This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I'm glad that your area is cooling off a bit. I'm jealous! =)
you must be exhausted
Fave niece wants to take me to the pumpkin patch when I visit them in October. I told her that I don't think so because the smell of mango blossoms, freshly mowed lawn, etc.. gives me a headache and then my airway closes. I start choking and can't breathe air in. Both nieces and my sister said that I should go to the doctor and get an Rx for it - so that I can go to the pumpkin patch. I don't want an allergy attack that might hospitalize me in Texas - where I have no insurance coverage. Plus, it would make my 24-hour flying back home a really terrible experience..
Can a visitor in a military housing stay home while the military family goes to the pumpkin patch event? I don't want to suggest this and get her in trouble. But I don't want to go the pumpkin patch and have hay fever attack. By the way, even smelling the mowed lawn through the air conditioner vent in the car - I still start choking. I have to not breath in as long as I can until I pass the freshly mowed lawn. That's how bad it is with just a mowed lawn. Two doctors said that I'm not asthmatic.
I feel sad that her dementia has taken away her initiative, her memory. She lost my Dad a couple years ago, and that was the focus of her social world, so she doesn't have him either.
I'm a "fixer" and I can't fix this. I don't feel guilt, I know I've done and am doing my best. I'm just sad for Mom.
The vacation was very difficult for me but I did lots of crying.
This is my encouragement to You caregivers (courtesy of FB):
Take care of yourself.
Go for a walk, eat your favorite food, get a haircut,
read a book, take a vacation,
have a drink, cry if you need to,
Do what You need to do.
Take care of yourself,
because at the end of the day,
You're All You've Got.
Lastnight, around 11:30pm, I decided to check my cellphone. Fave sis texted me at 3pm, that our first cousin passed away the night before. He had health issues and was in constant pain for years. I went to his mass and then the rosary afterwards. It was a very small church. The priest would say my cousin's name throughout the mass. That is so touching (compared to my parents' church which is like 5 times bigger and less personal.)… The rosary got to me. I started thinking of my dad. I got teary-eyed.... and now, I feel so sad. Did a teeny tiny bit of crying as I was typing this.
((((Hugs)))) to you Book
Ex. This is True. I don’t know how I brought up a subject to the person that does ac maintenance on my ac. I live on East Coast in va outside dc and md. I may have said something to along the lines of I need a super hero now to take care me mentally. It wasn’t Superman, Batman. It was Wonder Woman and his response. Yeah we take care of Linda Carters ac and he went on and on description of rooms in house and one room wall to wall of pictures of her as Wonder Woman.
Yeah, so when in stress think of positive funny things. Yeah, like I can cry out Wonder Woman please help me and your also local too. Only that would come are neighbors dogs and know I’m loved and get wet slush kiss on cheek. At least I know I’m appreciated and laugh 😂.
Smeshque, it's those unexpected tears or emotions that just trips me. I think what threw me off was she was Dad's home care nurse. I was shocked that the office didn't even let her know that one of her patients died. And so when she kept asking me how was my dad, with a big smile on her face, I was … flummoxed. {hehehe... always wanted to try using that word.} I didn't know how to respond. sigh.....
I was talking to fave sis on the phone. I was going to my cousin's mass and rosary tonight. But I told sis that lately, I've been feeling very uncomfortable attending Catholic mass and not participate (standing, sitting, kneeling, standing, etc...) Even by sitting on the way back pew, I feel very, very disrespectful to their religion. The feeling came back strong when I attended my cousin's mass 2 nights ago. I want to be there for the family but my conscience is bothering me a lot... I didn't go tonight.
A story about that church. When I was in elementary school there were neighbors across the street of that religion. They had a daughter about my age and we were close friends. The family invited me to go to church with them a few times. And only a few times because every time I went with them I passed out. I can only guess from all the up and down. It is a lot even for the young.
I meant no disrespect either, I just sincerely didn't know. Looking back, I do remember everyone being welcoming, and no one looked offended, thank goodness.
"Crocodile tears (or superficial sympathy) is a false, insincere display of emotion such as a hypocrite crying fake tears of grief."
That is the very opposite of what I was meaning to say. Please forgive me as I truly with all sincerity meant true sadness, true, tears and true grief.
And Book (HUG), it made me giggle when you wrote flummoxed, as I have been using that word lately as often as the occasion arises. :)
On another note, we are now preparing for a super typhoon to hit our island on Tuesday or Wednesday. Not pass us, but hit us. I'm preparing our house for flooding - since we live at the lowest level ground below a cliff line. All the water from the main road on our left, the waterfall from the cliff on our right, and all our neighbors land from the front and behind will drain to our house - the lowest of all around. As you all know, I'm terrified of water. I can't even stand having water reach my ankle in a shower or bathtub before I start hyperventilating. I'm brainstorming. Last night, I mentioned to bro and SIL of next door about spending the typhoon with them. No response. Just silence. SIL said her precious babies (vicious Rottweilers that wants to tear me to pieces based on how they viciously launch at me every time they see me, crashing against their cages trying to get at me, growling and snarling, teeth viciously showing as they try to rip from their cages) will be inside their house. sigh....
As for the typhoon, are there public shelters that might be a better place to go to ride out the storm?
Stay safe during this upcoming storm! Do you have anywhere else you can shelter if bro and SIL don't respond?
Typhoon, certainly there are better places to ride the storm out that bro's? Take care of yourself.
How scary to be preparing for a typhoon! I hope and pray that you find Safe refuge, and that it isn't anywhere near as bad as you think it may be. Please let us all know how you are doing, and do find a safe place soon! I'll be praying for you and all of your Loved Ones! Take Care Girl! ❤❤❤