This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Shawna, some time to have fun? that is wonderful...glad that you have a friend like that..
((((burned)))), I am sorry to hear that things are going badly, is there anyone that you can think of that could possibly give you a break? have you called hospice? see if they could help out? maybe contact one of your local Churches, perhaps they know of someone that could offer you the respite.
Stormy, sorry to hear that Dad's legs are still not looking good, I am with Jam, find yourself another doctor, as soon as I have medicare/medicaid in place I will find myself a new one, but for now, this one will work, have him semi trained already..lol.. for the most part, all I need a doctor for at least in the primary care part, is for his signature on a prescription.. maybe a referral if I need one.
Jo glad to hear that everything went good at the dentist, that ice cream sounds yummy.. doing laundry doesn't fall under the heading of "taking it easy" that I am aware of...lol, but then of course I hate doing laundry.
Ros good to see you my friend, while work might be tiring it's always good to have, isn't your work the kind you sometimes do and sometimes don't have any? I believe you said you did translations.. How's Mom ? how's Nicky and the other Little ones..
Jam congratulations on the Anniversary and on the respite break.. 24 hours? how did you pull that one off? I'm with you this heat has to stop.. we need to have Jo ship some of her 65 degree weather our way.
We're currently sitting holed up in another Hotel for the night.. had some massive confusion last night about where we were actually going..lol.. so now we are in IL, a town called Marion.. we never could find the spot that hubby said we were going too.. We have a GPS, actually 4 or 5 of them with us..lol, but my DH tends to blaze his own path.. so after a hour of roaming the town, and not finding the spot, we decided back on the highway and down the road... spotted this place pulled in, I walked in, asked if they had a room available, and were they pet friendly.. They are, I believe the girls are just as happy as I am to be off the road for the night..even better? soft beds to sleep on. We drove 300 or 350 miles today, I know it doesn't sound like much, but when dealing with the dogs, the cat and a hubby who can't seem to quit playing with the buttons on the radio or the gps, while driving is enough to wear you out..rofl.. tomorrow we will be at the truck stop.. don't know that they have a campground there but will something, probably stay for a couple of days, we have to get in the camper and try to figure out where to put everything..lol, believe it or not, they still have actual cobble stone streets, we went down one and looking in the back of the camper, it looks like a tornado hit.. I've got some really cute pictures, but I don't think hubby is going to be up to posting anything till we get settled for a couple of days. Everyone is snoring, hubby and Claire..lol, haven't heard Maggie or Squeek snore yet, but as tired as everyone is, I would not be surprised..
big hugs to everyone, hoping and praying that everyone has a quiet, peaceful evening..
ros - glad to hear you are still around - u sound very busy
stormy - you really are wanting answers about the pleural effusion aren't you? I think what jam said about another doctor could be a good idea. Also if dad is having more trouble breathing then go to a doc or ER for that in particular so they look at his lungs and what is happening there - tell them he is having more trouble breathing and that the Xrays (?) showed pleural effusion and ask about it
shawna - glad u are gettng a break and going to the fair - what a nice lady to help -
jam -respite -awesome - u need and deserve a break!!!
seeme - (((((((hugs)))))) and prayers
ladee - hope u had a good day
starri - good to hear about ur adventures today - the laundry is waiting till tomorrow or later -
asg, vic, YR, John, worried, burned and the others - how's it going?
here 2 teeth removed is double the trouble and he had to dig the wisdom tooth out -so now that the freezing is out, having a little pain and took some aleve and will again at bedtime and start with the saline rinses then
made some coconut raspberry ice cream and that goes down well - what seems to help as much as anything is a pack of frozen veg against my jaw off and on - really feels better after - had a nap - and hoping it will all be much better tomorrow
love, hugs, and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Thanks to Vic and Stormy for the prayers and hugs. I will be back when I can.....
Love you all..........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
uir head must be spinning and add to that unhelpful siblings -
don't know what to say - in the midst of it all, take some time for u - even a few moments here and there - take deep breaths - glad ur mum will have excellent care - more hugs ((((((seeme))))))
jo
starri........okay, now that I know where you are, you should be coming through on I-70.....I will wave at you when you go through. They are talking rain here maybe Saturday, so you might want to keep that in mind. Glad you're sleeping in a bed again tonight.
emjo.....can you send your ice cream recipe by email? Pretty please? I love raspberry tea, and the ice cream just sounds like heaven. I have to go to the dentist in a couple of weeks....don't much care for them but it's time to get this taken care of. Have a bridge on bottom and it rubbed against a tooth until now there is a hole. This dentist is an old friend of Target's. When you walk in you pick out the movie you want to watch and while you're watching the movie on the ceiling, you can also have your hands dipped in paraffin....all while the drilling goes on.....not sure if that makes me happy or not....:)
Love and angels being sent to seeme......
Hope to see something from everyone else..........................
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Welcome dianne, will give you a proper welcome tomorrow, I had to hear about Sonny being a lineman for way too many hours today...
Seeme, I am shocked at this news.... I think you tried to call and I had my phone in the car.... I am so sorry and it is an hour later where you are, I wanted to call, but hopefully you are asleep, will talk to you tomorrow... sending angels and so many hugs you are pushing me away.... tomorrow my friend.... love to everyone else... hugs across the miles to you all...
My mom continues to be her confused self of living in two worlds at one time. Her securities advisor does not want to recognize my Durable POA for adjusting how the securities are invested in an even more diverse manner than before like mine are and surviving much better than hers. This is the second bank related person who does not seem to understand what a Durable POA can do. He has a copy of the POA and still does not get it. How frustrating.
Give her a hug for me. You can just tell her it's from a friend across the miles....
And hug yourself. That one is from me too. Love you Stormyyy
Jam, I don't know what we are going to do about dads care. I have mentioned to my sis about finding another dr for dad in the past and she has just said that she is not carrying him to another dr. it's not because she doesn't want help for him. It's just that we seem to get the same run around with these drs. the one that read us the results the other day is the best dr so far that we have come across concerning dads issues. He does sit down and listens to us and answers our questions. I just think that we are so burned out from taking care of him that we both are brain dead all the time. I will find out tomorrow when his appt with the vascular dr is and let u know. I guess now we should be more concerned with his legs and then the fluid on the lungs. Congrats on the anniversary and the 24 hr get away from the col. How exciting? I know me and hubby have a anniversary coming up sept. 14th. Eight years for me and hubby.
Emjo- hoping that you don't have too much pain with your tooth. Take them painkillers...
Cmag- a poem for wifee how sweet is that. I bet she did love that. And how romantic that you write poems. I love poems.
Dianne- I am sorry you are having probs with your mom staying in the nursing home. Maybe she will realize that it is the best place right now for her therapy. And this is a great site for venting. Come back and talk to us.
Ladeee- Get some sleep girl. I saw on the news today about the drought problem there in tx. and saw pics of the ground cracking from the lack of rain. That must be wild and kinda scary to see it so dry there. I asked my dad how long had it been since tx had rain and he said he thought it had been a year. I said,"A YEAR".
Has it been that long. If it has i bet ya'll are doing rain dances everyday there. Praying that ya'll get alot of rain soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Starri- have fun on your trip with hubby and ya'll be safe!
Ros- girl you must work all the time. Get some rest. How's your mom doing and the babies?
Shawna- have fun on your outing with mom, glad that you will have some help with her that day so you can go and look around and have time to yourself too.
Well i guess i covered everyone if i didn't i'm sorry. I will get back with you later. I better go get back to bed. Love and Hugs Stormyyyyyyyyy
I have siblings like that as well...I use to work in a factory that made air cylinders, we would take them and hold them under water, called it the bubble test, if they didn't bubble, then that was a good one, guess if you have a lake around we could bubble test them, lol, when they quit bubbling, we know it's a good thing..
Jam, will watch for you waving if we go down I-70, lol, not sure which way we are heading on what road.. he doesn't seem to take the normal highways. We're currently on 57. I wake up early so it was a beautiful sunrise this morning, suppose to hit record highs for the next two days here and then cool off, according to the guy working the front desk, it's suppose to stay cool, if you consider 75 cool... after the heat we've had, I sure will.
Hubby's still sleeping, Claire is crashed out with him on the bed, Maggie has taken up her position on the pillow on the extra bed, and I believe Squeek has decided it's time to hit the road, as she voluntarily got in her carrier.. hate to tell her, but we're still blocked in.. with the trailer on the back, we need room to swing, and have cars on either side and car's across from us, so no room to get out safely. When we put her in there ourselves, she really fusses, but we've been letting her out when we get on the road, she'll start off just crawling across Glenn, looking out the window, over the top of me to look out, then she settles down between us on the front seat, curls up and goes to sleep, which is what she does while we're on the road.. Claire and Maggie curl up in the back seat, and just sleep, hard to keep them contained though when we stop..lol, have a heck of a time getting their leashes on to take them out.. Yesterday, we stopped for gas, went to get them out to take their pee break, the place had new asphalt, hot asphalt and little paws do not mix, they didn't understand mommie carrying them across to the grass was a good thing...squirmed for all they were worth..lol..
According to the clock on the computer if it is right, it's not even 8AM yet..and squeek is seriously ready to get out of here, I hope that each and everyone of you have a peaceful, easy day..
Big hugs
Carmen
((((((((seeme)))))) hugs and prayers -try not to let the sibs get to you - not easy I know - hope mum is comfortable as possible
jam - I will send you the recipe - love strawberry tea - haven't tried raspberry - I have a kind of generic ice cream recipe that I tweak according to what is available - do you have an ice cream maker? the one thing I haven't figured out is how to make it so it doesn't freeze rock hard - if any one has some tips let me know - what I have seen on the internet is more sugar ( don't use sugar use stevia), more fat ( hasn't worked so far) and alcohol - want to try that one. I did make one maple walnut that stayed soft and for the life of me I have no idea why it did - I didn't write down what I put together but can't imagine it was any different than usual - one of the mysteries of my life lol
stormy - good to ask about the things that are bothering you and dad - I often bring a list - you could have a duplicate and hand one to the doctor - it does seem like a lot of trouble and many $$$ for the docs and few answers for you
ladee - hoping today goes well and cools down a little
starri - great hearing about your adventures -and so glad the pets are safe -and enjoying soft beds lol - that Squeek is a character!!!
here -slept well last night with no pills but may wimp out and take another painkiller this morning - tired of that aching and feeling beat up. I know that with the CFS/fibro pain is more exaggerated - gives me much more sympathy for the mums and dads who are in pain continually - ((((hugs)))) to them and those looking after them -hard to have a pain but not be a pain
48 degrees here and rising - good day for a stroll by the woods unless I nap the day away lol
got to freeze or cook up and freeze some strawberries -they do not keep well, and also make some chili for when himself turns up - sometimes unannounced - likes to keep me on my toes lol - I play a good straight man
thank goodness I had some beef soup - soft food today - made an almond milk banana shake - and will cook up some salmon for tonight - remember everyone -eat right and u will feel better - lots of fish (not battered and fried) and lots of greens!!! all except for ladee who is vegetarian and past my help lol but doing well anyway ;)
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
So we've got the a/c cranked up here in the room, trying to chill down.. still hotter than hell here.. tomorrow we are off for Nebraska, will be hitting a camp ground there and staying for probably a week.. just to take it easy for a while, need to send for our mail.. will see if I can get hubby to put the pictures on the computer when we get settled at the campground and start posting them to facebook..
Time to eat, crawl in the shower, and hit the bed.. big hugs and much love.
Carmen
((((Seeme))) thinking about you and sorry to hear about your mom.
I hope everyone else is doing good. Well I had my blow up today with the I can hear Daisey crying. I told grandma that it was in her head. I hear it all of the time and just sick of hearing for 5 months every single night. She didn't say anything to me for a couple of hours. I was almost ready to go find some hangers and just scream. I can't remember who had the hanger story.
My hubby and I are going away for the weekend tomorrow morning. I can only handle about 3 wks before I need a break its the stress that I can't handle not like I use to be my surgery. I find that my patience is alot thinner than what it use to be. I hope everyone has a good night. That's all for now.
BUT, I did have a good week.... amazing what a change in attitude will do for our sanity....
Seeme, have thought about you and mama all day, how is she adjusting to the new facility and how is her pain???? Hospice are the most awesome people on earth...... hope your experiance with them is a blessed one..
Everyone else, love ya, will have more time tomorrow evening to get caught up with ya'lll , hugs across the miles....
Strangest thing. I was walking down to the kitchen and reading names on the other rooms, and I saw a last name I recognized with the same first initial of an old friend from when we were stationed here on Seymour Johnson AFB. We bowled together and even went to a tournament in Raleigh and we slept together in the same bed....had a lot of good times......went back later to check if it was her and yep, sure was, so I said hello to family and spoke to Carol. A while later one family member came to mom's room and told me she died not 10 min. after I left. Been one hell of a week......and a former co-worker's mom is there and she is having trouble with her mom's sisters. They are of the generation that you don't see them until there is a funeral, but they talk about how they were there when so and so died and they are waiting......so she was going to put a sign on the door limiting visits to 15 min. I told her Make it 10. Her note was done by the nurses all nicely printed up that said 10-15 min.....just before I left I saw it had been changed to 10...LOL Doesn't matter what age, sibs can be a pain........
Will try to post tomorrow. Thanks again for dll you're good wishes. Don't know what I would do without all of you.........xoxoxo
We had a good day today we just got home at 12:30 mom was full of piss and vinigar today i tell you. It hit 10 lol we got there around 5:30 6 at the Fair and i was checking on her to see if she needed anything. She looks at me big smile and says nope I am just fine are you enjoying yourself. Then goes do you want to go home I said do YOU .. she looked around smile and said not unless you do. I said nope I was fine riding the rides with the kids and my great neice showed up with my other niece and my other great niece so she had some of her grandbabies there as she calls them. My niece Alena yes I do have favorite I know I shouldn't but there is a long story in that one... anyway she decided since AUnt shawna was there and riding rides SHE had to ride with her. She's ten... well will be next month the girls got a pointy elbow I can tell you I will be feelin those rides tomorrow. ONly had one scare and that was to do with a ride. It was creaking so badly that I truly thought it was going to break with us on it and I had my niece and two of the little girls that came to the fair with me. Thankfully when I told the god dang engineer SIX times to let us off my friend who was also a carny at the fair came over after hearing me yell and told them to get us down. Told the girls I will ride every ride with you but that ONE ... Told my friend they needed to check it out a bit better as it didn't sound right when riding as i have rode that ride before and it never sounded like THAT. They had a haunted house ride DID NOT go into that one. Sorry I don't do horror or scary movies ... not gonna go in a ride thats gonna give me nightmares or a heart attack ALena didn't want to go in it anyway. This is the little girl who gets scared watching LOTR .. and is afraid of FRODO yes I said Frodo. OH the funny thing is my adorable little niece had a fit cause aunt shawna was scopin out the carnies there was so cuuuuuuuute guys there ... hey I am only 33. My niece that is the adult was laughing cause I'd say oh isn't this one cute and Alena would have a fit and asy AUnt shawna we are here to ride rides not pick up guys lol I wasn't picking up ANYTHING anyway it was an interesting night and i am DOG tired ... got cleaning to do tomorrow and so much UGH
Mis, sounds like you have had a heck of a day, glad to hear that you are getting a break. We need that from time to time..
Ladee, looking forward to hearing more from you..
Shawna, so glad to hear you had a good time, funny to hear your niece didn't want you picking up guys.. she's still at the age isn't she that she doesn't understand guys can actually be fun sometimes? lol.. it's a joy to hear that you are having a good time.
We're in Sweet springs instead of the sweet water I thought we were in yesterday evening..lol.. holed up in a little motel, had a great nights sleep for a change.. the rooms my DH has been getting us are the ones with two full size.. not enough room to sprawl out.. I registered us this time, and got a queen..lol.. hubby is still snoring, Claire and Squeek are up on the bed with him. Maggie likes to play the little girl card and pretend she can't jump on the bed, I know better. So she is curled up on top of hubby's jeans.
We're off for the Prairie Oasis RV park in Nebraska today, going to stay there for probably a week, just to chill and get the mail sent in. Will check in with ya'll later this evening when we get there and get set up..
Love ya
Carmen
seeme.......I have my little assembly line of angels going out to you as fast as I can....hope the meds have helped to ease Mom's pain and allowed her to get a little rest. Once hospice got the MS going in my Mom she settled down and didn't do any more yelling and moaning, although the breathing was still labored, but that was to be expected with pneumonia. Prayers and love sent to you.
ladee....working for a while today. Me too since the girls aren't here on weekends yet. Told either one of the girls that if they want to start picking up some weekends while I am looking for constant help, just write it down on the calendar so that I see it.
Shawna....sounds like you had fun with your nieces.....I wouldn't get on any rickety, squeaking rides either...........I squeak too much on my own anyway!
mis.....glad you're getting away for a couple of days. Yes, the repetitive responses will drive you crazy. Just remember that each time she repeats something to you, it is new to her. She doesn't remember that she just asked the same question for the tenth time in 5 minutes. Anymore, I use a simple yes or no, or as few words as possible.....it makes it easier that way. If you go into a long explanation you just wear yourself out and that's when your mind starts to get irritated.
starri......you should be on the road by now. Hope the drive is safe and that you go north around the city and not through it......you will be beating hubby! Double check with the Post Office...the last time we went to Vegas I did the whole stop the mail bit online....and they delivered all the mail everyday for a week. When I complained the local office said that happens sometimes......so why have it then? So again I will have to go myself and stop it physically....don't trust them to do it right....it's the government after all....:)
emjo.....enjoying cooler air this morning I'm sure. How are you feeling? Teeth, or where they used to be any better today? I always enjoyed my days with hubby working, I could relax or get whatever I needed to get done. Now I have to wait to vacuum so I don't wake him up!
stormy......how's dad? Hope you're having a good weekend and not having to sit....
Taking the col out for early dinner today. Don't know that Target will be joining us. He picked up an enteritis somewhere.....the only place he has been is to Wal-Mart.....but he has not felt well for a few days. Hoping today he might perk up a little. One of our day help has noticed some bizarre mental changes going on with the col, not constant but enough to make her go "oh my"......yesterday it was "the Indians and Cowboys took me, but they brought me back soon enough so I could go to work".............alrighty then! Watching too many old westerns I guess. But much better than Headline news or CNN all day.....that makes her in a bad mood.
Everyone else must be busy enjoying their weekends..........check in when you can.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Mom has deteriorated from Thurs nite. Yes, the pain is controlled, they have suctioned her throat a couple of times, gave her medicine to dry that up. With others here, it will be difficult to find some me time to get on here, but I think of you all as my family and know I will be reading if I can't do anything else.
Jam, you need to shoot those angels over here like you were firing a machine gun.........Pray I'm not in the spa before the next week is over............xoxoxo
Just got home from dinner out with the col......full of crab legs and shrimp....col had a wonderful time, only one issue...she wouldn't keep her glasses on so told her if she couldn't read the menu she would have to put them on. Then I had to order for her. Coconut shrimp, mashed potatoes, cole slaw, Red Lobsters famous rolls and a glass of raspberry lemonade. And she ate every single bite. Don't have a clue where she put it all. Me either....crab legs, shrimp skewers, broccoli, green salad, rolls and 2 glasses of raspberry lemonade.....and I can still walk! Target still not feeling well, so he got to stay home. But I did bring him a vanilla shake.
seeme......ditto on what ladee said. Whomp those sibs up alongside the head with those bronze babies if they step out of line. Don't let them treat you like the chief cook, bottle washer and taxi driver. I think you will find that with hospice mom comes first, you come second and if the rest try to interfere with anything they will be put in time out. We are here for you....anytime you need us. Love you bunches girlfriend!
Everyone needs to check in.............
Love and Hugz to all of you,
Jam
I woke up this morning to temps around 62....what a drastic change....it's only going to be in the 70's all week.....Fall is definitely on it's way. I don't think I'm ready for it yet. Target is feeling better today and I haven't bothered the col, letting her sleep as long as she wants...after 87 yrs she deserves to sleep the day away if she wants.
I've sent seeme her first round of angels this morning.....something tells me she really needs them today.
ladee......you're especially quiet.....and I understand......I think we all are right now, even though we have our own worries, we are all standing with seeme.
emjo.....I hope you are feeling better today...no pain from extractions. Made more ice cream? I haven't gotten ingredients from the store to make any yet, but I'm going to. You make it sound so easy that it may be something I do more often now. The col and I were talking on the way to eat last night and I mentioned to her that you live in northern Alberta and I had completely forgotten that her mother and grandparents settled in Edmonton when they came from Finland......their last name was Sutherland. I don't recall when they moved to San Francisco, but the col could give me an approximate date I bet. It is a small world.
stormy......hope you are doing well this weekend, how's Dad? I understand that you get tired of going to doctor after doctor, but I think most of that is because you haven't found the one yet that can and will give you the answers you are seeking.
starri......hope you made it through the storms that passed through here last night and are safe and sound in Nebraska. And yes, I waved at you! There is a little town called Sweetwater and it's down by the Arkansas state line...that's why I was confused when you said you were on I-70. I'm sorry the "travel plaza" didn't turn out to be what you thought....but isn't that the way of reality tv? They get you by making you think it's something else. We will be going past it on our way to our destination later so I think we may jump off the highway to take a look around.
John, Rossella, Vic, Shawna, mis, ib4, burned, YR, ASG.........I'm sorry if I missed anyone.....I don't mean to....my brain is about as sharp as a round rock this morning. I hope you all are having a peaceful morning. Let us know how you are when you can.
Love and Hugz,
Jam