This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
with the stress of the pain from this extraction I put on 5 lbs in a week and it was NOT what I was eating which was less than usual because of mouth pain. -stress
to get it back down, exercise and also cutting carbohydrates really low for a while will help as will anything that reduces stress. - make sure you eat enough protein
I am supposed to go in for my annual medical but will wait till I get my weight back down as right now I am sure my blood sugar is up but due to the pain and also lack of exercise these days - walking works for me and I have to start again today
have you thought about placing your hubby in a facility? I know you said your promised not to but life changes and sometimes we can't do what we thought we could - I am facing this with my mother and POA - due to her mental illness, and the family history, dealing with her over this is so stressful for me it affects my health. I can't afford this - in some ways she is healthier than me. It makes no sense to me for you - or me - to go downhill while looking after someone who could be looked after by someone else just as well - in my case probably better.
the first thing on this thread is look after you - the caregiver - you sound so deoressed - are you on antidepressants? most of us are
((((((hugs)))))) do something good for you today
jo
Seeme, I am very sorry for your mother but I am glad she passed away with little pain and surrounded by her children. You really did everything you could to take good care of her and you must be proud of it! Now I hope you can get some rest, because these last months have been very hard for you.
Emjo I am glad you are better with your tooth ache.
Starry I have seen photos of your trip on Facebook and I am jealous... I want to travel, too.
Stormy I think that the doctors don't really know what to tell you about your father. The problem is not that they "don't want" to tell you, but it seems to me they don't really understand... I am very sorry for your cousin who lost her husband so young. She has been very brave to throw a party for her daughter, she really is a good mother. These insects are getting very dangerous.
Jam, it seems your COL is getting worse... I only hope that, getting more disoriented, she will become more manageable.
Ladee was there a fire in your area? I am glad you are okay. I am sorry Marie is acring crazy, I am sorry for you and for Sonny, too!
ASG I would take the goose back, wash her, put some band-aids on her "wounds" and tell your daughter that she had an amazing adventure; she (the goose) got lost and she had to climb mountains and cross rivers, and was attacked by huge animals and won the battle every time, to go back to her. Your daughter won't believe a word, of course, but she might like the story and accept the scratches on the poor goose's body. And, being a cat lover, I would buy a cat toy for the cat.
Forgive me if I disappeared, but every now and then my financial problems become the most pressing issue of my life; more pressing than my mother's health, in these cases I have to work work work so I can ask money from my clients. I'm walking on the razor's edge these months, and I have a big family to support. I have a few days of rest, now, and I spent the first one of them sleeping for 15 hours! I was exhausted.
I spent one and a half day on the beach with my great cousin Franca who did her best to entertain me and it seemed to me it was a longer vacation. I went to the beach, I was invited to dinner in a resto, I met lots of people... It was very good. Franca literally drags me out of my burrow when she feels I need it!
My brother came back from NYC with no damage and he is kinder than usual.
Many kisses to everybody! I hope I will be more present in the future. Not too much, because it would mean I have no work!
Ah BTW Nicky is very well and kisses all of you!
Yes, the col's memory is virtually gone. But instead of being more manageable, she appears to have a mean streak that is showing up. Very stubborn and is an authority on everything. We have an appt with her doctor tomorrow.....will have to remind her again tonight and she won't be any happier than she was the first time I told her.
burned....with dementia, your husband is probably not able to make an informed decision on what would be the best for his welfare right now, let alone you and the children. Is going to Wa going to be the best move for the entire family? Then you will have to be firm and make the decision yourself. You don't plan to leave your husband in a NH permanently, so tell him this is only temporary and soon you will all be together again. If you are waiting to get his approval, I think it may be a very long wait.
I hope everyone has had a great day....time to fix dinner for the col.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
rosse - My grandma is the same way. So I've started to keep track and will say something like well that's a quarter in the jar. It works sometimes and other times it doesn't.
Grandma was in a very good mood when I came home today. She was watching Anderson Cooper's new talk show. It really seemed good to hear her laugh for a change instead of being negative all of the time and waiting to kick the bucket. She wanted to go to bed at 6:30 tonight. I told her well why don't you stay up a little while longer. I'm just thinking of my hubby cause he works 2nd shift so he'll be able to sleep a little longer.
My Peanut (chihuahua) is a yr and half. Since I sprained my ankle in June I couldn't bend over very well cause of my crutches I've got him trained when I get his leash he gets up on the chair so I don't have to bend over. When Grandma goes to bed at night Peanut goes in his crate. We'll tell him it's bedtime and he goes right in with no problems. He also likes to lay around Grandma's neck and mine too.
I hope everyone has a good night and day.
Just got a message from ladee.....she's still working so that's why we haven't heard from her.
Oh dear, there must be a connection between posting here and my blind doggie waking up. Outside we go.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Sisters finally made it home after a couple of adventures......like heading in the wrong direction for 50 miles....leaving an i-phone at Wendy's 3 hrs behind them.....the car comes with GPS, but they didn't turn it on......dummies.
Now Kathy and I are leaving next Wed for a trip to Illinois to see the newest baby and staying with the fave sister that just left.....take one bro his little box of things he had given mom....get in on the surprise 60th b/day party for her hubby....gonna be a crawfish boil. Kathy and I can drive it in 13-14 hrs, and we will stay one week and come back on the next Wed. I still have trouble realizing I can leave the house. I'm worried I don't have anyone to stay here with mom.................it will just take some time to get into the new routine.
We have started looking into fencing and of course still waiting for someone to fix the shingles......insurance will only pay to have the missing ones replaced.....too much roof to get the whole thing done.
Got to get busy doing all the clraning up from everyone being here before I leave next week....got packing....and I hope that this will delay the grieving part until later ........shamlessly, I want a little fun right now. The puppies will be the next thing to look for when I get back.......may have to order them for Christmas!!!
I have seen new people on the thread, and we are glad you are coming to visit. Don't mean to be all about me, but after losing mom only a week ago, I am still kinda numb.
Oh, did finally get a call from the hospital today and they still can't find mom's boob.....so, if you see someone walking around a little uneven, let me know........
And everyone have a good week............love and hugs to all, and thanks again for all your support....................
Vic, I am so PROUD of you for not having a perfect day.... and I know you know where this is coming from.... the world didn't implode, your dad survived the day and you actually said ENOUGH, I'm tired now.... am very proud of you, and you know I am not being silly when I say that... love and hugs...
Shawna, sorry mom gave you a hard time last night, but sounds like you are so on the right track with her diet...... you are an awesome daughter and I have no doubt you can handle the neighbors.....
Ro, we are both working out butts off, maybe one day we'll get to run away like Starri got to....miss ya but knew you were busy, glad you got out for awhile, sounds like fun...
Jam, let us know what the dr says about the col..... some meds will cause that too, but you would think she would have been doing that all along instead of all of a sudden,,, who knows with the col....lalalalala!!!!!
emjo, hope you enjoyed your walk today, I am going to WALK to the bed and fall in it, another long day tomorrow.... don't know how long she will be in the hospital....
for everyone I missed, hope your days get better, and you are blessed with the resources to make ends meet... and get some rest and take care of you....
Love ya Seeme, in my heart and prayers.... hugs....
I am tired, going to bed... love you all, later
Seeme, so glad to see your making plans out of the house, good for you. I'll keep an eye out for the boob. LOL I've am new, but I feel so welcome. I'm so happy to have this site for reading and posting. These Ladies, I know there's a guy here too, but all have been kind and helpful beyond words.
Rollng coins here too, mostly sorting every jar of pennies, yo know the one's 1982 & before are worth more than a penny. close to 4cents of copper in them. we getting rain again. F-I-L is weaker again today, he's going to Doctor tomorrow, I hope there is a blood draw to check his white count and coumidin. I told my hubby we need to make notes to ask everything we want to know. This diarreah, hasn't cleared up, the poor guy is so weak. Right now though it doesn't have the C-Diff smell. it's raining again, yippee, almost a whole inch in the last week. thanks everyone, from peggy in tucson
Jam: At least, COL listens to your hubby... I know the situation; for example when we are back home after a ride and my mother refuses to get out of the car (because she doesn't want to come here, she wants to go to "her" house), I leave her in the car for half an hour (every now and then I go there and I ask her if she is ready to get out of the car) and usually after half an hour she accepts... In the meantime, I water the garden.... Of course the car is a protected environment so she can stay there; I can't do this in every situation.
Seeme: you are reacting the right way; a change of environment will certainly help you.
Shawna: if your mother still likes to see children, yes, ask your relatives to allow her to see children. My mother loved children and animals and now she can't stand either! It's another sad thing of this disease.
Ladee, when you are ready, (and I have some more $), come here and we'll have a road trip! I am going to leave my mother with the girls and I will hire a dog sitter to stay here. We definitely need it.
Night everybody
Sweet Dreams all.
Heard from starri today...................on the road again!!!! Be safe and check in with us about your latest adventures. Missing you!
emjo.....hope you are feeling better finally and starting to heal. Have been thinking about you, especially after I made ice cream the other day....yum!
ladee must still be working, seeme is getting ready to hit the road, stormy is celebrating, Cmag is hiring workers, ASG is chasing a goose and Auntie, ros is working too hard, Shawna is creating works of art, Vic is making smiles and positive words for all of us, emjo is making antler soup, mis is probably asleep....:) If I have missed anyone, please just yell at me.......thinking about you all. Time for the col to get into her jammies.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
I am down to painkillers 2 x a day from 5 x so that is a great improvement and expect to be off them soon - healing nicely - a few twinges but not bad - actually did a little house work yesterday other than the kitchen and visited daughter and grandbabies this afternoon and shopping - starting to feel normal again
the ice cream was good???? time for me to make some more - love it with raspberries and bought some peaches to try
13 lbs in 3 months is a lot - I was thinking prediabetes myself - as you say - all the conditions are there or it could be part of the Alz I believe
starri is on the move - sounding good
ladee ((((hugs)))) long days - but at least not with marie - let us know what is happening when u can - other than picking up sticks
vic -u r a good daughter - hope things are calm
shawna -u sound like a lady to be reckoned with - I won't get on ur wrong side lol - hope u find ur chairs
mis - poor grandpa - is there anything u can give him to slow the diarrhea?
peg - u r such a cheerful lady (((((hugs)))) come and vent all u like - how r the hot flashes - thank goodness I am way past those -actually I was hypothroid at the time so it kind of balanced out
asg - how's the goose - won't ask about aunt as she is bound to be mad at something
YR - how's dad doing?
seeme - have a great time - yes some fun - Oh boy do we need some fun sometmes
john - hope you are getting the damage looked at, at least
ros - good to see u again -sorry for ur friend and her mother
54 - please look after u - hope u will get a few more hours off this week
PCVS - how's the weather? no more tormados or etc i hope
speaking of weather the dreaded early frost has come -the past two nights and my sweet potatoes and begonias are wilted - it was 27 this morning. Now it is 55 and nice and crisp. Walking outside will be good for me for about another month - then I will have to hit the malls or the gym
G may be home and into a regular routine soon - then I would see something of him - that would be a change! he looked great when he popped in the other night so can't complain - this contact seems to suit him. he doesn't know it but i have some chores lined up - hehehe
time for zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's
love hugs and prayers♥♥♥
jo
stormy -the salmon patties sound good - going to try them
I visited my mother in the nursing home today. It is sad how poor her memory is about various things within the last two years and the last two weeks.
Going to try for sleep myself now....................
Love and Hugz,
Jam
8th wedding anniversary. But he had to work til 7 tonight. He was off yesterday and that is really when we kinda celebrated it. I had a drs appt up the road about a hour away from where we live and we went out to eat at Tripp's. Then just looked around at some shops. He bought me some bath and body works stuff. So it was a good day.
And Emjo i cooked his salmon patties( His favorite) for him tonight along with dried beans, cabbage and fried cornbread. This is one of his favorite dishes. So i surprised him.
Not much else going on- dad goes back to dr. dolittle fri to have a check up on his cellulitis. And to see if he will write a refill for some more antib. I don't think he wants to from the way his nurse was talking to sis the other day. And get this this dr wants to send dad to a dermatologist for his cellulitis. We already said something about the wound center and he comes up with the idea of the dermatologist. I don't know but that sounds kinda crazy to me. He doesn't have acne he has cellulitis.... Lord what are we dealing with here. A bunch of wacko's if you ask me. I will talk to ya'll later. Love and hugs stormyyyyyyy
jam - I know some people who take an extra cup of coffee to get to sleep - seems to work in reverse for them - not most people, though if I wake up early and have a coffee I can get back to sleep usually -only in the last few years
john - glad u r making headway with the repairs - good tip about the ceilings and water marks. I had someone in some years ago who spray painted all the ceilings - made a big difference
stormy - bet hubby apreciated that good meal - he did good with the bath and body stuff - nice you had some time together - don't understand a dermatologist for your
dad's legs either
shawna -wowee - ur r something!!! good for u for getting those nurses fired. Irish, Scots and a little indian in there would do it. My ex's uncle would say "My mother was part Ojibway and, boy, she was meeeeean! lol Hope u find ur chairs.
well for a laugh,having not been in contact witrh my mother directly for a couple of months, I accidentally sent her a redneck marriage joke. Not her taste at all, she wrote back "Thank you" lol and then followed it with a long email about how badly she is being treated (as usual). I know that she is fine -just her perceptions that the world is not the way she wants it and she is not getting as much attention as she wants. She met the new director of the residence and talked to him about it - good idea! She is quite capable and sounds very good in fact - has excellent doctors looking after her recovery from hip surgery and an excellent family doctor, her general health is extremely good and she is happy being miserable all the time and making other peoples lives miserable. it takes all kinds doesn't it???
well, have a good day peeps,
ladee let us know how marie is
everyone else check in when u can
lots of love
jo
talked with dd about decluttering here. This is not a hard house to keep with only me here most of the time but it does need to be decluttered.so I can get at stuff. I haven't even hung pictures since the renos! Time to let go of lots!!!