This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I think he's going through a different health crisis. Drives me crazy that I can hear his Chest wheezing. I've always thought that when you wheeze, it comes from the mouth. His chest makes whistling sounds - especially when I lower the bed's head angle so I can change his pamper. I never lowered the bed completely flat - even when it was mom (when she was alive). I told the home care nurse, who listened to dad's chest with the stethoscope and found nothing. I've since then been googling...
In all the times that I've taken care of my dad, only ONE time have I actually charged him $20.00. I live in his house and we split the cost of the bills. His retirement income is more than my paychecks. That One time I charged him, he had poop all over him, front, back, bedding, etc... My dad has not been diagnosed with dementia. He PRETENDS to be hard of hearing. But his hearing is so sharp, that he is always the first to hear someone outside. So, just because he says his poop is dirt, I know he knows it's not. He has always been a proud man. Of course he's not going to admit that he touched his poop. When I post here that I'm going to charge him - I don't - because it wasn't as bad as I thought.
An interchange between you and the Folios, whoever they are, might make for interesting reading. In the meantime give up the comics they are only giving you a headache.
I think the comic writers have the convoluted mind. And if their fans are able to follow it fine, then they, too, have convoluted minds.... I've been seriously wondering if I should send the Foglio's a suggestion about color-coding their comics. They would be Unique from All the Other Comic writers by uniquely color-coding their characters' talking cloud. So far, I've been able to restrain myself frm doing that... They might come back and say that I'm the ONLY one who seems to have problem following a comic strip story...
Lecturing her will not work at all because she does not Comprehend the concept of 'cleanliness'. Paper products sounds good to me. I'd hide My stash from her.
But we all know that she's been touching the kitchen. So, you will just need to do some rearranging. Pack away all extra plates/pots/utensils except what you need for daily. Pack it where she cannot have access to it. Then, before you or wife cooks or drink, you will sanitize the whole area quickly. Have handy a large pack of Clorox Wipes. Grab it, wipe quickly the fridge door-sides-handle, the kitchen faucet, the stove knobs. Any pots/pans/mug to be used - rewash it again.
When MIL 'washes' the dishes, you will need to re-do ALL of it - when she's not around - like when she's in the bedroom or livingroom, etc... Rewash it and hide it high (or low) so that it's out-of-sight-out-of-mind. I'd also keep a box of latex gloves handy. This way, when you're doing the quick wipes with the Clorox Wipes, you will also be using the gloves. This way, your bare hands won't pick up any nasties.
For the drops, I'd suggest your wife make a ritual of it: get a glamorous eye shield in pink or black satin, or whatever might appeal to MIL, and combine the drop insertion with a little "beauty sleep" so that your MIL lies down for half an hour or so. Having said that, if the drops sting or run this will be quite the battle - have a clean, soft cloth to hand to blot any excess away, try music or something to distract MIL's attention, and beyond that try not to worry about following the instructions to the letter - you can only do your best.
But these are only sticking plaster ideas, I realise. Have you and your wife had that Big Conversation about other options for your MIL's long term care?
What moves have you made towards that goal? Are you waiting for one of you to come down with E.Coli? Perhaps you'll get it and take it to your restaurant, where you'll be closed down by the Dept of Health and fined.
Something needs to change here. MIL is a danger to herself and others. She can no longer be in a home environment; she needs professional caregiving and a controlled environment. What part of that doesn't your wife understand?
FYI, I've had this problem for years. I've taken it to the dealership when it was still under warranty and they couldn't imitate the problem in order to fix it. I've taken it to other mechanics and have been told it's not the tires, not alignment, not steering wheel fluid, etc... Can't find the problem without doing expensive repairs as process of elimination. Last mechanic shop, Not the dealership, said it will cost $1300-some. I'm going to try first the brake pads. If it's still having problems, I'm forced to do the 1300.00-some option. I don't make enough to keep doing trial and error expensive repairs. Thanks for the input.
More auto problems. I aggressively sought out my nephew about it. Road wet only problem when turning left sharply - hear grinding noise on front passenger area and very difficult to turn steering wheel. Can't turn sharply but widely. He asked when was the last time I changed the brake pads. Never. So I will buy those and he will install it. My tires are new and so that's not it.
I told him there's a terrible acid smell coming out of the air conditioner. So I'm to buy a condensor flush and hopefully this will stop the smell.
That being said, there are many folks who change careers these days in mid-life; there are many folks who worked less than stellar jobs during the financial crisis which started in 2008. Don't know if either of these applies to this situation, but the marriages of others are mysterious to outsiders. Step back.
I'm watching the PBS show. I don't know what music it was playing but it was an orchestra and .. I really wish they would put in tiny captions the name of the music and creator. It was beautiful. Even dad praised it when it ended. It was the NY Philharmonic.
I am sure your daughter knows all about her husband... was married to a man like that and it took therapy for me to leave him because he had emotionally beat me down so bad..... he never laid a hand on me..he was at least smart enough to know that wouldn't work.... I might simply tell my daughter, that my door is always open if she needs me... and leave it at that... she will know what you mean and it won't help her to reinforce what she already knows.... she may be feeling shame that she is in this situation and not sure how to get out... just love her and the kid/kids and let her know you are there for her.
Still feeling relaxed even tho my son had one of his 'episodes' today.... I have worked so hard to detach from the outcome... and stayed very calm with him today..... but left as soon as I could....our kids are our kids.... we don't have to like their life choices, but we can leave them with the dignity to make better choices..... all I can do is love him.... I didn't break him and I can't fix him....hardest lesson of my life. But I had and still have life lessons involved with this situation.. so staying open minded and keeping myself safe..... that's all I can do....
I am not going to say "Happy" new year.... I don't like that phrase and feel it does not apply to most people these days... so will say Better new year, or slower new year, or a more rested new year..... of course we make choices about being happy.... but life is just too large sometimes.... so thinking of you all tonight as we head into a new year...... will be asleep way before midnight.... sending love, angels, hugs and chocolate...
Got to spend time with my granddaughter, she lives in LaPorte only a about 25 miles from where I was.... and her grandfather kept Chica dog for me so I could really relax....my son and I actually got along..... hmmm, must go to the coast more often... tho I was raised only a few miles from there.... Hurricane Rita relocated me to where I live now... do NOT miss the refineries....and the horrible traffic.....
Took forever to get home as we got a late start... got caught in Houston rush hour traffic... a stalled car, and further down the road a bad accident.... the dog needed to pee, I needed a cigarette.(can't smoke in my sons truck).... so was so happy to see my ratty little trailer and now I can't find my phone... ha, so officially I am home....but many hours of relaxing solitude.... much needed....
I am not even going to try and get caught up here... so anyone who wants to fill me in, just send me a message on my wall.... thought about ya'll, and was hoping things were going smooth for the most part for the holidays.....
The greatest thing hit my brain on the way home... I DON'T have to go to work.... yeha..... love hugs, angels and chocolate to all of you.
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Veronica, most of the house spirits have accepted me as head of the house. They made this know by making the bedrooms no longer scary for me. I can walk in, with the lights off, and don't feel as if I'm being watched, or Unwanted or as a Trespasser. This all happened when dad had his stroke. When dad told me that the spirits keep standing there looking at him, wanting him to die, I thought it was his senility. I went to oldest sis - because she sees them - and told her what dad said. I asked her if it was true - she said that they are watching and waiting for him to die.
Long ago, I have come to accept that each of us (my parents, my siblings, my nieces/nephews) have a spirit that attaches to us. I'm not sure if this is true with all families of my nationality. I just know that one nephew sees them through mirrors, oldest sis sees them, hears them. Older sis gets visited by family who recently died. Baby sis gets dreams - that comes true or has meanings that she must decipher. I sometimes can sense them. (There is Only One house that I stepped off the sidewalk to their driveway, and I felt something nasty, wicked, awful in that property. I just wanted to turn and run away from there. I have never ever felt that again from any other place. Yet, this house was very well maintained, open to the public, clean but... shudder... the sensation was something evil there.) Fave sis seems to attract the 'playful' ones who likes to move things around. So, I'm sure dad still has one attached to him.
Sorry if I worried anyone, didn't take my computer... so other than emails on my phone.... I didn't even check them very often.... was 'unplugged' for all those days, fantastic....so will catch up tomorrow.... love and hugs ya'll
You have to do something if you are going to control infection and book is putting herself at risk by not addressing it and I know that culturally this is hard but I am almost sure that in a hospital setting they would address it....