This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Maybe it's just my paranoia but I don't think so..
I think sometimes people see a month on an old question and don't notice the year especially if they are new to the forum. However i also agree that it is likely that trolls pick up on old threads to get us all going again. Pity they have not got something better to do
We are here, sometimes all night, early mornings.
I've read enough comments online about people saying how painful to do threading and waxing. I've discovered that I do not have a high tolerance for pain on my face. I'm such a wimp to even try threading or waxing. That coiling sure turned me off from any 'pulling hair' out of my skin.
Dad all day kept telling me to feed 'her' (meaning mom.) He no longer calls her by name. He just uses 'Her' and then points to mom's empty hospital bed. I guess it's time to remove the bed. Or maybe not. It's a great place to stack dad's extra pillows, my books and junk. Of course, if we take it out, I can open that box which has my little 'entertainment' shelves. (Computer table) I will discuss it with bro because it will require the guys to take it apart.
Our shower drain is getting worse. Maybe time to call the plumber...
They got a call from one of the rooms about an alligator. My brother was puzzled because we don't have alligators here on island. He goes up to the room and the 2 Japanese girls were scared about the little alligator on the wall. He walks into their room - and it's a gecko. We all thought it was so funny. And it made me realize that not everywhere has lizards inside the building.
Baby bro forgot about the lizards. On his last visit with us, he was so grossed out about all the lizards in the house. At least the lizards are no longer big and healthy (according to niece, she never knew lizards could look so 'husky' until she saw ours.) I make it a point to empty the sink drain so that the lizards don't have any food source. Unfortunately, they patiently eat through the cardboard or ziplock bags to get to the food waste. So, now I use the plastic ice cream container to store the food waste. And our lizards are now back to looking small normal size. No more huskies.
All the youtubes mention either rinsing the facial mask with only water or just wiping it off with washcloth. I don't think so!!!
I just gave my nephew money to buy a sliding/skiing exercise machine. My stomach is getting bigger and bigger. I look pregnant. I'm hoping it's just me gaining weight and not some medical condition. I will have it set up on the front porch, and cover it with the washing machine cover. I'm so excited! I hope the neighbor's kids don't come over and play on it. It's $200.00 but on sale for $100.00.
For the past 2 weeks, he wants his empty box of nutrient drink. He's forgotten the name of it. He can't remember it now. For the past 20 minutes, he has been holding that box, re-reading the name over and over and over. I think he's trying to memorize it but... he's still forgetting the name. He's now put the box on the side table. And he's repeating the name aloud. {smiling} He has picked up the empty box and is back to re-reading the name.
About those lizards! When we were on vacation in a 4 star resort in Puerto Rico, we had a "something", in our room that we could hear at night, and in the morning, we would find evidence of crackers, and other snacks we'd left out, on the floor and in crumbs. Upon notifying the hotel staff, we found out that it was lizzards, and not mice, as we had thought, they had beetles too! They did send someone to spray our room, but I was scared to get out of bed at night! Yikes! The daytime lizzards didn't bother me though! ☺ I'm rooting for you Hun!
Dreams reveal your deepest thoughts, deepest fears. I have never hid on this site of my fear of elderly neglect..... Why on earth do I want to take care of myself so that I can take care of my "loved one "? That's not a very sound reasoning to me. I'm still fighting myself over POA, over going to my doctor for my daily headaches, etc... Half of me is wishing for death so I'm finally done with caregiving and the other half wants to live.
As I sat in the bathroom, I know that my siblings will not help. They didn't help when it was mom. They didn't help when dad became bedridden and I was all by myself with 2 bedridden parents- with one of them in a vegetative state on stomach tube, trache and oxygen. As I sat there, I realized I won't be able to handle full time work and my dad's sundowning.
If I die or get a stroke and become bedridden, they will NOT step in. They will let oldest sis take over all by herself. When she collapses, oldest brother will step in and somehow deal with the situation. He will not want to lose the house and land.
End of vent. I'm sooooo sleepy and tired... I guess I would be accused of neglect if I packed my pillows and blankets and went to my bedroom to sleep, leaving bedridden, confused dad by himself. He tries to get off the bed and falls. It will be hours before anyone comes through the livingroom. Sigh..So here I stay in the living room with him. Trying to sleep.
Stacey, I wish that my family would pull together like with your parents. I have a friend whose family did that. Recently a client told me that he has heard that a lot of family here on island have left only 1 family member to do the caregiving. He said that a male coworker is like in my situation. He has to work full time and still take care of his mother. At his mother's house, his brother (doesn't have a job) lives there, too, and his mother absolutely refuses to this brother help caregive her. Sounds familiar? I wasn't surprised. His brother must be the Golden child. Ugh! Atleast oldest sis does babysit my dad.
Talking about oldest sis. I always complain how she doesn't clean the bathroom, etc... Every time I come home from work, the kitchen sink's strainer is filled. I empty it. And end of night, it's back to being full. I try to keep it free from food because I hate cockroaches. Yesterday morning, I went to the sink and found a very full lizard. It ate so much that it couldn't crawl back out. I'm terrified of roaches. Sis is terrified of lizards. I rarely scream over a lizard. They can land on my legs or my head and I wouldn't scream. They're not as disgusting as roaches. When I saw that lizard in the sink, I smiled so widely and left it alone. Let sis handle it.
Well, she must have gotten back at me. When I came home from work lastnight, the sinks strainer was full and the sink was filthy. All well.....
Pam, that temptation to overnight... Is like a two way sword. It will remind you what normal life is like and a stronger desire not to go back to your reality. I'm glad that you did enjoy yourself.
I have astigmatism. When I park my car, put it on park, and about to turn off the ignition, the car next to me starts to leave its parking stall. I get major, really bad major vertigo. I swear, my car is moving, and my whole world starts spinning. I have to grab the steering the wheel and try not lost my balance. Once it's no longer spinning, I feel so disoriented.
Well, uhm... that ski exerciser? Made me seasick. Or motion sickness. However, the brief time I was on it, my heart was beating fast. Of course, it could have been beating fast because the vertigo hit me while I was on the skier, and my greatest fear was falling backwards due to disorientation.
Oldest sis chuckled as she watched me get off the machine (not even 30 seconds!) and I was walking wobbly. She told me to maybe try it again - but this time without my eye glass (progressive lens sucks! It drives me crazy that i have to move my whole head when reading at my work's large computer screen.)
Niece texted me at 230pm. The 1st text said that grandpa touched his poop. The 2nd text was that it really stinks. I texted back that I was coming home. When I arrived, my 4 year old nephew was quick to tell me that grandpa pooped. Niece felt bad that I had to change him when she was the one babysitting him. (She covered for me in the weekends, changed his pampers, etc.. when I was on my 2 week vacation last year.) She just couldn't handle the smell of his poop. She really did try to help me. She was on the other side of 'grandpa.' But once I opened his pamper, she started choking. She asked to be excused because her whole body was heating up and the smell... the smell was so bad, she cannot handle it. Oh well, it was the thought that counts. And she really did try to help me.
She was going to do irrigation for his catheter when we heard yelling outside. I was ignoring it. But niece mentioned it. Then the nurse. I said that I hear it but I'm trying to ignore it. I guess I should go out and see what's happening. My 2 grown up nephews of next door were accusing the tenant of his friends stealing their stuff. That tenant purposely crashed into my nephew's brand new car out of spite. (For over 10years this tenant lived and never hit a parked car. But now, when my nephew bought his new car, pimped it up, etc... and the tenant happened to crash into it?) So, I came out and told my nephews to just call the police and let them handle it. Nope, they preferred to do the caveman tactics. Oldest nephew went to prison for about 2 years. Now him and his younger brother approached the tenant with aggression. I told them to back down. They were ignoring me. I grabbed the oldest one and whispered urgently that I don't want his younger brother to go to prison. This younger nephew was the one that I interrupted when he tried to kick his girlfriend out of the house at midnight. I threatened to call the cops on him. This nephew thinks he's bad*ss. I can see him going into prison - and being shown how bad*ss he is. Oldest nephew is ... a charmer. Male and female like him. When he went to prison, he somehow ended up under the protection of one of the top dogs. I'm sure this nephew owes BIG to this inmate. Major Big IOU. I don't ask. I don't want to know. And now him and his younger brother were doing something stupid today. They can be arrested - being the aggressor, the instigator. Fools. Oldest nephew finally persuaded me to leave. I guess it's best because if they became physical, I would have ended up trying to break it up. And get hurt. And arrested as part of the 'riot'. When I realized that it might escalate to that, and nephew urgently telling me to leave, I did just that.
The nurse stood there. She was just going to move her car away from the 'action.' I told her that it's best if she leave. She kept saying that she still needed to do the irrigation. I told her very firmly that I think it's best she leaves. And she did. I don't know how critical it is for dad's catheter to be irrigated but the situation was becoming volatile and I needed her to be gone. Even fave niece grabbed her 2 kids and decided to leave.
Silly nephews. They were doing that caveman thing - thumping their chests and telling the tenant and others that everyone in the neighborhood knows not to mess around with them. Yeah,...fools... And to confront the tenant in front of his wife and their young daughter..
The cave man gene seems to lurk in the hearts of even the most reasonable men. Years ago when my brother was still living there were a series of car break-ins in the neighbourhood, everybody figured it was some local teens. Bro's reaction? He got a baseball bat and propped it by the door and let everyone know what would happen to anybody messing with his stuff. Ugh, men!