endangers the emotional & physical health of the caregivers is their isolation." ... I think we all have experienced this in one way or another. Sometimes you can have a room full of people and still feel isolated - because every time dad makes a demand, no one jumps up and tells me sit down and they will do it. Instead, everyone either continues talking while I leave the room to get this or that, or they all stop and watch/wait until I'm done. Then continue conversation.
Ambiguous Loss - Gone and not gone. I had to reread this chapter several times. I have the kernel of the idea but it's still out of my grasp/understanding. I have an idea of what it's trying to say. ... Daughter and yet it feels like I'm my dad's parent. It's not an either-or but it's both. His personality before and how he is now today. Sometimes the old scary personality shows up. We just have to learn to live with this ambiguity - especially with dementia. Accept that it will change from day to day. It's not our fault (lacking in caregiving) or my dad (?? I'm still struggling with this) but the senility. Know when to say Good-Bye to the old personality and accept the new personality (stranger). I remember this with mom. I didn't like mom of the old personality - too much dysfunctional memories. But I remember feeling so bad that I liked the new mom, even her facial expressions changed from the old one.
For the past few days, I've been re-reading and struggling with: Balancing Individuality and Togetherness. It's the "Thinking Both-And (Not Either-Or)". I was at the Post office re-reading it silently, then slightly in a whisper, trying to understand the concept.
That's all for now.
That is so true Book, even for those of us who don't have a dysfunctional family dynamic. I have tried to bring the family together on holidays etc, but I sometimes wonder what is the point. Mom is in la la land most of the time and barely seems to care, and I am always on duty so can't really visit at all.
Then, my next thoughts were all the holidays when they would come over - or even to talk. I can be in a roomful of people, but if I'm the only one getting up/down to cater to all of dad's demands/requests, it sure feels like I'm not part of the group. And I definitely feel alone among the crowded room.
I spent hours online googling how to naturally remove facial hair. I bought lemon juice in the bottle. After going back online, I discovered it's suppose to be real lemons. So, I'm trying to google substitutes for lemon. So far, I think it's vinegar. Regular vinegar or apple cider vinegar? I'm currently doing a test on my skin with the ACV for about 5 minutes. If I don't have a reaction, I will try to substitute this into the oatmeal/honey mask tomorrow.
Ha! I just caught dad with his hand digging into his front pamper. I will need to tie a string over his button area. Make it just a little more difficult to reach inside fully. He told me to 'mind my own business' about his hand inside the pamper. I told him that it IS my business since if he spreads his poop, I'm the one who is cleaning the mess. Not him. 1:00am. time to hit the sack - after I tie his front pants.