This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Stanley Owen Green (22 February 1915 – 4 December 1993), known as the Protein Man, was a human billboard who became a well-known figure in central London in the latter half of the 20th century.[2]
Green patrolled Oxford Street in the West End for 25 years, from 1968 until 1993, with a placard recommending "protein wisdom", a low-protein diet that he said would dampen the libido and make people kinder. His 14-page pamphlet, Eight Passion Proteins with Care, sold 87,000 copies over 20 years.[1]
Green's campaign to suppress desire, as one commentator called it, was not always popular, but he became one of London's much-loved eccentrics. The Sunday Times interviewed him in 1985, and his "less passion from less protein" slogan was used by the fashion house Red or Dead.[3]
When he died at the age of 78, the Daily Telegraph, Guardian and Times published his obituary, and the Museum of London added his pamphlets and placards to their collection. In 2006 his biography was included in the Oxford Dictionary of National Biography.[2]
Good ol' Wikipedia, I knew they'd know :) I'm sure he did have one sign that banged on about the end of the world, though.
After my 92 yo mom being moved here from Fla to Lexington, and 3 full months of pounding me to move back alone, i have decided to get this person out of my life.
Sending her back to her condo, and be rid of this mean, nasty person who has destroyed my serenity. I wish i could say i was stronger, buy i have given up, and will grant her request, to essentially go and deteriorate all by herself.
Very sad, but i cannot take being driven daily like this.
She lived alone for 25 years, and thinks i talked her into moving her in a weak moment for her.
Cost me $7K to move her furniture, i moved here into a really nice place here.
I know lots of folks on forum can relate to alot of this stuff, but i reached my limit today, and have raised the white flag.
Thanks for listening....
DIL had some problems with the epidural, and leaking spinal fluid, which is why they kept her and the baby in the hospital Friday night. Then when getting ready to discharge they discovered the heart murmur, so we are very fortunate, things happen for a reason. They found the heart issue very quickly, had they been discharged it could have been a much different scenario.
I had not seen her yet. After the post op my son asked me if I wanted to. WHAT, are you kidding?! She looked good, good color, BP where it should be. And she is absolutely beautiful, even with all the tubes etc she is connected to. She was resting well, a combo of anesthesia and pain meds that they will monitor closely. They anticipate disconnecting her tomorrow. Then a 3-5 day stay which they say may be more or may be less. That's why they call it practicing medicine, I guess. So much depends on......
Book, baby is over 2 lbs? That's great? Hoping for the best.
Jlm, hope that it works out for your mom.
CM, Green would scare me. After going through mom's dementia violent stage, I'm just plain scared of old people and odd people. He must truly believed on those protein wisdom.
Onedoor, it's okay. My sibs and I can disagree loudly but we would never admit we were wrong. Because I'm right, and sibs are wrong. =). Thanks for having my back.
Pam and Barb, thanks. Niece is fine. In lots of pain. She's been pushing herself to sit up and walk because when she goes home, she will be by herself. We're all giving her tips... teacher niece about after C-section stuff, mine on after hyster surgery... one tip I emphasized is pillows, lots of pillows... remind her parents to bring 3 pillows when picking her up from the hospital. One pillow to sit on, one behind her back and one between her stomach and seatbelt. I warned her that even with these pillows, every bump and holes will be very painful. That I was still driving with a pillow on my tummy 1 month later.
Glad, I'm soooo happy that granddaughter's fine. Serious, yes. But still fine. I'm really, really glad she's fine. ... Great that DIL is doing fine, too. My dad was always against epidermal. He said it's never good to mess with the spinal cord. You don't know the consequences of sticking things into it. It will come back to bite you.
I just finished eating dinner, same food I always eat... OMG! My eyes are swelling. Slight pain on the left eye. Both were, are very very itchy. I need to download an app to keep track of my activity, meals to find where my allergies are coming from.
No news about the baby because... there's no news.
It scares me that I've been doing full time work (one boss is sooooo much like dad that they couldn't keep employees- until I came along 21 years ago) (one boss who backstabs) and then go home to do my shift. With Emphasis on very few off island vacations. I do my best to go to the doctor when my health is compromised. I at least go to the dentist once a year and cringe at paying $225.00 self pay.
Fave niece also commented last week, several times, that my allergies are upping (what I wasn't allergic to - I now am). She was surprised that I ate the coconut stew because I'm lactose intolerant. After I ate it, she told me to take the Benadryl. I said no because I'm not allergic to coconut... That night, I broke out in hives. Is it the coconut or is it the milk? I found a small paper journal to write my daily activities and meals.
Oh oh.. while typing here, I smell poop... I sure hope he didn't...
Book , my last year of teaching was very stressful and I broke out in hives even when I did things i loved - like playing tennis! Benedryl was my best friend during that last year! Cant remember if I told you that my mom is now on hospice care. we have to make a decision about taking her off certain meds....blood pressure, blood thinners and memory meds....they have worked wonders for her for many years but dont seem to be doing any good for her now...I am afraid to take her off heart/bl pressure meds...
My FIL is on hospice and my mom is going deeper into dementia. The time change really threw her into a tizzy. She likes to control her activities, washing up, bowel movements, etc. by the exact minute. I'm not kidding! She claims she has controlled that 'stuff' her whole life. The hour change has made her a moody, cranky woman that also just turned 80. She is becoming really difficult to be around on my own. When my husband is around on Sundays, she showtimes, but Wednesdays I dread. Went early today, Tuesday, as we are having her over for Thanksgiving on Thursday.
Her complaint for weeks is the lanyard with her call button for assistance. She refuses to wear it around her neck and insists on stuffing it in her pants pocket. "It's too bulky." Well, no doubt, along with 100 napkins and Kleenex. My husband gave her a lanyard from work and she said that wasn't good enough either. I told her all she needed was a key chain or fob if she insisted on keeping it in her pocket. I cut the dang fabric lanyard off and said try that. It was like a lightbulb went on but she was still angry with me. She has a big enough clip to grab onto, but I denied her further complaining about the bulky lanyard. Took away a reason to complain for a problem that will never be solved in her 'send me on fruitless never ending shopping expeditions'. I nipped it in the bud. I will never repeat the year and half shopping trip for the perfect underwear for her. I am done with crazy and unrealistic requests.
Sort of. Next she wanted to pick out shirts for the next week. She wanted ones with snowflakes as it is snowing now. She's been wearing them for the past month and insists there are more. There are not. I wheeled her up to her closet and she looked through. She said her closet is too full to look at clothes. I told her we need to weed through and donate clothes she will never wear again. She looked at me like I had two heads.
Now, my mom has always been a clothes hoarder. When she went to AL it was okay, but now she doesn't wear 90% of her wardrobe. I told her, well, you have a choice to make it easier to find things you DO like or it can be hard to sort through button and short sleeved shirts you don't like anymore. 15 minutes later after she sat in her closet looking at things, she said we should sort it out. Thank goodness! Decisions are hard for her now and I'm glad I let her make that one on her own. Life will be much easier. Now to actually do it. :(
She had an issue with one of the collars on her shirts which is one inch lambswool. I knew she wanted to argue because of the clothes issue. She said it would interfere with her hair which is short and way up her neck. She said the collar would mess up her hair. She chanted "I do things the way I want to" over and over for five minutes.
Just brings up bad memories when my dad was dying 6 years ago when she was so stubborn and selfish. She refused to visit him in hospice. She complains she will be left alone Friday and Saturday. She will be here Thanksgiving and we will be visiting FIL on Friday with grandson. Offered to take her along and out for lunch. She refuses as it's just too sad. Too bad mom! You are responsible for your own life! I'm just disgusted with her manipulation and I am done.
I Can't Stand My New Laptop!!!! It's sooooo finicky. First. It wouldn't let me access until I punch in my password - which it kept rejecting. I had to wait for BIL to troubleshoot it. He's the computer tech.... the laptop worked last week. Today, it won't even open the browser!
I need to go online and study our new computer program. It's completely different from the current one. I don't know how to build a reservation, transfer data, etc.. I can't study it at work because I'm busy doing the books and reservations. So, I need to log into the e-university at home. My boss will be canceling our current reservation system and fully use the new system at the end of this month.
I googled HP notebook won't open browser... I got tech instructions which froze me. Uhm...good thing tomorrow's TG. I will ask BIL to fix it. Maybe show me what he's doing - which is useless....
Onedoor, I had some deep soul searching when I knew that mom was dying. Her body mass was shrinking so fast in hours, even overnight. Her legs was going upward with her skin tightly wrapping around her bone. No muscle! ... and when she was struggling to breathe every morning, I kept picking up the phone to call 911. But my parents are of the older generation that wants to die at home. Every morning, sitting here, hearing her breathing problems- was awful. My conscience was see-sawing: call 911 or not. {in the meantime, my family was calling everyone trying to get hospice service.}
Onedoor, I and others here know exactly how you feel about taking her off those meds. We understand. We hold no judgement. You have fought so hard for your mom. Do what is best for her. And that will lessen that little guilty voice over your shoulder. {{{{HUGS}}}}
Edge is the new replacement for Internet Explorer, I'm not sure you can even download IE any more. Hope you can figure out how to log in to the e-university, changes in tech are never smooth.
I had the afternoon off and visited niece at the house. She asked me how did I get on and off the bed without a railing. I showed her on their sofa. Guess what, while niece was in her bedroom, my sis and her hubby were complaining about the loads of laundry they're doing for her. I remember when I got out of the hospital and stayed with sis. I was treated with kid's gloves. Poor niece. Yes, her family will be there 100% when needed but their attitude of her....I'm glad that they were there, though. It is what it is.
Niece and her visiting friend were talking. Her friend lost her 1st child. Niece is so scared for her 3rd premie newborn. Niece asked her friend how torn she is when people congratulate her. How it always freezes her. I can hear the resentment/anger in her voice.... I had to speak up. I told her that people are uncomfortable with the situation, too. They don't know what to say. So they congratulate you. You accept their congratulations and turn it positive- in your head..., Guest:"Congratulations"... You mentally respond with: "..that my baby made it another day..etc.." niece and her friend nodded.
If they're not caregiving, they don't understand what you're going through, I don't think so. I love my "real life" friends, but I can see them for the good times, come here for support, not make them worry about me or wear them out with the venting. I feel like SUCH a whiner when I talk about caregiving-life issues to non cgs. CG life is a bunch of non-stop little problems that most often have nothing to do with the CG themselves. Other people listen and just say - "You need to stop caregiving." lol And... that's it. That's all they can offer you.
Rambling, at bro's house, super tired and I have to go give my dad a haircut before tomorrow or older bro will not be happy. I don't like doing it but no biggie.
He doesn't look good to me. My dad looks noticeably more frail, trembling to pick up a small cup. He seems more confused. I think part of it is the environment here at bro's is even less mentally & physically stimulating than the other house (where I live)... but it may be a progression of something else, too. I'll keep an eye on him for the next 2 days, try to sort out what's going on with him. His meds are on track and I counted exactly how many of each and made a note so next time I can count them down, but... he's on track with meds. That's good.
Thanks for letting me RAAAMMMBBBLLEEE.... lol... Hope everyone's doing alright today. (((hugs)))