This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
SherylBeth - My mother has issues with skin fold irritation too - they can be nasty and the odor can knock you right off your feet. Ask the doctor to prescribe InterDry - tell him it's made by Coloplast. It's a very lightweight fabric that is impregnated with Antimicrobial Silver Complex. You don't put anything on it - you just wash and thoroughly dry the skin fold, and then put the fabric into the fold. It stops the skin-on-skin contact (which is what causes the irritation), absorbs moisture and the silver kills and prevents bacteria from forming. It will heal up broken down skin in those folds within a week without having to take antibiotics. If the doc won't prescribe it, you can buy it online (Google it) but it's pricey - about $70 for a roll that will last a couple of weeks if used every day.
Only you would truly understand it. Think about what's been happening to you lately. Something triggered your dream. High school classmates could be an upcoming high school reunion, your coworkers and after hours socializing. Anything new with your dad? Is he having money problem? Official Person- your boss?
Sorry. Past midnight and my brain became sloshy. Too tired to think...
She knows that he has an appointment tomorrow. She knows that all his daily tshirts are covered with his spilled oil. Those soiled shirts have been there since Wednesday. I went looking for the new tshirt hanging in the porch. Nothing. Not one single shirt was hanging. I then checked the clean laundry shelf. Nothing. I even looked between the sheets, the towels, the washable waterproof pads. Nothing. I then went to the kitchen. There is the shirt - among all the other soiled shirts. Sigh... I went back to the laundry shelf. Not one single shirt is free of the strong oil smell. Ugh! I went back to the laundry basket and took out the new tshirt. He's just going to have to use it tomorrow! Good thing I hid his good slacks last night. I don't know why sis cannot wash ALL his laundry. I mean - 3 or 4 pieces of tshirts does NOT take up so much space in the washer! Okay. I'm done venting.
At the function, one of the sponsors was talking to me. Her husband's mother and now his aunty have dementia. She was asking me lots of questions about my parents, me, my sibs (help?), etc... It seems her hubby's siblings are accusing them of stealing their mother's money. She told me that if his mother wants to eat out - of course they go eat out. If she wants her hair done and manicures, they will do so.
I had dyed my hair a few weeks ago. I had a worse reaction than the last one. The 2nd to last one (June 2015), the back of my right side tongue was tingling. This last one I did - it was the whole right side of my tongue tingling. I had a cocktail function I attended this evening. One of the guest was so surprised to me with my dyed hair. She couldn't believe it. She said that I look like a teenager. I'm short and skinny. Too bad that this will be the last time I dye my hair. I'm going to try to do highlights soon. See if I have any reactions to that.
Onedoor, that happened to me once. I had signed out of here on my laptop but kept it on in the kindle. For several days, I couldn't sign in the laptop. When I finally got through, I now keep it on 24/7.
I laid on the bed, inched myself backward until my head partially dangled off the bed's edge. I had the bed's edge against the upper neck with the rest of my head dangling. Oooohhh. There was a sudden rush of blood onto my head. I had to close my eyes because it was just so much blood rush. After it calmed down, I opened my eyes and just relaxed my whole body. My spine was stretching. And hurting as it stretched. Still remained relaxed as I concentrated on the sensations of my back and head.
Once everything stabilized. I inched more backwards. This time, the bed's edge was halfway on the back of my neck. Wow... I was suppose to put my whole head off the bed, dangling .. But I have a neck problem. I'm not foolish to do that with weak neck muscles. I just stopped at that - halfway to my neck. I inched myself back onto the bed and just relaxed.
Well, this morning, I woke up with - No stuffed right face! Because I sleep fetal style - my back was hurting. So, I had to lay there flat on my back to stretch my spine again. That took out the kink.
My work hours are now back to my original pt hours as my co worker has been back to work and slowly increasing his hours.
I did have the last two weeks of December foot pain and since Thanksgiving hip pain(mainly after sitting) the hip pain did not bother me at work since I am on my feet the entire day.
Turns out I have mild to moderate arthritis and some bone spurs in areas of my left foot. Am on prescription naproxen. Then I caught a cold and Saturday morning one of my cats deciding to walk across me while I was still in bed. I pushed him and he left a long scratch/claw mark right under my left eye.
Dad turned 86 last month. Health is still good but I notice he struggles a bit getting out of chairs (with arms on the chairs). He stares out the window in his room and see things. Yesterday it was blue people (smurfs!). Or airplanes landing. He will have a conversation about what he sees. Sometimes it's just easier to agree with him. Got him a new lamp with a pull chain figuring it would be easier for him but not sure if he is using it. Maybe put his lamp on a timer?
We just had a short spat. I told him to find someone to replace me so that I can move out. He ordered me to move out - several times. I said that i will - as soon as he finds someone.
I dread work tomorrow. But I am soooo looking forward to going to work tomorrow. Anywhere is better than here.
Sometimes, I regret not agreeing to join baby sis and her family in Hawaii in February. I'm saving my 2 weeks vacation for the free ticket to Colorado Springs in the summer. Nothing against Colorado, but I really do like Hawaii. I need to hustle and find a caregiver to cover dad the day times from Monday to Fridays, so that oldest sis takes over the night shifts. And niece covers the Weekends daytime.
I have the migraine all day today...
I simply feel that you do what most do when venting, just venting.... and you don't sugar coat anything.... like Glad said, you are the only one who can make those choices for you and your dad....I am not your dad and would go berserk in a onesie.... and your dad still has say so in his life...so keep venting about what others here vent about.... You know how much I love you and we have been friends from the beginning....so with that being said.... I simply love you, respect you for you, not just your caregiving.... sending you lots of love and hugs.
Now just because oldest sis is here with us, doesn't mean she will help me with the pampers. When I was changing both bedridden (vegetative-state) mom and dad's pampers, sis will just walk by without helping me. I have asked several times for her help. I had to stack pillows on top of mom, behind her back,etc... to hold her in place while she's on her side, so that I can clean her behind. Now that there's only dad now, nothing has changed. Sis will walk by as if she doesn't see us. If I'm home, she passes us, and ignores dad's call to her. Because she's 'off'. And it's now my shift.
Look, more things happen here at home that I don't discuss here online. I've learned in the past here on AC what happens when you all read my situation and get frustrated when I refuse to put him in NH or if I refuse to pack up my bag and leave. When I first found this site, I needed to vent all my anger, hatred of life, bitterness and resentment. I posted so much detail that it was incomprehensible on why I stay here. I have tried to explain over and over. And in the end, several of you told me that it's just cultural difference/outlook.
Glad, thank you! =)
So, Book, you just keep on keeping on, all you can do is your best and your dad knows that on some level. You are doing a job, and have already done many more years than any if us! Do not question your own decisions, they are only yours to make, you are the one with the experience, and many years of it caring for your folks.
In the end, I had to wait for the pain to get so bad that he finally agreed to go.
But I didn't hear wheezing noises that time. He just had lots of coughing and green phlegm. This time it's that wheezing noise. Before, it was only when I lowered the bed. Now it's happening more whether he's up or down. Coughing more.
I'm going to tell sis that when dad coughs hard (where he almost died-his words), she will suggest that we go to the clinic. From what I understand, he coughs more in the daytime. Hmmmm. I wonder if it's happening when the govt caregivers come to sponge bath him and lowers the head of the bed completely flat?