This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
College, thank you too. I really should not be staying up late, it does mess with my piece of mind.
Thanks Hope, Thanks Yogagirl.
Send - when I said that Jessiebelle had good karma - was because she has been lately struggling with her mother, the accusations, etc... Yet, she's still there putting up with it all. When her mom fell, it would have been just one too many for her. Hence, although her mom fell, everything happened so perfectly - that it did not end up worse - where they would have had to go to the ER. Hence, for all that she has done, and is doing - that good karma visited her that day.
Send, I did not reference karma to you because I don't know enough of your background to say that your accident was karma. You falling - was an accident. Pure and simple. It was just an accident that could have been worse but is not. As you have surmised. I hope your aches/pains eases as the days go by...
Send, that's a long time from the time you feel to the time of the xray reading. Your clinic doesn't have an Urgent Care? Or did you mean you went to the clinic on Friday, but had to wait until Monday for the Follow-up visit? I hope you feel better and the pain eases off as the days go by. Regarding your question about rib/chest pain related to the broken clavicle? Don't know.
Ladee, I like your plan. Yep, too late, you're already on the road.
Thanks for updating us on Veronica. I really do hope they find where the fluid is coming from.
The bunny is the lagomorph version of Gershun's cat. It is for real, though. Some rabbits look like that. I borrowed (aka pirated) the picture for a few days.
Jessebelle, love your new puffy bunny cheeks! Thanks for 'liking' my falling post. Reminds you of your mother, does it? Glad your mom is okay too. Hope you continue to cope with a sense of humor. What is in those bunny cheeks?
No one wants to fall, but over 55, then over 65, it's a real problem.
1) sprained lt. Ankle, broken; 2) dr. Discovered old break, lt. Ankle 3) fell on rt. Knee, scraped, ignored 4) rt. Hip. Swollen, ignored, 5) rt. Elbow, scraped, ignored, 6) rt. Ribs, pain, x-ray 'normal', 7) chest x-ray, normal 8) shoulder x-rayed, broken.
D O N O T F A L L . GOAL: why is she falling? Action plan: see a specialist: neurology outside of this hmo who never orders an mri. Rest.
However, what does the rt. Rib/chest pain have to do with a broken clavicle? The pain is bad there. It must be all in my mind???
Well, J did not have a heart attack... nothing wrong with her heart, so many follow up Dr's visits to come to find out what happened..... my concern is that I am going to have to remind them I am still leaving.....and somewhere in all the drama they need to find help, asap......
All that yesterday, and I had to be at work at 6 am to have her ready by 7 to go to a school function of one of the great grandsons for Veterans Day, in a town about a three hour drive from here.... whaaatttttt???? Uh Ok... so after a hurried get ready session, I had the rest of the day off....all except for the daughter that came to pick them up, second guessing if I had taken her Blood Sugar, did she get her shot, and on and on and on..... the whole mess is really starting to wear on my last nerve... you know, the one that is already frayed !!!! Sure hope this doen't turn into more drama.... but I have postponed plans with my best friend to have a girls weekend for over three months in a row because of this drama.... so guess what... I will lie and say I am already on the road....
I am beginning to think I walk into some kind of altered universe and will be trapped there forever unless I know what the magic word is.....I have a long list of words I want to use... but they aren't magic..... lol....
Now I am sure why caregivers don't go for help and their own medical treatment.
Cannot get anything else done, and I am angry the diagnosis was delayed, in addition to discovering an ankle fracture that occured about 2 + yrs. ago: and they said it was not broken back then!!! Fortunately, these are minor breaks, but emotionally I think there is a slow burn pending in my brain. Just cannot put this in perspective. Kinda angry. Kinda depressed.
Ladee, good news about J. But, you take care of you. Only as long as it takes to get things lined up. OK?
Today we got home from the doctor and Mom was going to sit in the swing for a while. I checked outside a few minutes later and she was gone. She does that sometimes. She decides to go on a walk. I let her walk for a few minutes, then hop in the car to go get her if she is tired.
Today I was about to get in the car when I spot her on the ground two houses up the street. My first thought was, "I wonder why Mom decided to sit on the grass?" Well, doh, me. She has fallen.
She was okay and wanted to try to get up by herself. It was going to be challenging, so I thought of dialing 911. Then a beautiful young woman came home and came over to help. She was a PT, wouldn't you know? We got her back up on her rollator and were own our way.
And I thought about how I went out the door to get her at just the right time and the PT just happened to come home. And I knew the angels were watching out for the old woman sitting on the grass.
Mom was still shaky tonight, so I messaged my brothers. One of them called her and it was like medicine. She perked up like all was right with the world again. She is all warm and comfy. And the only damage is a wound on her wrist.