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Last night was the first time in forever that I was able to go out for awhile and have some ME time. I went out and listened to some karaoke and caught up with some people I used to talk to pretty often. But.. of all nights I went out, a guy I dated for about 3 months shows up and is now dating someone else. It made me feel bad and very alone because the timing just wasn't right for me to be dating and I had to call off our relationship and it wasn't working out and he never understood my predicament with both my parents at the time and he expected me to just drop them aside to be with him. I feel sad about it. This morning it will be the first day not seeing Dad. I need a day without dealing with him. He can never remember which days I go and to him times seems like forever since my last visit. It's just been months and months that I have finally gotten a little bit of a break. I need to recuperate some physically and mentally. Even when Mom was away those 3 months I would only go to see her every other day and chores never stop at home. Always something to do here. I kept my phone close by all day yesterday and never got a call from any doctor and that was very discouraging. I mean people talk about a discharge plan yesterday already and I don't even know what all is wrong with him and that's not right for me not to know because,, GEEZ.. I am his daughter and I have every right to know what is going on. As far as the Aricept they want to put him own, Yeah,, I really don't think it will help either. He is deteriorating so fast all of a sudden that's why I believe he will end up dying from something before the dementia kills him.. There has to be something really wrong and I hope it's not that they are afraid to tell me because.. believe me I can see how hoe he looks and yes I have already prepared myself if something were to happen to him.
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Just seem to be tired and sad today. After washing my bed linens and making my bed up.. think I will go back to sleep.
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Wow Angel. It sounds like your body is simply asking for what it needs...rest.

It is so refreshing to hear someone else articulate some of the things I feel, too.

KUDOS FOR TAKING SOME YOU TIME!!!!! YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!

As for dating, I SO get it. I just gave up. It's really hard to find someone who understands the sacrifices of caring for a parent. I used to compare it to dating someone with children, but I really think it's different because we're dealing with adults.

If it wasn't for this forum, I would drown in loneliness. Hang in there Angel! You're doing an amazing job.
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I gave up on the dating thing too. I tried a few times after my divorce, but then was busy with my kids and parents needing care and just stopped. Now that my caregiving is over, I just don't want to date. Every time I think about it, I think about the fact that this will just be one more person I have to provide care for, be responsible for, accountable to, etc. No thanks.

Angel...take it easy today, but don't stay in bed all day. Get out and get some fresh air, enjoy talking with people other than your Dad and doctors. Just take some "me" time.
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Yes Tinyblu it can get lonely and even having Dad here it can be even more so because I don't get to talk to anyone. SusanA43, I have thought about it that way too. I must say that the guy who had the hots for me( That is what he always said) was an older man ( 20 years older than me). I thought about how it could be just a couple of more years and then who knows, I could possibly having to be able to push him around in a wheelchair or end up taking care of him in another aspect. I bet he probably doesn't realize that could be the case. I don't want to go through all of this again either, especially with a man because it just seems harder to me to communicate with them. They don't fully understand us female feelings and they can be selfish. I guess it will be interesting to see if he tries to talk to me and start things again after something happens to Dad, but you know what? By then I will be all about ME and working on my own happiness.
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See...that's my problem, too, Angel. I have experienced too much in life with relationships to be naive enough to think I would be happy with anyone else now. I don't trust easily and my emotional wall is always up. Having been through a couple of very painful relationships, and then being alone for close to 20 years, I've discovered I'm a better person on my own. I have no intention of marrying again - ever.
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I just don't want to end up being anyone else's caregiver ever again. I've been a wife, mother, caregiver to *many*, including my spouse's parents and relatives, my own parents and relatives....I'm just done. The last thing I want is to get involved with a man and then have to be HIS caregiver. Sorry, not for me.
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I am on the same page SusanA43.. AMEN for that! And that would just be my luck and I would be the one who would never be cared for first.
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Bookluvr
OGenki desu ka
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Angel
Hope you had a good nap
Grab a book and maybe get a nice hot latte from Starbucks

Is today day 2 of dad's hospital stay?

I'd be surprised if a doctor calls you unless they actually find something from the tests they've run as it sounds like he was admitted just to give you time to find a placement - I'm sorry I don't quite remember if a rehab facility has been identified and a bed is available ? If not, then please try to connect with the social worker as if tomorrow is day 3 then the last thing you want is him discharged to just anywhere there's an open bed
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MsMadge, Well he was just on observation Monday and then was actually admitted about 11:00 am yesterday morning. I did ask if Medicare paid for an observation and they said yes because I sure do not need to be stuck with a big bill. So. I assume at 11 this morning was 1 day? I still have not heard from a doctor and I didn't visit today. I will be going to visit in the morning and I just hope I don't have to turn into a raging "B" to get answers I need. I need to talk to a doctor and the social worker. I mean.. Crap on this.. just waiting around and not hearing nothing. I sure do hope though he can be placed somewhere for a little while anyways. Today after I washed and changed my bed linens, did laundry, got out in the yard and picked up a few twigs. I went grocery shopping and later on I will finally meet up with a friend I have not seen in 2 months and we can talk about things.
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I just got a call from the social worker. She came through for me. She found him a bed in a newer nursing facility that has a better reputation then the one Mom was in. I wouldn't put a fish in that last place..it would turn belly up. She said he will be moved Friday so that would be when his 3 days are up at the hospital. I asked her how I can talk to a doctor while he is still in the hospital and she said tell the nurse when I am there in the morning to have him paged or called and let him know I am there in the room. So I will try that because leaving a note beside the patients name for him to call is not working. I was so afraid he was not going to be accepted anywhere. My guardian angel.. My Mom.. I just know she helped me again. Love you MOM!
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Good news, Angel

Keep us posted - playing tag with doctors in the hospital is never easy -

If you have the time, swing by the nursing home tomorrow and meet the head of nursing and have them show you around - sometimes a Friday move-in is a tough day as they're gearing up for the weekend

Keep us posted
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That's great news, Angel! Definitely make sure the doc knows your dad has dementia if it's not noted in his records already (I'm sure it might be), and that you are his caregiver.
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The good thing is I will be driving right by there on the way home from the hospital so that will be convenient for me to stop there. I will discuss his results from any x-rays or scans he has had done as well as letting the doctor know that I care give for him alone and I will question as to what type of dementia he has and let him tell me from there. I am a detailed person when it comes to a lot of things and the more information I can be told then the better I will know when Dad comes home from the nursing facility what I should do here at the house to ease my mind from worry
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Such Great News Angel, and no doubt your Mom had something to do with it! I'm a big believer, so Go Mom!

I know that the next few days will be busy for you, so be sure to take a couple of breathers, you can do this! I hope your Dad is being well cared for! Kinda jealous here!
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staceyb. It is a temporary solution but then I know that he will have to return here with me and it will get tough again
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Whoa, Whoa, Wait! So this is just a temporary situation, such as for Rehabilitation? You know, you can refuse to allow him back into your home, for reasons being that you are completely unable to care for him! You would have to put your foot down, but you can do it! Unless of course you are living in his home, and from there, I do not know what you can do.
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For noe Angel, take what you can as small Victories! Good Luck Hon!
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Yes. Just for rehabilitation only and after the days are close to being up I will talk again to a social worker at the facility to see if his secondary insurance will pay for extanded days. The one i had Mom in did but only if she was going to keep trying with rehab. She couldnt.. She was bad off so they were going to send her home with hospice. Unfortinately since Dad refused hospice i believe the company said he could not be eligible again until 90 days. So may possibly be looking into home healthcare as well.
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Either way.. I hope someone sees my situation. Probably not though because nobody empathized when Mom was in one of those places and i still had Dad to take care of too. I had 2 people to take care of alone for 3 months and that was really tough. I thought i was gonna lose my mind
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Angel
My experience with mom is that any extension beyond the 20 days has to be approved by Medicare and is dependent upon progress made in rehab - her injuries were very specific with fractures so I suspect were a bit easier to get extensions but it was only for an additional 2weeks

I hope you learn something useful tomorrow and can at least get an idea of what plans you need to make
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With Mom..her secondary insurance agreed to keep paying for days as long as she kept trying to participate. The secondary imsurance is not adffiliated with Medicare and I pay a premium every month to have it.
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Regardless of what future plans I am able to get for Dad. My first step is to find out tommorrow what stage he is in and his problems and go from there. A small blessing right now is better then nothing. I can sleep tonight and deal with things in the morning. Good night..I am zapped!
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Talk to the social worker about applying for Medicaid on his behalf if he doesn't have the funds to private pay for facility care after his rehab days run out.

When my mom was in the hospital post stroke, the discharge SWs and RNs sat with us and went over what mom's ability to pay was. they recommended facilities that would accept her as a Medicaid patient after a certain number of years of private pay. Ultimately, we got her into a better place by being upfront about her financial situation.
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BarbBrooklyn.. Well I could try. but I have tried to apply for Medicaid before and he was not eligible and if they take the only source of income which is his social security check every month then I won't be able to pay the bills because unfortunately I had to stop working to be a caregiver for a while now. And. I am not willing to put the house up so that Medicaid can get that too. I will find ways to make even if I have to turn Moms bedroom into the care facility at the house and take care of him there.
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Finally seen the doctor. I just got that his problem is depression from Moms passing and that he is in good health and everything is good. Just some abnormal brain activity. He says not quite dementia. The other day i was told he did have dementia and i still believe he does because i see the sundowning and the weight loss is unbelievable even though he eats alot. Anyways his attitude really stinks today and its time for me to go back home. I dont think i give a rats butt anymore..sorry thats just how i feel.. Because he sure dont care. Go ahead and die.. Thats what he says he wants.
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Angel, it sucks to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. Bills,house, Medicaid, their behavior, you trying to help all these years, the desire to live 'normal', etc.. I'm so sorry. {{hugs}}
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HUGS TO YOU ANGEL... We understand what you're going through. It IS a lot to handle, and it's nerve racking when folks on the outside looking in seem to have their own opinions.

I went through the "It's not dementia" blues as well. I even had a cargiver to say to me verbatim "He doesn't have dementia, but I'll keep taking your money to help out since you obviously can't take care of him yourself..."

I'm not a doc, but I feel like just because a "test" doesn't confirm that someone has a certain ailment doesn't mean they don't have it. I'm sure anyone would agree that some of your Dad's behavior fall outside of "normal" behavior even for a senior.

...they don't call it PRACTICING medicine for nothing.

As we say in my neck of the woods, "Keep on keeping on..." The road is long and hard and you really are doing the best you can with what you have to work with.

We're here to vent to all you need...
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bookluvr. I keep saying Why Me?? Its like I am waiting to be saved from being destroyed and I am waiting on a superhero to rescue me.
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