This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Couple years ago I had a stone that had to be surgery removed, pretty simple procedure, but I developed a UTI couple days later... so back into the hospital for a couple of days.
Couple months ago I felt that ever so noticeable back pain, so off to the urgent clinic I went. They did a test, yep there it is again. So they asked if I wanted an IV to give the body a really good flush, so I took it. It took a few days, and a lot of drinking of water, for the stone to pass. I had to use a "top hat" which one puts on the toilet to catch the urine, then you can look for the very tiny stone... it was like panning for gold :P
I do have a story about that though. Hubby was on the team that developed that instrument. They were gettings sheep's bladders from the slaughter house putting lumps of calcium, I think in them and using the lithoclast to make them disintegrate.
One Sunday after noon hubby decided to do some experimenting in our garage. So in he went with the instrument and a bunch of bladders and my dishpan! My dishpan came back full of holes so that was a failure.
Then we went down to portsmouth where a researcher had a herd of goats he had put stones into their bladders. So the goats were anesthetized and the instrument tried on them. The interesting part of all this was that this researcher had been on the team that developed the bouncing bomb used by the Dambusters if anyone remembers that. He was pretty elderly by that time but a very interesting gentleman. I guess I will google lthoclast and see what happened to it. Did not want to stop and do it because I always loose my posts if I do that.
Did the goats survive?
This was recent:
"PORTSMOUTH, Va. (AP) — A city has ended a program to trim grass at a landfill using 10 goats and 10 sheep after many of the animals likely died.
The Virginian-Pilot reported Friday that sixteen goats and sheep have vanished from the Craney Island landfill in Portsmouth, Virginia. City officials said they were likely killed by coyotes or other wildlife.
Portsmouth brought in the animals three years ago, spending $10,000 on the project. The plan was to avoid having to pay for a specialty lawnmower and dedicate staff to maintaining the field’s hilly terrain.
Only two nanny goats, named Thelma and Louise, remain. The landfill supervisor now watches over them, making sure they have food, water and shelter.
Portsmouth has since bought a specialty mower at a cost of $135,000".
Don't send me hate mail if you an anti animal experiment person. This was not my circus nor my monkey (goat)
Anyone with any sense would have known that putting sheep and goats loose would put them in mortal danger from wild and domestic animals. Ask any sheep farmer
So, how are you feeling?
Would never send you animal hate mail. There was no intent there at all.
I knew your Portsmouth was in England, a while back, and this article was in the U.S., more recent.
It was to me a funny coincidence, since I understand the scientific process and the need for animal experiments-geez-that is not taking sides in what really scares me now could become a dispute on AC-fear I have stirred up a hornets nest without thinking it through.
Not interested at all in discussing this further, so sorry to have offended you V.
So sorry for even mentioning the experiment, that I thought was an interesting story.
Seems a division has ocurred before, with hurt feelings, about animals, I think: and I do not want to be anyone to participate in that. I think the world of you V, and respect you.
So, it would be kind to me and others to drop it. Again, so sorry Veronica.
My job as medical assistant was to transport white mice from the City of Hope to the doctor, so I understand.
Anyone can send me hatemail via P.M.s, because walking a fine line with a humorous intention is often misconstrued. I am so sorry!
I think you are being overly sensitive again Send, I'm pretty sure V isn't mad, but that's why we all love you ((hugs))
How are you feeling?
I'm doing fine. That stone is not moving fast enough to me. I'm realizing as long as it's in that urethra tube, I can't sit too long. I find myself subconsciously tilting to my right to alleviate the steady low-keyed background pain. Sometimes, I find myself standing while looking over my work. Yikes, while I was concentrating on the paperwork, I had automatically stood up to ease the increasing pain. Nope. I'm not taking any painkillers. This is still bearable pain. Sis and I had lunch and then shopping yesterday. By 3pm, I was stretched out and tilting to my right, on the passenger seat. By 330p, I was ready to go home.
Last night, I was remembering dad. Silent tears....
"When someone who cares about you hugs you, Hug them back with two arms. Don't do the one-arm hug, because when you hug with two arms, it allows you to lean on somebody and We Always Need Someone to Lean On."
This brought to memory Aunty L, mom's sister. She was there for us when mom died. And was there with us waiting outside the ER building for days while dad was in the ER. Despite never liking our father, mom's sisters (aunties) stepped up and was there for us at the hospital, funeral, etc... Aunty L, the most, reached all of our hearts with her beautiful singing voice - singing the death song, the funeral songs, etc... I have repeatedly thrown her my Big Hugs with 2 arms around her, full body contact, and whispering in her ear, "thank you, thank you..." ... She spent hours before finding a song 'as if it was your dad saying it to you - even though he never said it to you in real life.'
... This daily thought for 21July - the day dad died - is a message that I didn't see - until now....
Then she lit a firestorm. She started discussing marijuana and how it works in her words, "a lot of people". When I reminded her that it is not a cure-all for cancer, or epilepsy. She kept brow-beating me. Saying it works for a lot of people. Then I reminded her of a friend of mine with epilepsy, who tried it, and it just made her sick. My mother kept going on about it helping people, ignoring what I said. She didn't stop until, I said I would smash the front door, and flatten anyone who tried to force it on me.
She even got my medication wrong along with the dates that it changed.
Take a trip outside, ten -30 minutes. Calm yourself.
Those are just words, coming from a difficult person, who may no longer have capacity to manage your medications.
Go outside, now, inspect the yard, chill. You are not wrong. You are right, and no one can force you to take a med or marijuana if you refuse.
No violence needed.
Stay safe.
Call 911 if you cannot calm yourself.
Come back in and talk about it.
See you in 30 minutes?
Deep breaths, 3x.
Everything okay?
Tomorrow is a day
like no other day
has ever been
or will be again.
Sleep well.