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Thank you both! We will be in WV, and it is lovely this time of the year! We may go to the Casino nearby for a few hours,, but otherwise plan to relax and cook great food! And take a last boat ride or two! And reconnect.
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1. The fruit drain bowl must no longer mine.  My mother gave it to me, now wants to get rid of it.
2. Cat dish bowl no longer cat dish bowl because she thinks it was for human consumption....she is the one that bought it for the cat.
3. Bungee cord-type shoe laces she gave me. She wants back because I haven't used them yet.

Her failing memory knows no bounds.
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Timbuktu,
Welcome back, nice to see you posting again!
That must be an extra hard dose of tough circumstances, seeing Mom suffer through what you hope to conquer and survive long term, for yourself, and I just don't know what to say, except wanting to encourage you in your continuing successful journey.

You are not alone, this thread has some really good people posting!

.
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Chris,
Isn't this when your father said to let him know when your mother gets worse?
So sorry her symptoms are affecting you. Seems she picks you to pick on.
And yes, she is focusing on you! What do you think she needs?

Because I know you NEED a bike ride!
Take some deep breaths. Give her a box of her own stuff to sort and throw out, this will distract her.
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Just need to vent today. Getting ready to move dad and myself closer to my job, as the 60 mile commute is too much for me now. My night vision is crap.
I have financed myself into oblivion trying to keep this party going. This might be my year for chapter 7, yay! Lol. I truly do nothing but work, take care of bills,the apt, dad..and then try to sleep.
I hope this is my last year of " custody" of dad. My sister is working on dad's VA benefits, so there is hope for me yet.
I'm so glad I found this site.
Got some great advice and links for help, just wish help didn't take so long,lol.
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Hang in there Jenaynay!
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Bookluvr,
Is your cold better yet?

Pammzi,
Have a great vacation!
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Sendhelp-Yes, But I have told my father n' stepmother before, and they just blew me off. When I went on the bike ride in West Virginia, back in September. My father, step-mother, maternal aunt n' uncle were there. They saw me fall n' nearly hit my head at a restaurant. Reacting so far, as to say, maybe I should be in a home for people w/ disabilities. No mention about my mother's health. My mother n' aunt are not on speaking terms is one thing. But I guess, I shouldn't use my medical knowledge when they could really use it.

So sorry her symptoms are affecting you. Seems she picks you to pick on.
And yes, she is focusing on you! What do you think she needs?

1. She has major trouble with her memory.
2. She keeps losing her hearing aids.
3. She keeps doing things without thinking.
4. She still wants' a guy in town to go through her computers to store the data. She doesn't want me to do it.

I think I will put her stuff out on the deck. So she can sort through it out there.
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Well, sir Chris,
You just earned yourself an "E" ticket ( disneyland ride reference) to posting on the "Caregivers Behaving Badly" thread! Where we are all experts at expressing our anger and frustrations in a bratty way. Putting her stuff out on the deck to sort is perfect!
It would be so much more bad if there is rain in the forecast, get it? Lol.

Sorry you are being frustrated.
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Timbuktu, was it really over a year since you've posted on AC? Wow, time sure flies. I'm so sorry about your breast cancer diagnosis and the measures you needed to do to prevent it from spreading. Now that you've done the major procedure to eradicate the cancer, have you also researched on how to adjust your diet to help your body fight against any future cancer? About the short hair, I find that I like it better, too - faster to wash, less shampoo/conditioner used. I just brush it and put on a headband, and I'm ready to go to work. Wash and wear haircut.
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Chris, I don't think my mom ever went through what your mom is going through - about her stuff. My mom, for years, was accusing us of stealing from her. And she got so angry, and physically violent when we didn't return it. The thing was, she was the one hiding stuff from us so that we cannot steal it. She never remembered where she put it. And the poor person who actually found it - she would accuse that person of hiding it! So, I'm not able to give you tips on how to handle your mom's current stage regarding items. Grit your teeth and try not to blow up??? {rolling my eyes}
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Jenaynay, here's crossing my fingers for what you wish for. And the VA benefits!

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Today is my first day back to work. By 2:30pm, I had a pounding headache. My body wanted so badly to cough by afternoon. I was sucking those Halls all afternoon. Went to the bathroom to allow the hacking coughs out. Oh my gosh, my back and upper chest were hurting, esp. the chest. I took Excedrin but it just put a tiny dent on the headache. On the way home, I was NOT in the mood for a microwavable cheeseburger. I stopped by Wendys and picked up a small chili and a side salad. sigh.... it was delicious going down. I still have left over chili. I will have it for tomorrow's dinner. .. I am soooo tired. I think I will sleep early tonight. I still have my headache. Maybe I should take another Excedrin before it starts gaining on the pain dept...
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Book, I hope you feel better soon. Many viruses seem to be going around. Idaho has already had one person die from the flu. Seems too early for flu season. Take care of yourself my friend!
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Thanks, Sharyn,p... My flu is odd. When I first got it: Friday/Saturday was body aches, high fever and tiredness... Sunday was only the constant sneezing, blowing nose and coughing... By Monday to now, my flu is mainly coughing. No sneezing, no stuffy nose at nights, no fever, etc... just Coughing and coughing where my lower back and especially my upper chest is excruciatingly painful on every single cough. And sneeze.

So, I went to work today. The boss came in around 11:00am. He had a marathon of sneezing and then blows his nose. My immediate reaction, “Oh my God, he’s going to give me the flu!” .... The wife comes in at 11:30. She’s sneezing and blowing her nose. ... I fatalistically realized that I have a high percentage of getting the Other flu which involves sneezing, blowing nose...
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Good morning all you caregivers out there. Hope you have found some time for yourself this morning and a cup of coffee.Just my 2 cents today. If anybody is able to please get a therapist or any mental health care you can get to.It's not just the physical toll caregiving takes on our bodies as many of us are seniors ourselves but the nonstop stress and hypervigilance ,always being on alert, being on the shift that NEVER ends,frustration with siblings that give NO help--you have to have a place where u can go for yourself.I would not have mentally survived if I had not gone to a therapist,I really thought I was losing my mind.My insurance would only pay a small portion for a few visits so I literally began collecting loose change,any extra dollars I could to at least see a therapist once a month-and I did my homework prior to the visit. I would write down the thoughts I was having, feelings, I just wanted to make the most out of my visit and help the therapist help me. I can't stress enough how important mental health care is for the caregiver.Caregiver burnout is real,it seems like you are turning in to another person that you don't like very much,feels like you are losing your mind,find yourself yelling and then immediately feeling horrible guilt,living on a sleep deficit.You no sooner seem to put out one fire and then another fire starts.You are ONE person doing the jobs of several other people, driver, cook, maid,nurse, etc. The craziness has to stop. So I would like to hear from everybody what they are doing for their mental health care and what they would like to do for their mental health care. Be a caregiver to yourself.
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Disclaimer,
Chris,
No one actually acts on the many things mentioned, such as putting your mother's belongings on the deck to sort if there is rain forecast.

That is what is unique....letting off steam, is helpful, and has no adverse consequences.

I am pretty sure you understood that. But thought I would bring it up because my husband takes things very literally. Joking doesn't always cheer him up.
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timbuktu, thanks! Glad to know someone cares. Tired and exhausted of the drama. Dad is ambulatory until he sees someone to offer to do his bidding, then he just sits there. Mostly my daughter does what he wants but she is finally seeing through his facade. My daughter and SIL finally are buying a house, Yea! It is as I figured a dump but she made her bed.... After a 2 week stay turned into a year and a half the light is at the end of the tunnel. The truck he bought from me a year and a half ago (he paid for only half of it) died this weekend. Now it sits in my driveway. More drama. Of course driving my spare car now.... until they close so he can get another piece of crap (his usual MO).
I am angry a lot and trying to figure out why besides the aboivious. I tried the gym (hate working out). Trying to eat better (love to cook). Not sure why I am so flippant towards my dad. Every day I try to be the good son but something he says or does gets under my skin. I try to ignore it but...
Dad raves to the family and friends how great he is and how everything he does is so over the top. We try meals and the conversation always goes back to him. He reminds me of the guy who says "enough about me, what do you thing about me?" I am grumpy, snarky and sullen a lot. Wife and I are planning a quick get away before the daughter moves so we can have someone make sure the house doesn't burn down. Want to figure a way to get dad to my sisters for the holidays....
Thought about therapy but had difficult experiences as a child. Not sure I am ready for that.
Right now trying to read that will lighten my mood and focus on my business. Focusing on my wife to care for her (medical issues popped up this year I believe mostly stress) Maybe once the kids move out it will be a little better...... I adore my daughter but I want her to have her own place for her, she needs and deserves it (although I wish better circumstances).
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Timbuktu, I went to therapy. I always shut down during sessions. It was like pulling teeth to get me to open up. Once she did, it was like trying to drag the horse to the trough. Once she got me there, I refused to ‘drink’ ... or should I say, I refused to change my behavior. It seems my 2nd therapist was a behavioral therapist. She tried to push for behavioral modification, just the thought of reverse role acting, I panicked. I remember the look of amazement on her face when she said that just the suggestion of doing it made me panic... needless to say, that was the last day of therapy.... I realized that therapy is not for me. If I’m not willing to change my behavior, then I shouldn’t waste our time on it.
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How am I doing today? This is minor and trivial, but I am gobsmacked at the sorry excuse of an autumn where I live. For all of September and October, the pendulum swings between inappropriately hot temperatures and aggressive rain.

I hail from an area that was known for decent fall color (decent for not being New England!), but that has gone down the dumper the past 5 years or so. With this year being the worst. Trees are mostly green and going straight to “brown and down.” I see the occasional yellow and rarer red here and there, but it’s mostly dismal.

I don’t even like autumn that much! Gateway to winter + early dark = BLECH. But still. Losing that touchstone visual cue is really messing me up.
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😄 HAHA, BlackHole, so true! It's a weird, weird year for weather in U.S. Maybe other places, too? It's up over 100 in LA this week, which is just bizarre for late October. Swings between rain and summer-like weather where I am, too. I noticed exactly what you're talking about today: the tree was losing its leaves, but they didn't turn yellow, turned from green to brown. Weird.
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Sorry, but tree colors have been exceptional in Minnesota this fall. We had a lot of rain this summer which I guess is one reason it's so beautiful.

My mom always loved autumn. Today would've been her 81st birthday. She's been gone six months. It's true the first milestones are the hardest. I miss you mom!
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Here on island, we have green leaves all year round. I remember when I went to Hawaii on a business trip. I took the tour package from the hotel on my spare time. That was my very first time to see a tree with bright yellow leaves! I was in awe. By the time I remembered to take a photo of it, the tour bus passed by. I was so disappointed.

Years later, on a business trip, I went to Korea. I took a tour to the old Korean village town. Gasp! I saw my very first pink leaves tree. It was beautiful! About 2 years ago, taking my Colorado niece around the island, I ... saw a tree with purple leaves! I gave my iPad and told my oldest bro to take my photo. I posted it on FB. An Texan FB friend wanted to know the name of that purple tree. Heck, I don't know! I didn't even know we had one until I went around the island... My family knows how I love scenic/tree photos. When they remember, they will send me their trees. Baby sis has sent me 2 yellow leaves tree so far. It's soooo pretty (but not as pretty as the purple leaves.).. .. One day, I will get to see the mainland's autumn tree leaves. It would be beautiful with all the different color red/orange/etc... mixed all together.
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Went to work late today because I had my urologist appointment today. They have an old weight scale that doesn't even have a height measurement. I was told to sit on the chair to have my BP checked. The chair was tall. My feet was dangling so I bent it behind me to the rungs. Then, I remembered an accurate BP requires that your legs are not bent under you. So, I left it dangling. Then, there was no place to put my arm for the BP. I had it dangling. So, she took my arm and placed it on top of the metal cage bin (not a solid top, opened bin for supplies). My hand started to get numb and then my fingers became numb and then crossed and stayed stuck. I stared at my numbed hand and tried not to move my now tingling legs dangling in the air. In the end, I put my feet back on the chair rung and kept moving my fingers as she was taking the BP. I don't know... Is this urologist too poor that he cannot afford a normal height chair, modern weight scale and a stand to rest the arm that is having the BP done?
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Book, more to the point an accurate BP reading depends on your not being stressed out. So next time you're seated uncomfortably, speak up! I'm sure she could have found you an ordinary old chair to sit on.
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Sendhelp-The deck has a metal canopy bolted to it so things wouldn't get wet.
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Chris,
Good to know. How are you maintaining today? Are things any better for you?
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Sendhelp-My mother wanted a guy in town to examine two Win95-based computers so she could take them to the computer reclamation center. When I asked her why she wanted him to do it. She basically called me an idiot when it comes to computers.

I have training in PC, Network, and Server Repair. Both PCs have Win95 as an OS. She has made no upgrades to these computers in twenty years.

But I am still an idiot in her eyes.
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Sendhelp-The guy never showed up. Because he forgot. My mother realizes. That she should have asked me in the first place.
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Okay Chris!
It often takes people with dementia challenges more time to come to their senses.

Sorry you were treated like an idiot by your mother. You hopefully did not receive that as truth, because you know that is not true.

Maybe, if you charged her she would respect your skills more?

Good outcome! imo.
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Sendhelp-I knew it wasn't the truth.
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