The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Thanks I am doing better today in someways and in other ways not so much. My allergies behaved today mainly cause it was raining ALL day LONG! The barbque was fine and my two sisters were there and three of my nieces and my brother in laws step mom and dad. It was a nice time mostly. No trouble with the sibs just with mom. Today was not a good day for her ... it started out good she got up with help and walked to the bathroom no problem. Even got outside and into her wheelchair for when E or Erica ... came and got us to go to my sisters. Was doing well then she decided to do the leaning thing ... its where she will NOT will refuse to sit up straight. If its not her head turned to the left its her whole body to the right. I straighten her tell her to sit up she leans to the side we put her in a chair with arms. That didn't work but she ate a good dinner. She was fine ... for the first part eating her snacks and when I took her to the bathroom she stood up. it got later and she deiced cause shes at my sisters she is going to pull the full act. She refused to stand up at all which pulled on my arms and back so we my sistr Kathy and I wheeled her into the bathroom i held her up Kathy took her pants down. She again refused to sit up straight and leaned to the side even on the toilet when i tried to right her she dug me ... She told me she hated me that she wanted to go home ... that i was a beotch. The whole nine yards. When she finished I put her back in the chair and set her to the side and ignored her. it was the only way to stop her tirades as she can get downright vivous. She kept telling me she hated me and she wished i was dead ... i love her i swear I do but sometimes I just have to step away. She said she wanted to go on the proch so we set her in the wheelchair she again refused to stand for me to do that kept telling me i was scratching her that she hated me and all sorts of things. Got her in the chair set her in the couch set in the house at the table with my sibs and nieces gave her a time out. It doesn't do anythign to argue with her she will just eyll louder and cry. She's always been like this even before the dementia came into play she always get mean then nice one minute. She is a loving mother I know she is she still loves her kids and her grand kids and great grandkids its just .. sometimes she can be so damn mean!.... well finally she calmed down and she walked down the stairs with help got into her chair and i got her into the van and we went home. Got her home she got in the house fine but started to do the buckle her legs thing ... almost causing me and her to fall but i refused to let her though i ended up carrying her to her recliner when she got mad and brought her head back into my face. I am oky no broken anything just sure now shes relaxing in her recliner and I am in here I just need a break. Sis is taking me Grocery shopping next week as we have enough food for this week ... shes got her dinners ... My nose is sore and I know i am getting a headache but this is the life of a CG ... its what I need to do ...

Seeme honey I send angels to you to be with you and wrap their warm caring wings about you and yoru mother. There is one of my songs that I love to listen to by Keith Urban that i listen to when I am down its called Sometimes angels can't fly. I'll have to write the lyrics for you ... sometimes I think it describes you girls ....

Shawna, I'm sorry to hear that Mom was being difficult today, that is rough, compared to what you ladies and gentlemen go through with your charges, I had it easy.. I hope you get to feeling better and that tomorrow is a better day for mom.

Shawna, I am so sorry to hear how mom was today.... I can and do understand... Ruth was very mean in her last few months..... things she never would have said or done when she was healthy..... Is she on any meds to help these mood swings? I begged Ruths daughter to take her to the dr.for an adjustment to her meds and ended up with a broken leg because of one of her violent episodes.... so please see if there isn't something that can help her to calm down...
I have said many times how much I hate Alz. What it does to the person, what the family has to witness of thier loved one....and the simple fact that there are no meds out there to help them when they are so out of control......oh, dr's give them meds alright, but they do not work at all, or they are so medicated they just set and sleep... the meds out there today are for other things, not Alz...... but we work with what we have... please get some rest and watch how much stress you put on your back.... do you have a gait belt?? Maybe that would help when you have to get her up.... Ruth weighed 180 lbs. and when she would start fighting me when I was trying to help her with something, I would feel I had gone 10 rounds with Ali before it was over..... so please take care of your body... easy to say, not easy to do.... hope she has a quite night so you can rest...... and am so sorry to hear she head butted you..... I am very proud that you were not posting from the city jail after the day you had.... a head butt, that makes me mad just thinking about it...... you are an awesome daughter Shawna, and regardless of what she says or does, we all know how hard this is for you.... you are in my prayers for a restful night...... When others would ask me what happened to my leg, I would say I got my ass kicked by a 83 yr. old woman...... laught to keep from cyring sometimes, what ever gets us thru the day.... hugs to you, take care..

(((((shawna)))) u sound like a very patient woman and the disease is making any negative behaviours your mum had -worse - look after you as much as u can -I know u have some health issues yourself - the sharp words hurt and so does the physical stuff
vic -so glad bro come through and you got to your own house - must have seemed like a holiday. Good that bro saw how dad is
ladee - just be sure u and diva r OK - lordy we don't want u starting all over again - hate the smoke - we had tons earlier this year - re drugs just hate how they make me feel - not that I have had many - just when having kids -demerol and even that didn't work when I had dave - he was one solid pain - NO breaks in between - with John I had 2-3 mins between contractions - time to regroup, with Dave once it started - no breaks - they gave me a second shot of demerol and it didn't touch the pain and I was not in a position to explain it to the nurse - we had this conversation - Nurse -Are you having another contraction - Me - Sure - pushing all the time, Nurse - take time to breathe, Me - Sure - continuing to push -grabbed a little air and pushed. With the first 3 kids it was 2 pushes for the head, 2 for the body and 1 for the placenta - I was fit then - 7 years later when I had gordie that was another matter - at 41 - I was not as fit so it took more work -gave them time to get my feet in the stirrups - only time they did - anyway, so much for pain -with my daughter when she came she came so fast they did an episiotomy without any freezing and offered me the ether - I took it! - butcher of a ob/gyn put in staples and then removed them before I went home and did an internal exam - didn't say a word but could have hit him - needless to say I didn't go back to him
starri - the leg??? yes better to take something sooner than later - I left it a little too late this morning and it took a friggin painful 3/4 of an hr to kick in which was exhausting - tonight i have gone 7 hrs and am starting to feel it so taking something now -i do have a little sense - usually it takes about 20 mins to kick in - it is still pretty bad at its worst but longer between pain meds and overall not as sore - I call that progress -I am more concerned with healing than pain killing - and don't want any infection to set in - and - so sick of pureed soup but know I need a balanced diet in what ever form I can take it and advil/tylenol is doing it well enough
peg -would love to see a pic of the table - face book - joan benoit fort mcmurray -doesn't venting help??? -especially to those who understand
-only had the experience mother had with c-diff -took a long time - months before she went back to normal -she avoids antibiotics like the plague now and still takes probiotics
seeme (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) - hope things r going as well as they can - tough time for u - and you mum - and the others - you r a strong lady - but allow urself to feel not so strong sometimes - we all need that -and don't forget to breathe - deep! special love and prayers going in your direction
beautiful day -75 here, sun shining and a few more yellow leaves showing though no frost at night yet - no sign of G yet - shopping done - need to clean up the kitchen
love to all
jo

Sounds like everyone has had a so-so day. Some good, some not so good.

Shawna.....I just don't know what to say. Since you have seen Mom act like the Leaning Tower before, this isn't new and possibly she is trying to get attention? My mom would "fall" and then yell for her son, and would refuse to allow anyone else to help her. If you can rule out any physical problems, then that may be all it is. But after all that I'm glad you had a good day with your family.

Vic....so glad you got to sleep in your own home for a change. I bet you really enjoyed your time.

I am so tired tonight....worked in the yard for 6 hours. My back just cannot take that stress. Then I'm trying to pick up the plants I'm pulling and I'll be darned if I didn't get a cramp in the left side of my lower behind.....:) Geez, never had a cramp there before, and I really hope it doesn't happen again....just sore right now. So after all this it's time to take a shower and you know how they say men should never fry bacon naked? Well women shouldn't be ready to step into the shower and have a dog come to visit through the stair railing and lean over and have a boob touch the towel warmer.........ouch and ouch and good grief that hurt!!!!!Thought y'all might get a kick out of the visual.....:) After all that hard work, the yard looks great and we finished digging up the sweet potatoes and got about a dozen out of 4 plants. For being the first time I have ever planted them, we didn't do badly at all. Next year I think what we will do is plant in big pots, and then when it's time to harvest all we have to do is turn them over and dump them out and shake off the dirt. Much easier than trying to get them out without cutting or tearing them up.

So now the col has decided that the moohaha's live outside again. But she can't tell me what they look like so we can be on the lookout for them. She's been fine all summer and now that it's getting dark earlier, those critters are coming out. Hmmmmmm.....what to do.....Time for evening meds.....that will help I'm sure.

Hope everyone has a great evening............and remember the lesson learned today was...........do not lean over naked close to a towel warmer....:)

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam

If gravity hadn't played a part in how far down they hung, probably wouldn't have been a problem, bahahahabahaha, no problems, I've gotten mine caught in the zipper of my pants, first rule, put the bra on FIRST, the zip the pants....

She is fine now ... resting in her recliner gave her a ham sandwhich cause she said she was hungry. Sis Jeanne called to see how i was I told her I was okay. She is suprised that mom can be this mean but Kathy is used to it. She was like this at the pow wow. She does the leaning thing cause she doesn't WANT to sit up. She walks upright and everything everyday she only does the really bad leaning her head to the side or leaning to the side thing if we are at my sister Kathys ... it can get very tedious... but I love mom. there isn't anything i wouldn't do for her. I am just so tired ...

I'm pretty sure I will always smile and think of burnt boob now when I see towel warmers.
It is great to vent, oh yeah, I did forget to mention, I think it's really menopaws. It's been toying with me for a year or so, but I got 3 months no flo and hot face symdrome. Irritibility, well I guess it could be related.

Thanks to everyone here, reading your daily real life stories is a big help.
Hugs Peggy

Hey, there won't be anymore leaning over to play with the dog before getting into the shower.......I still hurt....:)

ladee.....read your link in the email. How far from the State Park are you? What is your plan? And how much time would you have if you have to evacuate? Gee, I'm not the least bit worried about you am I?

Caregiver back tomorrow.....a little break for us. The col wanted so badly to help dig up the garden today and I kept telling her to go sit down and look pretty, then I would disappear around the house and here she comes......out of sight........ Then she decided to play the race starter for my granddaughters so I could get my work done and quit wondering where she was. She thought the wind was "raw"....it was in the middle 70's. Told her if she thought today was cold, she would never make it through the winter. This morning I found her dressed in lined parachute pants and the inside of her house was 76 degrees......I was sweating after about 10 minutes. I just stuck my fingers in my ear and went lalalalalala..:)

Hope everyone has a good evening......

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam

jam - 6 hrs!!! holy cow that's a lot of gardening -sounds like the tubs are a good idea - so burnt boob is on the menu tonite eh? did you turn the cold water on it - best remedy but not comfortable - who has a towel warmer in your weather???? - I hang mine over the hot air vent - guess we are just tough up here lol as for the moohahas, don't think u need to do anything about them - (like u could anyway lol) just let them lurk out there and entertain the col - maybe spot one once in a while to give her a thrill lol -do they have antlers??? lmbo - 76 degrees amd lined pants - makes me sweat to think of it
ladee - I want to know how far away that park is to you too - the zipper if your pants - now that is quite a feat - son dave when he was about 2 didn't want to wear underwear and I warned him he might get himself caught in his zipper - well the dreaded day came - that no mother ever wants to face -i heard him call me and went upstairs and there he was with the skin on his most private part caught in his zipper -and - the big question was - do i zip it up and try to unzip it to get him loose. I knew whatever I did it had better be fast or I might not get a second chance and it had better be the right decision or i would have a maimed son - Oh the joys of children - don't remember which way i went but it was the right way and got him loose, though he had a mark for a while.The moral of the story is...??? ladee have u got one -can't be put your bra on first -would not have helped him
shawna honey ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) u r such a good and loving daughter -is there any way one of the good sisters could look after mum for a short whiie and give u a break. I hope they appreciate what you are doing and good that they saw
peggy - menopause may and likely does play a part but it is not just menopause -when i think about you sending that email I think of the song "I am Woman" by Helen Reddy
think it applies to all of us - you have paid your dues sweetie and you are standing up on ur hind legs and roaring - as u should and it makes the world a better place - look what u did for ur husband, and that bully bro needed that

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

CHORUS
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

CHORUS

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong

FADE
I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman

fits us all doesn't it?

love to alll♥♥♥
jo

emjo...........COW PATTIE!! Woohoo..............and I'm going to be singing all night!

There is no real way they can unfortuatnly my sister Jeanne has trouble walking on her own she had her knee replaced quite awhile ago and they think it might be loose. Her other she walks with cortizone shots in it. My sister Kathy works nights as an awake night at a place for the mentally handicapped so ... no.... thats not really possible

jam - sing away sweetie - u have earned it - sing to the moohaha's lol tell 'em what for!!!

shawna I am sorry u can't get a little break - don't let ur health break down any more with all of this - I think u r amazing -i am sure somewhere inside ur mum appreciates what u r doing for her (((((hugs))))) - is there an agency, church or so that could send someone for a few hrs even

cow pattie - well thats great - I will put it on the swèet potato plants - good fertilizer!!!

Unfortunately no ...in our neck of the woods the church's really don't care and mom doesn't qualify for the help. Between a rock and a hard place she eitehr doesn't make enough or .... she makes too much ....

some people on the site mention respite care - is that a possibility?

no there is no respite care .... she used to go to day care but they lost fudning and ran out of spots ...

oh shawna = that is too bad - I know u need a break

Jam- OUCH!!!!!!! I didn't even know they made towel warmers. I bet that did hurt. Get a ice pack and put on them puppies(boobs). Don't let the col drive you crazy.
Ladeee- OUCH to you too. I think that would be worse than the towel warmers, but i do not want to find out which one hurt worse. They both sound pretty painful!!!! Ladee- girl you be careful around them fires. You are going to have me worried sick til they get them things contained. Please take care of yourself....
Seemee- Sending angels your way. We love and pray for you and your mom. And i can't believe your brother is not coming to see his mom. When she passes he will have something to live with if he cares anything at all about her. My brother did, he drank his self silly that year mom died. He loved her and he just had alot of regrets and that really done a number on him. Don't know what you got til it's gone...
Emjo- girl you take care of that mouth of yours. If the advil and tylenol is working then keep taking that. I hope you will feel like yourself again soon with no pain...
54J- How are you and hubby today? Is he still eating you out of house and home? I'm keeping you in my prayers!!!!
Peggy- It is great to vent it helps so much to get all of these feeling off of your chest and to just relate to other people(friends) that know what you are going through. And to know that they are there to support you through some of lifes biggest challenges.
Ros- where r u girlfriend? Working again i guess. Take a break and let us know how u are doing and how the babies are.
Vickie- There is nothing like your own home and your own bed. I love them both. Glad you got to go home for a few days. It helps to get away for a while from everyone.
Starri- How is the vacationing going? Where r ya'll headed to next? Hope the depression is keeping it's distance from you. Take care you and hubby on the road.
Shawna- I'm so sorry you had such a bad time with your mom today. You are a wonderful daughter to be taking this on. I can't imagine what some of you must be going thru with having to take care of loved ones with ALZ and dementia. Especially the change in personality. If that was my mom I dont think I would ever stop crying because she was just the sweetest person with the sweetest soul. She did not have a mean bone in her whole body. And if i had to witness her turning into a mean person it would just break my heart into a million pieces. So thankful that she never got that dreaded disease and that she went peacefully with no suffering. I miss her sooooo much!!!! She was my best friend!!!!! Love and Hugs to all of you!!!! Ya'll stay safe from the storms and fires. Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Just came home to shower. Will probably be today. Just wish it would end quickly

Her personal effects were left at the hospital. Trying to find them. Had plans for the boob.

seeme ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))
prayers going ur way for a peaceful ending and for strength for you and all

much love
jo

Seemee- you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm here for you. Will be waiting for your next post. Much love and bunches and bunches of (((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))) for you. Love you Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

Peace for mama and prayers and angels for my great friend... loving, huggind and praying......

Ladee- how are the fires? They aren't getting closer to your house are they? Lord I hope not!!! You stay safe sweetie!!!!!!! Love you Stormyyyyyyyyyy

We're in CT where I'm still getting used to having the electricity back after Irene. Looking at the weather maps I can't help but want to invent an efficient process to get some of our overabundance of rain down to Texas.

During the hurricane my mother kept commenting about the wind and rain, forgetting very quickly that Irene was passing by.

Hi PCVS - not sure i have seen you here before. I gather it took quite a while for some to get electricity back. Seems every moment to new for those with Alz. I am sure it can get on your nerves.

Hi PC.....other than the lack of electricity I hope you made it through the storm unscathed. Sometimes I think the lack of memory might be a good thing. Better to not remember the bad things that happen in their lives, but when they think they have the same amount of judgement and decision making skills when they are in the middle of Alzheimer's that can be scary.

I haven't done a thing today....didn't sleep well at all last night and haven't felt real whoopy today either. I found out the moohaha's that the col is afraid of are what she used to tell her children to keep them from being outside after dark. Probably worked with her daughter....her son, not so much. She had good day with her care giver today; will go see what she is in the mood for dinner tonight. I'm putting money on a bologna sandwich. She would eat one at every meal if she could.

Haven't heard a word from ladee today so I hope she is okay and is able to find her way around in the smoke.

More angels and prayers being sent to seeme..........

And I hope that okay goes for everyone.........let us know how you are doing.

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam

Hey Ya'll (and by the way, I know it's spelled Y'all, but that is how I say it so that is how I spell it)... Uh, lets see, maybe I am a tad tired today...lol
The fires are heading south of us , the wind has died down today so they were hoping for some containment by this evening.... Saw a news conference today where one of the fire officials stated, "don't push us", he was talking about being stretched to the limit with manpower , in other words, cooperate, Our idiot governor has yet to declare a state of emergency, so no help from other states....and read yesterday there were 56 wildfires in Texas going yesterday...
And PCVS, I agree with you.... there has to be some way to get flood waters to needed places..... just in this fire alone yesterday there were over 20'000 acres burned, and over 800 homes lost... not counting all the other fires....only two deaths, a young mom and her 18 mo. old baby couldn't get out of their mobile home fast enough....my heart is so heavy with all that is going on all over the US....... and PCVS, we went a month without electricity after Rita, so I absolutely understand how grateful you are to be able to switch on a light......hope you get back on your feet soon with all the loss around you....
Officials believe the Bastrop fire was started on purpose.... I don't even want to think about this anymore...
But I am fine, can still smell smoke, but not as bad today with no wind... we are safe, until the next disaster......thanks for prayers and thoughts..... The weather is so much cooler, thank God, at least the firefighters are not out in 110 degree heat trying to save lives and property....
And with all the tragedy going on all Marie could do today was bitch about not getting to her Dr..... it was for a check up for God's sake, nothing important...... I didn't even try to explain the road closures and why.... it's always about HER...... And Sonny was my "helper" today... laundry, setting the table, ect.... the more him and I laughed the madder she was getting..... She is the abject example of "misery loves company", so for a few hours a day I can get Sonny away from her Drucella claws and he can have some peace....... Really couldn't tell you what some of her comments were, when she is like this I just ignore her.... not ignore her needs, just ignore what comes out of her mouth....I'd have Sonny and I packed up and heading to Jam's lake house in a heart beat if I thought I could get away with it.....Sonny would be in heaven.... no yappin' from her and lots of sticks to pick up.....
So anyway, we are safe for the time being.... sorry I didn't post earlier, still trying to get the house leveled and I'm dealing with the son, so ya'll know I am just plain tired.....
All I can say it is a good thing the BS is not drivable, I'd so be out of here and headed to Seeme's , then just make the rounds.......
Love ya'll, and am going to take my negativity somewhere else for awhile... hugs across the miles to everyone...

(((((Seeme))))) Thinking of you my friend, and praying that everything is as peaceful as it can be made. Take care of yourself my friend, allow the grief, piss on the siblings, let them figure it out for themselves.. I gave the Eldest the chance to say good bye after mom passed, he passed on it, and for the rest of his life he will have to deal with it.. the other two brothers made it shortly after, and had their chance.. I had mine.

PC, glad that you have your power back, going through one of those hurricanes has to be frightening beyond belief.. I'd rather have a earthquake..

Jam, sorry that you didn't sleep well last night, was it the burn? aloe vera they say is good for burns as well, you can pick up the pure aloe at health food stores and maybe even Walmart.

Ladee, I am glad to hear that the heat and the winds are down today, it will make it a lot easier on the firefighters, it sounds like your governor needs voted out of office for failing to declare emergency.. Any idea why the BS isn't running?

We're still here in Nebraska, had planned on only staying a week here at the camp ground, has turned into two weeks, as we have to not only wait on our mail, but on Glenn's pain meds as well.. he takes morphine, so has to call 10 days before he's out, then the doctor has to write a script, it has to be sent through channels to be shipped and it's sent UPS signature required. We changed our spot from where we were camping across the drive if you will, I like this spot so much better, a lovely view of the lake, I can sit here typing and watching these birds skimming the water for a drink, looks more like they are dive bombing..lol..in this spot we are able to let Claire and Maggie run for a while, rather than having to keep them in their pens, there's a nice big area that is grass in front of us, neighbor on only one side.. as long as they stay in their "yard" it isn't a problem.. Poor Squeek though has to stay on her lead, but she has like 20 feet in any direction she wants.

How I wish that I had each and everyone of you here with me, to enjoy the peace and tranquility, I can't say peace and quiet, as it isn't all that quiet..lol, the campground is just off the highway.. but that is ok, it isn't a very busy one so the noise isn't that bad, after living in Los Angeles, I've learned to turn it into back ground noise.. The days have been wonderful, not over 75, low to no humidity, and the nights are chilly.. like 45 or so.. makes for good sleeping. When Glenn gets back from doing the laundry (yes, he's actually doing the laundry) I'll see if I can get him to post some pictures to face book. we've both been pretty much just chilling.. he's gotten to go for some short rides, I'll think of something I "must have and can't live without" from the store, like a candy bar or something, lol, and send him on a ride.. As you know with most men I am sure that ride a motorcycle it really breaks their heart to be told "go ride" lol.. Big hugs and much love Carmen

I'm a little stressed by two things tonight. 1. My mother is back on her "I want to go home." theme. She has a doctor's appointment on Thursday, and she wants to ask the cardio doctor about going home. Her confused mind called the heart doctor the name of the nursing home doctor which she was not willing to question. She wants me to tell the doctor that she can go home. It is not safe or workable for her to go home. 2. After over a year of having some helpers work on some odd jobs here and there (they work so slow and few hours at a time due to poor health), I'm not going to let them even with helpers put a new roof on my house which the insurance adjuster said we need. That plus 3 ceilings of water damage and 3 sections of chain link fence damage due to a tree falling will be a big check from insurance and the home mortgage people have already told me that I'll have to get licensed contractors for these jobs and submit receipts to be paid back from the checks. I don't like putting my foot down like this and I wonder if these workers have not been taking advantage of my patience and kindness. How they react to the news that I'm not hiring them for another job will tell me a lot. I just want them to finish the current project which has taken to long and leave. Or they can just leave. Now, I wonder why I did not tell them to leave long ago. This has been very stressful for both my wife and I. We don't need anymore stress while we are trying our best to enjoy our empty nest. Our birds are grown and gone. We just want to have our nest back alone.

I've read many posts here, but can't keep them straight in my head. Sounds like everyone has their hands full except starri33.