This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
The last time I attended the Medicare presentation, it was general info on it. Like the importance of enrolling at age 65 (?), even if you're still working. Because if you enroll years later, or past your enrolment date, you will be penalized by paying more. Stuff like that. They gave an example. If you're turning age 65 in January, they recommend you enrol in December (when you're still age 64).
Oops. It's past midnight. My hair is still wet. Since i don't own a hair dryer, I'm going to shut down here. Take my paperback book, go into my bedroom and sit in front of the fan to dry out my hair. It'll take about 30 minutes to dry it top and inside. Later!
He's been traveling around the world {supposedly} and thought of retiring here on our island. {really? After from the Philippines? Hmm mmm...}... But the weather here is too humid for all his achy bones. {and proceeded to point at all the achy areas.} ... He's ready to go back home to New Orleans. {I swear, when he walked in and spoke with that accent, I thought he was a cowboy!guess I was wrong...}
When he left the office, I laughed because it was great talking with him. In my mind, I swear he must have been a ladies' man in his younger days. Because he still had it, despite his current age! {{chuckling}}
1. "Where you at?" .... {Where are you?}
2. "Where you stay?" ... {Where do you live?}
3. "Are you getting down?" ...{Are you getting out of the car?}
Others.... "Open the light, close the light" ... {Turn on the light, turn off the light.}
I won't even go into how frustrating it is when mainlanders come here and directions are given by landmarks {which can include former landmarks no longer in existence}. And how I recently was frustrated trying to give directions without landmarks because I don't know the street name. In the end, I told her to ask her coworkers for the directions.
Last Saturday, when I came home from work, I usually look at dad first. He was a bit flat lying down. Fave sis, hubby and pregnant niece were here. When niece saw me glance at her grandpa, she was quick to say that Grandpa needs another pillow behind his back. I didn't say anything. I'm tired and with 3 adults, no one thought to make him sit up straighter. I walked in, got to his side and said, "Sit up, Dad." He grabbed the railing and pulled himself to sitting position. I then adjusted the current THREE pillows behind him to help prop him up, adjusted the U-shape microfiber travel neck pillow behind his neck. He's now sitting upright. Niece said, "Oh.." Sigh.... You know, I've found dad in worse position when oldest sis is watching him. He's completely flat on the bed, with only his head held awkwardly upward on the pillow...like L-shape position Head bent at neck to the body position...Not L-shape as in upper body bent at waist/butt area to legs. So, his coughing is due to family feeding him in a not elevated position. They all know better but ... no one wants to get near him.
What you're saying is what I'm saying, too. But I'm back on that merry-go -round. I'm back to self doubting, questioning....
How am I? Daily migraines. Muggy hot weather. Lately, by the time I reach the 2nd floor outside stairs, my body is tired, throbbing head /neck. Before reaching the 3rd floor, I'm hot and flushed. Definitely huffing and puffing. So difficult to breathe, heart pounding rapidly. This is new for me. My heart is fine because the other doctor listened to my chest every time I visited her {last visit was the wart follow-up.} She did recommend I see my regular doctor about my swallowing problem. Food and capsule small/normal pills seem to get stuck in this one area of my trache. She said I need to have that thingy (..scope) go down my throat to see why....
Also along with my own health issues of having Lupis and rymothoid arthritis. There were times I thought I would just loose my mind. All the care of two house holds and the back and fourth to hospitals for treatment, all became to much for me physically. I crashed and was warned by doctors to take care of myself first. I am not that kind of person and it was family. What do you do? You plug on and do the best that you can at that moment. When my mom lost her battle, I so hated what it did to her. It took her away from her family, put her through hell and then some. And at the same time caring for my in-laws who only wanted their needs taken care of. It was a time in hell and never thought it would end. When they passed away they were in heir lat 80 and early nineties. I finally had some peace in my life. The strain of trying to care for them all has taken a tole on my body and mentally I was just exhausted. So for the first time in my life I was not taking care of someone. Just in the last few months my moms younger sister who is 78 and showing moderate signs of dementia and paranoia and lives alone needs help. This is an area I know nothing of and don't know where to start to help if I can. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know! I am in my early 60 and have some health concerns as I stated before and getting older now don't know if I can take this on by myself. I am heading in for a knee replacement soon and will be out of commission for a while.
...because I haven't been on YOU thread in FOREVER!!
Hope everyone is doing well over here!
I've moved to DYS permanently because I belong there lol. Love to all.
And...
I am sorry.
How about hitting the Home page? There is some list of topics about assisting parents to go to Assisted living. Why don't you read up on it from there, and click on other links displayed as you read along.
Whatever you do - Do Not Take on taking care of Aunt!!!! At the age of mid-20, I Mistakenly thought mom's dementia would only last a few years and then she will pass away. Not! She finally passed away 23 years later. My dad started down the road of senility/dementia 3 years ago. He's bedridden and healthy as an ox... I sooo hope it's not going to be another 15 years of my life! I've worn out some of my body parts from changing bedridden vegetative-state mom. I cannot with dad. I get these very sharp very painful back pains when I bend over the bed too long. Decades of wear and tear.
IF you think Aunt may be a danger to herself, you can call APS (Adult Protective Service) and explain the situation. Please make sure to get names and times when you speak to them. If you think she needs meals, there are programs called meals-on-wheels, etc... Try calling the ... sorry..my mind went blank. Too tired... Just know this - that if you take on the care of Aunt, that will be another 15 or more years. There are alternatives.
I hope all goes well with your knee.
The regulars of the Dys thread knows why I rarely post there. That thread tends to bring up bad memories that I prefer to keep hidden deep down inside. I just don't feel comfortable reading there regularly because I find myself going into depression. Later!
We got our water bill. I still can't believe that just by changing the Fill valve and the flapper, it made the water bill go from last month's $177.00 down to our normal monthly $40.00!! Really?! I've had our toilet water running in the bowl with moving water and that bill never went above $70.00. I Still think it was brother's grandson who Forgot to turn off our outside water hose when he was watering the chickens. This past month, when I had time to detour to the back of the house in the morning to shut off the water valve. Bro refuses to pay for the water bills when it goes up to $70.00. Pisses me off. He's now putting his large dog cage in our front yard. It's like he's moving into our yard because he thinks it's his yard (eventually, when dad passes away.) Okay.. I vented.
Glad to hear your momentary spike in water bill is over, book. It bugs me when people are thoughtless about others when it doesn't involve them. If they were paying the water bill, they almost certainly would've remembered to shut off the hose. Hugs!
I agree about people coughing in public. I am on my third sickness since August. Dread the signing pens on credit card machines and push buttons and shopping carts. I appreciate the wipes for the carts. Not to mention my mom's AL. There are so many sick people there! Not that I want my mom sick, but she can't imagine how I catch stuff. Erm, I'm the one pushing her wheelchair, signing in at the desk, handrails, pushing elevator buttons, on and on. I'm the hands on person and she avoids contact with everyone even dining alone. Now my FIL is in a different AL where we visit. Same deal. Gee. There's only enough hand sanitizer in the world. Think I might have to bathe in it.
People coughing and not covering is So Rude! Yuck😥😥😥!!! My FIL as been coughing a lot these past few days, but when I mention it to him, he denies that there is anything wrong! Here I sit, listening to his gross gooey coughing and snarfing about every few seconds, yet he doesn't want to admit that there is anything wrong with him, and my husband mentioned it too! Oh well, when he starts spiking a fever, or coughs up some blood, perhaps he'll take notice then! Until then, I will keep avoiding him, because I don't want whatever he's got! He has to maintain his PERFECT status, typical Narcissist! Yup, you're perfect alright! He can never admit that he's anything other than Perfect! Not!
I now turn to my books to de-stress. For these past couple of years, I was at work, caregiving and here posting. Never had time to read my books. Now... now, my books are my Calgon-take-me-away.
ABB, I have brought up the bill difference every month. Do you what my brother and his wife told me? That the water company increased the rate. Yeah, but not double and over the normal bill! They refuse to pay - just like they refuse to help pay our Post Office annual fee of about $70. Dad & I split the cost since I also use his PO Box.
Windy, the stair rails and the escalator rails are very very filthy., filled with germs, etc... You're right, even the elevator buttons, too. Bathroom.. do you know how many times I've heard the toilet flush, the door open and NOT hear the faucet water turn on? Yuck! Several someones used the toilet and didn't wash their hands when done.
It feels to vent, doesn't it? I know what you're going through and felt bad that we both can't force them to do what they don't want to admit or to do. I had to smile when I read your comment about venting. Yeah, ranting can sure feel good!... I would use those emoticons but I'm not using the iPad.