This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
It is so refreshing to hear someone else articulate some of the things I feel, too.
KUDOS FOR TAKING SOME YOU TIME!!!!! YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!
As for dating, I SO get it. I just gave up. It's really hard to find someone who understands the sacrifices of caring for a parent. I used to compare it to dating someone with children, but I really think it's different because we're dealing with adults.
If it wasn't for this forum, I would drown in loneliness. Hang in there Angel! You're doing an amazing job.
Angel...take it easy today, but don't stay in bed all day. Get out and get some fresh air, enjoy talking with people other than your Dad and doctors. Just take some "me" time.
OGenki desu ka
Hope you had a good nap
Grab a book and maybe get a nice hot latte from Starbucks
Is today day 2 of dad's hospital stay?
I'd be surprised if a doctor calls you unless they actually find something from the tests they've run as it sounds like he was admitted just to give you time to find a placement - I'm sorry I don't quite remember if a rehab facility has been identified and a bed is available ? If not, then please try to connect with the social worker as if tomorrow is day 3 then the last thing you want is him discharged to just anywhere there's an open bed
Keep us posted - playing tag with doctors in the hospital is never easy -
If you have the time, swing by the nursing home tomorrow and meet the head of nursing and have them show you around - sometimes a Friday move-in is a tough day as they're gearing up for the weekend
Keep us posted
I know that the next few days will be busy for you, so be sure to take a couple of breathers, you can do this! I hope your Dad is being well cared for! Kinda jealous here!
My experience with mom is that any extension beyond the 20 days has to be approved by Medicare and is dependent upon progress made in rehab - her injuries were very specific with fractures so I suspect were a bit easier to get extensions but it was only for an additional 2weeks
I hope you learn something useful tomorrow and can at least get an idea of what plans you need to make
When my mom was in the hospital post stroke, the discharge SWs and RNs sat with us and went over what mom's ability to pay was. they recommended facilities that would accept her as a Medicaid patient after a certain number of years of private pay. Ultimately, we got her into a better place by being upfront about her financial situation.
I went through the "It's not dementia" blues as well. I even had a cargiver to say to me verbatim "He doesn't have dementia, but I'll keep taking your money to help out since you obviously can't take care of him yourself..."
I'm not a doc, but I feel like just because a "test" doesn't confirm that someone has a certain ailment doesn't mean they don't have it. I'm sure anyone would agree that some of your Dad's behavior fall outside of "normal" behavior even for a senior.
...they don't call it PRACTICING medicine for nothing.
As we say in my neck of the woods, "Keep on keeping on..." The road is long and hard and you really are doing the best you can with what you have to work with.
We're here to vent to all you need...