This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
So many in the congregation are dealing with the same things. One is in Nursing Home, one is traveling between here and their parents, another wife is dealing with a husband who is getting combative. The one who always did errands for me has broken her pelvic and are older than mom! I really am blessed. Just miss the physical hugs etc. I am so far out while winter was heavy so was the ice on the ramp. It was constructed too steep.
Mom and I do listen to "In Search of the Lords Way" cds. Ah it will all work to His Glory.
She has not been diagnosed with Dementia. I have tried to get my father n' step-mother to intervene. Even though they told me to tell them when I have a concern about my mother's health. They just blow it off.
How are you and hubs doing ?
I really don't know how answer that. This morning hubs was demanding I pick him up. he was leaving.
Next he was not going to the new rehab.
After that he had decided to stay where he was and not move as he was already half way through his stay (Ha he thinks) he'd better get working to come home in a week.
Now he has decided he will move to the new facility but he thinks he will have to drive his car there because i may have to go into the hospital.
Now here is what I did today. Had an appt with a cardiologist but when I arrived the appt had disappeared!!!!!!! Told registration that I had to be seen as I had problems.
I was handed a red card and someone would come and speak to me. A nurse came out and said all they could do in the clinic was an EKG and suggested the ER. After further discussion she said she would see what she could do. I eventually saw a FNP who was better than most Drs and spent about 1 1/2 hours with me. She is afraid I am retaining fluid and in heart failure so ordered blood tests and called me this PM and said I was hiding fluid somewhere probably in my lungs as I get so breathless doing very little. I have to go back on Friday and she would really like me to be managed as an inpatient which in the current circumstances would be a great relief with the circus I am living in right now.
The FNP called and told me I was holding a lot of fluid but she did not know where and increased my Lasix to 80mg twice daily. Took the second dose an hour ago and so far no result.
So thats how hubs and I are doing.
Oh, Another one of the ever popular 'would you like to' guilt trip kind of questions. In place of 'can you do this/that'. She doesn't like hearing the word 'no' from me. Like I am supposed to be at her beg-and-call.
We love you 😘
Your self sufficiency has always amazed me but I
Hope your DD is available to help you
Hope you can get a good night's rest
On
Get her in for testing right away and talk to the doctor about how to address her increased needs.
Her primary is a geriatric physician. They have tried several meds to see what works. We have one that we give a half tab as needed, but ny wife is reluctant to use it because it makes her so relaxed she loses control. She is incontinent and this med makes it worse. They have used Benadryl and one other.
Are you thinking that perhaps the consistency of a caregiving facility might be what she needs at the point?
Her doctor advised us to only use this med as needed. My wife hates to see her mom drugged so she uses it sparingly. That being said she realizes we are in a new phase and it needs to be addressed. We are waiting for one of her brothers to return from a work assignment in the Caribbean. We are expecting him back at the end of next week. I will advise my wife of all your thoughts and that she needs to sit down with the doctor to discuss the current med and what else is available. On my end I am headed over to my mom’s to take her for an eye appointment. She stayed with us two nights ago when we had a storm. The morning after it was the usual,take me home. I plan to sit with her after and come up with a plan for her care. My sister offers zero help which is a long story. It is the time of year where I get very busy at work and have no time off for six months. I don’t want my mom alone ,but she fights me every time we have the discussion about getting more help for her. So we have in essence kicked the can down the road for the last few months. I have one aid with her four days who she loves. Actually for half days as she will not allow anyone overnight,but I feel she needs the overnight. Any insight would be appreciated.
My dad refused to give her meds. My dad had to go to an appointment. It was in the afternoon. My younger sisters and I were 'babysitting' mom in the locked house. Mom wanted Out. She kept banging the doors. Finally, in frustration, with evil in her eyes (well, it sure looked evil to me), she came after us. We thought we were smart and pushed the long sofa away from the wall. So, when mom came charging after us with great anger and hatred, as if she wanted to pound us to death, we screamed and ran behind the sofa. Mom just reached down and flipped the whole sofa as if it was nothing! Terrified, we ran screaming to our shared bedroom with mom chasing after us. We got into the room in time to slam and lock the door. In time. Mom was banging the door so hard, it shook. We were so terrified that she would break the door down, we, three skinny girls (all weighing under 105 lbs) were screaming our heads off and leaning against the door.
Ahem... I later found out that the neighbor, an automotive mechanic shop.. their workers heard the whole commotion and found it so funny. Years later, someone told me that her boyfriend told her about this incident and how they all laughed... It. Wasn't. Funny... I'm permanently traumatized from this experience. I'm actually terrified of old women. Who knows? They might suddenly become violent and attack me. {{{chuckling... I have fond memories of mom chasing my very pregnant younger sister around her car, in her high heels because she just came home from her work the bank, screaming as mom chased her... Unfortunately, I was too afraid of mom to intervene... I don't think sis ever forgave me for that time....}}}
there isn't a magic wand for dealing with dementia even in a memory care facility
There is medication
I received a text from my caregiving agency saying mom was ok but they needed to speak with me
Seems as mom's caregiver was entering hoca tonight a resident was being aggressive and trying to escape
The resident landed a punch to her face and as he was winding up for a second slipped and fell and hit his head
While she is not seriously hurt this could have turned out much worse
The resident has been agitated for awhile and I have to wonder if tonight's incident could have been prevented with meds
While staff had cleared other residents from the area they weren't trying to keep him away from the door which he was kicking