This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I read about the ginger. Since I rarely have real ginger in the house, I actually bought ginger tea. It’s still unopened. Eating ginger causes me to burp it up for hours. Don’t know if that’s a normal to eating ginger.... I just need to be careful with what I eat/drink.
Dusti, I thought it was drinking pickle juice daily that helps some people with acid reflux. Or worsen for others. Since I don’t like pickles, I never tried it.
Smeshque, thank you for your prayers….I can sure use them but am not giving up. (smile)
Book… Tums do the same thing to me but I am can’t be sure as I have IBSD so I basically live on Immodium AD. I love pickles and love the juice but have to restrict the amount that I eat as they give me indigestion….ugh. I still haven’t tried the ginger though. Will keep y’all posted.
When people go on vacations I ask about how the beds are. I want to fantasize about sleeping on a nice fluffy bed in some beautiful exotic locale. Exhaustion is making
me a total weirdo. :/
My last parent passed almost 2 years ago... my gosh, I can't believe it has been that long. I haven't recovered any of my energy. Doctor said it is just age, I though 70 was the new 50? What a laugh.
And I feel so frustrated because my parents had over 25 years of a wonderful retirement. Lots of travel, dining out, going to the movies, visiting relatives, etc. Well, I had to toss out my bucket list. I developed panic attacks while helping my parents, thus flying is out, so is long car travel. Forget dining out, I find it just too noisy. Movies, rather watch one at home. Oh how I long for the days when my sig other and I use to hike for miles.
If it is more "fun" to stay home and watch a movie - so be it.
Bettina, I remembered being sooo tired all the time. The worst for me was the mornings. Too exhausted in the mornings and wanting to sleep in late, every day. Months after my bedridden mom passed away, I took a trip to Hawaii to getaway for a while. Dad was bedridden, too. I was so mad at myself. I still can't believe I spent so much money on the hotel in the middle of Waikiki - to rest all day in the hotel room! My body finally crashed after 20 years of caregiving mom. I was too exhausted to walk far anywhere in Waikiki. Your comment reminded me of that time. I spent most of my week in my hotel's bed! You have it right, though, about craving the bed - whether we want it or not. I hope something good will happen to give you some respite from the exhaustion.
Now however her body is beginning to shut down. Sleeps more than awake. Hasn't eaten in a long time and is now cutting down on when she will drink something. Too weak now to get out of bed. Last couple of weeks trying to use lift to get her over potty chair or even lift her up enough to put the bed pan under is useless. She was going before getting in position. Twice had to spend 3 hours sucking up out of carpet and washing and deodorizing the carpet. Gave up and told her to use the diaper and it is ok. She didn't like the idea but came to conclusion herself she could no longer control it. Last 6 days Urine is dark and grainy. I suspected it is the progression. Hospice said that is the kidney not filtering and I was right.... First signs of end of life organ shutting down unless the bowel lack was the first. But she appears to not be in any additional pain that doesn't go away after she is done "urinating" or as she puts it "I'm peeing my britches!" She can not complete a full long sentence without voice going to a murmured mumble. Even if I repeat what I heard clearly enough she will not take up there but tries to go back and start over or just sighs and either stares at me or turns away or shuts her eyes. She no longer calls out to me at night. I hear over the walkie talkie (baby monitor) If she picks up things on the hospital type bed table. (Water bottle, Kleenex box etc or if I hear the straw slurping) or if she drops one of them.
Last visit Hospice Nurse said most people will last less than 2 weeks when it shuts down or they go into a comatose state and I won't be able to waken her. Yet though I sometimes feel down for an hour or so I am surprisingly doing well and when she is coherent so is she. So I do talk about how I SEE she is ready and anxious to go to her reward. How wonderful her reward will be and God will tell her she has been a good and faithful servant. That I will be ok, maybe a bit sad for a bit but I know where she will be and someday when God says HE is READY for me I will join her. But I also tell her that evidently HE isn't ready for us yet because she is still here and so am I. She smiles and nods. "His time, His time." comes out clearly.
Did I wake you up?.. Yes... oh! I woke you up? ... Yes ... ... ... and then he continues talking. I stood there answering single answers . Yes.. no ... no ... {oh nooo this is not going to be a short phone call!} .. I pulled the phone away from my ear and glared at it as he continued to talk... I walked back to my sofabed and laid down as he continued talking. .. debating if I should just hang up on him. Nope, he’ll just call back... or drop by unannounced... I laid there with the phone away from my ear as he continued to talk. Oops, he asked a question. I didn’t hear the words... well... I’m no longer sleepy.
I got my first IRS scam call yesterday. I suspect they have been calling for months. I DO NOT answer my phone if I do not recognise the number or shows unknown/unavailable. If they want to speak with me they will leave voice mail. Yes the IRS collect voice mail. Now that number is blocked. But, after blocking another call came through that showed the same number.
I went to the church mass (forgot the Catholic word for it - Oh! Mass of Intention) on Saturday and Sunday. It's very awkward to not participate during mass and try to remain respectful to the Catholics way of worship. Everyone stands, I'm still sitting. Everyone kneels, I'm still sitting. Even by sitting at the last pew in the back, I stick out like a sore thumb. I'm reaching a point that I will tell family: I'm not a Catholic and going to your mass is really uncomfortable for me... I didn't go tonight. Nor am I going tomorrow night.
This past Saturday, after the priest walked out of the church, I was surprised to see him standing there facing the door. Fave sis' hubby was in front of me, then sis. BIL immediately went to the priest, bowed and did something to the priest's extended hand (opened but palm facing down.) Fave sis pretended she didn't see the priest (ha! can't miss him standing squarely in the middle of the doors) and walked off to the side.
The priest then looked at me. Oh! Oh! I'm not Catholic. I cannot and will not call him "Father." I will not bend down and do whatever it is my BIL did with the priest's extended hand. So, I smiled at the priest, walked confidently up to him, reached for his extended hand and gently shook his hand up and down - at the same time, while looking at his eyes, I said, "I enjoyed your sermon." He quickly recovered and thanked me.
Then to the next person (lay priest??) beside the priest. He, too, had his right hand extended. But I think he saw me shake the priest's hand because he was expecting me to do that with him, too. =) .. (oh my gosh! Soooo embarrassing.. As I'm typing this, I can feel my face turning red!)
She recognized that while my DH may be off and depressed and have many issues, that unless I was feeling somewhat ok,...it was going to be a mess.
This is the first time any professional has asked that. Otherwise I just get looks.
This morning I awakened at 3AM and wondered if this was how it was going to be the rest of my DH's life.
His spiral down and my trying to stop the crash and burn scenario.
I make my check list for the day.
And then I figure out how to take some time for me.
She's leaving island on Wednesday to Washington state where her oldest daughter lives - for treatment. I couldn't find a blank card to give to her. (Need to put on my shopping list to buy several blank cards.) She gave me money for my mom and dad's funeral. It's my turn to reciprocate at her time of need.
The half-empty-glass me doesn't think she's going to make it. On July 21st, she was in constant pain in the stomach area. It took the physician 10 days to diagnose her with cancer. She's elderly.... And my 10 year old niece died of cancer... my 1st cousin just passed away from cancer a few months ago... I sooo hope my pessimism is wrong! I'm going to add her to my prayer tonight. and every night - that I remember to pray... Praying is such a struggle for me...
Yep, it will look like you gave her that shiner.
As for the cruise for next year May. When my niece asked for the payment, I realized that I really don't want to go. I have never cared for cruises. But. I have never been to one. I mustn't let my fear of water and my vertigo prevent me from going. I will use my mileage reward to purchase my ticket to Hawaii.
Once I transferred everything to the CDs, I will then transfer from the CDs to the flash drives so that I have 2 hard copies from different media. Yes, I also have it stored on the iPad iCloud, too. And I've emailed the photos from my iPad to myself. Maybe overkill?