This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Thought I had better check in before everyone starts thinking I have run away from home. Yesterday was not a very good day, so I just laid low for most of it. The col decided yesterday morning was the best time to get right in my face and scream "I have in-con-ti-nence", yes pronouncing each syllable, that was in response to "do you need some help finding some clothes?". Yes, ASG......I do believe we have twin sisters......................last night while I was fixing dinner she asked me if I was back into the swing of school.......uh, no why would I be? "Don't you have children in school?"....Heather told me she asked 15 times to be taken shoppy-shoppy yesterday. She needs help walking across her floor; there is no way she can walk through a store and as I've said before the only place that has motorized carts is Wal-Mart and she is so vain that she wouldn't get in one and couldn't operate it anyway. The tv remote is beyond her understanding. Five minutes after Heather left she texted me to tell me the col may be headed for the garden, sure enough she was. She watched me pull it all out Monday! But I intercepted her and we sat outside talking for awhile and she just insisted there was no one with her at all yesterday.....she was by herself. I reminded her that Heather was there, nope there was no one. Alrighty then! The last thing she heard last night before "goodnight" was "stay in bed". I do believe she did.
Saturday morning we have Christenings for 2 great nieces at the family winery, with lunch afterward and it all starts at 10 am. We will have to leave here no later than 9 sharp. Oh that is going to be fun getting myself ready to go and then the col. And will have to do that again next Friday when we all go to the dentist together.
One of my granddaughters turns 8 yrs old today....they grow up so fast. I always take them shopping and let them pick out what they want, so I will get that done on Saturday afternoon. She is getting a newly done bedroom and nana gets to buy the bedspread and pillows for her bed.....she told me that on Monday!
I hope everyone has a good day and I need to get a few things done that I have been putting off...............
Love and Hugz to all of you,
Jam
Seemee- Love and hugs and prayers for you sweetie.
Love and hugs everyone stormyyyyyyyyyyyyy
stormy, I would like some sammon patties. That is my favorite fish.
I had a full day out of town where my mom is in the nursing home. We went to see her heart doctor today whom she did not remember from last year when we visited nor from in the hospital when she had a heart attack. She kept thinking she was going to see the nursing home doctor and convince him that she could go back home. He gently but firmly told her that he only had authority over her heart, but not over her residence which the nursing home doctor is in charge of. Being in the wheelchair really wore her out, as usual, so once we got back she took a much needed nap. Thus, I went by the house and picked up any mail that needed tending to which for whatever reason never gets sent to me and dealt with most of it over lunch. I was hoping to see my step-dad and update his tags for the registration had expired on mom's car that his helper drives him in to see her almost every day.
Since no one saw any mail from the state about renewing the tags, it was late getting renewed. My step-brother failed to pay the car insurance when in expired in August of 2010 and again we missed any letters telling us about that. Thus, the tags were revoked along with the registration being late. Somehow, two weeks ago, I was able to get it inspected which is required before registration renewal, but the paperwork about the insurance being current was missing. The latest one said expired August 2010. I kept after my step-dad's helper to find the updated car insurance paper work. Yesterday, she went and got a copy from the insurance people so that I could get the tags dealt with. I'm so glad that I took the paper work to the DMV in my own vehicle for mom's car was illegal as far as tags and registration. All in all, I ended up paying a penalty and paying for the registration renewal. My name is on the registration as co-owner with right of survivorship. Thus, I asked that all future registration and license information be mailed to me at home while keeping the car's residence in the county it is driven in. I could not believe that my step-brother let the car insurance slide for he is his dad's POA and pays all of the bills, but not always on time. Anyway, the car has a new license plate and it is registered again.
Then, I went to a coffee shop for a break and downloading photos of my boys for mom to see for the internet connection in her nursing home is not always very good. It had been some time since I had used her computer and thus it had to update everything which seemingly took forever. Once done with that I took the laptop with downloaded photos to mom who was glad to see them and she was rested from her doctor's visit. I showed her these very photos two weeks ago on my laptop. Well, well, well, all that effort and today the nursing home connection was perfect. Either mom's laptop is better or the nursing home improved their wifi.
I was glad to get home tonight.
I hope everyone has had a good day. :)
Seeme – thinking of u – know u r busy with arrangements (((((hugs)))) and hopefully catching up on some sleep and just generally looking after u
Jam - hope there have been no more midnight coffees and that u had a better day today – wish there was some meds to sweeten that personality a little – as much as u know she is sick, it is still hard – 2 christenings sound like fun but getting the col ready – not - nor does the dentist – shopping with granddaughters is awesome – happy times!!!
PCVS – tell us about your times in Chile and earthquakes – we had small ones when I grew up in Ontario of all places – let us know how ur mum is doing – have you seen a naturopath about thyroid?
54 – so glad you have some help now – you must be feeling some relief – it hubby still eating lots? hope u have another fun day planned
Peg – glad u fixed fils suspenders – sometimes less is more; p, and glad he thanked you and used ur name -hope u got lots crossed off ur list – I wish!!! Is hubby still talking? u r doing good girl!
John – glad the heart doc was firm with mum – tags revoked – what a pain, good you could get everything mailed to you. Nice of you to take photos to your mum. Long day from the sounds of it.
Mis – so glad you found work – let us know how it goes and hubby helping with grandma – you sound upbeat about it!
Ladee – you might be right about speaking ur mind –I think also that u can laugh at things – being nice, people pleasing never works anyway. I know from experience. I got lost with seeme’s boob thing too – glad the fires is becoming contained – and the weather is cooler. Give Marie a big hug from me –tell her I am a lady in Northern Alberta saying hi! Bet that will shock her!
Asg – toothache isn’t always infection, though sometimes – u really need to get it looked at and dealt with by a dentist.I know it’s no fun but part of self-care. Then you won’t need more antibiotics – they can mess u up too. I have a giant syringe – find it hard to hold the mirror, hold my cheek back and use the syringe. That’s three hands isn’t it??? Lol Can always go to my daughter and get help there. So your hubby’s dad has a stock of them – that’s like a man. Sounds like aunt has some form of dementia – has she been assessed by her doctor? Good for fil sticking up for the kids. That poor lady really is not with it and from the sounds of it getting worse. Please keep your break times –you need them. If you start pacifying a col there is no knowing where it will end and you won’t succeed. I learned that a long time ago with my mum who is mentally ill – there is no pleasing her and you could kill yourself trying. So she gets angry. Let me tell you she is going to get angry about something anyway. So do what is good for you. Hope hubby is cluing in about her. Will write on ur wall about thyroid -
Shawna - it would be awesome if they used you for a fund raiser! Hope u enjoyed the game - 9 yr. old cheerleader sounds good to me – they are sooo cute at that age – r u going to post some pics?
Vic - good to hear from you – glad mum’s checkup was good and that dad settled – once my daughter had a high fever and I had her in a tepid tub trying to cool her down and all of a sudden she said Mum I have to do my homework” Yes dear” – she was not going to school in that shape but didn’t realise it
Starri – hope the mail and meds get there on time – also hope u get a pic of the birds, Thanks for posting pics to date –that arch is quite a sight – as were u and the puppies beside the sign lol. U could always tell the cops u r dyslexic
Stormy – sounds like dad really enjoyed those potato fritters – nice and soft and I bet the salmon patties too. The ENT guy seems reasonable for a change – and going to the lung doctor makes sense. Let us know what he says about the PET scan
Anyone else – hi and hope ur days are going OK if not well
Cat bugging me for his supper and time for more painkillers – had a little meltdown this morning - tired of the pain –used the energy to throw out some stuff so the living room is tidier lol. Should happen more often I guess, My house would look better. As long as I don’t get to throwing Gary out – thankfully he is still at work and they don’t know for how long. The crew is trying to repair errors and while doing that having incidents ending up with more work and so on and so forth – it is a zoo!!! I am sure we will get away sometime but not saying which month!
Lots of love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Love you all and Seeme, you are in my prayers, lots of hugs to you, and angels to help with your heart....
wonder if ur mum has met Gordie yet, he loved grandmas
jo
Charlie Chaplin once said, “To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it.”
Seeme, hope you got a good nights sleep... love ya, and hope you are going to have time to tell us how you are soon... miss you,
Cmag, you sound like a wonderful husband.... your wife is very blessed to have you... and a poem, now that is a very romantic gesture.... hope all the "storm" stuff is getting done for you without a lot of problems.....and family, what can I say, they are never who they say they are....
Stormy, sooner or later you are going to get some answers...just know had it been one of us old ladies, we would already have done some Dr. stompin' and you would know what is going on.... But you and sis are doing what you can, so just keep in mind that you are both very loving and caring daughters...
Shawna, hope things work out for you soon in the money department... you'll be busy, but try to have fun doing it... when our art becomes work, then it is no longer fun.... sorry you allergies seem to be really bad, wish I could send you some of my good health just so you would feel better for awhile....
Vic, we all learn from each other here... I think we are all blessed to have this safe place to put ourself out there without fear of judgement..... love ya..
Ok, the clock is ticking, but it IS Friday.... so a few hours from now, I will be napping!!!!, love and hugs across the miles to you all.
Semme .... Prayers prayers being said..
Will try to check in later. Love you guys!!
Starri...I am jealous!! But it is so beautiful here and porch is a great place right now!!
I slept in a little today myself. Last night around 11 I'm getting ready to go to bed and I hear a loud boom and the power went out. A transformer blew up the road, everything came back on at 2:15.....got up long enough to blow out a candle and turn everything off.
ladee.........sometimes when it's cool like that it's so nice to just lie there. I hope Marie hasn't got you punching a time clock yet.
Cmag........love the start of your poem.....you don't by any chance have a twin do you that you would pass around? You're a wonderful son and husband....your wife is a very lucky person.
seeme...........going to send you email. I hope you aren't trying to make yourself work too hard. Do what you can, when you can. Are your sisters still here to help?
stormy......just hang in there and you will get your answers. I know it's frustrating and yes like ladee said....if it were one of us old ladies we would have had your answers by now! We learned a long time ago how to kick butt with a smile on our face!
Shawna........it's allergy season here also and mine have been driving me crazy! Sorry you and mom haven't been feeling well. Tis the season for the yucky stuff to start making the rounds. Glad to hear about the fund raiser. That ought to keep you busy. How's the website coming?
emjo......how are you feeling this morning? Teeth, or where they were, better? It's an epidemic all over the country....you have to practically beg a doctor or dentist for pain meds. They have become so strict with what they call "malingerers" and become suspicious of everyone when dispensing pain medication. Target would have at least a quarter of the patients he saw on one shift there for a toothache, headache, backache, finger pain, butt pain....you name it and they are allergic to everything except "you know, that stuff that starts with a V".........oh, the little actors and actresses were always so pitiful until they didn't get want they wanted, then they would stomp out. Gee thought you had a backache and couldn't walk. Makes it hard for those of us who truly need something occasionally.
starri......living the good life. Wish I was parked in a spot next to you. Someday maybe I will get to do what you are. If not, then I'm selling the RV and going to go sit on a beach somewhere and drink Mai Tai's.........
Vic..........where's your daily smile and terrific attitude? Am needing that these days. Getting really mentally and physically tired.
Taking the col to see her doctor next week and have her checked for diabetes. Symptoms are all there. Her eating is overwhelming. She had a big lunch, then Target brought her some groceries, and by the time I went down to fix dinner she had eaten sourdough toast, Pringles, 1/2 dozen apple dumplings about the size of golf balls, cookies, and a glass of coke. She was looking in every cabinet and I asked if she was hungry.....nope, looking for coffee and was going to eat toast. If you're not hungry, then you don't have room for more toast. Left to herself she would have eaten the whole loaf yesterday. I fixed her rigatoni with Italian sausage and a green salad and she ate like she was starving. Something going on here. Time for liver enzymes to be checked, so get it all done at once.
Will check back in later.................
Love and Hugz to all of you,
Jam
Storm damage is taking its time while waiting upon the insurance check to see how much money we get and there is a waiting line for those needing roof repairs, inside repairs, and chain link fence repairs. I don't know if my insurance will send one big check or three smaller ones. I do know if it comes in one big check that is over a certain amount it will mean getting certified workers and turning in receipts. We are definitely getting certified workers for the roof work.
Peg, how are things with hubby, is he still talking??? Are you amazed at the things you have learned about him??? and very happy to hear your name was used.... Makes things a little more relaxed I get, how are ya, check in and let us know what's been going on....
Emjo, Uh, I would love to give her a hug from you, but can't get past the snarling ... more on her later...
ASG, love ya and check in more often...
stormy hope you had a good day and day is not in too much pain,,, give little man a hug for me....
cmag, the key word was... maturity.... and it seems to be a poem written from the heart... women love that stuff.... Ask her to give you a big hug from all of us, you help us to see that there are very loving husbands out there......and she is a twin??? any jokes ever played on you????
Vic, sorry to hear dad has gout, that is some very painful stuff....and happy to hear you got some rest... and if it's ok, I sure would love to set on the porch with you and have a cup of coffee, just let me know when.....
Jam, diabetes test huh? You have been mentioning how much she is eating, might explain some of her mood swings also... being so cranky first thing in the am..... let us know what you find out.... and how's the boob??? No, not Target, the good boob???
Sorry Cmag, it is a bunch of women after all, and you are too much of a gentleman to get involved in this conversation.......and we do find some dumb things to laugh about.... keeps our sanily....
Ok, the Marie report.... oh ya'll she is a PLAYA, I watched her today go from feeling good laughing and talking with Sonny and me, to this pitiful moaning groaning grumpy thing as her son was pulling in the driveway... didn't know whether to laugh or bust her...... and she did the I don't want to eat thing,,,, when It's just us, I just tell her when lunch is ready, and believe me, for someone who doesn't want to eat, she can sure shovel it down..... but I stayed quite, and just observed.... she looked at me one time, and I rolled my eyes... couldn't help it, just wanted her to know what a game player I think she is.....thier son is Sonny made over without the Alz.... looks like him, sounds like him, and has the same blue eyes... he was supposed to "talk" to her this weekend... I won't hold my breathe..... and she is so jealous of Sonny and me.... makes me tired thinking about it....She is just my dad in drag..... just hope I can hang in here for Sonny...... I am getting to where I say some things to her tho... like today when he went to the bathroom again... one of her "issues", "that's what he always does to me", I had to stop and look at her and say he isn't doing anything TO YOU, it is part of his anxiety, and I sure wish you would just drop it, the man is GOING to use the bathroom, not running down the street naked.... it makes her so mad, but ya know what, she is mad about something all the time anyway.... I know that invisible line not to cross, but this has been a long week, I am tired, and just didn't want to play "Marie is Queen of the Universe" today........ As I watched her slip down that slope of being pitiful today, I thought how absolutely miserable she must be, and how identified she is with being sick, that her mind can only come up with games to get sympathy.... I do not want to be like her when I grow up......
Hopefully I will get my TV hooked up this weekend, need to get someone out here to put up the antenna, and I am set to go..... want to watch some of the 9/11 memorial things......
The fire is still only 30% contained, over 1400 homes lost and almost 50,000 acres burned.... think about how many homeless people there are right down the road....and this is just one fire here in Texas.... I have lost count.... but this one is the worst.... some of them still wearing the clothes they had on when they had to leave... but many things are coming in , food, clothes, furniture, ect.... This has changed so many lives, just like the awful flooding up north and the dust storms and fires in Az... fires all over the US, very frightening.... no one feels safe here right now, and no rain either....
Love you all, wish I could take my laptop to work with me, I miss ya'll during the day,
And no Jam, she doesn't' have me punching a time clock, but if I leave or come in 15 minutes early, she makes me wait, or make up the time...... she's looking more and more like the Grinch everyday,,,, oh hell yeah, that's gonna be her name.... alrighty then, I am about to go off on a tangent so will go for now.... need to run to the store and will spare ya'll the craziness that just exploded in my brain...... thanks for being patient and loving no matter how stupid I get,,,, hugs across the miles to everyone..
I'm sorry ladee.....but we had a terrific thunderstorm come through about 4pm and everything behind it is going around us. Rained just enough to get the sneakers I left outside soaking wet. Good thing they were my "outdoor" shoes.
The "boob" and not Target is fine....:) speaking of Target he fixed dinner for his mom and took it to her and didn't say a word to me. Proud of him!
I talked with Heather today and she said she has noticed a marked change in the col in the short time she has been with her. She will go with me when the col has her doctor appt next week. And she has also noted the voracious eating. The col is a little put out with me tonight because I won't drive 16 mi round trip to buy her some mascara. Nope, told her she looked beautiful without it and you can tell that didn't make her happy. Told her I haven't worn mascara since I quit work and it looks like I have makeup on because my eyeliner is tattooed on! Didn't believe that either until I told her to try and rub it off. I'll be one of those old ladies in the nursing home with the tattoos.....of course the rose on my left boob will be down on my knees by then............................
Cmag...........I bet you have lots of stories to tell about your wife and sister-in-law. I understand the headaches of dealing with workers hired to get your improvements done. A few years ago we needed to get a new roof put on after a storm that occurred in March and we couldn't get anyone to do it until November. I wish I could send you the guy that's been doing all of our work here.....he has done a fantastic job and whatever we asked him has turned out beautifully. His forte is woodwork and he is going to take a round antique coffee table and build legs under it and we are going to use it as a dining table. He rebuilt the back of our house, replaced windows, built a front deck, did our concrete front yard, laid hardwood floors, custom-made all the kitchen cabinets, new counter tops.......he's priceless.
Bout time to go get the col into jammies for the night. Must get up early to get off to the Christening.
Hope everyone has a wonderful evening.............
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Once, I was helping her move to a new house. Her supervisor came by to welcome her into the community and was surprised to see me there, but was more surprising is what Debra said "oh, my for real husband will be here this afternoon."
I will say that of the two, I got the better of the twins and compared to my BIL, I and my wife both feel sorry for her sister.
My mind is not remembering many stories with a lot of specifics that were humorous.
One thing that is funny is how often their mother will call both of them by the wrong first name.
It is tough on twins to have separate lives. My wife kept or held onto how close the two were all down through college at an all girls college. This made things a bit tough early in our marriage, because it felt like being married to more than one person. For example, my wife would want her sister to regress into their childhood. However, Debra no longer lived with that sense of enmeshment and said no to her twin which I added my no as well. Praise God we are beyond that emotional battle.
Good night all.
john -a few interesting situations there with your wife's twin
jam - good for target doing supper - i used to put lists up in the frig for chores for the kids and then cross them off - Gary told me to do it for him - maybe gold stars or some other reward for jobs well done - why do we have to keep being parents after the kids are gone :p -didn't ask for more meds but i hear u -I know some make the rounds -transformers blowing makes quite a noise - one blew downtown a few years ago and the ground shook blocks away - can't believe that the col is eating -something has to be going on
vic - enjoy ur porch! :)
ladee - u have the privilege of watching theatre every day at ur work- give her a drama prize -seeing people who have fled the fires must trigger some memories
asg - I will get to your wall about the thyroid -just crosseyed from being tired right now
seeme ((((((((hugs)))))))) on my mind and in my heart
mother fussing more -I think her paranoia is worse and need to coinnect with people about that - not that there is anything that can be done about it -she clains that the residence she was in over a year ago is causing her trouble :-(
very quiet here the past few days - hope all are OK - ros u have surfaced on f b so think u will be back here soon, 2 YR
stormy, carmen, shawna, peg and whoever I have forgotten - let us know who u r when u can
think the mouth is getting better or I am so saturated with advil and tylenol that I can't feel it
my stomach has been complaining about all that stuff so i am letting it go today till it hurts. G called and dropped by on his way back to camp from an errand. -about 12:30 last night. I was tired but worth spending a litte time together and catching up on things - we ( me prancing around in my nightie and dressing gown wielding my canera) were out on the front lawn and looking at a great display of northern lights. I took a few pics and put them on f b but they aren't good. need to find out how to do those. so so tired from lack of sleep and the pain. a few good nights sleep should help and hopefully I will start that tonight
I think I will do the zzzzzzzzzz thing too
Haven't even gotten dressed today, feels good to not go anywhere, do anything, there is always tomorrow, and if not, it wouldn't have matter anyway if the clothes weren't put up.....
Seeme, hope you are reading, knowing we love you and hugging you tight.....
Hope everyone had a good day.... know some of you get on here later, so will check back...
How blessed are you emjo, to see the northern lights from your house.... the pics were good, and now I have Northern lights envy........Glad G got to come home at least for awhile.... that says he is missing you... he's a good guy.... maybe him and cmag are brothers...... at least in behaviors... maybe we can get these two to tutor the other hubbys on here to teach them to be more loving and caring,,, and Yes Target, I am talking about you.....He doesn't read this, but I ain't skeered anyway......pftttt...
love you all and will check back later, and ps cmag, the rest of us don't need to see the rest of the poem, that is solid love between you and your wife... it just feels good to know there are some great guys out there......