This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I wonder which nurse had dated the other nurse's brother long time ago? She was quite insistent that she did. Her brother doesn't remember her? (Oh, my... ) There were more gossips but that was the one I remembered.
What I was saying before is that it's not unusual for GI docs to do their procedures one after the other, with no time in between to talk to patients. But that is what the support staff is there to do. Staff should have spoken with you AND sil to make sure you understood post op instructions. I though you had posted about being told to eat breakfast type foods , so I thought you'd gotten instructions!
Before I was wheeled into the OR, I overheard the IV nurse telling the just awakened man in the curtained room on my left - that he should eat food similar to breakfast... When I was in the wheelchair and talking to the IV nurse, I said that I overheard what he said to the man. What exactly does he mean by 'breakfast' food. MY idea of breakfast food is a plate filled with fried rice, 6-7 bacon, Portuguese sausage and 2 eggs. HIS idea of breakfast is rice or pancakes.
Has anyone awoken from this procedure with a constant headache? It's Sunday morning and my head is still pounding. I noticed that every time I sleep, I wake up with a terrible pounding headache a rating of 7. Once I get up, it goes down to a 5. It's a kind of steady pounding headache that I get when I eat food with MSG (monosodium glutamate) and Tylenol with Codeine or the after-surgery painkillers.... I'm going to fry yesterday's rice and make 2 over-medium eggs for breakfast. And then take 2 Tylenol. Since I don't know if polyps were taken out, I won't take my usual Excedrin headache pill since it has aspirin.
If Exedrin usually works for you, have some caffeine.
Maybe I should have taken Benadryl... In the meantime, I'm keeping an eye on my right hand which I thought the swelling should have gone down by now. That's the hand in which the vein didn't work and no blood came out. But once he inserted the IV on my wrist, he found the original site on the back of my hand was bleeding right through the gauze and onto the bedding. That area is still painful. The IV site on the right wrist is normal. Just the hand is puffy....
I was listening to the 11minute Happiness video when I was yawning so badly, eyes closing, I stopped halfway. I will continue it tomorrow. I don't understand. I find it so educational, interesting - and yet my body keeps shutting down every time I try to watch any of the video...
Today's video was about: Self-Compassion... We are our worst enemies. When other people fail, we encourage them, commiserate, etc... Yet, when we fail, we are mean to ourselves, call ourselves names, put ourselves down, etc... This is where Mindfulness comes in. {which I'm really terrible at - from both therapies I had, I struggled with this.}
book - I am glad you are feeling better. Sounds like the happiness videos relax you so you fall asleep - which you really need to do.
I want to tell you that there is hope for you feeling whole as a person.
What I've experienced lately is something I did not expect after my mom passed. She died a little over 5 months ago and today was the first day I FINALLY relaxed, both mentally and physically. I guess my whole self finally registered that she is gone. I knew it intellectually, but somehow the 'muscle memory' was still there. The old adrenelin was still there pumping away giving me anxiety. You were on the job three times longer that I was, but for me, my seven years of always doing, stressing and caring for an elder left me in a state where I forgot what it was like to live for myself. It was scary to even think about.
Two days ago, I decided to attempt to clean out my old e-mails and came upon a long string with my brother in Germany. Years of email about the past few years. Yikes! I went down the rabbit hole, read it all and am amazed I survived the journey. I wasn't always a nice person. Neither was mom. We also had some amazing times that made for great memories. The love was always there, though not often evident at times when her health and mental state were not optimal. Gosh, it was hard! But we made it through and loved each other to the end.
I laid in bed at 5 this morning and thought about how long it's been since I've felt in charge of my own life. I've been sooo lacking in energy, just tired, just bored with my life.
Something clicked in my head. I realized my life is now my own. Really and truly my own, my goodness! Grief and PSTD can really mess with your head and body. I feel optimistic for the first time in years and my old energy is back as much as it can be. :)
I pray for the same for you book in as much time as it takes. I didn't expect this, nor push for it, it's like a miracle for me. I know there will be some bad days ahead but we can push through them. My thoughts and prayers for all who are struggling caregivers as I type.
All we can offer is for you to come and vent. Let us know how your day is. How frustrating your day is. And whatever advise we give, either accept or reject - with no hard feelings. =) You take care.
Golden, thank you so much for everything. I do read the Dys thread but I feel so much comfortable posting here. I've been trying and trying to wean myself off this thread! I try to jump around, read other's posts, get so depress because I remembered what it was like to be drowning and no-one (family) cares to help. So, I stop jumping around. And fall right back to here. {{{HUGS}}}
I have come to the realization that I have shut down emotionally so as not to give into my grief. One thing that was stated at my most recent meeting is that when you try to shut out the pain, you end up shutting out the joy and every other emotion/feeling as well. I guess acknowledging this is half the battle. Now that I realize this maybe I can start moving forward.
I am so happy for you that you are starting to welcome yourself back into yourself if that makes any sense. Bravo for you. I hope I can get there myself one day.
I'd love to hear your journey - if you're willing to share. I just love to hear of people's stories. I think everyone's lives are so fascinating. Because we all grew up differently. New. Unusual. And we face situations so differently, too!
I reluctantly went to visit fave sis today after work at 12:00noon. I really do want my Sundays for myself. When dad was alive, I so looked forward to sis dropping by on Sundays. Now, I feel as if she's infringing on my Sunday. I decided that maybe if I visit her today, she won't come and visit tomorrow. I soooo hope I made the right deduction... Now, I will just have to tell fave niece that we will now limit our regular Sunday video chatting from 3 hours to down to 1 hour. I'm also beginning to resent that fave sis visits me on my Sunday mornings, and fave niece takes up 3 hours of my Sunday afternoons. I'm going to have to learn to say No and not feel guilty. And if I can't say No, then find a way to avoid it (like visiting sis on Saturday so that she doesn't come on a Sunday.)... A weekend is really not much of a weekend when you work on a Saturday, off on a Sunday, then back to work on Monday....
Tonight, as oldest sis was passing by me, something fell and landed noisily. I turned. Sis stopped and turned. I asked her what was that? She said that something fell over there. I got up to look behind the partition. Sis bent down and picked up - Dad's blue large plastic pouch with zipper and dividers inside - that I put all of dad's original papers (funeral, both their death certificates, birth certificates, marriage cert., etc...) I said, "Ohhhhh." Sis brusquely said, "Don't think about it. Just shrug it off." {Hehehe.. Everyone knows that I'm a scaredy-cat.}
Well, I may be missing dad once in a while. But I sure Do Not Want his spirit visiting me!!! Older sis was expecting his visit (like all the relatives who die, they visit her.) She was surprised that he hasn't. Hmmm.. After I'm done here, I'm going to write to her. Since he just visited me now, maybe he did her - or will soon. Might as well warn her.
With my mother's estate, I did a bit of proxy work for the executor. Who lived 2.5 hours away from parents and hadn't been to their house for 5-10 years prior to their passing. (Thanks, dementia. Thanks, irrational fear. Thanks, lack of faith in own daughter.)
HOWEVER -- executor and I agreed to our arrangement early on. After all, I was the key (somewhat) to helping him gather the deeds, life ins policy, important documents, cadence of bill-paying, etc etc. And as the " local," I made and paid for obit and funeral arrangements, etc -- and got reimbursed.
Even with our arrangement....and our mutual trust....and my prompt reimbursements.... my "happy to help" role wore me down. Tremendously.
If I had known my phone would be blowing up for the better part of 2 years -- and countless miles on my car -- directing final clean-outs that were never quite final and playing general contractor and sh*thouse landlord for multiple real estate locations that Would Not Sell, I would have started with NO and ended with "thank you for my share of the inheritance."