This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
peg - it has taken me many years and lots of tears to get to this point - Life is tool short and at 74 mine is getting shorter all the time - true for all of us - they construct a view of me that does not match reality. Their loss as far as I am concerned - a pattern of a lifetime - a game and I do not have to play.
Each morning I set my mom's ensure, vits/meds, empty coffee cup, equal, and a spoon to go along with her choice of breakfast. This morning she thanked me for doing that for her. That filled my emotional tank up somewhat that's for sure. It's the thank yous that keep me going!!!
and many of my friends are the "kids" that hung out at my house with my daughters (now grown). They were so kind last year when my Dad died reminiscing what a nice man he was. That was so special to know teens were noticing his specialness years and years ago. Makes my heart proud.
I see Shawna got the most recent cow pattie..........ladee better get your boots out.
Hello and welcome to the family to all the new posters. I hope you feel comfortable here and will come back often. I can read a lot of accomplishments....some family headaches....some frustrations............you will fit right in...:)
I guess I'm tired today and have been reading all the posts, but just doing my lurking in the corner. Have had to explain a dozen times to the col why she has to have all this dental work. She doesn't want to spend the money when "I won't live that long".....maybe so, but at least I will be able to stand beside her without gagging at the smell.
It's cool and rainy here today, one of those "sleep all day" days. Had to have Dish out to realign the satellite and he started calling at 7:30am.....have made a german chocolate cake, sliced up a bowl of peaches to pour over emjo's ice cream recipe, cooked the col a hamburger for breakfast and this was after her morning bowl of oatmeal, 2 cinnamon rolls, pancakes and one package of Pringles......I just don't know where she puts it. Had to order larger diapers and her clothes are all too tight. More cyber shopping in my future.
Again, welcome to Pegs and beta............and I hope the rest of the family is having a good day.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
What's a cow pattie?
Accomplishments, headaches, frustrations, .... yep, sounds like life to me.
I understand about the dental work, for my mom it's her hearing aids ... why bother to wear them? "I can hear better without them" ugh! I disagree with her.
Mom is very receptive to me laying out her meds and ensure and thanked me this morning for that ... thank yous go a long, long way in my heart.
She is resting, still in her robe, I am still in jammies (yep, after 12noon and still in jammies, so happy) and organizing my studying for this week. Chapter after chapter to read. At least mom is supportive re: my studies (returning student at a university in case you missed that post).
Thanks for the welcome, happy to be here!
It is a reward for hanging in there with us.
Glad u got the " thank you" from mum this morning - any sincere expression of gratitude really helps - and it is wonderful that she is supportive of ur studies
still in ur nightwear - me too just woke up from a nap -
good luck with the week's studies - u r going to ace them -
may I ask why u chose American Indian Studies - I am Cree by marriage (my ex) although there were problems, I learned much
So happy to hear the "Pegs" are liking it here.... we try to make everyone feel welcome and safe, so we are happy you decided to stay....and cmag is our much needed male voice on here... and he does let us know there are very kind loving men in this world...and we are blessed he stays with us...and beta, hope we hear from you again as well.... you are always welcome, always...
I have been a slug the past two days... didn't go rock hunting this morning, too humid.... any excuse would have worked, it was nap time....
I have jury duty this next week and haven't been able to get ahold of the family to let them know.... so don't know how Marie is or whether she is home or not.... guess I'll wait and let it be a surprise....
So now I am going to put things away her in the BS, get my visuals clear and then who know what I'll do... I do need to get started on Christmas gifts... need to check and make sure my clay didn't bake during this summer's heat....
Love ya'll, and hugs across the miles....
Tired .. Ready to get in bed. Will try to write more tomorrow
Jam, I was thinking of COL who is eating like a wolf - a teenager - a person who just came back from a hard hike on the mountains... And it makes me smile. You'll have to adjust your budget to it. You might start to buy food in bulk.
I agree with the question that many of you asked. Where are old people? Here in my village they are hidden in the houses. Nobody feels like going shopping with them, going to the café with them. Either they are in good shape, or they have to stay home. It's so sad. When I think that my mother hates to be home and she wants to go out all the time, all the time! I don't know why people have to be ashamed to show themselves in public with a declining old relative. That's life, after all. I have to say that all the shop owners around here, the cafés patrons, they are extremely kind to my mother, they always try to find her a chair, they welcome her with a big smile. So, what's the problem in carrying the old relative with you? (If he/she behaves, of course..... And he/she doesn't destroy everything. I can't carry my mother to the supermarked because she wants to buy everything, but it's the only place where I can't take her.,...)
I changed my candle into a rose because the lady of the other thread is dead (peacefully, thanks God).
I went through the "I can hear without hearing aids".....now the col loves them. We are currently going through the "I can see without my glasses just fine"...I used to argue with her and tell her constantly to put them on. Anymore, I don't say a word, if she wants to wear them she will, if not, well she won't.....I'm not making myself crazy over a pair of darn glasses.
I sincerely hope everyone has had a wonderful day......it has rained here off and on and supposed to continue tonight and tomorrow. Makes for good sleeping....I think the col didn't get up this morning until 6:30.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
anyway back to my dog, he was poisoned, it was coming out of both ends, the vet washed him out both ways. he had to take stuff to help his liver, many lab tests--- he then developed Valley Fever. he shakes all over, like he is freezing cold when we go to the vet for anything. for a 90 pound dog he can curl into a quivering small fur ball. he is great, and I love him so much, they are so unwavering in their loyalty. he understands most english. he is great with all my pets. anyway just wanted to tell ya'll about my Buddy.
Peggy, I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your dog, I am one who believes what ever a person does to a animal in abuse should have the same returned to them, he threw rat poisoned meat balls, he should be made to eat them.
I am also sorry you are having to work so hard... if I win the lottery, you are first on the list.... OK?
There are many elders here in my little town, come from hearty stock, still speak in German if you make them mad... but they are some stong folks that I learn a lot from... some will talk with you, some won't, they think you are after thier oil well money.... and believe me there is a lot of them have money here, but you would never know it.
Well talked to the daughter this evening, Marie came home last evening... she is on antibiotics for what ever was causing her fever... bet Sonny is more relaxed now.... so next week should just be a regular week.. I appreciate the extra money, but just get too tired..... my needs are simple, so no need to work that many hours in a short amount of time....
Thought ya'll would enjoy this... remember when I called the cops because my neighbors were playing thier music so loud... well they have stopped doing that, but tonight they are drunk and outside just singing thier little hearts out.... think I will just leave them alone... at least they do not have any music making my windows vibrate.... or my eardrums....
Son is coming tomorrow to level the house and do some odds and ends here, yeah right, I'll believe it when I see him... Whose kid is this anyway???? And I keep telling him I will be glad when his real mother shows up... nah, he's mine, but his dad gets him the next 41 years, I'm done....
so am going to bed now.. hope everyone gets a good nights rest.
love ya seeme and miss ya...
Cmag, when you see so much sickness around you it gets to you sometimes, are you taking care of you? doing good things for you? when I lost Mom and then my husbands brother just a short time later, it hit me really hard..take some time for you..
so self care has to be a priority for you. You can't stop the ravages of old age and disease on them, but you work on how it affects you,
Is it depressing - sure! it is never nice to see any one deteriorate for any reason - nonetheless that is life and we have to cope with it - doing something good for u should help -dwelling in it won't though the going through the grieving process is necessary - think you and your wife are going through some anticipatory grieving -and that is good - just make sure you don't let it take over and that you find time for some fun stuff too
ladee -hope u have a great sleep and that marie is ok next week - hope the son comes - serenading neighbours could be worse I guess - hope the jury duty is not too bad
peggy -smooches to your puppy - poor guy - what awful neighbours
ros (((((hugs))))) can you go swimming again -maybe a friend has a pool
vic -hope u can get some good rest
jam -enjoy the peaches in the ice cream
shawna - I lost u there on fb - had to eat and sleep - fighting some kind of a bug and slept like a log this afternoon
starri - multiple loss really does a number on you - know it well -20 deaths of friends and family in 5 years - you don't know who you are grieving for - hated answering the phone in the middle of the night -another funeral, throw some clothes in a bag and take off - even my youngest -Gordie - had his funeral clothes ready to go - little did we know he was on the list too -sometimes life sucks
lov ya all and those I have not mentioned
jo
Since when does the Government give anyone anything automatically?. I filled out the five page application, (it wasn't difficult) but it was my work. anyway. The best part of the letter is the effective date is 8/1/11 so the $1200. meds will be partially reimbursed, and the benefit is good through 12/2012. yippee.
I really had a difficult time getting over what was intentionally done to my dog. We had thought of places to hide the body, and wondered if he would even be missed? the neighbor. alas he is still our neighbor. Buddy never goes out into our 1 acre yard alone. I can never trust that he hasn't done it again, when i let my guard down.
Cmag- my heart goes out to you, please know we care.
pegly, in Tucson
Re: Buddy: oh no, I would never trust that mean neighbor again. It is a shame to have that much property for a dog to enjoy and feel as though you have to be monitoring a sick neighbor's actions! That sucks.
And the paperwork? Yeah, let's rally around that for a minute. All the work filling in page after page and the govt gets the credit ... ha ha .. just thought that sounds like my "hero" brother ... ha ha ... "hero" government!!?!! Come on, chuckle a little bit.
At least the reimbursement will be retroactive. "There is always something to be glad about" as Pollyanna said!!! (love that movie; anyone remember it?)
Emjo: I cannot imagine going through so many funerals and feelings in that short span of time. I don't think my heart could handle that. Hugs to you, my friend.
Peg in San Diego (just to differentiate from my new friend Pegly in Tucson ok?)
I'm up early as always again only slept in for an hour but at least I get some me time, which hardly ever happens anymore. I really miss the times where I didn't have to worry about anyone but myself and the hubby and we could just take off for a weekend and go ride our 4 wheelers up north.
My hubby and I talked about what happen Friday night with grandma threatening to hit me. At first he said well put up your fist and say let's go. I told him no, I'm not taking this type of abuse from anybody. I told him that I didn't need another heartattack from the stress. I'm too young for that. He thought about it for awhile and came back in the house and said that he will talk to her doctor about it and maybe we can find a place for grandma to spend a few weeks in. We are co POA's and personally I believe she needs to go to some place that can better care for her than what we can. I'll give up some credit we've done our best for the last 4 yrs. We began taking care of grandma after my mil passed away from colon cancer. We didn't talk about it amongest ourselves we just stepped in and did it cause of his step-dad abused grandma finicially. I'm going to call her lawyer tomorrow and ask him about the Lady Bird Deed, which will help us out alot. Grandma already decided that she's leaving us her house so if we can prevent the extra taxes on us plus if we put her some place they won't consider her house real property by having the Lady Bird Deed. Some states recongize it and others don't but here in Michigan they do.
Yesterday was a good day, grandma was pretty good. She kept saying that she wouldn't know what to do if my husband and I weren't here. She's been talking alot lately about dying. My aunt came over to give her a bathe and grandma was talking about her obituray. So I asked her what she wanted it to say and this was her reply: This Louisanna cajun has finally kicked the bucket, yipee. All of three of kinda of laughed. I told my aunt what happen on Friday she said she can come in more days, but I don't think that will help much. Grandma likes my aunt alot so we just might have her come more days.
We try and Grandma places but it stresses up out. She gets confused really easy and keeps asking well where are we and then she says Daisy and Peanut are probally cussing and they will ask us "Just where in h*ll you've been all day."
I told Grandma yesterday that we'll be going to a baby shower for my niece here soon and she was surprised that she's going to be a great great grandma again. My niece has been sending us ultrasound pictures and we show grandma and she doesn't remember. I hate this disease. My own grandma had alz back when I was a teenager. We found her dead outside in the middle of January only because I tried calling her and couldn't get no answer. I called my own grandma everyday to see how she was and when I couldn't get answer I called my cousin who lived next door and he couldn't find her. My own grandma lived alone. My uncle wouldn't let my grandma live with my mom and I. So I hate this disease. My own grandma froze to death in the middle of January. I do not talk to this uncle anymore because of it.
I can't remember which Peggy it is but I would call the Humane Society on your neighbor. Something should be done about him.
Cow patties now that's funny.
I agree with taking out the folks around here... there isn't many which is sad... I take mom out everywhere we take her to breakfast and sometimes dinner. She goes everywhere with us ... if we go to the fair she goes with us .. the only time we don't take her out is if its like really cold...or rainy. It will be better when my landlord puts up the awinng in front of my door so that it don't pour on us oh well. Maybe I'll just find a cheap one and have my brother in law install it or nephew (Rick lol not Eddie snort like Eddie would do crap for his gram) Oh that's another thing that sometimes burns my biscuits ..he started his comments about what mom buys ... mom bought me sneakers like two years ago... I made her buy the cheapest pair ... she wanted to buy me these 36 dollar ones I said no took them back to the service desk got the money back later we went to payless and got 14 dollar ones. Now he made a comment I groweled at him ... because he don't have much to say as when we were there getting my sneakers he mentioned his boots were wearoing out .. MOM bought him a pair of almost 40 dollar steel toed boots ... its her money I know but it pissed me off big time. I watch every nickle that goes out I keep a log and everything yes mom helped me restart my business with my printer and my ink and products I admit that .. but when I sold my first set of mugs and such I paid her back and got her things she wanted because thats just what YOU do. So when my idiot brother who I NO longer talk to and has been told by the nephew (the good one Rick) that if he makes a comment he's gonna get it. When he says comments like that I use moms money and that I need to get a job it just burns me up.. BIG time. To the point I got upset and when I was low in funds from my own stuff I refused to get my cold meds because It was moms money ... yes I know I got told off by my sister Jeanne for doing it. (she said its not like I am spending the money on just anything ...) Sometimes siblings are just NOT worth the stress they cause.
Have had to come up with my own "Peg" solution to keep it straight in my head.... so for me, it is SD Peg and T Peg.... or I can just say "to the Pegs" and write stuff and ya'll figure out who I am referring too....half the time I can't find my car keys, so ya'll be patient with me....
Mis, how absolutely horrible for your grandmother.. how do you get past something like that???? There are so many bullies in this world, and your uncle is one of them... Karma can't come soon enough... no wonder people take the law into their own hands..... this about your grandmother is going to haunt me....
And hope you get things done with the house and don't have alot of hassles and can get her placed somewhere safe... and am very proud you stood your ground... let us know how things are going...
Shawna,Yeha for mom about the grandson... she can say NO and that is good. No one will take advantage of her... and you are an awesome loving daughter to take into consideration her finances when you got your shoes... but don't go without your meds... she would be upset if she thought you were not taking care of yourself. And you DO have a job, taking care of your mom... and are trying to start your own business, so don't even listen to stupid people.... and post away, it's sort of like having gas, better out than in.....
Cmag, I do the same thing sometimes.. for me now it is the changing seasons that bring about introspection and memories...I examine my own time on earth and wonder if I have made a difference anywhere.... just the human condition to look our own mortality in the face... I thought I was going to be here forever...hope you have some things that make you happy, I mean really happy..... and do those things, we are going to be dead longer than we are going to be alive.... so enjoy, really enjoy something that makes your insides feel good.
SDPeg, didn't that feel good to stay calm and still have your say about the "hero" brother... am very proud of you for trying something new and finding that it works... your plate is already full, one less sib on there will lighten the load..
Ok, are both the Pegs in school???? I know there was something I wanted to say to TPeg, but it got lost in my addled brain, maybe it is where ever I sat my car keys...
And yes, this thread was started for all the right reasons, and all the folks that post here are such warm and loving people.... I kept telling Jam when you do the right thing for the right reason, good things happen... and we have some awesome people on here, who circle the wagons when someone is over burdened, sad, mad, fed up.... safety in numbers.. and that many more prayers going out....angels rushing about helping lighten the load.... but as Jam says, she may have started the thread, but it all of us that make it happen.... tho she is a mama hen sometimes, but that's just Jam, needing to make sure all the chicks are in the pen at night... There are hawks out there, but they post other places... so not to worry... love is powerful, more powerful than all the hawks in the world...
so, hugs across the miles to everyone....
Jam, sorry to hear the col has to have that many teeth pulled... maybe that will cut down on her eating some,,, I would dread having to take care of her and her mouth afterward.... ok, you have "ears", "eyes" and "teeth" taken care of, now buy her some bigger clothes and she is set to go.... don't fix anything else....she already thinks she 22, so don't get her lookin' too good....
Starri, hope you are out of the prairie by now, lord I would loose my mind in the flatlands, I'd be talking to rocks....
emjo, get those renters out and make room for more antlers, I already know what I want for Christmas....
Seeme Sue, love you with all my heart and hope we hear from you soon, am really missing you......