This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
My WindowsVista won't let me log on. I found a great YouTube tutorial...except when I went on Safe Mode, logged in, Start, search 'regedit'... I Only have One file -the default... I was to check the Public file - which is nonexistent in my laptop! D*rn, I was hoping not to take it to the computer shop! They take over a week to fix it and charge $75 (several years ago). They returned my laptop without the CD drive working. I had to take it back so that they make it work again. They were surprised that the CD drive still works. This year my laptop will be 8 years old. It cost me $800-some and I aim to make it last as long as possible.
Today, sis dropped by. She told me that those lanterns were great. One per room . She then asked me if I can order the emergency lights. I ordered a total set of 4 - for $91.00. It's expensive but those lights are Bright! Not as bright as the lantern but it's not a wimpy light for sure.
I hope the power doesn't turn off. For almost 1 hour my dad complained nonstop on how hot it is. I had a goal to find a battery operated fan. But I never got around to doing it.
I visited fave sis for about 2 hours today. I played with her 3 grands. We sang some nursery rhymes using my ipad. I googled nursery songs. And 4 yr old nephew quickly tapped on the list. I said, "Hey!" OMG.. it was a YouTube that played the songs TWICE. After the 4th song, the 4 yr old and 5 yr old were still gungho into singing. I was BORED stiff by the 2nd repeated song. I quit - not even 1/5 of the video! They were disappointed. Then I got my 11 month old niece out of the playpen, put her on the floor mat with us, and we played ball. I showed her how to push the big Barbie car, and when it hit the wall, I made a loud "Bang!" She giggled and crawled to the car, hit it on the wall, and I made a "Bang" sound at each hit. She was having so much fun. After a while, I got tired, put her back in her playpen. I made the mistake of saying aloud not to touch me because I'm ticklish. What does the 4 and 5 year old do? They both automatically tried to touch me! I don't have as much patience with kids as I used to. But we did have fun together.
Compassion, welcome.
And speaking of chocolate I picked up some Hagen Daz pomegranate ice cream bars covered with dark chocolate. OMG! They are wonderful, and a special limited edition. Need to go buy more before they are gone!
This morning, a college student called in, asking if her old car can make it to the long drive home to visit the parents. They wanted to call her parents to explain why she couldn't drive her old car. Before he answered, they told her to keep silent. Once her father got on the line, and did their spiel, they then said that his daughter was hoping they would get her a new car (Not!!!). I was laughing so hard as I was driving. Anyway... I just love that radio show!
One thing I did do.. for the past few years at every craft show, etc I have looked at a beautiful picture of a church in Harpers Ferry.. I just loved it. I said it was the one thing I was going to buy myself with the money dad left me, and I would think of him whenever I saw it. ( I am very frugal and I banked the money for retirement..haha) So.. I finally bought it!! Now to get it hung. And I don;t feel guilty!
Compassion - understand the constant giving, and not being appreciated for all that we do. Please feel free to vent when you need to. Chocolates. I decided to try a small bag of dark chocolates with blueberries. It took me several days to like the taste. Now I really like it. But my acid reflux doesn't. But, eating those candies can be sooooo satisfying! You take care. {{Hug}}
Anyway, I told myself no reading until I come here. Text congrats to nurse niece who just gave birth to her 2nd child. Quick peek in FB (haven't been on it for over 4 days.) And I'm hungry.... I think I will close now and eat a Cup-o-Noodle soup. Well, boil the water and give me more time to see what's happening on the other threads here.
I'm still debating about paying $1000 towards the loan. Or use it for my free trip next year. It's from my tax refund.
Pam - great! Time to party! Enjoy yourselves!
Was going to see him today but have a bit of a cold. Tomorrow as my sis sent some pictures for his room.
Have been doing yard clean up and vegetable freezing and sliced my left thumb and pinched a finger on my right hand with vacuum cleaner pipe. OUCH!!
Book you could ask if the $1000 could be applied to the principle of the loan.
Would any of your siblings know if your dad has a social security number?
Unfortunately without a POA social security will not talk to you.
If he has a bank account they should have one on file.
I will also need to put aside time to re-listen to the Negative Audio book.
Oh, my credit card is still under my real address. Really?! To buy "FREE" ebooks, BN requires that I use a credit card?! .... IT IS SO ILLOGICAL !!!!
Except that last trip to Hawaii. I was so totally exhausted and didn't even know it until I got to Hawaii. I felt so bad because I used my miles to fly older sis to meet with me in Hawaii. And the whole week were there, I go so tired by midmorning. I was dragging my feet. We always had to stay near the hotel because the exhaustion would hit me, and I had to go and rest. Even though I wanted to do so many things, I just couldn't. My brother told me that older sis told him that all we did was stay in the hotel. I felt so bad but .. my body/mind was just so exhausted.
So, base your trip on your body. If it needs relaxation - so be it. Enjoy yourselves!!!
deserve a Nice Break from Caregiving, and I'm so Jealous! No, not really, but I sure wish I had a break to look forward to also! It's been a really long time since my hubby and I went away for a couple of days, and we need to do something about that! I sincerely hope that you have a FANFREAKINTASTIC time, and really enjoy yourselves! Have a Blast!