This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I have several hot/cold packs. I warmed up the largest one in the micro. I keep another one in the freezer. I brought both since I always get confuse which ones to use when having a headache.
Used the heated pack first. I think it was a mistake. I felt my head throbbing more. So, I took that off, and used the frozen gel. Ohhhh myyyyy. THAT helped a lot. But headache was still throbbing. So, I took the cold pack, and put it behind my neck. Ohhhhh... that felt soooo good. I just laid there and felt my body relaxing - from head to toes. Finally fell asleep lightly. Still have my headache but not as bad as before.
I'm now cooking rice. Will make Spam Goulash with can of tomatoes, sliced mushrooms, corn and lots of onions. Lots of water to make it a soup. Maybe I need to have real food in my stomach, too. Headache is trying to get worse. Stress.
What an interesting question Jude...I pray with everything in me I would tell the truth...but I'm with you ...if directed at my family....I'm thinking I would lie....I'd love to hear other's thougths on this...
Another beautiful day here. I got out in the yard last night and did some raking, hoping it would help my head...and for a bit it did and then it came back with a vengeance and I finally had to lie face down on the sofa beside Mama because it hurt so much I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach...Finally I had to just go to bed and woke up during the night, wondering how long it would be before someone found me if I expired...I think I'm thinking too much..
Mama definitely looks better since finally handling her "problem"....but she has not returned to me mentally....I miss her voice...I miss her smile....all her vitals are good. She even wakes up and during the course of the day will drink an ensure, sometimes two and also drinks water...I don't force it but she drinks it voraciously...but still not talking.
I am glad her sister is coming today. If anyone can get a response out of her it could be her...I wonder if she won't talk to me because I am the enema lady....Can't say that I blame her there....but wonder if she's angry at me...she looks angry at me.
I got to wake up today knowing all that VA paperwork has been mailed and is off my back and I can't even begin to say how proud I am I got it accomplished even with all that was going on....Not looking favorable to having to ever do it again but if by some miracle I do...I now know more what I needed to keep and what I could have tossed....Not knowing what I needed I made it a lot harder on myself...and even though, at the end of it, I finally discovered a place on the VA Website (who imagined... ) that explains it all...I guess I figured if there was such a place surely the folks in charge of this would have informed me...NOT....good grief...they could make it easier on folks if they just gave you some simple information...that website answers everthing...I found it on my own...looks like they'd tell you because it would make it easier on them too. as they would get accountings done in the correct manner....
Laden like glad its great to her the positives
Book you'll have to get yourself a motorbike!
Veronica fab to see you see you on the posts again xx
Question for you all. If called upon to state your religion - having seen christian being shot for their faith - would you still stay true or lie? As you all know I am an atheist/agnostic but born Jewish and raised in a Anglican household yet sent to a Baptist church can you expect anything else. If anything I guess it would be Christian if forced to state a religion I have tendencies toward - would I lie? Absolutely not. Would I be scared - absolutely. Would I be terrified? Only if the gun was pointing at my family when they asked me the question ...and then I might lie...no I would lie...I would in fact do anything to keep them safe
Book, sorry to see your car problems. Try to enjoy that week off while figuring out the transportation issue. And losing posts seems to be a pattern around here again lately.
LadeeC, I'm glad that the treatment you chose is showing signs. Take care of yourself and don't overdo it too much. {{Hugs}}
Car problem is the coil. Parts $700 + shipping + labor = $1000.00!!! Had asked my nephew where I can find generic parts (instead of the Toyota brand). He was NOT helpful. Well, why should I expect him to? This is the nephew whom I threatened to call the cops on - for abusing his girlfriend. In the end, I'm forced to go through the dealership. To help alleviate my car problem while my car's in the shop, I've taken 1 week off starting on Dec. 7. That will give me 3 weeks to worry about a car to go to work....
And things kinda drag along, while I'm doing my cancer treatments. Mostly, I find myself tired all the time. But the good news is, we're seeing improvements. Whoopie!!
Edna is still hanging in there, though the recurrent UTI's keep rearing their ugly heads. She's declining, slowly. Speech is more slurred, energy really low .. not eating as much. I don't think the end is years away. More like months .. but with Edna, you never know.
Book .. things just keep getting heaped on you, don't they. I applaud your strength and tenacity. Hang in there!!!
Ladee1 .. huge hugs from me and crossing my fingers you find your own angel to replace you. You deserve the break!!
Jude .. right there with you!! I've always contended that if everyone stopped BEing terrified, the terrorists would have no power over us. I don't mean not being afraid. H*ll .. if I had a gun pointed in my face, I'd probably wet my pants, but dammit, I'd stand up in the guy's face and say, "do it, dammit! I'm done with your crap!"
If I don't post before then .. happy turkey day to everyone who celebrates it!!
LadeeC
Car service man called. Car problem is the coils - which they (the dealership) don't have on stock - being that my car is 7 years old. They will need to order it - which will take 15 days to get here. I can't rent a car for 21 days - that's going to be about $1400.00. And we haven't even touched the car repair cost. I called fave sis and asked if I can borrow fave niece car - and niece can drive her stepfather's manly pick up truck. (I call it 'manly' because it's a Man's man pick-up. Big bulky and loud muffler sound.) Unfortunately, her hubby's son's car is down, and he's using his father's manly truck. So, now I don't know.... Sis says we can do it - her and her daughter will just have to coordinate their schedule using sis' car between them. I told sis that if I use the daughter's car - please let the insurance know. I don't want to get into an accident, and the insurance will use
the excuse that they won't cover the accident since my name is not one of the designated driver's in the insurance paper.
So today he was all smiles, even said he didn't realize the newspaper made so much noise while folding the pages.... J and I were in the bedroom getting her dressed.... this voice says, ya'll be careful, I can hear everything you are saying!!!
He went outside, told me he heard a woodpecker, we looked and he listened and found it again.... just everything was an adventure for him today.... he looked so happy, and just had a look of wonderment on his face at all the things he has been missing.... if J was like him, I wouldn't be retiring....I really do love him..... and now he can hear me mumbling as I walk away from J, so will have to be more careful..... lol
After the shooting when the student walked into the college classroom and shot the teacher, told all the others to lie on the floor, then ordered one by one to stand and state their religion, shot them dead if Christian. People were mad at the doctor who is running for President when he said if he was put in that situation, and he was told to stand up - he would rush the gunman and hope the others would join him. His comments and most of the medias angry reaction got me thinking.
I told my niece that I would do what the gunman say. Even when he starts the killing. But if one person decides to attack the gunman, then I will join the fray. Because all my life, I have been quiet and constantly bullied throughout school and at home.
At the recent Paris attack in the concert hall. There was an interview of a survivor. When the shooting started, she said that most people dropped to the ground. She started crawling towards the exit. What I sensed from her was it bothered her (and me with my internal question on what would I do) was that all these people just laid there while the shooting was happening. I could tell that it really bothered her. It really unnerved her to crawl over them. I don't know what I would do. Would I be frozen like most of those people?
I think I need to do practice runs in my head of these different scenarios. This way I don't end up surprised and freeze when violence occurs. That's my only solution.
Sorry that the AC website has been slow, and even non-functional last night, as warned by Gladimhere. Thanks, Glad, because it was so frustrating not to be able to post.
Gershen, hoping you get the sleep you want and need.
Jude, then we call out the swat teams in the U.S., at least on T.V. they do.
Positive Psychology from Univ. of NC at Chapel Hill.
I've enrolled but I don't know if I will complete the course. Last year, I enrolled in Children Nutrition from Stanford Univ. Learned a lot of stuff from the start. Except, I stopped not even half way through it. I really do need to take the time to finish that course up.
I once enrolled in learning how to speak Chinese - thinking that even knowing some Chinese will help me get my foot in the door - if I ever decide to quit this job. Except - I found out that I don't have the ears to hear the intonation of the words. I dropped out of that class.
FYI, for those interested, there's a course from Universiteit Leiden:
Terrorism and Counterterrorism: Comparing Theory & Practice.
I am over 57 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards.
Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every ten seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' Were bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some ***hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.....
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys.... We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however..... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push-ups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too..... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave or to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those terrorists..... The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million hacked off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.
HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50.... in menopause! You think MEN have attitudes? Ohhhhhhhh my goodness!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!