This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Or, non-stop as in all the time, non-productive cough, straining himself, making him weak, difficulty breathing, cough waking him up?
Ask his doctor? If no improvement over time.
Another reason is also a simple cure-after awhile, and so much chicken noodle soup, I stopped the soup. Then, Garden Artist suggested this simple cure again, and my husband was better the next day.
Keep up the vigilance, don't skip or stop the antibiotics-uh oh, most people do.
A warm shower can loosen the cough.
Just passing on what has worked for us. IMOP.
Book, I understand you need to get more work done! Check in on your schedule, we will miss you. This is your place for keeping sane. Mine too.
So sorry that you are having to endure your father's decline. Stay safe.
Of Course, bro's way of handling the situation? He approached me and TOLD me that I (note "I") need to yell at dad and tell him not to do that again, etc.... HE cannot do it because he doesn't want dad to get used to him (familiarity breeds contempt). Therefore, I ("I") have to be the one to straighten him up.
I told bro straight out that if they terminate services, I AM NOT BATHING HIM. I said it very firmly, several times. You see, our custom, is that the oldest son takes care of the elderly parents. Well, oldest boy and single, childless daughter. There's a war within me. And no matter how much my brain goes in circle, it always lands on the final solution. Like I said, there's a war inside. Brain vs. Conscience/ Obligations/ Duty... And only one solution that I can live with.
I'm sad that I've realized that bro's gf did not get back with me - because she doesn't want to babysit dad while I take my trip.
Thursday night, our road was flooded. I had to drive my car through it. Messed up my brakes. The whole day, Friday, it felt 'wrong'. After work today, I went to the mechanic. I brought the front brake pads ceramic type with me. Even with that, the bill was $578.53. Since I knew that I had to take the car since yesterday, I spent the whole 2 days debating how to pay for it. In the end, {{sniff}} {{sniff}}, I used my credit card that had a $332.00 credit (reward points) which I had planned to use 100% for all the ebooks/books that i can buy at my heart's content. Practicality over-rode my wish. I didn't realize how much I had my heart set on it. So, that $578.53 bill - $332.00 credit = $246.53 balance to pay off slowly. I feel soooo sad that I no longer have that $332.00 Credit for all the books that I want with my heart's desire... Nor will I be going on my free trip...
I'm going to start doing my journals from last year and put it all into one source. Easy to find and access. I will also organize my notes for dad since last year, too. I really need to do that advance directive for myself.
Thank you all for everything. This site takes so much of my time. I really need to cut back from here, from reading.. and start organizing stuff here at home. Stop putting it off. Hmm.. I've also been putting off my funeral arrangements. I will need to prepay that, too. It's not as if I have a husband who will pay for my funeral expenses. So, I need to look into that. (Bro and his wife have theirs paid off.)
Have you put in a request for someone, or some agency to perform a welfare check soon after the power goes? Then, they could follow up on your progress.?
Sheltering in place sounds like a good idea!
Be safe, keep warm.
You need the help that you have lined up! What if you lose it? You have done a good job establishing and maintaining boundaries, take care of you!
She said that the girls are now afraid of him. If he continues, she will put her girls first. And will terminate services with my dad (no more 4 x week sponge bath). She wanted me to talk to dad about it. I said that I can but we have a language barrier. He understands our native language and I don't understand it at all. (He's reverting back to his childhood language.)
She said that she speaks our native language. Can she talk to him about it? I said yes please.
My mind is going crazy. All I know is that I cannot do his whole body wash. I'm already pushing it with the pamper changing and cleaning him in his private areas. I don't know if I'm able to keep back those hidden childhood memories if I have to literally touch his body from head to toe, repeatedly for the soaping, then the rinsing and then the wiping. I know my limits. I cannot. Even now, when his hand goes near my body while I'm changing his pamper, I jump away from him. I have to repeatedly tell him to keep his hand away from me. And that's just from changing the pamper....
Teacher niece and I were talking about it. She's going to put pressure on her father, oldest-bro-of-next-door, that he needs to step up with his father. I'm tired. My mind just keeps going in circles...
Going to take dad out with me while I run some errands and for lunch. He was agitated Tuesday but all good when I saw him Wed morning.
Seriously thinking of moving him to new room when addition is done as he usually sits and stares out of window and will not have his view when the fence outside gets installed as well as only a courtyard view. Though I like him across from activity room and it's male director I am thinking the view is more important at this time. Thoughts on this would be great.
Stay safe Pam and all you east coasters!
The highlight I had yesterday was a unique way of doing it. In the past, ALL my salonists would use foil to wrap each strands of hair. My scalp would be burning despite the foil. I went to this last salonist for my haircut - which I love it! (Think Japanese female haircut bob!) When she was doing my haircut, I asked her if she dyes hair for those who allergic to the dyes. She said yes. So, when I came in yesterday, she must of remembered my question. And used a CAP to cover my dry hair, then pulled strands of hair through it. She brushed the dye all over the cap. I kept waiting to feel my scalp to hurt - and it didn't. Except - my whole lips started tingling badly within 15 minutes. The previous dye took 20 minutes for a reaction. See, I'm reacting faster to the dye. That's dangerous. It's time to stop. All I have to do is recall those photos. Scary....
Still brainstorming....
Good to note that blonde dye cause much less cancer than going brown or black.
Love you!
I researched henna dyes. From what I read, it's difficult and messy to use and the outcome is iffy. Also, experts reminded the reader that some people may have reaction to Henna if they're sensitive/allergic to ragweed. My scalp cannot handle those lice killer (e.g. Nit). When I use it, my scalp is painful. Therefore, I've decided that I will not order the Henna hair dye.
Let me research the Aveda. Thanks for the tip.
As for the wigs, I saw a really nice pink one at the mall. I'd prefer purple since that's my fave color. I've already ordered since last year a nice normal wig. But when I saw the colorful one, I changed my mind. Except.. I'm torn about this. I need to look my age and not look like a wannabe teenager! So, I'm still brainstorming. Anyway, I'm getting a very obvious bald spot right in the front center of my head. My eyes keep getting drawn to that white bald head spot... And I'm not even age 50 yet....
Aveda do a good line in colour enhancing hair care products, too - not dyes, just subtle tints if you're looking for a graceful exit from the full highlight job.
My hair's turning white, and I plan to live with it. Once you start, you're stuck is my thinking - and apart from anything else, I resent the idea of shelling out so much money every six weeks just to look like I've had my head re-sprayed. I've no faith in the average high street colourist's ability to get hair colour to tone with skin colour, either - you do see some very peculiar mis-matches wandering around the place.
But! - in the end, you must absolutely please yourself. Whose head is it, anyway? If a shocking pink wig takes your fancy, go to it!
While driving around doing errands, my attention immediately went to the radio. The radio DJ wished me a happy bday. OMGoodness!! I don't celebrate birthdays. Now someone has announced it to the whole island that it's my bday (not really, they're off base.) I have given a false bday on FaceBook (July), here on AC (Feb?) , on any websites that asks it.... Shoots, I don't even keep track on which bday is on which website...
Still waiting for nephew's girlfriend if she's willing to babysit my dad so that I can take a 2 week vacation using my free Delta ticket. I offered $500 for 2 weeks on weekdays or $700 to include the weekends. Oldest sis can take over the night shifts. If she cannot, I will most likely not be able to go then... Fave niece has a full load college classes and nurse-to-be niece has a newborn cranky baby (my gosh can she cry! nonstop! loud! nonstop!)
Don't let it bother you.. Much greater things to worry about as a parent...
Media madness!
He, he! So much fun, until they boot him off...
The newbies are going to be so " offended"... Oh and wait till the "holy rollers" read his posts!!
This is going to be so much fun...
Just what the Dr ordered...
Live-in help is hard to find, experienced help even harder. Your current situation might also allow the small fib that the family would like you to stay there "for a bit, to help you out" because of your recent (real!) tragedy, while their real motivation is that the elder needs assistance, but is rejecting caregivers.
Many elderly folk HATE being seen as "needy", but love being able to "help out" others.
Clear communication with family & clear expectations of duties will be incredibly important, of course.
I don't even know the resources that you can turn to for housing. Online and newspaper ads?