This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Of course she is taking risks and the worst might happy but she is happy, hang on to that.
Stop ordering dolls.
Apologies, this has become a religious discussion Bookluvr.
It will most likely anger many people on the forum. So angry, in fact, that I am editing my post on the demand of another poster.
Though some responses that others post does anger me. We all need to remember that we do not need to understand everything in order to be compassionate.
\o/ \o/ \o/ (cheering)
*\o/* *\o/* *\o/* (cheering w pompoms)
( '• ̀~ •́)`. .... {looks irritated, doesn’t it?}
(⌐■_■) .... {I like this one I but don’t know when to use it.}
You have been a blessing in your grandma's life but if she has dementia her needs will increase and at 89 it will likely be very difficult for you to continue to care for her in your home
If her mood is changing recently then a doctor visit is a good idea including ruling out an UTI. Before a crisis hits, start to make a plan so that you don't abandon her. You can contact your county area on aging to do a needs assessment and identify services for grandma.
If you start a new question thread, you will get more direct replies
Book, thanks for the cheering \o/ I like that one.
Yes, The pain is why I won't read e-books. Also, You have to print out the book in case your device crashes. Hardcopy versions are so much easier.
I have enough D, C, AA, and AAA. But not enough 9V.
I went to the Post Office to pick up my package - large wedge pillow that folds in half. The PO agent comes out carrying a large box! She took one look at my built, & exclaimed so loud for everyone to hear, "It's almost bigger than you!" I responded back, "Nah, it's almost half my size!" I had a bit of a problem carrying the box that was almost too wide for my arms to stretch to carry it. Jerk of a guy saw me with the box behind him and he just walked through the door without holding it open. Remember how I said this island is small? He works for a law office as their runner or jack-of-all-trades guy. So, I had to turn backwards to open the door. As I stared at the next door to get through, a military guy who just walked in, without even looking at me, turned around and opened the door. I sincerely said, "I am most appreciative! Thank you!" .... He didn't even reply to me at all. {sigh...}
So sorry, I lost my thought and my brain refuses to find it. Basically, if you want freedom from caregiving, you need to research your options. On the top left, the 3 horizontal lines, click on it and find the SEARCH. Read the different topics to find what's best for your case. Hope you find something.
My DH is so overwhelmed with sadness and the feeling helplessness....he's kind of shutdown. Trying to keep him taking care of himself with meds on time, hydration, food and some rest.
My mom has been quite nasty the past few weeks. And as it happens with narcs with significant memory loss, she's able to remember how to inflict the most damage but has no memory of the conversation the next day. The last straw was how badly she treated my daughter on Christmas. My soninlaw had to intercede.
She had the idea I was picking her up on New Years Day, as that was a big family deal back some 40 years. I never do anything but rest from the holidays on NYD. Anyhow, she waited for me in the lobby for three hours, finally calling me to find out where I was. She was in tears, I was exhausted and feeling like I was getting ill. It was a terrible conversation, loaded with the guilt trips and nastiness that have been her MO. She finally admitted that she knew I hadn't made plans with her, but just assumed I would pick her up and have her spend the day with us. I finally said I needed to end the conversation and said goodbye. She said I love you, I didn't respond and she asked me if I could at least say words that I cared. God help me, I couldn't do it. The next day, she'd forgotten all about the conversation, putting on the caring mother act for her dinner table mates and asking how I was and telling me to take care of myself. I'm done.
My favorite music I loved to play on the CD when I was dealing with my bedridden mom was One Day at A Time by Cristy Lane. I rarely sing it because it brings up memories of super exhaustion.
P.S.. one of my favorite book that I bought over 30 years ago, the pages started falling out when I opened it. I'm afraid to check if my other books are like that. =(