This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
As for my car, the auto shop is full and won't be able to do a diagnostic until Friday. They don't do any major repairs on Saturdays. I told the service guy that maybe I should just take my car to another auto shop - which I KNOW they will check it immediately and give me their diagnosis. Unfortunately, due to GRT coming up and I'm soooo behind in the bookkeeping, I just need to get to the car rental and get back to the office ASAP. As it is, I get off 'officially' at 5:30pm but have been leaving work close to 6:30pm daily.
I will do my best to not think about all these expenses. My car has not had a major repair since I got it. I think it did pretty good to last 7 years without any major burp.
I also want someone who will take care of them, not take advantage or not be honest....hopefully she has a little medical background so she knows what to do with J's diabetes and knows what to look for as far as heart issues.... and is able to fill the med boxes..... if you can read, you can fill a med box.... but at the same time, if I don't like her, or get a bad vibe off of her, I will be honest with them....
I am burned out, we all know that, but I do want them taken care of.... I do want her to be able to handle herself if J has a meltdown..... all of this takes time and trust.... that is up to them how all that works out..... but I do want quality care for them.... I can be tired and can't wait to get out of there, and still want the best for my charges.... she will have her own way of doing things, as long as she knows the basics and what to do in an emergency, I will be satisfied..... so don't worry.... and by the way, the girls hired me while she was still in rehab.... but she was still so sick when she first got home, most of our first few months she really doesn't remember... but H does.....
I hope she has a sense of humor and works, and doesn't have to be told or asked to do things.... of course it will take her time to work out her own routine.... but I do want them taken care of.....I'm just burned out, not cold hearted..... lol...
They are turning this into such a clusterf**k....... but I am just setting back, keeping my mouth shut and letting them all bump into each other until they find my replacement...i will still be getting paid, so more money for me to stash away....
And hey, I'm a hard act to follow..... lol.... but I will be nice, a lie, and smile, and lie, and act happy and lie..... what ever it takes to get out of there... of course I will keep you updated.....like I said, it is turning into a circus....and I am not putting any pressure on them, they are clueless as to what they are doing.... so who knows... I may be there until Christmas.... and it better be one d*mned good bonus in the crappy card !!!!
Book just breathe. And make sure you write that note to the doctor about all of your concerns about dad! Including his memory, especially his memory. Get that in his records for when a serious problem comes up with dad! Cover your bases to take care of you and prepare for what you will need for YOU!
Whatever happened to simply calling airline to make reservations? Didn't it used to be much simpler in life before computers?
Ladee, smile big!
Well, since I told dad about his appointment on Wednesday, almost every 3-5 minutes he would ask, "When's my appointment?" .. Me: "Wednesday." .... Dad, "What time is my appointment?" .. Me "1pm".... Then we repeat it again. And again. And again. I think we have reached the 20th mark - all in one hour! And it's only Monday night at 11pm.... {{eyes glazed over}}
I gave oldest sis instructions - on how important it is to call the clinic today, and make an appointment for Dad before 1st week of December. I came home at 7pm. I asked her when's his appointment. She just shrugged!!! I started panicking because Dad is not medically diagnosed as incompetent but he is not sane enough to apply for another medical insurance and all the ramifications. He Cannot Sign his name, either! And sis just shrugs?!?!
I was sooo angry, I called the clinic. His doctor is full for the month of Nov/Dec. He does have one cancellation for this Wednesday at 1pm. OMG!! The non medical ambulance needs 1 week advance notice. I didn't make the appointment. Instead, I went to bro's house, in a panic, and told him the situation. He told me to make the appointment. His wife will call the ambulance tomorrow. If they're not available, then his boys will take grandpa. But, what if dad won't go? Of course he won't go if it's NOT the ambulance!
I cannot take off from work. GRT is due on Friday and I am soooo behind. I'm so busy doing reservations that the bookkeeping has been slacked. Deep breathe. I will need to ask my boss if I can have a longer lunch hour on Wednesday. Dad's appointment is at 1pm. I just need to make sure he gets on the ambulance or the car. If it's by car, to make sure they get to the clinic and he does NOT change his mind in the parking lot. Grrr!!
My brother kept asking - what if he doesn't want to go? And I kept saying, "Well, he HAS to go! No doctor! No Medicare!" Gee whiz!? Hello?! Don't give dad options. TELL him that he has to go! sigh... Why, oh Why Me?!
2 weeks ago, an elite client called UA to upgrade his flights. UA did something to cancel his Hawaiian Air flights. I come to work on Monday, and had to make all these long distance calls to UA, to HA, to our computer provider. I finally got someone to reinstate HA.
Last week Friday, 2 clients wanted to return early from Japan. ANA flights that they flew the day before was showing still Active and not as Flown. I cannot change the ticket if the flights they flew on was still showing as Not Used. So I called ANA in Tokyo to try to change the flown flights from Active to Flown. They cannot change it. So, I called UA. UA cannot change it to Flown. Customers are leaving the next morning (her husband died and she needed to come home ASAP.) I told clients that the only thing I can think of - is to buy a new one-way ticket which was like $1600 per person (where their roundtrip ticket was $1500.0!)!! At their 2pm, they went to UA in Japan. UA contacted ANA - and ANA never got back with them - like 3 hours later. So, in the end UA did something so that they can fly back.
Then this past Saturday, I found out that another elite client, had upgraded her UA ticket. And UA took out her return flight on ANA and Korean Air! I called UA who Insisted that they did Not Cancel the return. Despite my sending an email of my reservation showing ANA and KE, and copies of the flights on KE and ANA's website - UA Insisted that the client is only holding a one-way. Even when I had her pull up her group (9 of them), the agent still insisted that I only issued a one-way! I went to our computer provider's 1800 help desk. Showed her some of the group's names and how they all had a return Except Their Tour Conductor!... Needless to say. I had an awful weekend. I was tossing and turning all night Trying Not to Think about it. Because the group is leaving tomorrow (Tuesday) to go to Nagoya, Fukuoka and Osaka. When I arrived at work this morning, I was soooo relieved that UA reinstated her return flights! Trust me, I kept thanking God. (ahem.. I did a Lot of praying all night..) STRESS...
And then I come home.. and find out that sis didn't even follow-up with dad's appointment.... I was royally pissed. I rarely curse. I was cursing - with the "F" word.
You will know when it's time for your mom to go to a facility. Between Dad & I taking care of mom - was still very, very difficult for us. We both needed time off from mom on a regular basis. Dad was the main caregiver 24/7. He finally had a stroke. So, when you have reached your limit, then do what you need to do.
I think a facility that's close to you and has some activities for their clients would be great. You don't want a facility where your mom just sits all day. I can just see her bugging the staff to call you!
I hope that she doesn't have to go to a NH for any long length of time. She doesn't like being around people and she likes living according to her own schedule. A NH would be a huge change for her.
vstefans, from the bit I've seen of NH, the most important thing seems to be the CNAs. They do the bulk of the grunt work and get paid so poorly. It would be nice if there was a way to check the number and pay of the CNAs. That may be a good way to figure out which facilities are best.
Today, four days later, she said she injured her knee in the fall and is having a hard time getting up from her chair. Her knee doesn't have any bruises or anything that shows, and no swelling. Maybe she did turn it and it just took a long time to show up.
Anyway... I'm going a bit nuts with it. She is repeating whatever caused it for the day every few minutes. I don't know if anything is really wrong, since nothing appears to be that way except that she is thinking of it all day long. We have a doctor appointment this week and if it's still bad, maybe the doctor will consider rehab. I don't know if that would work, because when she gets to the doctor she's fine and pain-free.
I've done some shopping today to narrow the choice for nursing facilities if needed. It is confusing reading reviews. Most places score about a 3 out of 5 around here. One person will write a glowing review that the place is a godsend. The next will write a review that sounds like the pit to hades had opened. I've visited some and may pick the one that is most convenient to me, since I'll probably be running back and forth.
I actually yelled at a stubborn RN this morning. She did not seem to understand that postponing a 12 hour medication for 3 hours was not a refusal to take the medication
City in lockdown and the President has closed the French borders