This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
In my opinion, you never wanted to be POA for Dad, so just relieve yourself of that duty and have a qualified non-family member do it. The indecisions can wear a person down.
I believe you about your ear draining, and would keep a good watch on that part of your health.
Where did you put those sportsacs? ha ha ha ha! I like them too.
The travel agent goes without travel?
In my case, the care coordinator for others goes without healthcare.
Yesterday, taking my Dh to an event-it was me that went without lunch, and little to no time to pee. I was trying too hard, it was my fault.
Because of that, we learned to read her blank face. Sometimes, her face changed. It gave me the willies, especially when I was trying not to be superstitious and think that our ancient ancestors decided to possess her body and enact the violence. But I swear that my mom's face changed. So hard to balance local beliefs and modern thinking. I can't tell if dad has UTI or if it's the spirits. Sometimes when I read here and how you all casually answer with UTI, I sooooo envy you all. I have to first figure out if it's physical (UTI), mental (senility, since never diagnosed as dementia), or if the spirit realm.
Cwillie, I kept thinking about your words and how I got it reversed. I admit to having problem grasping it. I now understand. It's really all about perspective. Thank you so much. I will need to copy and paste it on my To-Buy list on my devices. Easy to find and meditate on it (rearrange my thinking).
For example if you are sweeping the porch, cleaning inside a car, or mowing the lawn, use the nasal spray before doing these activities whether you wear a mask or not.
Feeding them at 2p.m. may help, as well as medication-and a nap.
It was not me who had a relaxing afternoon, a nap, and a snack at 2 p.m.
Aha! Maybe I should....
Recap: More water
Deep breathing
Step outside
What about you, Shilo?
After the drinking water, I mean.
As for my health, I changed doctors because I got so tired of my doctor harping that I can find time to put aside 30 minutes a day to do some walking. I have a treadmill in my rarely used bedroom. I gave up on it when I would use it at evenings. Not even 20 minutes into it, I'm so tired my body is literally bumping into the hand rails. I'm already exhausted and the treadmill routine was taking what little energy i had. I told this to my doctor when he brought it up again. He had a neutral face. He obviously never really was a full time caregiver in the sense.
I have a new doctor. She was hands on helping with her grandmother. She actually understands me and my health situation. And she doesn't harp on my high cholesterol problem. She doesn't push me to take a prescription because I told her that she can RX it but I won't be taking it. It makes a difference when you find a doctor who can accept your views without shoving it down your throat that you must do this or do that for your own good. She knows of my depression and suicidal thoughts. She knows that i hate taking pills. Most importantly, she knows that when I think I'm at the edge of the cliff looking down, I have no problem at all going to her for help. She makes suggestions but it's up to me to do it.
Jenny, I hope you have some kind of plan when your mom continues to worsen. You can't do it all by yourself. My worst fear is having a heart attack and become bedridden. My siblings make terrible caregivers. I will make a terrible patient.
Today was the first time in years that my bro of next door decided to celebrate mother's day with us.
Reverse, snort in Mom's ear?! I can't do that but will snort in my dog's ear. I am alone today like most other days, so I celebrate I have my sweet dog with me and have had a call from one child. Will hear from others later, I hope.