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I am allergic to Avon products. Then it has been many, many years since I wore eyeliner. Didn't agree with wearing contacts. Then laser eye surgery twenty years ago or so, still did not wear eyeliner. If I were to try, I might see my eyes.😕
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How do I feel? Like I died and went to hell on most days. One day Mom is cantankerous, cunning and mean. Then the next day she’s laughing, loving and cooperative. We have 2-3 sleepless nights per week where she calls my name every 5 minutes. Other nights she sleeps like a baby.
This caretaker thing ain’t no joke. It’s the worlds scariest roller coaster ride! It’s driving me to drink more than usual.
I have no life, no help, no outlet.
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Darol; have you tried Melatonin for mom at night?
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Hmm, why didn't I think of that? My own sleep has seemingly improved since I started with the 3mg melatonin melts. They taste like a little chocolate melt, so easy to take an hour before bedtime.

For someone with bad sleep issues like your mom, Darol, I think giving a bit of diphenhydramine (Zzzquil), maybe a half dose to start, may also help. Getting better sleep -- both of you -- would be a start to getting the edge off. Hopefully she would feel better and you would feel better. The caregiving road is a long one for many. If you're going to make it, you'll need your rest and lots of self care. :-)
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Couldn't wake mom up this morning, she and the other zombies were clustered together in the lounge while the more with it residents paraded their christmas sweaters and enjoyed special cookies and drinks. I'd bought her a santa hat but no one put it on her, I guess it doesn't really matter. No more activities are scheduled until we resume normalcy on the 27th. ho ho ho.
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Darol, I was thinking about a couple of mild sleep aids that also do double-duty as anti-anxiety helpers. The obsession with furniture is a sign of agitation, imo. A mild anti-anxiety plus sleep aid may be helpful to get your mom to sleep more regular hours and lessen the obsessiveness. Hydroxyzine is a good anti-anxiety + sleep aid, it's prescription but is considered more mild than benzodiazepines. And the diphenhydramine is OTC and causes drowsiness plus has anti-anxiety qualities. Both of those - hydroxyzine and diphenhydramine - are also for allergy/decongestant use. Or the melatonin.

Anyway. Just sitting here thinking that you might find something mild for your mom to help her sleep, AND get some calming, anti anxiety help, too.
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Hello again,

My mother has been getting ever pickier.

Tomorrow, My younger brother, SIL, nephew, and niece. Are coming to my elderly mother's house to stay through Christmas Day.

Now, In the past, I have three futons underneath a thin foam mattress. Last year after they left, I told my elderly mother. That I would not put the other two futons back. I didn't put them back, but she put them somewhere.

Today she marched into my bedroom demanding I get the futons out of my bed. I said "Not this year!!!!". To which she responded, "It is only two days a year!!!". At first that would seem like not a problem. But my bedroom is small and major 'furniture' moves like that are monumental hassle. My 'bed' is actually otherwise, a bay window, part of the physical structure of the house. Not something like going down to Mattress Discounters. Where you would get the mattress, box-spring, and frame of the bed.

Then she told me to clean up my room, which only had a few papers on the floor. When walking around upstairs to do my laundry could have potentially fatal consequences. If I fall, and hit my head.

It also felt like, my mother wanted my bedroom 'viewable'. When I don't want ANYONE in here. That includes my relatives.

No, I don't have any deep, dark, secrets', that I don't want my relatives to know about. BUT, My bedroom is one of the few areas' of privacy in my life, and it is not a showroom of some sort. My mother loves' to show off to family.

Indirectly connected to that, my mother told me this morning. That she was thinking of firing the maid, who comes every so often. Because of the maid not showing up when she said she would. The maid only cleans' the downstairs' bathroom, the kitchen, and the den. My mother doesn't want any of her 'jungle' upstairs, touched by the maid.

She always wants' to put on an impression of being immaculate. When, In everyday life, she isn't that, at all.
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Hi Chris,
I just don't get your Mom at all!
Why would she have to tell a grown man to clean his room at all?

I know you would have got with the program of having visitors, and straightened up at the very last minute, right? It makes an uncomfortable change all that harder to be having company when she nags you like that, as if you are an irresponsible little boy with an attitude!

Have a Merry Christmas anyway!
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Left work early to get to hoca by 5 to have dinner with the Viking and Brought her a child's spaghetti dinner since she hates the puree which I've noticed is generally cold by the time it's served - yuck 👅

After dinner, took her and her roommate to the tv room
I find this the tough part of the evening, folks crammed together waiting for staff to put them to bed
Others pacing around, disrobing, two men entangled

After awhile, mom says to me, I don't like it here, what can I do about it ? I'm afraid not much, we'll just have to make the best of it

I hope Sprouts has plenty of pumpkin pie this weekend
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Oh, profound question from Mom. Do you think she still has problem solving capabilities? Did you ask her what she wanted to do about it?

Such a darling Viking lady. Does she ever just swear?
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Oh, MsMadge. It’s sad that she’s aware enough to see the situation she’s in. I’m just glad that you’re doing the best you can for her. It lets the staff know that you’re looking out for your mom. My dad took one look at the puréed food delivered by meals-on-wheels and absolutely refused to eat it. I took a sip. Yuck.. So they upgraded his puréed meals to grinded. Have you ever tried grinded salad or grinded mixed vegetables? It doesn’t taste like what it’s supposed to be. It’s mostly watery with no flavor... except the peas.
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Towards evening, I couldn’t take it. I grabbed fave sis hand and started dragging her to the guest bedroom. I told her that she needed to tell her house spirits that it’s okay for me to sleep in the bedroom. Sis didn’t want to do it. I reminded her that last year when Colorado cousin was staying at our house, our house spirits locked my bedroom door after she left the room to use the bathroom. I told sis that she needs to let her house spirits know. Sis didn’t want me to come into the room while she did it. I ignored her. I walked in. Sis was so embarrassed and... unbelieving. I don’t care. One time, I went into my niece’s bedroom, and there was a very loud bang on the wall behind me. I recognized that bang. They weren’t happy that I entered my niece’s room alone... I did Not want any invisible eyes looking at me while I’m trying to sleep. Nor do I want to hear the wall banging! I forced sis to tell them that I’m a guest.

I brought my battery powered mini lantern. I even changed the 3 AA batteries from cheap version to the Energizer batteries. And I got my small heavy duty flashlight beside my head.  I even changed those to new batteries.  So far, no uncomfortable feelings from this bedroom. I recall fave niece telling me years ago that this room is haunted. Well, who was she to talk. It was her bedroom that had the banging wall.... okay. I’ve been hearing strange sounds. It’s just the wood creaking. {even though their house is concrete}. I’ve convinced myself it’s the wood or lizards {haven’t seen any yet}. By the way, can you believe that everyone in this house goes to sleep at 8pm!! It’s now 10:30pm. We’re going to the flea market at 5:00am. It’s still dark outside. How can they see the wares? I’m bringing my small flashlight. Last time I went that early with them, I couldn’t see my feet. I don’t care if I appear weird using the flashlight. .. I’m not sleepy. I usually sleep at 1:00am.... iPad battery is down to 32%. Wall socket is not close to the bed... I’m not sleepy...
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Sendhelp, There were just a few pieces of paper on the floor. But she reacted like I am an OCD Hoarder. The family isn't coming over until tomorrow. Regardless, My bedroom is not a 'showroom'. She doesn't have to tell me at all. Because I am keeping the door to my bedroom closed the whole time they are here. She just wants' things to look perfect for the family. I am not a slob. If anyone is a slob, it is my mother. I have told her repeatedly about leaving things out that I could trip on.

1. I have fallen down the stairs more than once because of stuff she has left on the stairs, hitting my head on the wall at the bottom of the stairs.

2. I almost hit my head when I tripped on her 'stuff', upstairs, that was laying around the washing machine.

So, My mother's 'demand' that I clean my room, is manipulative. When her 'stuff' has almost killed me.

If I hit my head, it isn't like getting up and wiping of the dirt. I could suffer a fatal head injury since I have (physical)major medical health problems since birth.

That is why I am hypervigilant on my bike, on the road, and when I am at home. So I don't hit my head.
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When I stayed overnight with sis, I realized how much I miss sleeping in an air conditioned room. It's soooo wonderful to wear a long cotton dress (below my knees), with leggings, thick socks and sweater, with a thick plushy large bathrobe to cover me. That's how I've slept for years. Sis did provide me with a comforter but I needed the ability to fling off the covering when it got too hot, then cover me when I was freezing. I can't stand my feet being covered by blanket. It must stick out - hence the socks. sigh... It was wonderful.... I'm back home and exhausted. If I had a choice and not be a rude guest, I would love to spend the whole time holed up in the bedroom and not have to make conversation with my host/hostess... Making nice to people just wears me out.

I spent most of my time in the living room. Yesterday, sis asked what I was reading. I said that I'm checking all my Wish List on Amazon to see if any of the e-books are on sale. Sometimes it goes down to $0.99.... Hours later, she sees me on the iPad. She asked what I'm doing. Oh, checking to see if the ebooks are on sale....Today, she saw me on the iPad scrolling, scrolling.... She asked me if I'm on Amazon again checking on the books. Yes... Sis told me to charge her credit card for Amazon's $100.00 gift card. Her gift to me. Yay!! More e-books to order to complete my different authors' book series! So, now, I'm scrolling through my list. Any series that just needs 1 more book to complete the set - I will buy it. But the book must not exceed $3.99. {grumbling... I broke my rule about not buying any ebooks over $3.99. Last week, I bought an e-book collection for $5.99. I was so pissed off when I saw it this morning for $0.99!}... I'm so tired. I think I will skip scrolling thru the Wish List (currently have 10 lists.) It's only 8:30pm...
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Thanks for all the suggestions. We just started the melatonin a  couple of days ago. A friend suggested  it. Started out with 10 mg but had to bump it up to 20.  OMG it works wonders!!!!!
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Chris, I know how your Mom feels, I was brought up in the same generation where the house has to be spotless for guest, as one never knows with a guest might open a bedroom closet door :P And the bathrooms must be super clean and the furniture pass the white glove test.

What happens when a grown child and a parent who needs some help lives together, out comes the parent/child dynamics. Once again you are the teenager, and once again Mom is the ruler of the house. Sometimes one has to just grin and bear it. Easier to just say "ok".

Oh, and yes, leaving stuff on the stairs can become dangerous. I remember leaving some 3-ring binders on the stairs, and one night I walked down the stairs, stepped on the top binder which slipped out from under me. Ouch. Never did that again.

After the holiday, have a talk with Mom about stuff on the stairs, it sounds like a bad habit of her's and she probably doesn't realize it. Ask her what would she do if your were injured? Who would get the groceries? Take her to the doctors? Keep the conversation short to allow Mom to think about it.
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I’m having anger issues. And I know it’s related to dad’s death... Yesterday, at our xmas family get together, I argued angrily with oldest brother. Then with disagreement with fave sis.... Today, I lost it again. I walked to the back of the house and saw several of my cinder blocks borders missing. And one of the blocks where the washer is. (Because the washer is outside, and we live in a flood zone, we placed the washer on top of cinder blocks.). My nephews next door took one of those blocks from the washer, too!! I sent several pissed off messages to SIL that we have 2piles of unused blocks- front of house and near sis’ bedroom. But nooooo they had to take the blocks bordering the house from the wild weeds of our backyard which her sons rarely bushcut so I use a manual scythe to chop off the weeds creeping over the blocks. I proceeded to tell her that I replaced the blocks they took. Next time take from the pile. I had so much anger. I rarely felt this kind of violent anger in years. (This was when Dad and I used to have our famous yelling matches. He eventually calmed down.).... I was literally throwing the blocks onto the ground, every damn single one I was replacing. I broke one of it. But the terrible anger was still there. I took the broom and threw it onto the porch floor. I completely ignored oldest sis. I was afraid that I would take my anger out on her. I didn’t even look at her because the anger was too strong. I walked pass her, slammed the front door hard, went to the bathroom and slammed that door hard, went to my bedroom and slammed that door hard. The anger was still there. I had to calm myself.

My heart was racing and I was hyperventilating. I don’t have a bathtub to ease my anger. I had to slowly pamper myself in my locked bedroom. I used the baby wipes to wipe my feet and concentrated on the wetness against my foot. I got a new wet wipes and wiped between the toes, concentrating on the feel and how good it felt. A new wipe to go up one leg, concentrating only on the feeling and refreshness it brought to that leg. A new wipes for the next leg. I slowly worked a new wipes as I went up my body. Concentrating ONLY on the sensations. By the time I reached my neck/throat, my violent anger had dissipated... I need to find another religion that doesn’t burden me with obligations. I need one that will soothe me.
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I woke up and got out of bed at 8:15. One of the first things that popped into my head was that a member of my religion will be dropping by today. No, they wouldn’t come and visit me in Xmas day. They never did before. But the feeling persisted that they will come.  The thing is, when this happens, they actually do drop by. So my denying it is futile.... Guess what, at 8:45 am, There they were. I saw their car and hid from them. I didn’t feel like making nice socially just after getting up from bed. Didn’t answer their knocks and calls. My bedding was still in the living room sofa and can clearly be seen from the screen door. I fled to my bedroom. Do I feel guilty? No. Why on earth are they visiting so early? No wonder so many people have left organized religions...
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Of course, one who is religiously inclined, would tell me that God saw my great anger and sent my spiritual (biblical ones) guide to help me in my anger and grief... and I believe this, too. But I’m not ready to go back to my religion, filled with so much obligations.
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I’m done with obligations. It’s time for Me and what I want.... okay, I’m feeling guilty for hiding.
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The end... May you ALL have a better holiday off than me!
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((((((hugs))))) book I don't doubt that you have a lot of anger after all you have been through. It is a normal part of grieving. I think you are doing well. Why on earth would people come at that hour??? Too early!!!!
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freqflyer, White glove test, my bedroom is not a showroom.

I haven't been a teen for thirty years. I have been married and divorced, once.

I won't back down to irrational behavior. Prior to last Christmas(2016), my brother n' SIL bought a fold up bed that looks like a suitcase when packaged. They have that again this year. The other two futons were taken to the dump in 2015(I think).

My mother's reason for leaving stuff on the stairs. Was so that she would remember it. Seemingly understandable, BUT potentially fatal.

She doesn't stuff on the stairs anymore. Not just for my sake, but also the cat. Her water and food bowls are kept on the stairs. They are not big it all. I also don't want the cat traumatized, if something falls down the stairs.

My mother drives herself to the doctor. I take public transit if I don't go on my bike.

Her memory issues' now are.  She will put something in the microwave, and forget about it for hours.  Also, When people call her, she can't hear the phone(cell or landline) ring from 20ft. away.  When I can hear them from almost ten times that distance.

So she ends up missing a lot of calls.
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Chris, I feel for you. Dad and I went through that stage. I started locking my bedroom door, when one night he entered and just stood there staring at sis and I sleeping. I found it so creepy. I told sis the next morning. We both agreed that from now on, we locked the bedroom door at nights... my dad tried to control everything I did, who to spend time with... and he got so angry when family made me laugh aloud... The more he tried to control me, the more arguments we had. It got to the point, he became physically abusive because I didn’t jump when he told me to. Didn’t agree to his wild comments....Even tried to choke me... so I’m not sure what advice to give you..... just vent, and we will read it. It’s always the little things that gets to us...little things that adds up...
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I’m still feeling off. I’m going to change, drive to the tourist area, park and walk along the sidewalk with the tourists. Since I look Japanese, I will blend in nicely. Maybe stop by the beach, sit under the 🌴 and watch the calming waves. Afterwards, have a delicious yogurt at one of the hotels. I don’t think they will be closed at xmas.
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Good idea, book. Enjoy!
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Book, you are having anger from grieving. All those years of pent up feeling as well This is good! A walk by the beach, take in the soothing sound of the waves. Good choice and good for you for doing it!
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Chris, I threw some books in the 2nd kitchen trash container. I was reading my Book Lists under Self Help. Under the category is a list I titled: "Freeing Self from Dysfunction/Abuse." I didn't know if any of these books were the ones I threw in the trash. So, I went to check it....

I came across this book which I immediately thought of you:
Grace Lebow & Barbara Kane: Coping with Your Difficult Older Parent. A Guide for Stressed-Out Children.

In the back of the page: Do you have an aging parent who-
*Blames you for everything that goes wrong?
*Cannot tolerate being alone, wants you all the time?
*Is obsessed with health problems, real or imagined?
*Makes unreasonable and/or irrational demands of you?
*Is hostile, negative and critical?
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Thanks Golden, Sharyn. At least your words helped me cry a little bit. Too bad it's not the full blown crying. I spoke to nephew about the cinder blocks and my very violent anger. He kept apologizing. I explained that I haven't cried over Grandpa's death yet. and so the anger... He replied, "Is building up inside..." I nodded.
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Book a big Christmas hug. You don't need to belong to a religion to be a good Christian and you certainly have proved that many times over.
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