This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Or Rick who started panicking because his wife was gone too long. He was so scared, he couldn't move. His wife only left him alone 3 minutes. I've also learned that time durations are definitely different.
Lost the remote. He couldn't find it in all the usual places. He checked where he usually keeps the remote. It's not there He looks all over. Finally he finds it- where it belongs. ... The article says that their eyes is not transmitting t the brain.
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Okay, iPad getting blurry. Time to call it a night. Nigh/Morning!
I miss my laptop. It has all mine and my dad's expense accounts, billing charts, and budget of when to pay for what bills. I also realized today, that I cannot access my credit card accounts to see the balance due and to download the statements. I refuse to use my iPad to access my bank/credit card accounts. I surf too much on it on FaceBook (notorious for virus/spywares) and YouTube videos. Plus, Apple insist that we don't need an antivirus for the iPad. I'm a little leery about that! Plus, when I go places, I bring my iPad and then hop on to a free wi-fi (which also has No protection for your device).
Still raining here...and I think part of tomorrow, then the remnants of this hurricane are headed towards you folks in the NE....We needed rain badly here, so it hasn't been a problem for us...hopefully by the time it gets there it won't cause yall any issues....
Glad, hope your move continues to go smoothly, and the same for you RA...may all be well for all of you...
When your father went to the hospital, did you sign anything (like in the admission papers or the discharge papers) on one of those, "Sign here .... and here .... and here..." kind of paperwork? I used to sign ALL of the 'heres' before I overheard someone telling a friend that she didn't know that by signing all those 'heres' that she was also signing a promissory note that if her parent couldn't pay for the bill, then she will. I was shocked. I have hanging over my head - of the hospital coming after me for both of mom and dad's ER visits all these years!!!
Pam, with mom's last visit to the hospital (she arrived deceased since she died here at home), older sis traveled with her body to the ER. I warned my siblings about signing the hospital papers. Well, the hospital sent ME a bill for mom's last visit to the ER. It seems both Medicare and mom's private insurance both refused to pay for some stuff (body bag was one of it.) I went to the hospital and disputed the billing to me since I did not go to the hospital with mom (I was at work). Sure enough, they pulled out mom's admission papers - and my name was no where on it.
Received dad's latest AL invoice and his price is going up by 10% Dec 1st. This is first increase since he moved in last July. I was expecting this as his care needs have increased.
Then received our property reassessment today. Our land is in 3 parcels but in one continuous piece of land but the land prices are all not the same. It's not like we have valuable wooded land so I have scheduled an apt with the assessor to try to understand their rational as it makes no sense.
Ladee, I hope your appointment goes well ...thinking good thoughts for you.
Stellach, I feel like now I am finally able to speak on this from both sides. I have seen folks who have supportive siblings, extended families, surrounded by friends who call and come by for coffee and just to ask is there anything you need. I have seen them...but have not had the pleasure of knowing them for the past four years.....NOW....after four years of being at this for a totally bedfast Mama, my brother, with whom I have had a LOT of serious problems...largely I thing due to his wife...but for the most part...all of them abandoned us way back when. It has been excruciatingly difficult to even go one more day at this...so alone, so incredibly blue, so hopeless feeling ....BUT...now HIS wife ...the SIL, is pretty sick..with what we still don't really know, and suddenly he has had to take on the role of sole caregiver...and less than two months of it has just about done him in...and NOW...he "gets it"....he finally told me he didn't know how I was doing it...and while this still is of no physical, hands on help to me...it is undeniable that just knowing he is seeing why I feel the way I feel towards everyone who has been such an a$$ is a huge ....what's the word I'm looking for.....maybe even smirk of satisfaction....
I have heard most of my adult life how this happens...how when someone needs a caregiver, most often they will find themselves in a situation like most of us...alone and abandoned....if you're very lucky, you might get some help...for me, the emotional abandonment is what has almost destroyed me...I have to admit I'm such a control freak about how I do things that I really do prefer to take care of Mama's daily needs rather than have to explain and explain largely as well, because I find I end up having to clean up a HUGE mess behind them or they just can't do it in the first place.
Every single one of our extended family on Daddy's side comes right past the turn off from the road into town..We are two blocks away from that point and the number of times those people have come by is exactly ZERO. My parents were always there for all of them...and his parents...All I can think is maybe because these are younger folks they just didn't grow up with the same strong sense of supporting family that I did...but it disgusts me.
For now my brother and I are finally on the same page. It's a great feeling...I wish folks understood that not being made to feel like we've just dropped off the face of the earth or don't have feelings or don't still want to enjoy holidays, etc. would mean so much....Fall has always been Mama's favorite season..mine too...But the bad thing about it is here comes the holidays...which present a whole other issue....and I fear those happy memories now, will forever be, just memories...
And what my GP told me, when I said that I work full time and then go home to caregive both bedridden parents and I can't exercise. He said, "You can make the time."
I hope it's not as bad as what we all worrying about. {{{Hugs}}} of encouragement !!!
Anyway, I need BIL to choose my new laptop. I want it to last just as long as this one.