This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Mom always had to make sure everyone had something to eat, so we ordered wings and pizza and had it delivered to the hospice center. Kathy went to the front door to pay and bring back, and when mom smelled the meal, she knew we were going to eat and she started to breathe her last. Very sudden after that. If we were expecting one more person in the house, it would call for a second bucket of chicken.....just how she was.
We are missing her already, but tomorrow night we will put on her skirts and party. It was a peaceful death and a glorious blessing for her. Thanks for all the angels, hugs, and prayers.
ladeeda, it is hard to hear them want to go home time after time after time. I have this gut feeling that I've been way too patient which I have a tendency to do. Plus, I'm being a little hard on myself for being so overly patient. When will I ever grow up and get over this being overly nice? I don't know, but it was good to meet with my therapist today and tell him how stressed out I am over this. Thanks for the hugs.
- interesting about the food - celebrate her life - you will have time to grieve later.
more (((((hugs))))) and much love
Shawna..so sorry you are having such a tough time. Rest when you can.
Starri...I am right there with you girl!
Jam...hope it is a better night tonight for you. Towel warmer...hahahaha...sorry!
Ladee..take care you! I remember living out in CA years ago and the fires there. Did not help sinus' one damn bit! Just stay ready. Can't imagine folks that have no sense to do these kind of things on purpose.
Peg and pv..glad you are here! These folks are just fantastic!
Dad did pretty good today...sliding out of his chair but not as antsy. Gout seems to be calming down. He finished his UTI meds today..hope infection stays away for awhile. Tomorrow is long day for mom...bloodwork and doctor visit...
I pray each of you has peace this night.
Wow, you have a lot of repairs to be done and organizing that as well as getting your renos finished is very stressful - tell me about it - renovations/repairs are the pits but have to be done. Good if you can get someone reliable - makes a huge difference. Breathe deep and write a poem about it!;) and let go of the patience
jam - hope u sleep better tonight - sounds like the moohahas have come home to roost - how is that eviction stuff going?
ladee - breathing a sigh of relief that the fires are headed south and u r OK and it is cooling -arson Oh My! -hope u get a good rest tonight
starry- it sounds so beautifuil where u r - to sit and look over a lake - I want one lol! sounds like a great place to have to stay for a couple of weeks!!!
here not my best day with the pain but not my worst - see how I am through the night -may go back to the dentist tomorrow and see if he can do something
I look great - colour is back - no one would know i am suffering -dang - no way to get sympathy!!! ;p
Gary called last night and has no idea when he will be home - things have gone sideways there - maybe I will be over this by the time he gets here and will be able to go off with him - looking for the blessing here
Mother emailed that there is trouble between her and her financial advisor who has been the most patient, supportive man for the past 15 years she has been out here. I need to contact him and get his perspective. He is one of the people I have relied on to let me know how she is. My concern with mother is that her physique will hold up while her mind/emotions deteriorate and that is what seems to be happening. It is a difficult thing to deal with. I hope she doesn’t alienate the staff where she is too much. She is running out of options other than nursing homes which deal with people with mental disorders and she would probably run away from one of those.
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
hi everyone else -let us know how u r
jane
Emjo- How's them teeth doing? Better i hope. Has the swelling gone down? And are you still taking your tylenol and advil? I hope you are on your way to recovery!!!!!!
Starri- I love you girl, but you make me sick I wish i could be there with ya'll looking at a lake, any lake for that matter. I have always told hubby that i would love to live somewhere where i could walk out of my house and see a lake or some body of water. That will probably never happen, but it doesn't hurt to dream. So think of me girlfriend when you are relaxing and gazing into the lake waters. : (
Cmagnum- I know what you mean about being nice all the time i get so sick of it sometimes. I wish sometimes i could just say what i want to say and to hell with what people think of me. My dad is that way and has always been that way. My mom was a different story and person. She did not want to hurt a fly's feelings she was so sweet, naive, giving, and understanding of everybody. And i loved her for that. I am more like my mom in that aspect to where i just want to keep the peace and i don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I guess that is why i get so stressed out sometimes because i just hold it all in. And i know that is not good for a person to do that but that is how i am. So i do understand where you are coming from. I do hope you and the wifee get some quality time with one another. Maybe that will help bring down the stress level a notch or two. Love and (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))) Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Well, not much went on at dads today just the same old stuff. His legs still look bad. Me and sis have noticed something though; yesterday dads legs looked a little better and today they look worse. And it has been going on like that for about 4 days or so. We can't figure it out. Then day before yesterday the leg that does not have cellulitis(or we think it doesn't) the left leg, the calf muscle was really hard and then the next day it felt like a normal leg. Then today the cellutlis leg on the top of dads foot is starting to turn a little red in one area. He is still suppose to go get that ultrasound done tomorrow or thursday. Well i will talk to ya'll tomorrow. Love and hugs to all of you stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Or at least I thought it would start out that way.
seeme.....have sent email to you.....and love and angels and prayers and happiness and whatever else you may need.
stormy......moohaha's apparently are those creatures lurking outside that the col always threatened her children with to keep them inside after it gets dark. I'm sure her son told her where to put those things, and her daughter...I don't have a clue.
After falling asleep last night for an hour I am awakened to Target telling the col to go back to bed and turn the coffee pot off. Somewhere around midnight maybe. I hope this doesn't become a habit. But something tells me it will.
I hope everyone has a great day.....have some things to do then will check back in later.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
(((((((lSeeme))))))) Great big hugs my friend, I am so sorry for your mom's passing but glad to know that she is finally with out pain and suffering. They do always want to know that their "babies" are taken care of, I am also glad that you had people around you to support you.
Vic, how I wish that each and everyone of you were here with me right now, it's beautiful, cold with a breeze blowing, making it even colder..lol.. Finally drug hubby's butt out of bed, 12 noon, don't know how he can sleep that long.. kinda wish I could, but the body doesn't allow it, the dogs and cat doesn't allow it.. they don't understand "no, you can't go pee cause mommy's sleeping..lol.." CA always had nasty fires and the Santa Ana's never helped any.
Jo, sorry to hear that you are still not feeling well, that sucks, go to the dentist and see what they can do about it. Getting away for a while with Gary sounds like a plan to me...lol..
PC, I grew up in CA, LA area,so got use to earthquakes that I would just wake up and recognize we were having one, and roll over and go right back to sleep..remember living with some friends one time, we had a earthquake and here they came, Sharon standing in the door way with her slip and camisole on, and Jeff running around in his boxers..lol, I think that the thing I think worse about a hurricane or tornado is the fact that you can see it coming.. and might not be able to get out of the way.
Sorry Stormy, I do think of each and everyone of you when I am looking out at the lake, wishing that you were all here.. You work so hard each and everyday, and need a break and something like this.
Lol, sounds good to me Jam, I think they might be second cousins or something to the boogie men that hide under the bed and in the closet at night. Hope that the coffee pot does not turn into a habit for her, will keep you awake worrying.
Big hugs to everyone, let us know how you are doing.
I hope something it done to get the TX fires under control. I only looked at this last page, and when I saw mooohaha I thought it was an evil laugh.... Today is a good day so far here, f-i-l was up on for breakfast, ate at a good speed, no coughing, swallowing problems. He asked if I could help alter his suspenders. My husband had commented to me the other day, if he goes out anywhere he will probably get a ticket for wearing his pants so low... Well, I fixed them and shortened the stretched out backs by a few inches, and his pants were much higher on his torso. I was so happy he asked for something, he I so sweet and doesn't want to be a burden. I keep telling him, I love to do stuff, for others. I got them pinned where he wanted and sewn in less than 5 minutes, he even said thanks Peggy. most of the time he says thanks, but doesn't use my name. So I feel really good about this little thing that happened today.
thanks for all the help and support, I got a list of to do's, I hope i get more crossed off today than yesterday.
I finally got some good news today. I'm going back to work tomorrow and can't wait. Work gives me a break from Grandma and it puts more responsiblity on my husband to take care of his grandma. She asked me when I told her the news if it was a good thing or bad thing. I told her it was a good thing cause honestly didn't know how we were going to make it if I didn't go back to work this winter with the high heating oil prices.
I hope everyone is doing good. Good night all.
well cmag, did you get to tell the workers they would no longer be needed???? I feel bad for people who always want to be nice... it adds so much extra stress to your life... I really believe one of the reasons I have few health problems is because I usually speak my mind..... vic is teaching me to be more gentle, but a hundred years from now, who cares who doesn't like us..... really, it just makes room for real friends in our lives... so good luck with what you need to do..... I'll be happy to help if you need me...lol
Jam, where are you????
Seeme, you know I love ya, right?? With that being said, and knowing how much you have been thru these past few days, you left a two line post about a "boob"... Ok, I know mama had breast cancer, so i am assuming you meant a prosthetic, am I on the right track here or not.....?? Ok, you said you had "plans" for it.... now you know better than to post something like that, with no explanation..... my mind has run amok, and do not feel it is appropriate at this time in your life to GO THERE, but if you could enlighten me about what that post meant, I will rest easier..... AND I won't be tempted to come up with any "uses" for it... please be a good friend and help keep me out of trouble here, ok??
And for those of you who are new here, no offense was intended with that message to Seeme, she knows I love her and I KNOW she will laugh... that is the only gift I have for her right now.... besides love, prayers and angels..... love ya Seeme.....
Had a good day at work,,, I love it when a plan comes together... Marie is going to be Marie whether I am upset or not, and it just takes too much energy to play all that passive aggressive crap, so sonny and I have really been enjoying the cooler weather.........
The Bastrop fire is 50% contained last I heard, but now the reports of all the dead animals are coming in...... and propane tanks exploding, ect... had to just get away from it for awhile today ( Maire keeps the TV on all the time).......Just the Bastop fire alone has burned the size of Ct.... heartbreaking, just like the hurricane and floods, and all the other stuff, so it is important that we immerse ourselves in positive things also.... hard to do while all this is going on, if nothing else, I am very grateful.....
Love and hugs to everyone.... will check back in later....
Oh by the way, I'm actually starting to like Tejano (sp) music.... might as well, I hear it every evening.... deep sigh....
Hey Ladee, glad to hear that the fire is getting somewhat contained, I know that has to be a relief to you and those around it.. you still haven't figured out a way to get them to turn it down? when you catch yourself dancing to it, you know you've been exposed to long..lol..
(((((hugs))))) seeme - look after yourself
saw the dentist - he said it is doing well , I don't have dry socket - I asked what dry socket is - he said really just extreme pain - What the *** - why did he think i was there???? - granted I look fine and don't moan and groan and complain (may have to learn how to do that) so i said I have had 4 kids and with one an episiotomy without anaesthetic so I know what pain is and this is PAIN! Oh says he and gets some stuff in a syringe and puts in on the extraction site and gives me the rest to take home. and says it should get better soon -if it is not see me friday and he hoped I didn't get an infection -would appreciate prayers about that because I can't upset my gut again with antibiotics -still on diflucan for intestinal yeast infection due to too many antibiotics
mother, my daughter and I and think the boys all have high pain thesholds -i didn't nake a sound when the nurse was taking out the staples after having my daughter and she remarked in it - and other have for various of us too -not always an advantage
anyway that's the mouth report - still taking painkillers and hopefully not too many more
love to all
jo
mother has complained that before she had her original hip replacement the docs didn't take her seriously as she had good range of movement and high pain tolerance - I didn't complain enough, soon enough, about the yeast infection so it got really out of hand - now he listens to me about it - but you hate to have to get to that point to get attention - but we know the squeaky wheel gets the oil - just have to squeak more
when I had 19 out of 20 low thyroid symptoms and felt crappy I told my doc to test my thyroid levels. He called me with the results and said the level is a little off but not enough for you to get anything for it. I said right back, It is too low, I need something for it and you are going to give it to me. He did and was surprised how much I needed before my levels were right. What would have happened if i had not known enough to insist??? Scary!!! One really has to speak up and be proactive!
So whats new here? just a little more confusion. It's apparent to me now, that whatever aunt has is progressive. I think:( She acts so confused sometimes,then boom back to normal sounding. It's weird! I do think she is becoming weaker in her walking. When I think back to when she moved in I can see a difference. She is slower and dosn't walk as far when she comes out for her walks she stops to rest at the tables in the kitchen and dining room. The people from the reasturant she orders from told me the other day that when he brought her food in and told her the amount, she argued with him.He said it's the same order and same amount as its always been over the last year or so that she has been getting it from that same reasturant. She used to tell them how much it was before they even had a chance to tally it up for her. Now she was claiming it was like 8 dollars less.
A couple weeks ago she got on this tangent about how the grass needed to be cut TODAY around her part of the house in front of her windows( her apartment over looks a small section of the back yard). I mean she told my FIL that of he didnt cut it down she was going to find somone and pay them 100 dollars to do it. Made this big deal, stopped us all from what we were doing for the day to take care of her little problem. Later that day I was in her room, and she said "well I had to have it cut down, I think that's why I had all those bugs, allover this wall and window." I said "BUGS?" She said "yeah,cock roaches and spiders all over that wall...and window." We don't have cock roaches,and we certainly don't have them running all over our walls and windows. Maybe a little spider or two, even some ants they are terrible this year.
So today, she seemed a little confused, called me in to take down a clock, thought i might need help to get the cord out??? Nope no cord, would you believe those run on batteries? She sat for 20 min looking for some pictures in her wallet, and kept saying stuff that kinda had me lost. I knew where she was going with it but it didnt quite make sense, I cant even remember what was said cause it didnt have a good point to it.
She got cranky with one of the kids for spilling some dry cereal on the counter while pouring them a bowl, FIL was watching them for me while I went to the store. I guess he got angry with her for it and told her they were just children and she needed to stay off their asses, she treats the animals around here better than the kids, she had squaked at him for cleaning it up. He got mad and took the kids to his house, stopped me in the drive and told me about it. Said she was slamming doors when he left, I came home and found a broken picture frame, he says to kids didnt do it, she must have. I wouldnt think so but i dont know. She told me about it, she said she asked my son nicly to please clean it up so I wouldnt have to (yeah right) and FIL got angry and threw the handful of cereal into trash, she went on and on all eve about it. She didnt want him taking her to her hair appt. tomarrow could I take her? I said yes, figured if she was angry it wouldnt hurt, its only 2 min from here not a big deal, maybe it would give her time to calm down. Then next week, buisness as usual, this turned into me driving to all the appt. and in bad weather. Im not interested. Those are my break times. If I take that on with her I will lose my mind.I dont mind doing it on rare occasion when FIL can't but not all the time. So gotta figure out how to change this scenerio. Now I know most of you probably have to do all the running around for the folks you care for, and If i had to it would be different. But that is FIL share of the responsibility and I think it shouldnt stop just because she is angry. He is the only resite I get. Besides my hubby, but he thinks she is cute and is in a whole lotta denial about her. She is sweet as pie when he goes into visit her, he only recently saw her tantrums. One she threw at him for allowing the kids to turn the water hose off, that should be daddys responsibility she says, not a childs. Really??? It's a water hose!! Sorry seemer, hope the stories cheer you up.
I kinda feel like Eyeore under a cloud this week:( but i'm hugging you guys any ways:)
Things are doing okay today mom got up had her breakfast bowl i got her for breakfast. Sister brought money over that her friend gave her for the two mugs she wanted. Had to use some to get an umbrella and bandages for moms legs. Such is life. She walked good today and there was NO leaning so I don't know what that was about at my sisters. Going to go to the store with niece tomorrow then going to my great neices football game shes a cheerleader granted a 9 year old cheerleader but she wants me and gram there. So off we go tomorrow to walk to the game. Mom wants to see Alena in her outfit and cheer so we are going. Mom is eating good didn't choke once on the bowl this morning which was great. She had a cider doughnut for snack. Did laundrey played with my kitten Starr and working on stuff. ON the bright side a friend of mine called today he works with Youth Ministry at a church they are thinking of using me for a fundraiser we talked it over and I am thinking up ideas we will see how that goes but hey if it brings in money I sure will do it. Gonna talk to my sister Kathy and see what she thinks and my n iece erica and my sister jeanne they are my sound boards about this stuff. I still have to get more mugs as i have an order for 7 of them and I have to get teh plaque for my niece for her sons room so we will see how it goes ...
Give the kids a big hug from me and tell them I am very proud of them for not killing her and just telling you she died..... of course DON'T tell the kids that, but I am very proud of them... and more than proud of you for all you do for your very own crazy old lady, you and Jam must have twin sisters that were seperated at birth....
I finally called the police last night on the neighbor.... by 9 o'clock I was a wreck from hearing the music.....am going to start calling them everytime they do this for hours on end..... I pay to live here too.....and they were drinking, so guess when they saw the patrol car they got nervous... better them than me....
Is it only Thurs????? Am needing the week to be over, so many things I want to do to my little house, and now that it is cooler, am going to get started making it "home"....
Love to everyone, have a good day, or think happy thoughts, or at least don't pull out your hair or anyone else's....... hugs across the miles
Jam, love ya, hope today is better
Seeme, hope we hear from you soon, love you.....
Boy we are a crazy bunch..humor helps to make it through the days!!! boobs..moohahas ...Tejana music..pain thresholds..I love all of you dearly! You
bring joy to my day!
ASG..glad to hear updates from you. Know what you mean about confusion and critters on the walls..don't know where it comes from but boy there are days!
Starri, I remember those days and nights out in CA with earthquakes, Santa Ana winds and fires. Glad you are letting us enjoy your your journey and peaceful days. It brings a light to my day just thinking about it!
Emjo...man oh man ..men just have no clue! Glad you told him! Hope today you are a little better.
Cmag..take care with these bumps in the road! One day at a time right! Tell those workers ..see ya! Besides..you don't owe them anything...
Ladee my friend you know it is always easier looking in from the outside! You teach me too!
Stormy hope dad has a good day.. Shawna..I pray you and mom enjoy today too! Those little cheerleaders are too cute. And good luck with youth fundraiser..hope it comes through for you
Jam hope the night was better for you guys.. No midnight coffee runs..might have to make coffeepot disappear into a cupboard at night.
As for us we are decent. Dad has been a little more out of it mentally again. The speech therapist came yesterday and she to noticed. Maybe it was just the excitement of having my brother here a couple of days but who knows. Dad had a pretty peaceful night until around 3 then he started his crazy dreams again. A few hours ago he was trying to get up to go to work! Had to tell him that he was retired... He has been calm since.
Took mom for her 6 month check up yesterday..bloodwork all good so far. Still waiting on kidney test and vitamin d level as he wants to do a rep last for her bones. She got the flu shot yesterday and had a rough night not feeling well. Gave her a Tylenol this morning as she said her arm was hurting...got her to stay in bed a little longer.
Pray all of you have a good day and that we can all see the sunlight through the storms of the moments. will check in later..
asg, good to see you, sorry to hear that aunties confusion is getting worse..have you been able to talk to her doctor about this?
Ladee, good for you..hopefully they will get the hint, you should not have to listen to their music.. they can keep it down.. the weekend is almost here..hang on..
We're still here in Nebraska, we're figuring that our mail should be here like Monday and Glenn's medications by Weds, and then we'll decide if we are staying till the 17th, or heading out sooner. Tried getting a picture of the birds yesterday doing their diving bombing for a drink, could not get it, so this afternoon I am going to be sitting by the water about the time they generally start, to see if I can get a picture of it. It's cool..
Hope that everyone has a great day...