This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Since I cannot easily recall what I wanted to say, that is why my posts are so short.
I sometimes feel so sorry for my dad. I have noticed that no one talks to him for the sake of conversation. All the babysitters- sis, nieces. I sometimes wonder if that's why dad softened a bit towards me. We talk (lately he sometimes doesn't make sense) and I joke or tease him (which sometimes backfire if he forgets we're joking).
Austin, it was scary because he said it's very important to follow his instructions. If I deleted the wrong file in "regedit", I would wipe out my data and most likely will have to take it to the computer tech. I need to access mine and dad's budget worksheet and see what needs to be paid. Desperation overcame my fear and I did it very carefully. Yes, you're right. It felt so good that I did it. =)
So, I replayed the YouTube several times (like 5 times) taking notes. Then another 5 times watching how he clicked this/that. So, today, I did it - using my notes and his YouTube with lots of 'pause' while I follow his instruction. And it WORKED!!!
I'm now using my laptop. From now on, I'm going to be emailing my important notes to as a protection in case this old laptop crashes. I need to also transfer my families' old photos to both the flash drive and CD. I will do that tonight.
Sheryl, just remember that if mom moves in with you, you will need to figure out how to discourage your mom from just walking out the door. She will most likely want to go home, day/night. Also know that she will continue to need more and more hands on help. Figure out how you're going to deal with it. Hire outside help or into an assisted living place. You know what I mean - since you're a regular now on this site. Just keep some plans B, C.
Pam, what a set up. Defeats the purpose of BIL and SIL doing their part.
Stellach, My FIL has lived with us for 11 years now, and Not once, has his other Son or Daughter ever even come to see him since their Mother funeral. but they do call, once and a while, and it always tends to stir things between my FIL and my husband who of course bears the brunt of all the care, the burden and the burnout. it always amazes me just how much chaos they can cause, with these stupid calls, as they always bring up a host of animosity, as to my husband, their calls seem to only be about "checking to really see just how close to death, their father truly is" according to my husband. so therefore, will they be receiving anything moneywise, when he does indeed pass. FIL is nearly 86, has age related decline, Diabetes, and Mantel Cell Lymphoma, which is in a wait and watch status post treatment 10 years ago, and he is a huge fall risk, to the point that he cannot be left alone for more than an hour or two. Yes, my husband is extremely bitter, but what can you do? nothing is ever going to change in regards to his siblings ever being more involved in his care, and at this point, I would feel Completely uncomfortable with either of them ever even entering my home, as I don't trust either of them, and fear they would attempt to rob us blind, they are that creepy. This dysfunction is nothing new, in the 31 years that I have been with my husband, he was the only one of the tree kids to Ever have a normal relationship with his parents, and the other two have only ever caused them pain and havoc.
PCVS, I hope it's nothing serious about the blurry vision. Maybe just fatigue eyes that need a little pampering.
"Have you ever stopped to think ...
... and then forgotten to start again."
I'm also in the throes of figuring out why I am seeing double out of each eye separately.
Sigh
Oh, no. Now I've depressed myself. :(