This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Veronica, you're right. My brother, without asking permission, has planted 2 small coconut trees on my/2 brothers front yard.
Yesterday, I heard on the news of a missing man. We usually get news alerts on this for missing teenage girls (always found at a friend's house). I wondered very briefly about the missing man since this is unusual. This morning, he's still on the news. This time, they added that he has dementia. Oh... I feel so bad for the family. We went through this with mom, repeatedly, until dad finally added sliding locks on all the doors.
Have any of you seen this YouTube video by SoulPancake? It's part of my online course to watch it (and then apply it in my life). The twice I watched it on the course, I cried. My trigger was the participant who called her sister. OMGosh, she can pass as our local islander - from the Philippines. The way she talks is similar to how we talk. As I watched and replayed the video, I was thinking of fave sis. She's been my emotional support since forever... After watching this, I realized how I took her for granted because she was always there for me. And that's why I cried. Sometimes when you're just struggling day to day, it's so easy to overlook the one who's been there helping you in their own way.
Google: "soul pancake experiment in gratitude"
So very sad
Chris, your mom can no longer hide her forgetfulness. She's progressing. Keep closer eyes on her. Sounds like she might start wandering - going outside - and not knowing how to come back home.
Well, I called social security. Mom was still in the system. And dad was still paying for her medical insurance the past 4 years. This means I now have to go to his secondary insurance and make sure mom's cancelled. Thank goodness mom wasn't get direct deposit social security income! Can you imagine having to reimburse SS for all those years plus any interest/penalty!
SIL texted me asking to check his airfare to Manila. When I came home, I told her that why doesn't he just go online United.com and buy his ticket.... He wants me to check it.... I said that his own 3 grown up children just flew to Manila for medical issues. They can check his airfare.... No, he wants me to do it.... I told her that I will have to charge a service fee if I do this. No matter what I say, SIL over-rode my objections. I.. Do.. NOT... like... Him!!! I never liked him as a child, as a teen, and as a grown up. I go with my guts. I want nothing to do with him.... He didn't recognize me - behind him at the grocery store. When he was paying for his little grocery, he opened his wallet, and made a show of flipping through a thick wad of bills in front of everyone. I couldn't help it. I rolled my eyes (and wondered who he stole from this time)... I still haven't responded to SIL's request. Uncle has 3 grown up kids. They can d*rn well check his airfare for his trip.
Karma.. Karma is visiting uncle. Even fave sis told me that when she found out about his illness. Whatever. I hope dad visits him in his spirit form. According to bro and SIL, my mom's 2 brothers (which includes this uncle) are both so very scared that our dead father will 'visit' them. The other uncle came to the ER almost every day to be with us and with dad. I believe he was trying to make peace with dad before he died and before dad 'visits' him. I wonder if it worked. This uncle is okay - we just have to watch our backs. They're nice to you in your face, but they have no compunction of stabbing you in the back while smiling and joking to you. Nope...
Mom's youngest brother was the one who took care of their aging and then Alzheimer mother. Each of mom's siblings took a day of the week to take care of their mom. When their mother died, mom's corrupted siblings (the work stealer, the 3 uncles of the restaurant) all tried to kick caregiving uncle out of their mother's home. Fortunately, grandma had a Will. That Will protected caregiver brother from his greedy siblings. Yes, Uncle who was at the ER daily was one of those trying to take the house from his youngest brother.... sigh.... Sorry if this story sounds so confusing. I just need to vent this out because it's almost midnight and I want to be able to sleep without feeling obligated to help out dying uncle. I like when Karma visits... What goes around comes around... Do onto others as you would have do to you... etc...
which is a big fake smile when you're mad enough to spit.
― Lindsey Rietzsch
I was able to convince my boss for me to come in tomorrow and pay the GRT. He would have waited for me to pay it next week when I come back to work. I texted that GRT late payment penalty is 5% of the GRT due + daily interest... So, I need to time the cough med, walk up 3 flights of stairs without coughing, do the GRT form and cut the check, drive to Rev/Tax and pay it. Sneak to the next building and pay the power/water bills, and if I’m not coughing badly, cash my paycheck.
This week leave, I will only have 1 day paid leave. The rest is leave without pay. I used up all my vacation leave when Dad was in the ER. My next paycheck will be under $400. I will need to touch my emergency fund to make up the shortage. I’m trying not to worry.
Financial worry is the worst! It makes it harder to rest and recover from your flu.
Rest is a priority.
Can someone bring you chicken soup, or take you to cash your paycheck? Your boss is going to be peeved if you are able to pay bills, ambulate around in public but not work.
Then, while you are out, spreading germs......
There has got to be another way-can you send someone upstairs with your payment?
Stricktly speaking, a sick day is for staying home to recover, and to be isolated from other people. I say this only because you push yourself too hard, without realizing resting could make things better for you.
Well, I care, but am not going to push you into caring for yourself if you don't want to.
Just stopping by to say, get well.
I have no cash. I’ve been charging my credit card for everything this week and the balance due is going up. I need to cash my check. It’s the only way I can stop charging needlessly. I’m used to cash budgets and have always failed with credit card budget.
Anyway, I need to buy food. Sis idea of food is packing our small freezer with frozen dinner cheeseburgers and frozen chili/ bean burritos. She even took up my 1/3 of the freezer space. :( I tried the cheeseburger for breakfast today. It doesn’t taste like cheeseburger. I’m hungry and our idea of food is different. Unfortunately, I don’t think I will have enough strength to include grocery after paycheck. I will be too tired and most likely come home immediately. It’s just so frustrating! And I’m tired of being hungry... I guess I can try to eat 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and try to think of it as a meal... or force myself to pretend that frozen cheeseburger is good tasting....
Sorry you are not feeling well
I know when I'm down sick, I sometimes go into the office for half a day or so to just stay on top of the workload
It is admirable you are concerned about your company not incurring a late payment penalty on its taxes but if you fill out the form And ready the paperwork, can't boss or his wife take it to the tax office ?
Maybe your own power bills and paycheck can wait another day ?
I don't think anyone can go from being home sick in bed one day and back to full duty the next so I have no guilt about running to the store or other short errands if I'm using a sick day - sometimes taking a shower and getting dressed helps you feel better but it tires you out too
But I know you have the ability to get well, even without help.
I agree, you should not go hungry!
It is because both you and Book are like the energizer bunnies.
Three flights of stairs, and many sick people would faint.
Caregiver Olympics, it sounds like.
If your mother won't make a decision, you should do it for her. Weigh up the pros and cons - and if you don't find that the right facility, carefully chosen, wins hands-down I'll be very surprised - and present her with just the one option, costed, planned and ready for signature.
Apart from anything else, if she is scared to be left alone then in practical terms alone she needs to be in a well-staffed community. That in itself makes the idea of her living in your home unfeasible: you and your wife would become prisoners in your own home.
Set a deadline. Do the research. Crack on. You don't have to be brutal about it, just practical.
I hate to say this after that... but I am doing great today! Took Mom to Aunts for a 10 day break,, lots of things planned up there. Hubs and I are going to the river house next week for 4 days of relaxation.. ( and NO his father is not coming this time!.. I hope) We are going to get it ready to close for the season,, but mainly relax and regroup. I also got my hair done today,, short and sassy for the first time in years! I love it!