This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
YR- Glad that you are able to get some help for your dad. And maybe they can help with his pain. My prayers are with you and your dad. Tell me more about this diet..... Love and HUGS stormyyyyyyyyyyyyy
And here I've been whining about having 100 degrees tomorrow....I'm just a lightweight...:)
Wonderful news on your weight loss...I keep telling myself I'll start my diet "tomorrow"............
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Seeme..so sorry To hear about your mom..special prayers for you guys. Know that you have all of us praying for you!
YR...so glad dad will get some pain relief! Know hospice will take good care and give you some peace of mind to just 'be' with dad. Parayers prayers and more prayers.
Shawna..drama sucks!! Consumes so much energy! Hope it calms down and that you and mom can enjoy the days
Starri, was beginning to wonder about you guys! Glad that you are ok. Hope things get worked out? Loved the kitty story! It is the little things!
Ladee..here's praying that weather relief comes soon. Hope your day is great
Jam..we just gotta love em!? Right! Hope col has a good day.
Emjo...no fair! Perfect weather..just stay on the path! Haha n No fun having tooth work done but glad you will be getting it taken care of.
Know I am forgetting someone...love you all.
As for us..it was a busy day yesterday..dad had PT and OT come in which really tired him out. By the end of the day it was tough. By bedtime his foot was in severe pain. I feel like it is gout flaring up. Gave him med for it last night...it was a long night. He was seeing stuff on the wall again this morning. Seems ok now. We have another busy day today. Oh Monday was when OT and PT came...yesterday we had exercises and writing and reading to do. He just wasn't near as alert. We will see what the day brings.
I will be out of pocket for a few days...impromptu trip!!! So excited! Hubby got home late last night and my daughter and I are going to meet up for a couple of days in Hammond. It is halfway for both of us....so I get to spend a day in the French Quarter down in New Orleans Louisiana. Hate to leave hubby..wish we could go together but we do what we have to when we can. Will try to check in before Saturday.
Thoughts and prayers are with all of you! Love Vickie
We're settled for the night in a town called Murfreesboro TN, got us a hotel for the night so that we can get a decent nights sleep, camping is wonderful but only in small doses..lol..
We're looking at 450 miles to our first destination, the Truck Stop in Plain-view Missouri, mapquest says 9 hours, our schedule for driving each day says 2 days.., we're not pushing it. after that it's off to Nebraska to a campground there for a few days..
Hope you all have a good evening,
Love ya
Carmen
Stormy, your poor dad just can't catch a break can he, I feel so bad for him....and of course for you and sis being so worried about him.... he is in my prayers.....and ya'll too.
Shawna, dinner sounded great, I could smell it from here!!!!! Glad you are making some sales, I know that takes a little pressure off of you....
Seeme, please try to update us, worried for you and Mom....
Jam, hope your day was ok
Starri, glad ya'll are sleeping in real beds tonight, and poor kitty cat needs a soft pillow to sleep on......keep us updated on "Starri's Great Adventure", I have travel envy, but not camping envy... nope, soft bed and a shower for me....
Everyone else will try to get caught up later... am going to take a shower...
love and hugs...
That and keeping sisters off my back is enough for one day. I will catch up with all of you later.............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
cuppa spice tea and taking time to reflect today and allow myself to feel the weariness - hoping it is seeping out - a lifetime of care - from childhood up, kids yes and often alone though married, and adult kids all came home and needed care, and always mother - who is fine whether she admits it or not,
realizing I can't do what I did any more. Yes, I will see that mother has what she needs and find someone to do what I can't. If any of my kids get into messes again, they are on their own - big enough to get into it, big enough to get out of it. I am in my 75th year and my body knows it
just letting go of some stuff - my energy needs to go to other places - part of getting older and that's OK.
stormy - you and sis and dad must be getting exhausted with everything that is happening (((((((hugs)))))) did u get any ideas from ur doc about the colds
starri - soft bed - YEAY - way to go - u do need a good night's sleep
seeme - thinking of you and mum - not a nice diagnosis (((((hugs)))))- hospice should help - get some good sleep while u can
YR - hope dad gets more comfortable with hospice care - u lost 17 lbs - that is great!!! well done???
vic - glad the OT and PT is helping - any more gardening?
asg - prayers for u 2 for sure
jam - can u post any pics of the col with her new hairdo? sounds cute. mother got hers cut short about 10years ago and it suiits her well - my daughter looks best to me with a sort of Halle Berry style - makes her eyes pop
shawna -glad the tree is gone and a couple of mugs sold -sounds like u r a great cook!
worried - how was the lawyers app't ?
john, cwgrl, 54, mis, ib - thinking of you and anyone else I have forgotten
G breezed in and out again at 5 a.m. - came back from roofing a barn and straight out to work as there was an incident at work and he has to be there for a few days 24/7 - at least I got to see him for 5 mins and he will have a couple of days off before the 6th as long as things work out as expected - do they ever??? maybe we can get down to "christen" Ebony - want to feed her some apple cores
increased dose of diflucan seems to be helping - haven't been on it for long but looks good -
-got some laundry to do
have a good nite all
love and hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
that's ok - how it is -
I still have to have others bring it to my attention sometimes that maybe I should just let go.... well duh, yes, that works...
Have had two good days at work, from "letting go"....
I am sorry your body is having so many problems... I am blessed, other than my recent broken leg, and being sassy mouthed, I have very few physical problems...I get mentally tired, and that is the carrying around too much stuff that isn't mine....
You are so loved and appreciated on this sight and in life.... you have such a gentle way about you, it is very calming to me.... even when you are distressed you have a way of letting us know you will be ok and yet you are vulnerable with us too.... strong and gentle at the same time, not easy to do.... love and hugs and deep appreciation for your wisdom and genorosity of spirit..... hope you get caught up on your rest, and enjoy the cool weather.... it was only 95 today, and I enjoyed it... I love Central Texas when it is like it was today.... the past two and half months have been hell, people were actually smiling today....
Take care and a Texas size hug to you this evening...
Sounds like several of us are tired tonight. emjo.....we are taking the col to Red Lobster Saturday so I will try and get a picture of her. She really does look cute with her new do, but she is pretty negative about it. She hasn't been happy at all today about anything. She is mad that the girls won't take her out running around in the stores and the malls. And she got mad at me tonight because I got clean jammies out and wouldn't let her wear soiled and wet undies. She's now tucked into bed and I hope she sleeps well tonight. Her mood seemed to be a little better.
seeme......love and angels sent to you.
ladee......glad today was better.....tomorrow is your long day right? Hope Marie can be a little pleasant....but I know it will be a tough day for her.
Hello to all of our friends and sorry but my brain is just too tired to work right tonight. Thinking of you all..............
Love and Hugz,
Jam
thank you for the kind words - balm to a weary soul
all the doc's tests say I am fine and much younger than my age - but something inside me knows what I have carried for years and sometimes I feel it - other times I am a young filly and I want to run lol
28 yrs clean is huge and wonderful -something to remember and celebrate
love the cool weather - glad it was better for u 2
good to have quiet days sometimes
jam -a pic would be great -i know there are days and 2 often that u can't do right noi matter what u do - I am still having them - it all adds up after a while and part of what I am feeling tonite -hope u sleep well
love and hugs
We're still holed up in the hotel, Glenn's 730 wake up call came in at 830, lol, dogs have been out for their morning walks, cat is driving me nuts, she wants to go out and can't right now.. so I've been emptying out the bank account (paying bills) this morning.. Glenn woke up long enough to say "730" when the phone rang, told him nope 830 and he's back snoring again..lol.. Check out is 11, we might not get out of here till then, we do have some driving ahead of us, going to a reservoir in Marion, KS, think it is about 220 miles from here.. will stay there at least over night, maybe a couple don't know, then it is off to Plainview Missouri. for that truck stop show they show on the travel channel.. hopefully it turns out to be all that it shows it is on tv..
Need to do better packing when packing up the camper lol, hotel has a swimming pool and I could not get to use it as my swim suit is all the way in the back of the camper..lol, would have to crawl over the top of everything, pop the top on the camper just to get to it, guess that I didn't want to go swimming that bad after all..
Hope that everyone has a wonderful day, will try and get some more pictures posted today
up and at 'em getting ready for the dentist. before I go I usually take 1/2 a sudafed for postnasal drip, a tylenol if I think I may need a little pain control (preventative - nip it in the bud) and then that is all I need I will allow freezing for the extraction, the dentist is a young hunk which doesn't hurt either and he likes me - of course to me they all are young!
seeme sweetie -big (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) -get as much rest as u can while mum is in hospital
starri - forgot my bathing suit and jerryrigged one -wasn't going to stay out of the pool - they should sell disposable ones
ladee -thx for understanding and confirming
jam - have a good lunch - LOVE LOBSTER!!! will be looking for pics
everyone -have a good day -hope it is cooling a little for most of you
luv ya
jo
never had gas and don't intend to
starri.....good to hear from you and know you got to sleep in a nice soft bed. If you are going to Kansas first, then the truck stop in Missouri, you're going to be back tracking a lot! That is, if you're heading west. The Midway Truck Stop is on I-70....I will wave that direction today. Target and I have been talking about driving up there to go to the big ammunition store they have.
Too hot to be outside today....was looking at my yard this morning wishing it would mow itself. The ground at the bottom of the deck stairs is sinking down, the paver stones are an inch below the concrete slab.....need to fix that. But it's only going to be 103 today and 101 tomorrow.....low humidity which increases fire risk.....hope people don't throw their cigarettes out when they drive past.
emjo.....yes, sometimes I just get so tired it's hard to put one foot in front of another. If it would just cool off some I would get outside and get some exercise and perk up a little I think. The other day I was going to start pulling up the garden....my goodness there are new blooms all over the zucchini, new tomatoes, green beans everywhere, and the sweet potatoes are taking off and growing everywhere. Decided to wait to grow once we got out of that constant over 100 temps I guess. I can't walk completely around the pond because the brush has grown up to high but I can get part way around it, but again it's just been too hot.
Once the sun goes down and it starts to cool down for the night, I've been walking around the "inside the fence" part of the yard to get the col out for fresh air, but she has such difficulty walking these days, that we don't get very far. As she puts it she "toddles" and doesn't pick her feet up and I'm afraid she will trip over something. Refuses to use the cane we bought her; she holds my arm on one side and the fence on the other. And then is mad because we won't take her to a mall when we know she can't walk 20 ft, let alone the length of a mall! So we just cybershop a lot!
stormy....sitting with Dad today or is it a day off?
ladee....this is your long day isn't it? At least you will have a break for a little while.
Shawna....have been checking your website and watching to see the progress.....looks good so far, your work is beautiful!
Everyone else please check in and let us know how you are......Vic we need your daily positive attitude!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
I been dealing alot and it seems hubby pleural effusion is getting worse i think and he has been more tired than anything but what gets me is that i can't find any respite care for the kids n me here..I haven't found anything in my research anything or anyone can give advice on. Lately my son has been saying dady I need to save you and the oddest thing is that I had a bird knocking on my back door is that good or bad? not sure but it was weird so u can find me on facebook under poet2write or starrwolf my pic is there:) wish ya all the best...
burned -praying for respite for you - looked for you on facebook under both poet2write and starrwolf and found you on flicker - saw your pic there but couldn't find u on face book -
home from the dentist - not bad - had a nice visit with the assistant - when the dentist was taking out the wisdom tooth the molar in front cracked -he recommended extraction of it too and he took it out too - it came out very easily. I have had a feeling it was not on good shape. May get an implant at some stage, Instructions are to take it easy and soft foods - no prob - have some great homemade beef soup which will do - when my tongue thaws out.
Oh boy I love an excuse to take it easy!!!
may do some more laundry anyway and make some raspberry coconut ice cream
will check back and see how y'all are and how the lobster lunch went
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Kisses!
It's been very quiet here today....everyone is either working or at doctor appts or having teeth pulled or sitting with Moms or traveling up the highway. Hope tomorrow will be better for most of us......for some of us it will just take a little longer.
I am getting some respite coming up soon............I can't wait! Have 24 hr care for the col set up and going to go celebrate an anniversary.
Waiting to hear from you......................
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
The cause of the fluid in his lungs I or we have no idea why he is having that. And the drs have not said. They have not given us a explaination for it. Several months ago he had some test done(i don't remember what kind) but it said then that he had fluid on the lungs. Now with the ct and pet scan done(the most recent ones) it says that he has more fluid on the lungs than what he had before. So I guess he is just collecting more fluid from somewhere. I don't know if it is coming from his tea that he drinks or what it is coming from. And the drs have not said anything about extracting any from his lungs to see what the cause is. The other when we got home from the drs office I got online.( i know i probably shouldn't be looking up all of this stuff these drs tell us) but i have been doing for a year and a half and i can't seem to stop. They tell us something stormy goes and looks it up on the net.
Anyway i looked up pleural effusion and just about everything that come up said malignant pleural effusion.(lung cancer i guess) or thats what it was talking about. So i don't know anymore. I just feel like I am at the end of my rope with these drs. me and sis both are!!!!!!!! Just sick of the whole guessing game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think even dad is sick of all these drs. He told me today when i was getting him ready for his drs appt. He said "Another wasted trip". I said I know daddy. It probably is. Love and hugs to all of you Stormy
Site is going slow but I am working on it. Hopefully I'll get it done soon ... its just taking forever with resizing and getting all the buttons done... oh well
Stormy I am so sorry to hear the appointment was wasted... prayers for you and your daddy.
Love and Hugz,
Jam