This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Pam, everyone in your family are so active! My parents have always been home buddies. I guess I would too - if I had 8 kids tagging along. We actually lost baby bro (under age 6?) at the store. We all went for our last bathroom break before going to the next store. None of us noticed that someone was missing when we piled like sardines in the can ..car.. Until we reached the next store. They went back to the store, who sent them to the police station. After this incident, we had to do head counts all the time.
She texted me this afternoon that grandpa made a real bad mess with his poop. The home care nurse didn't assist her.... As I'm typing this, I am just so exhausted. My eyes are practically closing as his pamper. Maybe sleep early.
That is so neat. I usually wear one set of gloves. When it gets filthy, I take it off. But trying to put on new gloves on sweaty hands are difficult because it won't go up.
57, maybe just part of old age and/or side affects of meds... My dad's dizziness and falling were warnings of the stroke. My dizziness and falling was a heart infection. Dizziness/vertigo is just too broad for variety of health issues. So I voted for UTI since that was what most elderly suffer from.... Let's hope that the Drug works again.
I have 1 week off on Aug 8th. I'm thinking of staying home on Tuesday and Thursday so that oldest sis gets "off". And then I pretend to go to work on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I'll spend those days at fave sis house.
I discovered another great free online comic, Gunnerkrigg Court.
Is anyone here a reader of the author, Ilona Andrews? She's one of my favorite authors. She has 4 book series... Kate Daniels, the Edge, Innkeeper. I didn't like The Edge series. Too much violence and death, betrayals, etc... Anyway, Ilona Andrews website has weekly updates on her 3rd book of the Innkeeper series. We're now on Chapter 9. Even though she's revealing her book chapter after chapter before it's release, I will still buy the book when it comes out.
Our house is old and things are falling apart/breaking down. Oldest sis is not much of a help. Sometimes I wonder..... Weird,....while I'm typing on the iPad and hit Enter, the cursor flashes all around the word. Never seen that happen.....
"And, in other news, a woman on the west side of Bangor saw an elderly woman standing on her front lawn. It was not a woman she had seen before and the fact that the woman was wearing a night gown was concerning to her.
She summoned the police. The officer found that the woman knew her own name but did not know where she lived or with whom she lived with. The officer did some research and found that the woman lived nearby and gave her a ride home. The folks did not realize that the woman, who suffers from dementia, was missing from the house.
The caller, Susan, went back to being a good neighbor."
Back in June I seemed to have "broken"...
so severely that even my spiritual beliefs vanished! Poof!
All my empathic feelings, connections and feelings towards my family and others- gone.
I have been deeply disturbed by this- especially about my beliefs which were such a huge part of my life.
( it happened after finding all the forged checks and huge amounts my sister took out of joint account of fathers)
Anyways, yesterday I found out it is psychological trauma- it even mentions loss of fundamental spiritual beliefs as a symptom!
I have been quite concerned about myself and what happened to "me"... now i at least have a name for it..
Has anyone else experienced such a break?
The answer was given:
"It was then that I carried you."
One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."
- by Mary Stevenson
1st crack into my deep belief of 'family' - No one was helping me to find someone to babysit bedridden dad so that I can attend mom's funeral. Not even by asking if one of their adult kids or their kid's spouse to do this so I can go. I was sooooo hurt.
2nd and final crack - they saw the $$ and decided we should split it evenly but not include oldest sis because she moved in to help with dad and is being Paid for it. I thought that her helping us- is a good reason she should get a share. But in truth, I thought that since it's mom's funeral $$, the $$ should go to dad as the surviving spouse who retired early to take care of his wife 24/7. Literally, too.
The $$ was split, excluding oldest sis. Older brother was shorted, etc... And I was disillusioned. Mica, I never thought my siblings would do this. Like another poster said to me, after the funeral, something dramatically changed in me.
Like my therapist said, my family kept failing me over and over. That's what it is. I was the only one trying to keep the family together- physically and emotionally. That broke with mom's funeral. I like Sendme 's description better than the therapist. My family's betrayal....
Oldest sis is a packrat. When she moved in, the bedroom was spare. Lately, I've been hearing stuff falling in her bedroom. A few nights ago, I knocked on her door and said I'd like to come in. I stepped in even before she answered, and stared around her room. She has wall to wall, packed high with large plastic containers. She can barely move within the room. My first thought was - fire hazard. I asked her if she still knows what's inside the containers. She said no. Before I left, I told her she needs to go through it and get rid of stuff. She won't listen since it's none of my business what she does with her stuff, it's her room, it's not my house, she's helping me with dad and most of all, she's the oldest. Who am I, the lower middle child to tell her what to do.
yes, I am no longer giving updates and sharing photos of my mom that they have never visited- why, they cannot access her money. I quit being the "glue that binds" this broken family. Always being the 'go-between'- nope. This was truly the greatest betrayal. Being put in the horrible position by my lawyer posing the realism of the situation that all i had to do was bring the statements to the police, the evidence was that obvious- 80 thousand worth of betrayal.
I am too broken.
Then I remember you going through this with your father, and I remember that he can't help it. I am angry and frustrated and sad, but I remember to be kind even when I don't want to be. You are part of the reason I haven't broken his arm off yet. Thanks!
The only other thing I can think of but didn't try is cotton manicure gloves, the kind you put on to sleep in - but I'm not sure it'd be possible to get them on your mother, would it?
And then I came on here later that night, read your words and felt good. Throughout that night, I thought of your words. I think you're doing a great job - to try to be patient with your husband. Thank you.