This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Fool!!!!! I just can't believe it.. Of course, it's not HIS problem, it's mine. As I'm typing this, my headache came on. Time to stop talking about this...
Are you in their territory now? Maybe they moved into the attic while you were away, and are disturbing the dog.??
I ran outside when they went on our roof, used the hose as it ran away, so they avoid our area. Every once in awhile they travel through here.
I really dislike that people are doing those word games with you, and laughing.
Stand by your words, by what you say. Let them figure it out. How frustrating is that!! Then, you are going way out of your way to explain and ask brother.
Allow others to take at least 50% of the responsibility for communicating properly, Imop.
How are you doing now? I can hardly wait to see how this works out and what washer you can recommend once you decide. We think it might be a good idea for us.
Is there no way you could improvise a shelter for the washer Book? What about a small metal or vinyl garden shed?
The guy made fun of my words to him. I drew a physical map and asked him if it was understandable. He said that he's understandable, but he doesn't know if the map is understandable. I didn't get it. But my family did. They were a bit pissed off that the man made fun of me. I didn't get it. Brother said that I said it wrong. That I should have said to see if the map is Legible Not Understandable. But I don't think of Legible as pertaining to maps. Legible is if my writing is legible. Or if the words are too tiny and illegible. I wanted to know if he looks at the map, if he Understands it - the landmarks. So, everyone thought I should have said Legible. But I still think it should be "understandable." Maybe the more accurate word would be "Recognizable"?
Baby bro called today. I'm very positive his gf nagged him until he calls. She is so family-oriented. My siblings in the mainland has lately not been calling home during the holidays. So, for him to call on Sunday and not Turkey day...
I told him that I really need to figure out where I'm going next year. It's already November and the free ticket is one of those that are hard to find availability. So, I don't know if I should visit sis in Colorado - in which both of my sisters now have full house with their grown kids moving back home with their kids. Or do I visit him again next year. He hesitated. Then said that nephew in Colorado will be graduating from high school next year. Aha! I got my answer. Bro wants me to visit sis next year. Understandable. I will miss his gf's teenage kids! His gf sent me some photos lastnight with their photos. I felt a twinge when I saw the kids. I do miss them.
Tonight I will email sis and see if I can visit her next year, when is her grandson's graduation and if she has room for me to crash in their place for 2 weeks. (Her daugher, with hubby and her kids, his kids all moved in with her.) If she has no space, then maybe baby sis will have room for me. Baby sis and I do not have anything in common. Well, we both do love shopping! =)
Our washing machine is down. Went to Home Depot and they're all sold out. Went to Kmart and the washers are small. I looked inside. Sis would have to do about 2-3 washings a day for when dad's caregivers come and spongebath him. I asked the lady about a washer for someone who is bedridden with lots of wet beddings, waterproof pads, etc.. She stopped and said, "I remember a customer asking those exact specs for a washer. Was that you?" I said, "Yes, last year. The washer didn't last long." She said, "Wait, you said waterproof pad. Does that get very heavy when wet?" I said, "Yep, very heavy." She then said that we need a washer for bulky loads/beddings. She then pointed to those exact words on the washer. Ohhhhhh. Well, we learn something new. Unfortunately, their washers are just too small inside. So, we went back to Home Depot and placed a special order for the washer. This time, I want to try a washer that does not have that thing sticking up in the middle of the washer, twisting/turning. Maybe our washer will last longer.
However, the Kmart lady gave some great tips on how to still buy a sensor washer in an outdoor setting. (Although HD said that they don't recommend that we buy a sensor washer for outdoors.) We still ordered it. I will do what the Kmart lady recommended: Unplug the washer after every use, and cover the washer when not in use. I have 2 washer covers that I bought and haven't used yet. The sign was $800-some on sale for $600some. When they did the special order, it went down to $400-some. Yes!! Because... our fridge will be breaking down soon. It's been making funny noises lately. Too much power fluctuations and power outages.
So happy to see you active here, and if you don't mind, will still be praying for your speedy return to health.
Liking the 'when I was in the hospital' stories. Keep sharing.
It's good to know that others helped provide alternate sustenance when it's obvious you weren't going to eat what was 'good for you ' and not what would just help put nutrients in you. I'm glad you're such a fighter! {Hugs}
Just checking, you know about measuring intake and output?
Blood is not a good sign, an E.R. visit could be imminent. You can call them and ask for the nurse.
I apologize, not doubting your care of Dad, just checking since I am not familiar with your Dad's needs, and you have had sinus issues?
Hope you are okay!
Is the kidnapping of the caregiver off the table? Or was that someone else?
My sister had root canals since she had dental coverage. One root canal broke (front teeth) and she to repair it. So the next 2 back tooth that needed a root canal, she chose to have it pulled out. Well, when she smiles widely with joy, you can see the empty space. She said that her teeth are going crooked because of empty space between her teeth.
Book why is dad scratching? Do you know? call Dr and ask for some soothing cream or buy something OTC. Gold Bond is good. I know you havt visiting that area of dad's anatomy but make sure you wash and dry him thoroughly at every pamper change.
As for the eating and drinking. That is going to be difficult. I guarantee he will hate the thickened liquids. ( I threatened to throw mine out the door if they brought them again for the next meal) while I was in the hospital. i was not the most co-operative of patients. But I asked for butter and got margarine, milk and got 1%,salt and got pepper, a roast beef sandwich and got slices of roast beef between naked slices of bread.half and half for my coffee and got some chemical creamer, ginger ale and was offered diet!!! The list goes on. I was told I was on a mechanical cardiac diet. Well I can understand that but I am not diabetic so why couldn't I have sugar. One morning I ordered one small pancake for breakfast. It arrived ripped into shreds. It was so dry I couldn't have eaten it anyway but seeing it torn up as though it was ready for the animals finished me. In the end hubby brought in a tiny travel fridge and my favorite (flavored) yogurt, full cream milk and acquired packets of salt and sugar from the cafeteria. The nurses also had access to these forbidden goodies and were quite happy to assist me in my illegal activities as long as I did not tell anyone where I got the stuff. I had them make me hot chocolate with 2 half and halfs and 3 extra sugars. One of my diagnosis was malnutrition so one would have thought that anything that encouraged me to eat would be a plus. The rules had to be followed. All I can say is don't ask a patient if she want's to be a DNR one day then offer her food she can't or won't eat. When I got home the home care nurse wanted to bring in the Palliative Care team so I could learn what they had to offer and not have to go to the Dr so often. Er NO I was a hospice nurse for ten years and I already know pretty much what there is to know about palliative care. Hey i was even certified in it!
Well monday I have to go to dentist again, have an abcess on tooth, been on antibios for a week. I am not sure I make the right decision to let her do root canal, maybe i should just pull it an be done...any thoughts? I HATE going to the dentist.
Bro went in with dad at the clinic. Sis did give the doctor my notes on dad. Because dad is now choking with whole body shaking when he drinks water and other food, the doc has recommended no more water. To give him thicker fluids. I will need to do a search later on - on the top right for tips. I recall reading this before so I know I fill find some tips. Doc recommends doing those shakes. Good thing I used my certificate to 'buy' me a Bullet. I never used it yet. Just like the humidifier....
I've had and still do have one of my terrible headache today. I should not have skipped breakfast to go straight to Macy's shopping. Fave sis likes to beat the crowd. I was shopping on an empty 'gas tank.' Not good, and I knew it. I should have insisted we do the drive through at McD and just grab a small sandwich. Sis went crazy over buying clothes/toys/accessories for her grands. We used my Macy's card (which we mainly use for these end-of-the-year specials yearly). Not bad this year, she spent $708.00 today. Last year, we almost maxed up the card by $30.00. I don't even know what's the max limit. I'm sure she will want to go again when Macys goes to their xmas specials.... We will see. Sis did pay for some of the items I wanted - $101.00. Good thing I'm frugal because she kept urging me to get more stuff. I bought 'necessities' and the only thing I splurged on was the Polaroid Earbuds that was $20.00 and is now on sale for $7.99. Hot pink. I couldn't find purple. I hope it works well with the kindle or the iPad.