This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I wrote to an old friend from my late teen years. She helped cover for me when dad & i needed help with mom (years later.) It's 26 years later and she can't believe that I'm still living the 'status quo' when she left the island with a one-way ticket decades ago. I was crying as I wrote to her about the time I became suicidal, therapist tried to get me to my family to help when I told him they won't respond (he didn't believe it - until our next session.) How he forced me to accept that my family for what they are...... She knew my family and .. they didn't like her. Yet, a non-family member stepped up and tried to help me and dad deal with mom and her violent stage. She was crying as she messaged back to me. She gave me her phone number in case I ever need to talk. She's retired now and has her own health issues (that I read on FB that may be life-threatening.)
My Dad is in Memory Care and one of the ladies on his floor has a cute little dog. The family hired a dog walker and it is so interesting watching that dog walk into the elevator with the walker, and as soon as they get to our floor and the elevator door opens, that dog will run to his Owner's door, pushes the door open and runs right in.
The Owner of the dog has serious dementia, she is unable to put together sentences where we can understand her. She sits out in the common area with he dog right next to her. I don't know what she would do if she didn't have that dog to pamper and keep her company.
Well, I was so exhausted. Every time I woke up, my body pulled me back to sleep. I finally forced myself to get up when I saw it was 8:30am. I got up and checked on dad. He was knocked out. Anyway, I tried to wake him up to change his pamper. He was so very sluggish. Eyes were half closed. He tried to turn, lift, etc... but he was just soooo very weak. It was a struggle to get him to sit up -somewhat - so that he can take his nutrient drink. He kept falling asleep. I kept waking him up so that he can atleast get that First nutrient drink, then he can go back to sleep..... Lunch time came. He was stick knocked out. He wasn't interested in having lunch. It's now close to 2pm. I started massaging his legs - to help get his blood circulation moving. Maybe this will help 'wake' him up. I checked to see if he has fever. Nothing. Well, the massage must have worked a bit. He's now calling out again, every couple of seconds "Hey", "Ha", etc... I'm going to see if he's willing to sip more of his 'lunch' nutrient.
I texted to her requesting for UTI test cuz his urine really stinks and he's very lethargic.... I will see how dad is doing tomorrow. If he wakes up again early in the morning and keeps talking non-stop, I will know that he's move to the next stage of sundowning.
Book, good luck with your father!
Our island lost 60% of it power generator. So, we're doing a power load shedding/rollover. Our office was so hot, I couldn't stay past 6pm because all the other offices closed up and left. I would have been the only one on the 3rd floor with the door wide open. Nope! So, Ieft 'early'. I was trying to beat our power outage at 7p at the house. I cussed when I turned into our driveway and saw our house dark. Dad was angry because he was hot and he wanted the doors closed because someone might break in and hurt us. (We have an increase of break-ins and violence.) He was lying in the dark with 2 measly low-battery lantern and a tiny candle. I opened the kitchen door to let more air in, opened the bedroom door so that more air can come in. Then, ate a quick dinner. Took my large cloth hand fan, sat next to dad, turned on my Kindle - fanned both of us while I read my ebook. He said that it felt good.
Once the power came on, I immediately changed ALL his clothes - it was soaking wet with sweat. I then took my 2 battery operated (AC adaptor rechargeable) lights, knocked on sis bedroom door, showed her both lights, where the connection to recharge it - and told her to use it the next time the power goes out. I then went into my bedroom, dug up another Paper hand fan, knocked on sis door and told her that I'm leaving it near her chair - to use on the next outage.
Dad is fine except he's still coughing a lot. When I was wiping his whole body down after the power came on, his upper chest is back to normal. No bedsores. No rashes. I even took the time to trim his toenails. Only thing I refuse to do - is shave him. Hehe, I cut his hair and it always looks like a girl's haircut.
dad muttering and calling someone 'bastid'. now he's calling out...sigh... I hope he's not planning to do this all night!
By the Pamzim, I haven't gone to the flea market in months - since my trip to VA last year. By the time bro left the house to go, it was 12:00noon. I was so disappointed. I think I secretly cried because the one time I could go to the flea market - he left when almost every vendor was gone. I think his gf kept him back until last minute. Because when he comes here on island, he goes to the flea market early - NOT at close to noon time.... I can't go here because it's my shift to babysit on the weekend, plus I work on every other Saturdays. I miss it! I know how you felt about missing it there...Later...
Book, bugs love me too,, may have to try that!
A little over a year ago, I moved mom into an ALF, and dutifully spent down her modest little nest egg for her residence. Now the Medicaid app is in and looks like it will take effect next month. For all my work I've gotten a nasty tongue lashing from my brother, and a steady stream of passive-aggressive complaints from mom. The utter thanklessness of this task never stops bothering me, but it's gotten better. I've had to step back a little to get my marriage rejuvenated and to get our of personal and financial house in order. You might need to still be involved a little longer until your mom gets settled into a routine, but by all means step back. Cut back the phone calls. Try going a couple of weeks without a visit. One trick I do to keep her complaintfest to a minimum is call her 15 or 20 minutes before scheduled meals. You can get caught up on what's happening with her, but have a good reason to hang up before it gets too oppressive.
Now he has begun making accusations, not about spending his money but accusing me of entertaining a male neighbor in our home while he, my husband, is asleep. He sees people in the house who aren't there and have not been there and insists that he is right.
His family does nothing to help. Always creating problems by keeping him confused.
Any tips on any concerns mentioned will be greatly appreciated.