This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
please find higher ground to ride out the storm
we are thinking of you and sorry to hear of your auntie
As for the typhoon, it changed a teeny tiny direction, no longer head-on. But we're still preparing because it can always stall in one place for hours, and then turn direction. I'm still putting things up, muttering that after this is over, and I have some spare time, I'm going to ruthlessly start throwing out things. I'm such a packrat!!!! Even now, I'm having a difficult time throwing things away as I'm trying to decide which items are important and goes on top of my bunk bed.
I'm sitting at home, eating some SERIOUSLY garlic and jalapeño salsa on tortilla chips in an attempt to kill the last of my recent sick bug, and thinking about my plans for new apartment. I cannot believe it, but it's coming up on one year I've had my lease at current place, and I decided to make a move from the 1 bedroom to a much larger 3 bedroom for same rent.
I've been thinking about this... and I really think that... I want to get 2 roommates for the other 2 bedrooms and basically I could live rent free. It's hard to explain, but yeah, could be done, and it's not like I won't pay anything -- I'll include all utilities and household supplies (toilet paper etc) in the rent. Chicago has a lot of graduate students for all the different universities, people who are here on work visa... There's enough of a demographic of people, I think, who would appreciate a relatively inexpensive, clean, safe bedroom in apartment where they didn't have to worry about anything much but paying rent... Plus there is a large 13 x 15 parlor plus 12 x 15 living room. There's a lot of space to put desks in the common areas.
So anyway, it wasn't my plan from the beginning to rent the other rooms. I didn't know what I was going to do. But now... it makes so much sense to me. I can save aggressively and also pursue other interests easier, work fewer days perhaps and have free time for other things.
With this in mind, I'm bringing in a contractor for estimate to paint the entire place, walls and trim, patch things up (doesn't need much, just cosmetic overhaul), and put in custom shelving for all the closets so there will be plenty of storage room for multiple occupants.
I'm excited to see how my Project: Apartment will come out. It wouldn't make sense to invest $2k in an apartment (I asked landlady if she would paint, she declined) that I don't own... but if I see that amount as an investment in not paying rent for the next 5 years, it's nothing.
I think this is a good idea. I'm exited to spiff up the new digs. I'm getting estimates this week for the needed work.
Edit: Looks like you're getting it later Monday afternoon and evening. Take care!!
Ali, if I were younger it would make sense to find roomies. I have thought about it myself, but I enjoy my private and quiet time. Hope it will work out for you. Give you more time to do things you enjoy.
CW, this is my thinking, too. Thanks for the good wishes. If it works out well, it could be a big help to making more positive change in my life.
How are you, Book? You're in my thoughts. (((Hugs))) to you and your island.
hope you're safe and dry
ABB, regarding roommates - make sure to google them. One always hear how a nanny or babysitter had prior arrests but the parent never checked them out....
Can you believe fave sis did not have a small radio? For Years, I've kept nagging her to get one. Every time we had a typhoon, I told her to get one. The day before the typhoon arrived, she asked me if I had a radio to spare. Ahem.. remember I'm a packrat? I have … 5 radios. I gave her my bathroom radio that hangs on the wall. I've had it for years. It is very, very clear and strong at picking up radio stations. She just texted me. Her granddaughter broke it...
Going to Amazon or Ebay to look for a hanging bathroom radio, an old fashion hand held telephone (that won't die when the power goes off) and some replacement hardwares for my screen windows. I just noticed how most of the thingy (don't even know what it's called) are all rusty and not holding the screen to the wall. Later!! I'll catch up on the other thread. I'm on a mission before I forget to buy those stuff....
I live with her. I get 1 day a week off and I am about to lose my mind!
Your situation almost sounds like mine😪
. Response,:"no. Not unless she comes downstairs". So mom responds to how she and I are treated. Is it Dementia or regular anger and stress?.
I was shocked this morning when I looked into the mirror. My eyes are sunken, with dark circles beneath it. I may not be waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom as often as before .. but I sure am not getting the deep sleep I Thought I was having.
Fave sis invited me to overnight at her place tomorrow night, Saturday. I usually turn her down because I tend to pack lots of bags. Just my fold-up wedge pillow is bigger than my medium rolling expandable carry-on. Knowing her though, she will be waking up at 5:00am to go to the flea market at 5:30. Maybe I will ask her if it's okay if I sleep in. But then, I will miss out eating flea market breakfast (yum!!! esp. when still fresh from the BBQ grill)... Hmmmm. Sleep or food?