This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
emjo, glad G is home for awhile
The Pegs, hope ya'll had a good day
Starri, loved the pic of the Squeekmeister asleep
Jam, when is the tooth fairy coming to your house??? Make sure you ask the Dr.f or some meds for YOU too before you leave
Seeme, love ya and miss ya...
I will catch up more later... hugs across the miles..
Sorry you are overwhelmed, and it may take the cortisone shot a bit to work completely... she may be up and about tomorrow..and there is no reason she can't go to daycare..... you need your ME time, if it was super serious the Dr. would have said so.... just put her in the car( or howerever she gets there) and wave bye..... hope to hear from you again... there are no strangers here, we welcome you with open arms......hugs to you..
as far as your mum is concerned - I asked my sig other, Gary, as he has had cortisone shots in his knee and in his hip and he says he was always told to stay off it for 2-3 days after the shot and he is not surprised that your mum in sore tonight. She needs to stay off it to allow the cortisone to do its thing. Now that does not help you as far as you gettng a break for the next 2-3 days. Can you hang in that long. or get someone in to help?
I just read your profile and I wonder if it is time for you to consider placing your mum in a facility appropriate for her condition. You have put in many years and have teenagers, and they are enough for anyone never mind an Alz patient as well. My mother has a personality disorder though is well otherwise at 99 and she is in an ALF. There is no way I could ever cope with her in my home. I cannot even afford too much contact. It is not that I do not love her but I also love myself. Please look ahead at what is good for you and your family.
((((((((Hugs)))))) and prayers
jo
well yes, my sweetie is home and he took me out for dinner -what a guy - the poor little waitress had had a bad arm injury and was hurting and all of a sudden she is pouring out her story to G who is giving her advice and playing father/doctor - you gals know the routine -
asg - aunt will get mad - I know it from my mum - took me lots of years to finally realize that actually I didn't make her mad nor could I fix it - also she is a bit of a bully - sounds like aunt is too, and it is better to stand up to bullies - though as tactfully as possible and be firm - the goose is not about aunt or the cat - it is about crushing your daughter's spirit -I am so relieved that you got it back for her - those things can make an impression on a chld for life -u r doing well - not an easy situation
how's everyone?
♥
jo
School went well. I do have car repairs to finish later this week and then I am going to San Marcos University for a film (Wed even) with one of my daughters and perhaps meet a couple of friends there. It is in place of my class so my mom won't be alone longer than she normally is.
I am happy to have had that heart to heart, tearful conversation with her. Perhaps shedding a few tears from both of us will settle our nerves a bit right?
Good night all...I so appreciate this group of friends!
Peg in San Diego
There is so much respect and caring for one another that I regard this group as my soft place to land after a hard day.
Tonight I am feeling lighter hearted (if that's a term) because my mom and I shed a few tears (regarding her withering weight issue), professed our love for one another, and admitted we feel hurt still that my dad is gone (just one year so that's a normal response during this time). I pray she eats more (she says she's gained 2 pounds already but she's lied about her weight before so who knows right?) and that God will bless me with many more years with her (she is 84 years old with magnified cognitive decline since my dad's death and the doc was worried about her weight).
I know arthritis is not the same as knee pain for my mom's doc recommended tylenol arthritis (650 mg x 2) 3 times a day and if she still aches (it's her back and one knee) ibuprofen in between. Please consult her doc before doing this of course. I understand what you mean when you say "I will lose what little mind I have" ... truly I understand. Hugs.
Good night my newfound friends ... you all are such blessings in my life.
Peg in San Diego
SDPeg, how awesome you had this talk with your mom... isn't it something how sometimes it just never occurs to us to tell someone how we feel and how much we love them and worry about them... so angels sent to both of you for progress in her self care, and less worry for you... you are a very loving daughter and thank you for sharing this with us... made my heart feel good...
TPeg, we are so happy that you feel so welcome and loved... this thread was started because of some things that happened that did not speak to what this whole sight is about, support, love , encouragement, honoring each others feelings, and respect....The love and acceptance that resonates from this thread is what we all need, good day or bad one... Not one time since this thread was started has there ever been a harsh word spoken to anyone.... we each have enough bumps in the road and this is where we come to feel "normal".....and we appreciate you and SDPeg for being so loving and supportive yourselves... there is power in numbers,,,, And the greatest compliment to this thread is that everyone feels safe.... love ya both and very happy to have you here.... hugs across the miles...
Jo, I could not resist putting those photo's on there, we've joked about your antler stew so much, I just had too.. now if you can photo shop yourself into one of the pictures that would be great, you and I had talked about giving "some" people something to talk about..lol..
All that I can say ladies and gentlemen your all wonderful caregivers and I am proud to be able to call you my friends.
(((((SDPeg)))))) so glad u had a heart to heart talk with ur mum. She is probably feeling like she is old and a burden to you and why is she still around - especially since ur dad is gone. - those mother-daughter talks r priceless and tears do help -dd and I now laugh at ourselves more and more - hope u enjoy the film
my daughter (dd) came over yesterday and woke me up from a nap so she left but I ran to the window and yelled out at her to stay, so while I made tea she swept the floor (♥ that) and then we had a good chat - priceless!!! she is working through some important issues and I am so proud of her -I sent her off with a couple of plums and a granola bar each (from Gary's stash) for the grandkids -that's another thing - for kids gifts = love (as long as they r not spoiled rotten and I know,asg, urs aren't)
asg -I've been there and sharp words hurt a child and the memories stick - I have more than a few in my memory banks - that goose represents ur love to ur daughter because u stuck up for her -that story about your precious little son hurts my heart as I know it does urs.- even if they come to some understanding of aunt's condition, the words still hurt -I totally understand that u thought sharing a cracker would work, and were hurt when it didn't and felt so bad for ur boy - that is the sad part about brain damage - people r so unpredictable - mostly old people - like me - love to give treats to kids -the kids "light" up and it is a blessing - that being said I have survived -just a sensitive area for me - no he will not forget anbd I am glad he is stubborn - that will help him survive. The unpredictability is hard for us to deal with and harder for the kids. I am glad they are learning to live with it. All this being said an d while we r putting our cards on the table, my kids have put up with some cr*p from some people that I have regretted later and they have turned out pretty well - one wise old woman once said to me when my oldest son was going through hard times -"Let him know his mother loves him.". Of all the things people have said to me through the years that has stuck and it is what every child needs from his/her parents - really it is what all of us need from one another, isn't it?
brings me to ladee -yes so much support here -awesome!!! - glad to see u r posting here again and it is working even in larger chunks - hope u have a decent day with the senior bonnie and clyde
and that brings me to the joke of the day -
A Missouri trooper stopped an elderly lady just outside of Austin. He asked for her driver’s license, proof of insurance and registration. In the paper work he found a conceal carry permit. He asked if she had a weapon. She said, “I have a .45 in the glove box.” He asked, “Any other weapons?” She said,”Yes, a 9mm in the console and a .38 Special in my purse.”The trooper asked, “Lady, what are you afraid of?” She said,”Not a damn thing.”
works for me!
starri -still need an explanation for the "jigs up" just missing it altogether
oh well
jam - don't know it I have enough eyebrow for powder to work - low thyroid does a number on ur eyebrows - time for a hair do - cut and/or perm and/or colour - getting closer to thinking about a semipermanent colour though I said I never would though tired of them always giving me the bill in a restaurant -always have -does't matter who i am with -maybe I look like I am the one with the money lol
vic - don't hear u saying u want to be here with the hail -a little worried about u being tired all the time -have u had a check up?
stormy -hang in there - hope you can get that white stuff under control - breathe deep!!!
shawna - hugs -u r a good girl and BTW I love the wolves u do -Gordie's fav animal
seeme - how ya doin'? - reality starting? major BIG (((((((hugs))))))
mis,Peg from T, everyone else, let us know how u r
here G is off to the horses today so I have to get him a good big cooked breakfast -got a call last night that 2 yearlings had escaped onto the highway -fortunately a friend put them back but the fence needs attention - and he needs to see his beloved horses and get out in the fields -so true - you can take the boy out of the farm but u can't take the farm out of the boy - he is an old cowboy at heart
hey - he even modelled western wear some years ago - be still my heart♥
love ya all♥♥♥
jo
Has something to do with my warped sense of humor
Sun is shining, drinking coffee, ladee can post, care giver coming.....now just how much better can it get? I will try to address everyone........the key word being try....please bear with me and if I forget someone it's not intentional......
ASG.....I do all the cognitive tests with the col about every 3 mo. The clock she can do....it's the "now draw the hands to show 8:50" or whatever time you choose. The first time the col couldn't put the clock hands correctly. She snottily asked if I wanted her to draw a type of triangle (used when drawing maps) I don't remember what she called it and I said no, just draw me a house. Couldn't do it. Give aunt 3 words and see if she can repeat them back...such as apple, tree, house. See if she can make change. Give her a set of numbers and she must say them to you backwards, like 87, or 5689. Or the story of Jack and Jill got married and moved to Chicago, Jill quit her job as a stockbroker to stay home to care for their 2 children. Ask what was Jill's job....how many children......which state do they live in? These are all part of a series of tests to help determine mental status changes. The first time the doctor gave them to the col, she passed with flying colors....not so much now.
Welcome Carol.....yes this is a very safe place to come and meet new friends and just talk about anything you feel like. We have a tendency to give advice and suggestions and we have found that is not what some people want.........they just need to feel free to stomp and rant and rave, so come on in, pull up a chair and let's get to know each other. We can get a little silly at times....as ladee says the Alzheimer's rubs off by osmosis.....:) Some of us are still in trenches, others have lost their loved one and they help us to learn there is a life after care giving.
Oops.....I forgot I need to run to Wal-Mart so I can't sit here and visit..........will address everyone later when I get back.
On the tooth fairy.......I'm calling the surgeon this morning to get pricing since the col doesn't have insurance. Have given this a lot of thought and after watching her almost "beat up" attitude yesterday, I don't think I am willing to put her through the trauma of having all those teeth pulled. It's not the money, it's her mental well-being first, although she says she doesn't want to spend a lot of money when she's going to die soon. Her teeth don't hurt, they're just "unsightly" to put it nicely. When I went down to fix her dinner she looked so sad and when I asked her what the matter was she said it was worry over the dental work. When I told her I was calling today and we might just not have it done, you should have seen her face.....it was like a 6 yr old finding Santa standing by the Christmas tree!!!!! And Heather was worried about her yesterday because she slept all day..........now I know why.
seeme....bags packed....emjo....has a big smile on her face.......starri isn't moving out of her chair today, isn't it hubby's turn to walk the dogs? ros....working too hard...ladee....pick-up sticks....SD Peg.....having a good day with mom....Cmag....having too much fun in his man-cave........Vic, mis, YR.....see I told you I would miss someone, please just holler at me and say a prayer as I venture out to my least favorite place in the world.
Love and Hugz to all of you,
Jam
stormy.......you asked the other night about your sis's symptoms.....yes it sounds to me like she is dealing with a sinus infection. I would ask you the "correct" question to find out, but some people might have just had breakfast. If you are on FB later we will visit...okay? How is Dad doing today? You haven't said lately how his legs are.
Shawna.....I'm still very proud of you for coming up with the plan for the baby's gift. You have a big heart and your family is lucky to have you.
If I don't get up and shower I will find myself sitting here without groceries..............
Love and Hugz,
Jam
As for me sitting in my chair all day? ain't going to happen, the girls would pee and poo all over the house/camper from not being walked, they would starve to death from not being fed, goes for Squeek as well, she would not be fed or have water. Her sand box would over flow. If I didn't do anything here in the camper, you would not be able to get in it after two days..lol... He says "oh, you don't have to do it" well if I don't who the hell is? lol anyway better go check out who Claire is barking at, she insisted that she had to go back out this morning after having her break, so I took her back and out she's currently in her pen, I was being nice and letting them stay in as it is windy as all get out and cold out there., I fixed them a wind break using a tarp and they have pillows to lay on, so their not suffering in the least..lol Squeek wants in, she's been in and out twice already..
Thanks, hugs, I enjoy you all so very much
San Diego Peg
more (((((((((((hugs)))))))) and come back and let us know how u are doing -it is a tough time for u
jo
stormy -meant to say -I have all those symptoms with sinus infections -feels like your teeth are hurting
starri -still housekeeping -or pet minding anyway -count it as exercise!
SDPeg - a week on paxil is not long -yes be patient - and I am sure that reminding her that you care and want her around is very important -even those of us with reasonable (?) memories need to hear that - the paxil may help her appetite/weight gain too
hi asg -jams ideas for testing are good - gives u a small measure of what is happening
fever -again (((((((hugs))))) and come back and vent whenever you need to
love, hugs and prayers for all ♥♥♥
jo
Starri, great facebook pic, you really got the world by the nads. LOL
Jam, thanks, this is a great place and all of the replies are fun to read, and it is great to feel included and understood. Love and Hugs To ALL
Peg it's good to see you let mom know you still need her, hopefully she will not refuse her food and get an appitite back.
We go to Doc today, w/ F-i-L stool sample already collected, the c-diff smell permeated the house again yesterday. I never did post the bully brothers infuriating email. he ain't worth the space."He fully expects to take dad deer hunting this year"....gonna be hard for dad to survive deer hunting with the runs. He has no clue, and doesn't seem to want to learn. My hubby has decieded he will use up vacation days by taking one day off every week, to be home and he said i will go someplace on those days. Yippee, wish i had a Peggy cave... have a great day, everyone. mean Auntie, just likes to be in control. I happy to see the extraction of all those teeth at once is being reconsidered. (((Shawna))) still sending healing thoughts out to you.
Peggy in Tucson