This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Your friends here have got you covered, with love and concern for all you are doing for your Dad.
Doctor also said that dad is not on painkillers. The nurse said that he's in a coma and doesn't feel any pain.
Aunty & I were in disagreement over this. Yes, you and the medical say they're not in pain because they're unconscious. And they said that if they're in pain, they would show facial expressions of pain.... I told aunty that vegetable mom could not talk to say she's in pain. When she's lying there, she has no facial expression. But she was in pain.
I told sis that I saw on TV of people telling their stories of being unconscious, and hearing what everyone was saying. How they tried to call out but couldn't.
Almost 10pm. I'm so tired. After logging off here, I'm going to try to do some cleaning on the boy's room. Tomorrow, I will drop off oldest sis to the hospital. She will do the day shift on her own. I will come back home. Do my laundry, clean the bedrooms and wash the sheets. Oops, they will also need towels. I don't know if I have enough towels for everyone. I just have my old towels that I keep as long as I can. I don't feel like buying towels. I'll have to check my bedroom or dad's stash of supplies in the bedroom. Fave sis tends to give dad towels, wash cloths, socks, etc ... for his bday or xmas present.
Time to close. This will give me 2 hrs of cleaning by midnight.
I also need to cancel dad's lab test appt on Tuesday. Shoots! That also means cancelling the private medical transport. Later!
Some really tough decisions will be made concerning Dad.
With your gerd, you will be unable to make beds for guests, so please consider allowing guests to make their own.
You can choose to take better care of yourself by going to bed now, heal your gerd by resting overnight. imo.
No criticism, do what makes you more comfortable.
Sleep dear book....
It's 11:40pm. I did a quick cleaning of my bedroom. I've got clothes strewn all over the chairs and end table. I'm gaining weight around the belly. So, when I no longer can fit the pants/blouse, I just throw it over the chair or table. I have gotten rid of most of these clothes. I still have one more chair to clear off.
Now, I'm going to write checks or go online to pay the bills.... Yikes, our power bill is $575.06!
And why do people have to kiss our cheeks? I hated it! I don't like being touched by strangers - more so their kissing my cheek. Some male offering condolences left wet kisses on my cheek. (She asked, "you got wet kisses?") Ugh!!!! I tried not to throw up - but eventually, I had to flee the line and rush to the bathroom to scrub, soap and wash my cheeks. I asked sis if I have to stand in line with the family while people passed by with words of condolences and kissing of the cheek. She said yes. Can I punch the guys who give me wet kisses?... NO!!!! ... Can I yell out loud, "You Pervert!"... NO!!! .... eewwwww!!!!!
Hope you are sleeping.
I married into a Very devout family 37 years ago. I was very uncomfortable at first sitting with hands folded in lap during all the sitting, standing, kneeling but over time I don't have a problem with it anymore. You have been through so much. Sit where you want to sit, do what you want to do. You have proven 1,000 times over your devotion to your parents. Anyone who doesn't see that does not deserve to have an opinion in the matter. Take care of yourself. Do what you are comfortable with. You deserve it.
Lizzy, I... I will end up caving in. Night!
You ARE so very respectful. Most people would never consider that not participating could be construed as disrespectful. However, many people without any religion at all could be attending. If they performed the rituals of the Catholic church, that would be disrespectful. Your way is correct.
imo.
"Thank you Lord for helping me get through another day, please help me again tomorrow" That should be enough. Send a little prayer every time you have a small success. "Thank you God for not letting the Boss see.......... Works for any religion whether you go to church or not.
Think of being in the front pew as showing respect for Dad. He won't mind if you don't participate. He knew what you felt about Mom's funeral. Deep down Dad appreciated all you and eldest Sis did for him. He may have been hostile at times but he knew what his alternatives were in your culture and on your island. Sitting quietly through another religions rituals is the most respectful thing you can do. Otherwise you would be a hypocrite, which I know you are not. Everyone knows you are not a member of the Catholic Church so why would you participate in someone else's rituals. Just be true to yourself Book and ignore everyone else
If you are a person of a faith that believes that all is in the hands of a Higher Power/God/Jehovah, I think it's a useful thing to pray for.
Since dad went to the hospital, it no longer works. And the reflux is back with a vengeance. Poor eating schedule. But mostly the culprit is Stress. And eating 2 nights in a row - a very oily pork chops fried with lots of onions and grated red 🌶.
My head, my heart and my conscience are clashing... I remember going through this with mom. Later. It's a new day. I need to drop sis to the hospital.
I realize GERD is much worse
I recently asked for mom to be taken off protonix which she was prescribed in the hospital as I guess it's given routinely when the elderly are bedridden
I recently did some reading and didn't like what I saw about damage it can cause with long term use
If she has a tummy ache we I'll give her tums and see how she does - I'd hate to think it was the protonix causing her stomach pain and diarrhea
It also is okay to not ask for a desired outcome, Book, but merely to turn the problem over to God for his/her resolution so that you too can be relieved of pain
Mom is not Catholic but has sought divine intervention with success and she explained to me that she created an image of her handing the problem to Jesus' outstretched hands -
she would do this at bedtime and try not to worry about it anymore - this is the hard part, I think in waiting for 'thy will be done'
Please know that I am thinking of you and your family right now, and I am going to go on and read your updates, and read how things are going for you! You stay strong, and remember that you have been a STAR, in the care of your Dad and your Mom all these years! Take care of yourself! Love, Stacey
Please know that I am thinking of you and your family right now, and I am going to go on and read your updates, and read how things are going for you! You stay strong, and remember that you have been a STAR, in the care of your Dad and your Mom all these years! Take care of yourself! Love, Stacey
My primary doctor ordered a DNA that is used to guide a doctor on what medicine one can take. Lo and behold, the DNA showed that those heartburn pills should be avoided as they wouldn't work for me. Ah ha, mystery solved.
One thing I recently had to do for my GERD was to give up my favorite Cherry Pepsi and Cherry Coke. Now I drink bottled ice tea, love the peach flavor. Now I only get heartburn if I eat something that has tomatoes, or too much chocolate.
The GERD is still there hiding, and rears its ugly head if I try to bend down to pick up something heavy, like a bag of mulch. Ugh, the awful taste I would get in my mouth.
Using two pillows has helped the GERD, but now my hips hurt.
Using two pillows does not work, says RefluxMD. A wedge pillow, then add your pillows.
You are correct about hips hurting.
To counter this, advice from Bookluvr and Gershun has been to lay flat, stretch out your body. This can be done each morning before getting up.
Observe those kitties....stretch like they do, copy them.
And the Tums! That is your Calcium intake for the day, says my physiatrist (not psychiatrist).
Add it up, don't take too much. I am taking the Tums route recently because I cannot afford another fall caused by Prilosec, Prevacid type meds, imo.
Recalling now how a chiropractor advised stretching out like a cat, that was over 20 years ago!
And, swimming...he said I would have trouble with my neck if I did not swim.
How many of us would be so much better off to actually follow the good advice we are given?
I have regrets, but maybe it is not too late?
There is some good advice on this forum!
Bookluvr, You have given some good advice, and are a good examole, people will agree.
I know that we all have to face the deaths of our parents and LO's, but it's the actual "going through it" part, that really kicks up the stress levels, that are so hard on us, especially us caregivers, who have been at it for So Long!
I believe that at this time, it is important to give it up to God and his will, as he will do what is right by your Dad and by you guys, the caregivers.
I have lived through those most difficult days of losing my parents, both with week long hospitalizations at the end, and the endless driving to and from the hospital, the sitting around waiting, updating relatives, the horrible food, and then going home at the end of the day so pooped out, only to do it all over again the very next day! It is exhausting, and yet it is the only place to be for those of us who Love our parents so much!
I am with so many others, who are recommending you take the money out of your Dad's bank account for your siblings plane tickets, otherwise it is You who will get stuck paying for them in the end, and that's just not fair!
Oh if only your Dad would have made your brother his POA, and you who does all his banking and bill paying, his POD, that way, you would be able to continue to use his money for things nessesary in the here and now, and for afterwards, if he should pass from this recent illness.
Book, just know that I am praying for you, and for peace for your Dad, and that you received getting some much needed rest during this stressful time! You hang in there, and Love you girl!
Then when I first saw ts2 at the care home after mom passed, her words to me? Thank goodness I did not have to put her in a nursing home. Strange how people think and the things they think about.
Since we declined dialysis, dad has been downgraded from ICU room request to a regular room. It's now an official death watch.
So, I will go back to work tomorrow. Doctors no longer need me or oldest sis for information. I need to save my leave for the days leading up to the funeral.