This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
She needs to get a copy of an incident report.
Is there such a thing as combat pay for caregiver's?
Was she able to complete her shift?
Are you calm about it?
~~~HUGS~~~
I feel quite badly and a couple of weeks ago I raised up a concern about this resident to a nurse who was not on staff last night -
I plan to speak to the social worker about the incident as his behavior was escalating during the afternoon and dinner
This is mom's best caregiver with years of experience and she was taking it quite well - even said better her than a visitor - I'm so grateful she did not fall and hit her head
I was still at work when I got the call and left immediately - she was sitting with an ice pack on her cheek with mom when I got there
She is with mom now and I will bring them lunch a bit and see how she is doing
I spoke to the social worker today who claimed to not know what happened - the more the situation sits with me the angrier I get about hoca's response which as usual is underwhelming
Hospice is coming soon to bring liquid Ativan and morphine to help her not jerk and for any pain she may have, and re-set the catheter that wasn't in her bladder. Sister 1 and I have worked to re-set up the living room for better activity around Mom and I got my first lesson is rolling over a 190-pound woman to strip her bedding and clothes and clean her. We're all in a vigil.
Others have done the same thing, thrown out biohazardous uderwear, sheets, etc.
When you replace them with new, it is at his expense, not yours.
Do you even have to tell him?
You are going to be okay, keep posting, there is no shame in sharing with your friends on here.
You have been heard, and your tears are understandable. ~~~huggies~~~!!!!
Warning graphic bodily function: Well, the education continues. Poor Mom has drank and eaten little in the past several days since all she does is sleep. Last bowel movement was Friday (she's normally like clockwork daily). So, six days later, today, she needed to go. Yay! So on the commode by her in-home hospital bed. In agony she strained, sweated, panted, cried out, quaked from shaking so hard, desperate to lay down while I held her and comforted her. Called hospice what to do to give her some relief. The nurse recommended an enema. (Oh, yay. I've heard of such a thing.) My niece was with me and she's worked in a nursing home. I raced to the store and raced back.
What a lesson in how to give one, which didn't work. She was in agony. Called Sister 2 who's now a funeral home director and has worked in a nursing home long time ago and very smart. She has a way with Mom that relaxes her. Ended up giving Mom another enema. An hour and half later from the start she had her movement. No wonder she was in such pain. I'm exhausted. Mom had soaked through a fresh housecoat. Actually, she's doing better than me! A relief for her and for me. The things we get to learn on this caregiving journey.
Pam, enjoy your trip! Wow, to stay at famous author's BNB!
My gut instinct told me not to go to this specific lab because the nurse is like new and draw blood painfully. But it was enroute to my drive to work. When I got there, she was doing an elderly woman. After 10 minutes, I whispered to the elderly man how long was she doing that woman. He said a long time. Woman done. Next was this big chunky man. I'm making conversations to pass the time. After 8 minutes, I whispered to the elderly man that the nurse is taking awfully long Per Patient! I had bloodworks done at my clinic on Tuesday and it was quick - not even 3 minutes. My eyes were wide because I'm scared of needles. This doesn't look good at all.
The man whispered back to me: "She couldn't find blood on his left arm. So, now she's trying his right arm.... and she must be fishing for the vein." That man then imitated my earlier actions of fishing for the vein.... I huffed at him, and then lightly whacked his arm. He was chuckling. Anyway, that nurse was scaring me. I got up, walked to the sign-in sheet and scratched off my name out. I told the elderly man that I'm going to try again the next morning at another location.... I did. And the nurse was a quick expert.
Our gov't caregivers are also closing. They were the ones who came to our house 4 times a week for one hour to bathe my bedridden father... Can you believe, the whole time my mom had dementia, and still walking - it was this govt caregiver showered mom for 2 decades. When mom was bedridden for over 13 years, I only Once ever sponge bathed her. When dad was bedridden for the 5 years, they showered him. I never had to do it.... And they're closing down!!! I need to buy a Thank You card and maybe some chocolate Macadamia nut candies and stop by their office.
I am on a statin for my blood pressure. As is my elderly mother.
She had a complete physical a few days ago. My mother's GP told her to cut back on her calories. Then my mother proceeded to tell me this info. But not in a 'passing along info' fashion. My mother has done this before. She read that statins can cause aches in the arms' n' legs'.
So, When I told her about feeling like my arm was going to collapse while on my bike. She immediately judged that to be the same kind of ache she was having, and felt justified in calling my GP.
I happen to hear her calling from the kitchen, while I was in the bathroom. I was absolutely livid upon hearing her say this to my GP's nurse. I immediately did my 'morning routine'(shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth), and ran out of the house. I got on my bike wearing my bike camera and sped through PM-Rush traffic.
Upon reaching my GP's office. I surprised the nurse when I told her I heard the whole phone conversation from the bathroom. Despite the door being closed. I told the GP, that while my arm has ached at times, while on my bike. That is the only time.
I even showed the GP the video I had taken w/ my bike camera. On the way to his office. I proved to him that my elderly mother was really being irresponsible.
I know it drives you mad but she is just being an over protective mother hen and does not want harm to come to the person she depends on the most.
She thinks as your mother she is careing for you but it is really a different reality
Then don't engage in describing your symptoms, even when asked. Empathize with her symptoms. " No mom, I don't have that. But it must be awful for you. You should talk to the doctor about your pain".
How is it that your Mother can even talk to your doctor about you?
There are privacy HIPPA laws, and unless you have given your permission to your doctor in writing, for her to discuss you, the doctor cannot.
There are special circumstances and exceptions, I realize that.
But yes, I do feel she has the beginnings of some form of dementia.
-Becky, Maybe. But the family denying the existence of 'something' being up with my mother's health, is even more maddening. That includes my father n' step-mother. But the more prevalent health issue, has to do with my paternal aunt. She has inoperable smell cell carcinoma from decades of smoking. So, I can't exactly 'rock the boat' from my concern.
My maternal grandfather died when I was 9yrs.-old. Of Alzheimers'. He died within a year of his diagnosis, a month before his 64th birthday.
-Sendhelp, While HIPPA forbids a doctor from talking to someone the patient has not given the doctor permission to talk to. It doesn't forbid a doctor from 'listening'(if the doctor wants' to).
Then, on the other hand, I truly sympathize with caregivers trying to assist their loved ones without enough information . Many patients holding on to valuable information, making the caregiver's life really really harder.
I am speaking from experience when hubs had a serious bike injury to his hand, waited too long to seek a specialist's treatment, (because his PCP would not refer him);and now has a thumb joint damaged beyond use. If I were allowed to support, and if my opinion counted, he would have gone to a plastic hand surgeon to repair the ligament to hold the thumb joint in place.