This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Hi LesaMarie, you have so much patience to bring what little joy for your father - even if it means just staying in the car. I think, he enjoys your company very much, and being part of the every day life - not stuck at home 24/7. You're doing good. {{Hugs}}
Thanks, Glad, Babalou. I'm going to work tomorrow. I used up all my vacation leave. So, I bought the immodium AD. I was suppose to have Saturday off. But, to make up for today's sick off, I will work half day on Saturday. I withdrew $1100 from my emergency fund - this was my 2014 tax refund that I deposited for emergency - and will use it to pay off most of my last car repair bill. Now I don't have any cushions for any future emergencies until my next tax refund.
She'll talk to the stupid dog over and over, always saying the same things, like, "Brody, you're just an old man in the sun, aren't you? You're just an old man in the sun." AGHHHHH
I just want her to go to her room and shut up. Oh, and now she's humming that dadburned tune 'Whatever will be will be', which is quite LITERALLY the only song she ever hums/sings/plays on the piano. The ONLY STINKIN' ONE. It makes me want to throw up. I don't know if I'll ever be able to watch 'The Man Who Knew Too Much' again; or at least I'll have to skip the parts where the mom sings that song. Aiyiyi.
She said "I know"..
Anyway, the nurse listened to dad's chest. He didn't hear anything unusual. Dad's in good health, good oxygen, etc... except his ears need cleaning. I told him that I tried to use a hook to clean his ears but he moved. After that, I'm too scared to use it. He is 24/7 on his back. He doesn't sleep or lie on his sides. So, I will use the ear wax remover drops to soften his ear wax. The nurse will come back tomorrow to flush it out.
I had 2 scrambled eggs (used virgin oil) + 2 plain lightly toasted white bread for breakfast. The usual escalating of headache after I've eaten food. Then after a while, it went back down. Sinus acting up - sensitive face. Woke up with severe upper shoulder pain and neck pain. I did the usual exercises to "unkink" the stiff neck/shoulders. That helped a lot.
As I was preparing to change dad's pamper, I heard this sound. I kept trying to find the noise. I opened the window panes (dad's bed is next to the window), stuck my head to the side - no sound. Closed the window. Again, I keep hearing that noise. So, this time, I opened the door (dad's bed is also located near the livingroom's exit door to the porch), and stepped outside. No sound. I go back in. Again, I keep hearing the noise. This time, I narrowed it to dad. But his mouth is not moving. That's why I didn't think it was from him. I moved closer, still hearing the noise but no mouth movement.
"Dad, do you hear that noise?" I asked him.
He looks at me, and replied, "What noise? I don't hear anything."
As he was talking, I heard the noise again. Unnerving to see his mouth moving and yet hearing that noise coming from SOMEWHERE on him! Ahem...When I panic, I cannot think. My thoughts would be going 200mph in circles in my head. So, I tried to calm myself. And as he kept talking, my eyes landed where the sound seems to be getting Louder from. His upper chest! I've always thought that when people wheeze, it comes from their nose. He's wheezing in his upper chest. I calmly told him that his upper chest is making noise. Would he like to go to the ER? NOPE. (Of course nope. If it's like the last time, he will only go when he can no longer breathe. By that time, his left lung was almost filled with fluid.)
I changed his pamper, raised him up. I don't hear the wheezing. It could be that he needs to be elevated. Which I'm very good at making sure he does this. I have come home after work, and dad is practically lying flat with only his head on the pillow in a very awkward position.
It's now a wait-and-see status. He won't go to the ER until he's in so much pain. I will be texting all sibs of this new symptom - the wheezing.
I've been able to clean the toilet, take the kitchen and the pamper trash bags to the bin. Currently boiling his eggs. Will need to now do the laundry. Once I'm done, I can have some me-time. Hopefully.
Spent Thanksgiving morning in ER with dad severely sprained wrist. His birthday is tomorrow as he will be 86.
After weeks of waiting the excavator came over Thursday to demolish the basement on our property next door and do. A lot of dirt work.
Finally received a called from an aunt as my uncle is in hospice and is on his deathbed. Refuses any more dialysis so it's a matter of time. His health has been bad for several years now.
Everyone take care.
Glad, I don't know. All I know is that when I'm wearing the gloves, my knuckles itch and hurt. When I peel off the gloves, it hurts my knuckles. My knuckles are currently angry red right now (just changed dad's pamper.) And it's very itchy.
Oldest sis flushed the toilet despite my putting the last of the toilet cleaner in it (because Someone Did an Explosion on Number 2 in the bathroom... and it sure wasn't Me - I'm 110% sure.) She flushed it without scrubbing the toilet and under the seat. Yes, it even exploded under the toilet seat. I'm sure if sis was assigned to buy toilet cleaners, she would never do that again (flush without brushing.) Tired...
Had a BBQ today. Immediately after eating, my headache came on with a force. I pigged out. The culprit could be the egg plant in coconut sauce....Later, the laptop is getting blurry.
Yes, financial stress with regards to the car repairs. Today, I picked up the promo 4 for $4 at Wendys. I got a Jr bacon cheeseburger, small fries, 4 pieces of chicken nuggets and Coca Cola. After eating it, within 30 minutes, I had a throbbing fast moving migraine headache. Fortunately, I was alone in my sister's house. I had to lie down with the throbbing headache, eyes covered and just ride with the pain. I think I just laid there for an hour until the pain subsided.
LadeeC, I've noticed since a week or two ago, that after I eat a meal, even if it's a tuna sandwich that I made, I get this terrible pounding headache. I really need to pinpoint what is triggering these headaches. Sis and I would eat at a restaurant, (several times) and I would get these pounding headaches within 20 minutes after leaving. At first, I really thought that these restaurants have started adding MSG. But, when I made that tuna sandwich, and the Wendys meal - there's no way it's the MSG.
I can definitely confirm that I can no longer use any insect killer sprays. I get the pounding headaches immediately. I've had to change the regular toilet cleaner because the smell of it gives me headaches. I've been using the more 'organic' cleaner. So far, this is working for me. The same applies for the shower cleaner. I can no longer use the chemical sprays. I now resort to vinegar/dawn mix in a spray bottle. I spray the walls and floor, then scrub it. I can't stand the smell of vinegar. But atleast it doesn't cause me dizziness like the shower cleaner you buy in stores.
So, my sensitivity is now spreading to food. I need to find or narrow it down. Tuna sandwich, wendy's sandwich - common denominator - mayonaise and bread. At the restaurant that sis and i ate, I tasted cinnamon. My niece-studying-to-be-a-nurse thinks I'm sensitive to cinnamon when I had tingling lips when doing the flush (water, cinnamon stick, apple). So, for that restaurant, it could be the cinnamon in the food, or the mayo in the salad. I just don't know. I now need to re-instate that food journal that I deleted from the Kindle. And start using it again. So time consuming. It's not user friendly.
Healthcare products - I don't use makeup other than lipstick and eye liners. No body lotions - I break out in rashes. I use Ivory soap because it's as natural as possible. I keep the same shampoo/conditioner for over 5 years - because it's not as harsh to my scalp as all other shampoos. I keep the same clothe soap because when i try to use other brands, I break out.
I tell you this much, I'm beginning to get allergic symptoms on my hands when I use the gloves to change dad's pampers. My knuckles are super red and painful when I peel off the gloves. The right knuckles are worse with tiny rashes on it. The left knuckles are just red. Soon, I won't be able to use gloves for dad. I have tried gloves without powder. I don't react as badly as those with powder. It's just harder for me to find gloves without powder - that fits my small hands.
FYI, both nephew and niece's bf could NOT believe that they completely changed the coil packs but did NOT change the spark plugs. They both just stood there staring into my engine, repeatedly saying, "I can't believe they did that and they didn't change the spark plugs!" Both of them told me that I need to buy the spark plugs and they will replace it. BF repeated it again. Then nephew said that by not replacing the spark plug, she's going to have more problems -and bring it back to the dealership's shop. They both stood there staring at the engine and shaking their heads. Ahem.... okaaaay so I know nothing about cars. How was I suppose to know that when you change the coil packs that you're suppose to also change the spark plugs.