This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
You saw the x-ray? Tell me, cause mine was broken, then again a year later, opposite side, same left ankle.
How are you feeling? Hot pink, that is at least some fun. Maybe others will notice and help you with some chores?
Trying to stay off it completely is going to be difficult. If I never had my heart infection and had a long thin stent inserted from my inner elbow and up towards the shoulder for the antibiotic IV, I wouldn't know how difficult it is with your situation. Mine was trying to not get it wet while showering, figuring out how to bend the arm despite the pain and remaining completely bedrest for 6 weeks. They didn't even want me to do my laundry! (Not that I listened) I only lasted 3 weeks home. My dad drove me crazy - to the point I was hiding in my bedroom much of the time. I didn't last long staying home because the sound of his voice calling my name caused my heart rate to increase fast. I couldn't drive daily to fave sis house because she lives on a bumpy curvy road. Driving was difficult period with an arm that couldn't bend much and ohhhh the pain to bend and move it while driving! I went back to work to get away from dad. Work was not as stressful as staying home - I told the doctor- despite her advice of not going back to work.
Hehe, I don't think your home life is stressful enough for you to want to flee it. But to learn to do things one-legged and/or sitting is something else! I hope you won't need surgery, too. 4 weeks. You can do it! You take care and be careful with that leg. {{{Hugs}}}}
The part where you were going to buy your mother's house and then her saying she wasn't going to sell it reminds me of what happened to me a few years ago. Now I don't depend on anything. If I could get her to move into AL, I would gladly let the house go to help pay her expenses. Our freedom and happiness is worth so much more than money.
I'm terrible at small talk. I have to admit that talking to my mother is very hard for me. She has certain things she tells again and again from her younger years. She doesn't know much about anything that interests me. Well, really, she never has let me talk, so I don't even try. She knows almost nothing about me. We are worlds apart. I don't spend a whole lot of time with her, because it would be too hard on me. I feel bad leaving her alone so much. There is so much to do, though, and really not much connection between her and me other than living in the same house.
Patticake, my parents have 8 kids. Of those 8, I chose to stay home and help dad with mom (just diagnosed with dementia) when I was around age 24 (?). I'm now 50 and still caregiving. Mom finally passed away about 3 years ago. OMGosh, her dementia lasted over 20 years! I'm the middle child. I was not aware that my dad was telling everyone - behind my back - that I was a bad daughter. I started getting suspicious when someone approached my brother at the restaurant and asked questions about me. Then my sister-in-law's father had the nerve to tell ME, ME - not his daughter's husband - ME - that I needed to do more in helping my parents. My 7 siblings got married, had children and grands. All I had was work and home...because dad needed to be relieved from caregiving mom in the daytime. I had NO weekends. I put my life on hold and .. people, even my dad's sister - all thought I needed to do more. Then, my dad started telling me in my face that I was a bad daughter. I Hate Those Words!! It still gets to me. It still hurts - the Betrayal. He's now bedridden. And I can't stand him. .... He told me from the beginning when I was in my 20's that this house and land will be going to my brothers in the mainland. If I want land, I will have to marry a guy with land. Period.
Before I left the doctor's office, I made sure to ask her specific things. Obviously, she thinks I know what to do - like the first visit.... I asked her that since she treated it with nitro, should I still use bandage tonight when I sleep. No. .... It gets itchy. She told me to take Benadryl. She said that touching it and covering it - will spread it. I must leave it open. Well, I will listen to her on this - since we have the big one healing. But if that small one that looks like it has an air bubble pops open, I'm going to have to cover it - because my bra strap will be rubbing it constantly, or my blouse will - and that will spread the fluid and affect other areas.
P.S.as I was leaving, walking down the hallway, I overheard her telling the nurse that the small ones are not warts. It's lesions. She was going to do a biopsy today but it's not needed. Yay! The insurance will at least cover this visit.
Me, "Why?"
Dad, "K needs to change my pamper."
Me, "Why?"
Dad, "Because it's her job."
Me, pissed off, "It is NOT my job!!!"
Dad - suddenly jerked and looked toward me. Oops, he didn't know it was me. He thought he was talking to my sister. He quickly said, "Well. You always change my pamper."
I hate changing pampers... even when I was a teenager babysitting my nieces/nephews. I always told my sibs that I don't do pampers. And I didn't. Now, I've been doing adult changing pampers for at least 16 years. It Is Not My Job!!!!
We have a water leak. I can't find where it is. Bro of next door... I'm just so tired of constantly worrying about everything. I really don't ask much from him.... I need to find an honest handyman who won't rip us off.....
I'm glad you got good news at the Dr's, with your lesion, but still, if they don't all clear up, you be sure to do a follow up!
Your Dad andbhis urinary problems. How often does he have his catheter changed, or is that some that you have been trained to do? I'm sure that you know that those things can get clogged up and pretty junky, after 10-14 days, or at least that was my experience with my own Mom, when she was on Hospice. They changed hers out every 10-14. Yucky!
I honestly don't know how you can continue to do this long term, as you have been doing, its wrong on so many levels, how you been treated, and I hope that there is some Respite or Refuge in your near future! You have my utmost respect Girly Girl! I'm right there with you in that I feel like ive been in the trenches for more than 20 years, in some form or another, but only the last 13 with my FIL in our home. Still, I have my husband and I'm more his backup, than the main caregiver, and when it was my own parents declining health, all 6 of us kids shared equally in their care, and I know that you don't have that same level of support. Please know that I am thinking about you and sending you good vibes for a break in some way shape or form, coming up here soon, Love Stace!
Good News!
How are you holding up? One of the most important roles is to be at home, there when hubs gets home. To know our limitations, do what we can for ourselves to take the burden off, and try to take care of ourself should not be minimized.
So good on ya, Veronica! Hope you are getting on okay.??
{{{Hugs}}}} and cyber flowers for you!
Paaaammm, now how is your ankle suppose to heal if you're not resting it? I know it' s difficult but.... maybe you can find a different way of moving around without disrupting it's healing? I'm not going to lecture you because I disobeyed my doctor's orders of 6 weeks of complete bedrest for my heart infection by going back to work weeks earlier.
If your bill has literally tripled, you can work out how much water is being "lost" per day and that will give you an idea of what kind of plumbing fixture or pipework might be the problem. Hope you track it down successfully!
You know the Luminosity website? I was so upset how terrible I was on it, that I quit doing it. Instead of improving, I was getting worse. When I bring this up with the doctor, they tell me that it's Stress from work and caregiving. And that I'm too young to have dementia.
So, I have tried the You-tube but .. I ended up buying the wrong item, wrong size, etc... You know the door handle? I went and bought one at Home Depot. I took off our broken doorknob that can no longer lock. I TRIED to install the new one. I just have a difficult time putting it on. So, I put back the old one.
You know we had this very old printer at work. I would waste one whole ribbon trying to install it into the machine. I ended up with blacken fingers and a non-usable ribbon. So, I had to open a new package. In the years of this job, I only changed it twice - and both times I messed up. I am not very good at repairs, machine, etc.... Give me a paper, pen, crayon, bamboo pen - and I will draw you, or anything you put in front of me.
P.S... the last time our toilet had that leak, I bought the wrong stuff. Brother took one look and said that's not the one. So, I no longer buy the parts. I'm now at his mercy to come over and change it.
My brother wanted the charts to try to find where the other leak is coming from. I rarely see him because he rarely visits his home next door. He prefers to live with his daughter's home in another village. He prefers her home than his house next door.