This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I then proceeded to tell her that since the time dad was bedridden, 3 years ago, he has never ever changed position. He is 24/7 on his back. Her mouth literally opened and stayed in that position as she stared at me. "He never changed position?!" Nope. He absolutely refuses. She stared at me and said that it is very remarkable that he doesn't have any bedsores. Amazing. I told her that since his last bedsore when he bled a lot out of it, I've been very good at making sure he never got one. She proceeded to turn to my dad and lecture him about everything - changing positions, sitting upright, getting off the bed (to the wheelchair), etc... It's just going in one ear and out the other. She can talk herself blue and he won't listen. I quietly told her that she's a female. He only listens to male.
She then had the nerve to say that they think I should angle our outside camera (positioned to see who is approaching our porch) to aim higher so that we can see into the whole yard between our house, her father's rental house and their duplex apartment! I got pissed off. I told her that we got the camera to see who is on our porch. I asked her how many times she knocked on our door and scared me when I opened it? I think that our camera should actually be aimed downward more so that I can see who is knocking at the door!
My brother has 4 grown up adult children who have jobs. My brother and his retired wife makes more money than I do. If their stuff is being stolen, then they can buy their own security cameras.
I texted SIL about our leaking faucet attached to the washing machine on Saturday. Asked if my brother can replace it. On Sunday evening, I saw it wasn't fixed. So I texted asking the size and I will buy it. No response. So I took a photo of it with the iPad and will take it to the hardware store and ask the clerk for assistance. If he can't tell the size, I'll just have to buy the different sizes. I will also buy that white stuff that seems to be a glue. Then on the weekend, I will look for YouTube videos to show me how to change it. I hope I don't break the PVC pipe that's attached to the wall and the leaking faucet.
For your front door you can get one of those peephole things like they have in hotels so you can look out before you unlock the door.
I told sis to be careful - with that man back. I told her that he was staring at me yesterday as I was leaving the house in the morning to go to work. He will know that the renter next door, my brother's family are gone all day. Only oldest sis and dad are alone in this land. He can commit a violent crime with no one nearby to hear them screaming for help.
Sis no longer unlocks the kitchen back door and the livingroom door. I think what did the trick was that he made sexual comments about nephew's wife and saying that he can have sex with my teacher niece (who has a steady boyfriend and a child from him.) I think, sis realized that this guy is crazy enough to rape her. Every women's secret deep nightmare.
And they were right -somewhat. My dad withstood the pain. But he couldn't handle the struggling to breathe. I remembered his words to me as I was getting ready to leave for work in the morning. He told me to call 911 and he wants to go to the ER. I asked why. He said that he cannot breathe. He mentioned nothing about the pain. Just the breathing problem.
I'm not going to repeat this scenario again. I told the nurse. The home care nurses know how my dad is. I reminded her this past Saturday that dad will not listen to us because we're females. And females know nothing.
Then the real estate guy takes them to the 2nd house. Right next door to an old cemetery of the 1700-1800s. I laughed at the man's reaction to that. The realtor said that the ghosts stay in their cemetary, just as they stay in their house. Uhm... has anyone told That to the cemetery ghosts?
The realtor showed the basement. Even before the man said anything, I said that I would never go down there! (Too many horror movies involve scary dark basements.) The man took one look and said, "I'm not going down there." I laughed. Oh my gosh! I thought I was the only one who has ghost-phobias! Vivid imagination of where ghosts would be....
Tonight, I noticed he's forcing himself to cough up the phlegm. He just kept hacking into the tissue trying to dislodge it. It's now a wait-and-see situation. I bring it up once in a while to go to the clinic or ER. He refuses.
The whole island is now on power rolling outages. Scheduled power outages. I should have the flashlights and lanterns ready. I had the afternoon off but had to cut it short. I'm a terrible driver. I hate it when the traffic lights are not working. And majority of business I visited were on generator power - with the air con not working up to par. I asked the Kmart cashier if it's hot or maybe it's my hot flash. She said it's hot. I hope to buy a bag of 25 lbs rice and some eggs tomorrow.
Had my appointment today. I had my hearing tested. I was shown a booth with lots of dots/holes on it. As soon as I walked in, I had very bad vertigo. The dot/holes were like moving . I tried to keep my eyes in one place, but the holes were still moving. The nurse noticed immediately that something was wrong. I finally had to lean against the wall and stare downwards to stop the vertigo. Upon finishing it, when she opened the door, as I stood up, my whole body was weaving. Off-balanced. Doc prescribed nasal spray, Amoxi-Clav antibiotics and Loratadine (antihistamine.) She FINALLY said that if these don't work, she will refer me to the ENT. She did some facial, throat and neck pressures. She said that I have pressure inside. I nodded so emphatically. I told her that I can feel it. I'll start the meds tomorrow....
I'm glad that your mom's insurance does allow house calls. It makes so much of a difference, doesn't it? Trying to get an elderly to the clinic/ER is like pulling teeth. Wait.... dad rather have his teeth rot and bear the pain than to go to the dentist. So, yeah, taking an elderly IS like pulling teeth. =)
Well.. my original kindle (2012) is messing up. It's skipping pages as I read. I guess it's time to retire it. As soon as I transfer stuff to the 2013 kindle, I will de-register my old one.
My niece from Colorado is coming in mid-June. Today, I finally started to do something with my mini-hoarding. I ruthlessly went through all my purses hanging in the closet, on the arms of the treadmill, and in my 2 suitcases (use as storage.) I cringed about ridding my LeSportsac purses. Those things are expensive. But I asked myself if I really will ever use it. Nope - too small. No separate zipper for the Kindle, etc... All other purses that I want to keep but haven't used the past year - I put it in the suitcase. Yep, I also mini-hoard suitcases. Every time I go on a trip, I buy a new carry-on size suitcase that I use as my checked-baggage. I'm under 5 feet. That carry-on (24") is heavy enough that I can still struggle hard to get off the carousel. Anything bigger... I won't be able to grab and pull off. Oh, because the island is very far to get to Colorado or Virginia, my suitcases get a beating and damaged. Last year, I finally spent the money to buy a Samsonite. It survived the 25-hour flights each way.
I realized today that I will need to stock up on food for my niece's stay of 12 days. I don't know how to cook. We don't have a stove or oven or a toaster oven. Just a burner, regular bread toaster and a 700 watt microwave. The cost of food is .. I don't know if I can afford to buy real food. I will need to discuss with oldest sis what we should do. I refuse to buy real meat and then no one cooks it. I hate cooking. I keep trying but I just don't have the interest or the patience to just stand there and cook. I'm very good at doing Spam or Vienna sausage goulashes. Easy and no standing in front of the burner. Just throw it all in the pot, get it hot, then turn off the burner. Tada! We're done. Sis didn't like my Spam goulash today. She barely touched it. Sis is a plain food eater, while I throw in tomatoes, corn and mushrooms in it. Yum.... Except that Spam was awfully salty. I usually buy the less sodium can - sis buys the regular can.
Dad retired in 1990. He asked me when he retired. When I told him, he said no. He retired 5 years ago. Okaaaay. I called the doctor for his evaluation. They never received the referral. That's why they never called me. I'm still torn but am following my conscience. I will try to force myself to call his doctor's office to see if his evaluation was denied by the insurance. Shouldn't be. He has 2 insurance - Medicare and the private one.
I would need help to organize my closet and cannot ask Dh because his sinuses swelled right before my eyes after he vacumned the car. It is one side of his nose and I cannot get him to wear a mask. He used the oregano oil to sniff, and a warm, then cold cloth. He is better today, but because of spring pollens, we may have to use the big Rx guns=Flonase, Benadryl, etc. Then, it is me who suffers, worrying when his behaviors abruptly change, - - -and not for the better.
Yesterday, in another book, I opened it up in the middle. It was about clothes. Why do women keep clothes that they don't look good in? It's because we're emotionally attached to it. It said to try on every single item of clothing before ridding it or not . Look in the mirror. Also why keep that too small jeans or blouse if you can no longer fit it? I...I did go through my Two dresser drawers as my 2nd project a few weeks ago. But tonight, or tomorrow - I will go through not just 2 drawers of my dresser....sigh... I have 3 long dressers - one at each side of the wall. I will go through it all and time to declutter all my dresses, skirts, slacks and jeans.
I'm trying to give myself courage to call the neurologist and make an appointment. This neck pain is one of the main causes of my headaches. The past 2 nights, I slept so well, I didn't toss and turn. I woke up with excruciating pain on the neck and head. Neck has been stiff lately. And what a coincidence! My TMJ is back! Every time I eat my left jaw hurts. While I was showering lastnight, I kept reminding myself to google those TMJ exercises. A few years ago, my jaws were hurting because of the constant gritting hard. I found some great exercises online. Mixed and matched it. Didn't take the Valium RX from doc cuz I'm easily to get hooked on drugs. And it worked with just the exercises. Trial and error.
Doc RX antibiotic, stuff for my stuffy head. Semi worked. I finally had some discharge on the dull hearing right ear. For only a few seconds, my ear cleared and I heard real sound. Then it clogged back down to dull sounds. Yet both doctors looked into that ear and see nothing wrong.
All well. Free lunch at the Hilton. I will be attending the top 10 travel agencies award. Last year, I won the free economy ticket anywhere in Asia or North America. If you recall, I couldn't find family to babysit dad for $900 on weekdays while I was off island. Pay additional for the weekend shifts. So I gave my free eticket to my boss. I never won anything in these events in the 21 years I worked here. I finally won big and didn't use it.