This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Focus on that maybe just before you get up or before you sleep. Ask God to talk to you through your inner voice, your intuition. You perhaps have hung up the phone on your higher spirit. But the line is always there in many forms. Love can never die. But take it all to a counselor and vent, vent, vent. You will find eventually that your wisdom will be talking. You have been through so much! You have the strength somewhere in there. We are rooting for you. Find the ghost that is talking you down, invite it to tea, and have a conversation.
Then I took my mother to the podiatrist. It's chilly, but she dressed for summer. She wore a coat, but was still freezing in the wind. And she is so slow now. It takes her 5 min to do something that should take 1 min, so the short walks outside took forever. We were going to go out to dinner, but I couldn't see getting her out in the wind two more times.
I don't know how I deal with the slowness. Sometimes she stops and I have to say something to get her to move again. I couldn't get her to get on or off the elevator. I almost left her trying to get her on. I could find the "door open" button until the door had already closed. Fortunately, I found it in time. The slowness and stopping drive me absolutely crazy. If I walk in front, I'll leave her behind, even if I'm walking slowly. If I walk behind, I'll trip on her heels if I'm not careful. And if anyone says "poor mom," I'll swat them.
It will refresh you.
I know how hard it is to arrange, but it will be worth it.
Tell eldest brother dad is his for the duration. Leave instructions but don't make any arrangements. You probably can't stay on island because they will find you but do you know anyone on one of the nearby islands who would be willing to hide you for a week. Take as many books as you can carry,walk,sit in the shade use plenty of sunscreen and bug spray, eat healthy fresh foods (go somewhere with no fast foods) Stay off AC till you return home (if you do) YOU ARE NO GOOD TO ANYONE IN THE STATE YOU ARE IN.
I was so exhausted today. I kept falling asleep at work. I had to get up and walk up and down 3 flights of stairs trying to pump up my heart and get those blood flowing. I go back in the office, and within an hour, I was falling asleep. I was so exhausted, I walked like a drunk - crooked, weaving... I left early from work, 5:45pm. Came home. I didn't get all pissed off that my nephew's wife parked in MY Parking space. I pulled in slowly, stared at her car as I passed by and parked down the hill. They ALL saw me glaring at her car. She was told to immediately move her car, and SIL took one look at me, and asked for my car key and she will drive it back up the hill. I told her solemnly that I'm just so tired....
That's how I'm doing today....
It sounds like you need a long break. Is your husband okay? Could he take care of himself? Could your child make other accommodations for your granddaughter for a couple of weeks? Could you put your Mom in a care facility for the same amount of time? It would be nice to have a break from all the responsibility.
I remember when I first came to stay with my parents, I was so mad at them and my ex that I had trouble sleeping at night. Now I have trouble sleeping sometimes, but it is much better. That anger can chew us up inside.
Same brother who kept using my old car that I gave to dad. He invited me to go strolling. Well, we strolled directly to the auto shop. I followed him in. He goes to the cashier. The cashier told bro the cost and bro moved away and looked at me. My brother and his wife makes much more money than me, close to minimum wage. Since the car was still under my name, I paid it.
This is the brother that brags that he was mom's favorite. Yet these past 20 years, he, wife and kids (all live just next door) rarely came to visit or help out. At mom's funeral or rosary, bro laughed aloud saying that HE was supposed to be taking care of the parents.
Can you imagine what happens if he gets guardianship?
The iPad and the Kindle's battery goes fast when I'm reading. I have to take turns daily to recharge one device. Lastnight, I was curious, and looked in Amazon's Kindle Paperwhite (saw the commercial on it.) Wow! Did you know that if I had this kindle, it takes 6-8 weeks before I have to recharge the battery?! So, now I'm going to check daily for the used one in Ebay or Amazon. I will also check Walmart & Best Buy - and have it sent to one of my siblings in the USA to mail it to me. These 2 stores won't send electronic devices internationally.
I didn't work today. Sis was not able to babysit dad. So, when the govt caregivers came in, one of them is an old timer. She said that when she saw my car, she was happy to know that I will be here. She says that oldest sis and I are so different. She's quiet and I'm talkative. As I sat on the couch watching them, I saw that they were getting closer to dad's private area. So, I turned on my kindle and started playing all of dad's favorite songs. After I played, "Goodnight Irene" twice, he calmly told them several times that he likes that song. When they were done spongebathing them, I noticed that Both ladies were singing along with my music - Clementine and One Day at a Time. {{chuckling}} The music was to calm Dad down, Not Them! Oh well.... kill 2 birds with one stone....
The caregiver said that my dad was singing Red River Valley to the other caregiver on Monday. She kept mentioning it to dad. Not once did he sing any of the songs today while they were here.
He hates it that one of the caregiver wore a mask. He thinks it's an insult that she thinks he's contagious. Later, i asked sis if that caregiver always comes in wearing the mask or just today? She said that she always wears the mask, unlike the others. I shrugged and said it's understandable. From my previous conversations with the caregivers years ago, I was told that it's easy for them to get TB and to spread it. One of them was tested and came up positive, whereas the last testing she was negative.
Ok. Fine. I've got my own life to deal with. ugh
After some angst and a reality check on my financial debt, I've decided that I truly cannot go off-island this year. I've incurred some serious auto repairs that my car enjoyed good health in it's first 7 years of its creation. I'm just amazed that it lasted 7 years without any real major repairs. I still need to take my car in to check the starter since once in a while it makes that loud screeching noise when I first start the car in the morning or lunch time. It sounds like I cranked it on twice, even though I didn't. So, my goal is to try to pay off these repairs.
I changed my mind about buying a purple wig. I'm watching the animal channel and there's these 2 young women who have purple hair. I don't like it. Maybe compromise - have a strand of purple hair. Maybe.
I giggled when the owner of the animal rescue shelter said that just lastnight, she discovered that the pit bull dog is afraid of a cockroach.
We all need patience.... Even those we are caregiving to.